


The Irony

by awakethelion



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Animagus, F/M, Slow Burning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-21 05:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 95,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2455715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awakethelion/pseuds/awakethelion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione Granger gets stuck in her Animagus form and is put in the care of the only one strong enough to control her - Severus Snape. The over-achieving know-it-all Gryffindor, is, in the eyes of Hogwarts student body, home taking care of her ill parents, while in reality she is now living life posing as Professor Snape's familiar. She will be stuck this way until a spell is created to reverse her condition... But no one knows how long that will be.</p><p>Disclaimer - J.K. Rowling owns all these amazing characters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Anomaly 

Hermione was surprised to realize that even through the thick oak doors of the Headmaster's office she could hear the conversation taking place on the other side. She knew Professor Dumbledore was out there, having just left Hermione alone in his office seconds before, but she was unsure who the ascending footsteps making their way up the spiral staircase belonged to. That is, until Professor Dumbledore said seriously,

"Has Riddle ever demanded the presence of a member's familiar?"

"That's what you brought me up here at midnight to discuss?" Hermione could practically see Professor' Snape's sneer as he spoke the words, and gulped. This was not what she expected.

"Severus..." Dumbledore warned. A deep sigh, from she assumed Professor Snape, and he replied slowly,

"He has never allowed the presence of a familiar under any circumstances, no matter how unique or useful the familiar might be. He is entirely too paranoid that one's familiar could be an Animagus spy,"

This time is was Dumbledore that sighed.

"Thank goodness," footsteps began until she heard Professor Dumbledore speak again, "Severus, we are unfortunately not quite finished,"

The sound of a billowing cloak as Professor Snape whirled back around, probably fixing the Headmaster with a menacing glare. Hermione might have laughed at the thought if she weren't nervous enough to be sick any moment.

"We've had a serious problem," Dumbledore started, pausing to take a deep breath. "As you know, Harry, Hermione and Ronald have been taking Animagus classes with Minerva,"

"Is one of them hurt?" Snape asked, and Hermione was surprised to hear a touch of concern in his voice, hidden very cleverly under a cold drone, but there nonetheless.

"No, thank goodness for that small miracle. But it is still very serious, Severus. One of them is stuck in their Animagus forms,"

"That is not my area of expertise, Albus. You're much better off contacting Minerva and Filius," Professor Snape replied, sounding increasingly annoyed. Sure enough, she heard him move one foot before the Headmaster interrupted again.

"I have Severus. They have not been able to reverse it. It will take at least a month before Filius can come up with a charm to try, but he said that is being extremely optimistic. It's an anomaly, neither Minerva nor Filius have seen a case like this,"

"Spit it out, where do I fit in this?" Professor Snape snarled, clearly irritated and no longer disguising it with a cool and disinterested tone.

"Well this particular student has a very... Unique... Animagus form, and quite frankly, you're the only staff member who could possibly hope to control it,"

Hermione gulped again and her stomach rolled.

"I am NOT babysitting Potter," the ferocity in which he said this made Hermione shiver. Another pause.

"It's not Mr.Potter," Professor Dumbledore said firmly.

"Oh seriously, Weasley? What an idiot,"'

Dumbledore must have given Professor Snape a look because they both fell silent.

"Merlin's fucking beard," Professor Snape ground out after a long moment. Dumbledore took a deep breath and sounded like he was holding it. "What do you want me to do?" He asked warily. Dumbledore released his breath slowly.

"She's going to have to take on the role of your familiar. She can't be left alone for extended periods of time, she'll need supervision - NOT babysitting - you know Miss Granger, she is a model student and highly intelligent. She still possesses these same qualities even in her Animagus form, as I'm sure you know. However, you also know how difficult it is to adjust to being in your Animagus form, especially for prolonged periods of time without breaks. Miss Granger has never been in her form for longer than an hour or two. Therefore, she is most likely going to have difficulty maintaining control over her instincts. We'll have the kitchen accommodate her meals, and she'll be allowed to leave the castle to do her... Duties. I'll go to your quarters and you can direct me in adjusting the castle to fit her and your needs so you can share rooms. Before you argue Severus, there is no choice in the matter. Voldermort will not require her to attend meetings with you even if she is seen as your familiar around Hogwarts, so there is no danger there. Every member of staff already has a familiar, so you will be no different, merely delayed in finding a match, shall we say," Dumbledore finally finished talking, and Hermione could just imagine the venomous looks he was receiving from the surly Potions Master.   
Hermione found herself shaking even more now as she waited for his response, her body scrunched together and tense as the silence dragged on. Seeing that he had no way out, he relented, but the reluctance was obvious.

"Just another stress you've seen fit to add on to my life," he grumbled angrily, to which Dumbledore replied cheerily,

"Well then, be thankful it wasn't Mr Potter!"

"What in the bloody hell is she? What the fuck can't Minerva, of all people, handle?" Professor Snape said now, more to himself than Dumbledore. At this, he burst through the door, and Hermione shrunk back even further at the sudden movement and loud sound as the heavy door slammed open. He scanned the room, his eyes fierce and alert, taking a few steps forward into the room, where his eyes dropped and he finally saw Hermione. 

 

Severus thrust the door open with a mere wave of his hand and was greeted by what appeared to be an empty room. No large horse, swinging monkey, or flapping bird. Where was she, and more importantly, what was she? Severus took another step forward, his eyes scanning the room, looking at every detail to find her. Then with another few steps forward he rounded on the couch in front of Dumbledore's desk and his eyes fell to the floor, landing on a crouching, trembling lioness.

A fucking lion. His first reaction was not as he expected,

"Will you look at that, one of Minerva's cubs is actually living up to the household name," He made no effort to disguise the disgust in his voice, which served to hide his shock at the sight before him. At his words, the ears of the lioness pinned down even further and shifted slightly to the side in clear submission and fear. He stood, oblivious to Albus who had now moved to sit behind his desk, and continued staring at the trembling life form on the floor.

Her lean body was scrunched together, her shoulder blades touching and creating a deep hollow between them, her tail tucked between her legs which were pulled under her stomach and parted, bracing. Her chin practically touched the floor, the tuft of white hairs just brushing the crimson rug. Only a sliver of what were dark brown eyes looked up at him nervously. Another tremor shook through her body, which was covered in a sleek, deep honey colored coat. Her dark round ears were pinned flat to her head, showing the thick black line of hair that trailed across each one. The hair on her spine grew opposite the rest, making it appear darker. There was another line of hair on top of her neck, starting between her shoulder blades and ending just below her skull, that did the same thing. Her eyebrows were two oval spots of hair that also grew the opposite direction and were a shade darker than her normal coat. Under her eyes was shaded in a soft white, the only place she seemed to have white besides her chin, and he assumed, her stomach. His eyes drifted to her front paws, which were drawn under her chest, her cream colored claws digging into the rug and hard wood floor beneath. She trembled again.

He raised his eyes to Albus.

"I now fully understand the situation. Does she?" He inquired with a snarl, pointedly glaring back down at the girl in question. Dumbledore fixed him with a firm glare of his own before leaning forward and peering down at the lioness.

"Miss Granger, come on now. No one is going to hurt you," he said softly.

Severus refrained from snorting. As if that's what the girl was afraid of. She was far more concerned with the fact she would be missing classes, or worst, be expelled.

"How did this happen?" He was suddenly curious. Hermione cowered even more, if that was possible.

"It wasn't your fault Miss Granger, you know you're not in trouble," Albus glared at Severus again. He responded with an innocent raise of his brow. "It's an anomaly, Miss Granger, a pure, albeit rare, accident. It wasn't your fault, no one is blaming you, and no one is questioning your abilities as a witch," Dumbledore repeated, this time firmly, although his eyes twinkled sadly at the form below him.

This seemed to give Hermione the confidence she needed to draw her two front legs forward and to push her hind end up, rising from the floor in a fluid motion.

Severus's mouth began to drop, but he caught himself just in time, instead gritting his teeth firmly. Miss Granger avoided his eyes, looking cautiously up at the Headmaster, who was giving her a warm, reassuring smile. Albus began speaking to her, but the words were lost on Severus, who was too busy staring.

Holy bloody Merlin.

He had not anticipated the change in size that was brought on from the lioness standing up from her cowering pose.

She was huge.

He grimaced internally. Even in his own head it sounded offensive.

No she wasn't huge, she was tall, powerful, and, ok... Fucking huge.

He had never seen an Animagus form this big in his life. He'd seen predators, sure, but along the lines of dogs and foxes and house cats, never a full grown lion.

He was 6' and she came up to just under his hip bone, or so he projected, considering she was a few feet away. Even still standing nervously, her head low, tail between her legs, partially crouched, she had a presence about her that demanded attention, respect, and caution. He couldn't fathom what she looked like with her usual Gryffindor confidence.

He was in for it, especially considering she'd be fighting the primal instincts that came with the lioness.

Shaking his head, annoyed at himself for becoming distracted and... impressed.. by the form in front of him, Severus tuned back in to the one sided conversation.

"If you lose control, Professor Snape will not be hurt, I assure you, but if you feel like you are going to lose control, you need to leave the castle and get as far away as possible from the student body, unless you're in your private quarters with Professor Snape," he paused, and the lioness nodded her head, and he continued.

"Good. Now," he said, rumbling through a drawer, "We'll address this'" he held up a pink nylon collar with a rainbow colored tag dangling from it. Before he could continue, the lioness sat down, raising a paw at the Headmaster and shaking her head violently. Severus furrowed his brow and grabbed the collar roughly.

"For Circe's sake, Albus. She's not two," Albus's eyebrows shot up, confused, while Severus pulled out his wand and waved it at the offensive garment. It changed immediately, shifting into rolled black leather, the tag turning into a small gold nameplate. The lioness immediately relaxed, casting a grateful look up at him. Albus frowned, but didn't argue. Turning to him, Severus asked,

"The point of this?" He asked, redirecting the Headmaster's attention.

"Ah, yes. That collar has a tracking device that we will link you to Severus, so you can find her anywhere she goes in case she loses control. Also, the nameplate says that she's your familiar. I doubt any one will mess with her, given her form, but better safe than sorry. Plus, the collar will assure everyone that she is domesticated. We can't have students thinking there's a wild lioness on the loose," clapping his hands together, he cast both of them a big smile. "All that's left is to connect it, set up your rooms, and it's done!" He exclaimed.

Severus gave the Headmaster a malice filled snarl before turning to magic the collar on to the lioness. The collar bounced off her and settled in the air beside her. The lioness's... No, Miss Granger's... Eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Ah, good! It works! We don't want anyone using magic on you until we get you sorted out, so I cast a unique protection spell," Albus explained absently with a flick of his hand. At this, Severus scowled deeply, rage roiling inside. This made everything so much more difficult. He made sure to tell Albus just that with a venomous look.

Gathering up his self control, Severus stepped towards the lioness, no, Miss Granger, dammit, and he grabbed the collar out of the air, unbuckling it quickly before pausing briefly to regard her.

Miss Granger turned her neck towards him, raising her chin so he could easily slide the leather around her neck and secure it. Taking care to get the fit right so as not to cause problems, he looked into those deep eyes for the first time and was surprised, despite the fact he knew better, at the the brightness in them, the intelligence reflecting back at him. She nodded at him, apparently recognizing the unasked question regarding the fit of the collar. He released the smooth black leather, but before he stepped away realized there was no name on the nameplate - it merely said Familiar of Severus Snape, Hogwarts Potion Master. He straightened and turned towards Albus.

"Where is her name?" He inquired before casting a sympathetic look down at Miss Granger, who was shaking her head and trying not to look uncomfortable with the new weight around her neck. Now that he'd actually looked her in the eyes and seen her present, it was much easier to remember that this wasn't just an animal, it was a frankly quite intelligence student who, he could grudgingly admit, was a capable witch, and who was quite clearly at the moment struggling to hide her misery and embarrassment at the situation she found herself in.

Albus looked at him with a knowing smile that Severus really wanted to slap off.

"You'll have to name her, of course. We can't be calling her Miss Granger while everyone excluding you, Minerva and Fillius think she's left ill. Do think of something respectable, Severus. She is to be posing as your familiar, after all, so you're supposed to be fond of her,"

At this, Severus suppressed amusement. He could only imagine what Dumbledore would call her if the choice was his. Probably Pink Fluffy Bunny or some kind of obnoxious name of candy.

"Of course," Severus responded dryly instead.

"Once you do, you'll be able to magically engrave it on, then that will be the last bit of magic that it will allow. So do make sure your choice is final before engraving, Severus,"

He felt the anger rising again at being treated like an ignorant imbecile.

"Yes, Albus," he snarled, making his rising temper clear. "Now if we're done here, I'd like to leave and get the rooms arranged so I can go to bed, you've tested my patience enough tonight and I'm at my limit," he growled, his voice low and threatening. At this, Albus turned serious and rose.

"Very well, Severus. I'm pleased about how you've handled this thus far, we'll hurry it along," Severus's deep frown and glare did not relax, but he stepped back to allow the Headmaster to round his desk and approach Miss Granger. He held out a hand in Severus's direction. He knew what was required, and thrust his own hand forward, raising a lip in disgust as he did. Albus pricked his finger, and as a drop of blood oozed out, pressed it to the collar. The black leather glowed, casting off a white light, then returned to it's normal state, and Albus released his hand. Severus mumbled a healing charm under his breath and the blood and small cut disappeared.

"You know the spell?" Albus asked, using the desk beside him as a brace so he could stand back up straight. Severus sneered again and nodded once before briskly turning to walk out the door. He paused at the threshold and tilted his head back towards the room.

"Come along now, Miss Granger, I expect you to keep up,"

At that, he strode from the room, knowing that Albus was scowling at him, but he heard the sound of claws hitting the floor before the girl remember to sheath them, and then he was down the stairs and headed down the corridor towards the dungeons.

He made it to the first corner when the girl caught up. He was pleased to see she was not ambling casually, but that his pace was swift enough so that she was putting an effort in to keep up. Not much of an effort, he figured, frowning, but an effort nonetheless. Her forelegs reached out considerably before she set them down, her thick paws dispersing as they bore her weight. Glancing only for a moment he controlled his curiosity, knowing full well just how much of this lioness he'd be seeing, and the two made their way down to his private quarters in absolute silence. 

 

Hermione found herself standing outside Professor Snape's private quarters much faster than she'd expected. She swallowed, extremely nervous once again, and desperately fought the urge to begin panting. It was her natural reaction, and her mouth was dry too, but she fought it and clamped her mouth shut. With a slight flick of his hand, the professor's door swung open, revealing his office. To the right were the stairs to his quarters, which was where he headed, and Hermione followed closely behind, although very careful not to get too close. The door swung open and Hermione found herself under the stern glare of Professor Snape as she stood at the threshold. He motioned for her to proceed. Taking a cautious step, she entered the room, then determined not to stop and gape in the middle of his doorway, took a few more until she was far enough away from the door for him to close it behind him and step up beside her.

He didn't say a word, merely stood at her side like a beacon of inflicting terror as her eyes darted across the room.

She could see in color still, thank goodness, so she was surprised to see a lack of Slytherin green. Instead, the room had cream colored walls, and dark, polished wood floors, balanced out by a navy area rug with an intricate pattern, which she saw did have some dark green in it, between a black leather couch and a black recliner, and under a small, low, dark wood table with a glass top. It looked surprisingly modern, but not surprisingly, minimalist. Beyond the center of the room where the furniture sat was a stone fireplace which was flanked by black bookshelves stocked completely full with tomes that Hermione itched desperately to open. There was a bookshelf on the right wall too, followed by a door. To the left was a half wall with a black countertop and an open doorway with no door, leading in to what she assumed was the kitchen.

Her gaze was drawn back to the right side of the room when a light brightened what looked like a hallway past the closed door at the end of the bookshelf. Professor Snape began walking in that direction, and she followed, aware as she did of the presence of Professor Dumbledore who was just walking into the quarters.

It was indeed a hallway, and Hermione flicked her ears forward curiously as she realized it was walled in by stone. They cast off a cool air which rippled softly through her coat as she walked briskly after her Professor, and she was so busy reveling in the coolness that was already making her feel much less sweaty, that she almost ran into the black cloaked form of Professor Snape.

Grinding immediately to a halt, she tensed, but he ignored her and pushed open a door on the left, which was the first one they'd come to.

"This room, Albus," he stated, raising his arm to motion the Headmaster through.

Professor Snape followed behind him, and then Hermione.

The room was clearly a guest bedroom, as it looked like it had not been touched. Ever. Oh sure, the house elves cleaned it, as there was no dust, but it was clear it had never been used. The bed was stripped of sheets, the walls were a rich emerald green to accommodate the Head of Slytherin House's worthy guest, Hermione thought with a roll of her eyes, and a dresser. That was it.

With a wave of his wand the room was immediately cleared of the limited furniture and Professor Dumbledore set to work. The first thing to appear was a large black door at the far end of the room in the left corner.

"Don't worry dear, it will open for you from either side by just your touch," the Headmaster stated absently, raising his wand to cast another change before halting abruptly. After a pause, he turned and gave Professor Snape an amused look.

"I've realized I don't quite know what to do to accommodate your guest," he admitted with a smile, his eyes twinkling. A growl came from the black clad Professor, who raised his wand and then glared at the Headmaster.

"Accommodate me and I'll do it," he grumbled, clearly wishing to get it over with so he could leave.

"Of course," the Headmaster replied, flicking his wrist. Hermione flattened her ears nervously against her head. He would probably give her the absolute bare minimum of comfort, if there was any comfort at all. She watched, amazed, as he surprised her and did the opposite.

A large round bed appeared to their left, startling her. It was tucked into the corner, which she realized would help her feel secure. Then she saw cushions line the floor under it, and realized pleasantly that she would very much enjoy crawling underneath into that dark space, almost like a den. Her attention was brought back to the center of the room as a tree seemed to erupt from no where, it's base wide, and then several thick limbs jut out at just the perfect height for her to climb up and lie on. A large, smooth rock appeared at the base of the tree, and then momentarily glowed a light blue, a cooling charm. In the far corner of the room a trickling waterfall fell into a pool. Ah, her fresh water. Just when she thought he was finished, and that he could do nothing else to offer her comfort, he then created a flat piece of stone that jutted out on the left wall about halfway up, which then flashed red. A heated rock. Her Professor had literally thought of everything.

He pocketed his wand and flashed the Headmaster a mock triumphant smile,

"She can stay in here forever for all I care," and then he was gone.

Dumbledore's face was surprised for just a split second before he grinned down at Hermione.

"Very well!" He said, rubbing his hands together. "Have a good night Miss Granger, I'll see you at breakfast!" And with that, he was gone too. 

 

Severus made sure the Headmaster went straight out the door without another word before he sealed his wards, flicked the lights off, and entered his bedroom with a sigh. He warded this room as well, stripped off his clothes, pulled on a t-shirt, and got in bed, knowing that thanks to Albus bloody Dumbledore and that insufferable girl Granger that he was in for an even more miserable, trying life with even more burdens, and that he would not sleep. 

 

Hermione explored her room for a while, eagerly lapping the cool water from the small spring until her mouth felt sufficiently moist, and she had stopped trembling nervously, and then pounced and climbed up the tree trunk in the center of the room and pulled herself deftly onto one of the outreaching limbs. She jumped about to and from the limbs, then tried out her heated rock, only for a second because she was not in the mood for heat, then cooled herself on the chilled rock before sighing and jumping up onto the comfortable round bed in the corner of the room. There was still a light on in the room, so thinking carefully, she experimentally pressed her paw against the wall and thought of darkness. She was granted her desire, and Hermione trembled once more, now alone with her thoughts as she realized she was all by herself, still an Animagus, a dangerous Animagus, that could not go to classes or hang with her friends, or study. She thought it through, calming herself with the realization that the world's most powerful wizard and multiple incredibly skilled teachers were researching to revert her back to normal, and with that last though, she took a deep breath, and exhaustion from the hectic day overtook her and she slipped into unconsciousness.

Hermione was awoken by the intense need to pee.

She groaned, turning to roll over in her bed to check the time on the clock on her night stand when her hyper alert lioness senses caught up and she realized where she was.

Dang.

She was stuck as a lioness, was Professor Snape's acting familiar, and was going to have to go pee outside.

Slipping out from under the blanket she was partially curled under, Hermione slid halfway to the floor, stretching as she did, before lowering her hind legs down and padding across the room to the door Dumbledore had made her. Pausing, she took a breath, then pressed her nose against the wood, sighing as it opened easily. The brisk morning air met her, the sun just barely peaking up over the horizon. It was early, and thankfully still mostly dark. Hermione wasted no time, bounding towards the edge of the forbidden forest to crouch behind a tree, thoroughly embarrassed at what she was doing. After she relieved herself, she raced back up to the door and pushed her way in, collapsing into a heap on the floor.

That had been an adrenaline rush, thanks to her overworked nerves and general paranoia, and never had she been more thankful that the Slytherin house was located near the lake, and as a result, the forbidden forest. Thinking about that, she realized that Dumbledore had put quite the spell on the door to magic her up out of the dungeons and to the earth's surface, and back down again, something she hadn't considered until now. Twitching her tail in amusement at the ease in which Dumbledore managed such feats, she found herself licking her paws and stomach clean of the dew from the grass, and then padding from her room and down the hallway into the living room.

She was surprised, and yet not, to see Professor Snape standing in the kitchen and leaning on the counter sipping a cup of... Coffee, she decided. A strong cup of black coffee. She quickly realized he must need it. He was in quite an undesirable position. She felt his eyes on her, and she looked up and him and gave him a respectful nod. He raised an eyebrow in acknowledgment, and regarded her with reserved curiosity that he must have thought she wouldn't notice.

She never would have, normally, but her senses and intuition were much keener in this form, not that she would ever tell him that and lose what she considered a slight upper hand. He wouldn't be a completely unreadable mask to her anymore.

Realizing that she was lost in thought, Hermione brought herself back to reality and thought about what to do with herself. Letting her lioness instincts give their input, she settled to curl up on the floor in front of the fire to await her instructions. 

 

Severus was glad that his first glimpse of Miss Granger walking confidently in her lioness form was done without her looking at him. He was standing at the counter, drinking his black coffee, which he desperately needed, when she rounded the corner, her body swinging comfortably in a smooth walk, her tail swishing idly behind her. Seeing her like this, he forgot for a moment that she was a student, and saw her purely for the animal she displayed.

He would deny it to anyone, even to himself if he allowed himself to think such things again, but... She was beautiful.

Seeing her now, after a night of some rest and recalibration of his mind and emotions, she looked even more incredible, and he could see more of her now that she was standing confidently and in the light of the room.

She was lean, but not yet well muscled. Her coat was sleek, but he could see the subtle signs of a winter coat growing. They were in Scotland after all, where it snowed, and while a normal lion would not grow a winter coat, an Animagus could adjust accordingly to all weather it was presented with.

She looked so much bigger now.

Severus imagined her in top form, muscled, comfortable and aware of her body, and took a sip of coffee to ground himself. As much as he hated to admit it, lions had presence, and were awe inspiring to behold, even if they were Gryffindor's mascot. He, seeing the lioness now, knew he would receive no trouble from the Slytherins nor any of their Death Eater parents at his choice in familiar.

Swallowing the hot coffee, he reminded himself that this was a student, and that meant she was dangerous. She had never been in her Animagus form for this long, and it would be a battle for her to overcome the ever strengthening instincts that would subtly try to take over.

He watched as she bowed her head respectfully at him and he raised an eyebrow, taking another sip of coffee. He watched her, resignedly curious at what she would do - if she would quake under his stare, come sit at his feet like a dog and await instructions, -

Oh, there. She curled up on the floor in front of the fire, her face resting over one paw so that if she opened her eyes she would be able to see him. She blinked lazily, not looking at him, then her eyes closed, but he knew she would not sleep. She was respectfully giving him his privacy while making herself available for directions. If he had the capability to be pleased over something like this, he would have been, but he ignored that and turned, finishing his coffee and placing the cup in the sink. 

 

Hermione heard him place the cup in the sink and make his way into the living room. One ear tracked his movements until he came to a stop and sat down in the recliner, facing her. She opened her eyes and lifted her head.

He looked down at her sternly.

"We'll be heading for breakfast shortly, but I want to cover some rules and expectations,"

At this, Hermione rose into a sitting position and regarded him intently. He continued,

"As my familiar, you will walk by my side without falling behind, going ahead, or running into me," he smirked, "Let's just say, you will... heel," Hermione couldn't help herself and rolled her eyes in response.

"You will walk confidently and will not cower, or behave nervously in any way. As my familiar, you are expected to be just as daunting and similarly aligned in personality as I am," he narrowed his eyes at her, as if in challenge.

She nodded firmly. She could do that. She was already feeling much more confident in herself, although she was nervous, but she knew she wouldn't show it like she did yesterday. That had been from shock, and was no longer in shock. Disbelief, yes, astonishment, yes, in for who knows what, yes, but not in shock.

"At breakfast, you will sit at my side, or lie down, without fidgeting. The house elves will give you your breakfast before we leave, since this is your first meal as your Animagus. It is unlikely you will control yourself. You will however, remain in control at breakfast. If you can't, you will make me aware, and we will leave. You will not be alone until you learn what to do when you lose control,"

"We'll be doing daily lessons in that regard, but I'll discuss that with you later. For now," he pulled something out of his pocket, "you will wear this as a precautionary measure,"

He enlarged what was in his hand and held it up. It was a leather harness, much like her collar, only flat, not rolled.

"This will allow me to grab you if I need to, giving me more control and leverage than your collar would. If a student is in danger, it will also muzzle you," seeing her shocked look, he elaborated, "It's just a two strap leather muzzle, nothing drastic," seeing her still shocked face, he sighed.

"Miss Granger, there is no doubt in my mind that you do not wish to harm anyone. The inconvenient reality is, that being an Animagus for prolonged periods of time, especially as a predator such as a lion, is dangerous. It is nothing personal, and no one knows it is you. You will be fine, and I will not let you harm anyone," he said.

Hermione relaxed, releasing her breath and the tension in her body, her short, rounded ears swiveling to return their attention on the Professor. She was so thankful he seemed to realize why she was nervous; Ron and Harry certainly never would have figured it out without her thorough explanation, and even then they'd look at her like she was crazy.

The Professor beckoned her to approach, and she did, standing slowly, padding her way over with her head low in respect. She stood in front of his legs and he moved forward to put the harness on her. The first part went over her head, and she figured he'd just buckle some other strap. She'd never used a harness before, she'd never had a dog, so she was surprised when he tapped her far leg. She turned to him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and he grit his teeth,

"Lift your leg,"

She did, and she felt him lean into her, his hair dangling down and brushing against her neck as he directed her paw and leg through the harness until it was under her elbow, and she heard the snap of a buckle, then felt him adjusting it. He tightened it, then loosened it slightly, until it was snug but not restricting. Remembering him doing the same with the collar, she looked at him as he pulled back to observe her reaction and nodded. He tugged experimentally on it, and Hermione felt her body being pulled sideways, knocking her off balance. She tumbled into his legs before righting herself, and he gave her a satisfied smirk before releasing her.

Dignity bruised, Hermione walked away and turned around, standing before him and watching him.

"Now for your name," he said, and Hermione gulped.

"I'll be calling you Nyota,"

He directed his wand at Hermione's collar, and with a flash of light she assumed that the name was engraved on the nameplate.

"Now it's time for breakfast," he smirked.


	2. Adjustments

Professor Snape rose, but Hermione didn't move, merely stood watching him. He regarded her for a moment, his brows furrowed in concentration but not malice, before he walked off in the direction of the hall. Hermione followed him, realizing then that if it was going to be as bad as he thought there was no way he'd allow her to have breakfast in his living room.

Sure enough, Professor Snape went directly to her room, only to her surprise, he kept going, straight out the back door. Before it could close behind him, she slunk through, back out into the brisk fall air. The sun was rising quickly now but they had plenty of time before breakfast was served in the Great Hall.

Professor Snape walked forward a few paces, then turned, his cloak billowing out behind him.

"I'll call the house elf in a moment, but first, some advice. For the first time, don't fight it. Let the instincts take over. Once you know what it's like to lose total control, you'll have a better understanding of how to deal with it in the future," he began, "now when I say you'll lose total control, I mean that your human conscience will not have a say over what your body does. I don't know what the Headmaster told you, I had more important things on my mind at the time. Let's suffice to say I know better than him anyhow. Now, when you see the meat, you, Miss Granger, will cease to exist, and the lioness will surge into the forefront of your mind, you'll still be there, you'll remember what you did, but you'll be powerless to stop it. Once you've devoured your meal, you'll be in a position where you can regain power over the lioness. Take it slow, concentrate on strengthening your human thoughts. Don't try to drown out the lioness, don't try to beat her into submission. Just allow her to drift away while you drift back in. That's all you can do for now. Don't panic, I will not allow you to hurt yourself or anyone else," he stopped speaking, and stared down at her.

Hermione was nervous, as usual, but had a nagging feeling she'd be more embarrassed than anything after this was over. She nodded her acknowledgment to her Professor and waited as he called the elf with her breakfast. 

 

Severus called out,

"Dobby,"

He'd been unable to avoid the blasted elf ever since the thing had learned of all the times he'd stepped in to save the-ignorant-boy-intent-on-dying, so he figured he might as well put him to good use and make him in charge of Miss Granger's meals.

The house-elf appeared, grinning at him, a huge silver platter in his hands. He leaned conspiratorially towards the wizard before him,

"Dobby's got Hermy's meat," he said with a wink. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, suppressing his annoyance.

"Just throw it towards her and get out of here," he instructed, lowering his hand with an exasperated sigh.

At the house elf's appearance, and no doubt the smell of the raw steaks, Granger was leaning forward, her nose in the air, twitching.

Dobby nodded eagerly.

"Yes sir!" And tossed the whole platter towards her, cover and all before disappearing with a light snap. Groaning inwardly he focused on stilling his mind and suppressing his anger, he needed to be alert and calm during what was about to happen.

Severus returned his eyes to the figure in front of him, who for a moment, fought for control, then, as if remembering his words, her eyes lost the bright light of the young girl that occupied them and flashed in a wild frenzy. Severus raised a shield charm around himself, but wasn't worried. All her energy and focus was on the sealed platter in front of her.

It wasn't sealed for long.

Two huge paws, claws unsheathed, dug into the silver lid, crushing it easily. Her mouth lowered, teeth bared, and snarling she ripped the cover off, sending it flying like a dillappatated frisbee.

Then she was into the meat.

The muscles rippled in her shoulders and hindquarters as she knelt down and buried her face into the blood red steaks, snarling as she went at ripping and tearing and clawing, swallowing chunks whole.

It was only a minute before they were gone, and she turned to pacing, prowling back and forth, her ears pinned, tail low and sweeping, teeth bared. She whipped around, stalking the other direction for a few yards, then turned back. She caught sight of Severus, who standing completely still, watching her cooly. He waited for her to take his eye contact as a threat, but there was enough Granger returning that she didn't. She kept an ear on him, but dropped her eyes, focusing internally as she sought to slowly regain control.

It was impressive, as sour as the word was in his mind to think. She'd come back within 8 minutes, doing nothing rash, merely pacing back in forth in an ever decreasing state of coiled energy and broiling instincts.

She sat before him now, completely in control, and he watched her lick her lips absently then visibly cringe at the taste. She collected herself, however, and blinked determinedly up at him.

He had dropped his shield charm minutes before, and stepped forward, twirling his wand in his hand.

"You did well for your first time. You re-gained control fairly quickly after you finished the meat, and didn't try to harm me," her ears flicked forward at his assessment, "However, you have a long way to go," he said briskly, heading towards the door again, throwing over his shoulder a snide,

"I'd suggest you clean yourself up, Nyota, you don't want to go to breakfast covered in blood,"

 

Hermione had been licking her coat ferociously, even going so far as to dipping her forelimbs in the pool of water in the corner of the room, then her face, to clean herself. Finally satisfied that there wasn't a speck of blood on her legs and chest, and from what she could see of her face, she ambled out into the living room.

Professor Snape was waiting for her at the door. His eyes appraised her, making sure she was presentable, before narrowing at her.

"You are Nyota, my familiar, and don't forget it,"

Hermione nodded, but on the inside she was rolling her eyes. He'd better make sure he didn't forget, not just her.

Then again, he was a very successful spy, there was a better chance of him wearing pink than forgetting his role.

Hermione was lost in thought as they made their way up to the main floor of the castle. She had adjusted her long, sloping gait to match the Professor's, and was now on cruise control as she thought about everything that had happened up until this point. She hadn't really thought about the relationship between her and her new "master", and now found her mind wandering in that direction.

He'd been surprisingly well behaved.

Sure he'd been snarky, rude, sarcastic.

But he'd also not meant all of it, at least not to the extent he usually did.

Had she been human, Hermione would have lost her temper at the man ages ago, even before he'd actually walked into Dumbledore's office to get a look at her, but when she was human, it was impossible to see the small flickers of emotion that slipped through his barriers that her lioness form picked up on.

It was these little slips of emotion that had made Hermione realize that Professor Snape wasn't all that bad. Sure, it had only been one night and part of a morning, but a Professor Snape never waited around to make people miserable. He'd given her a wonderful bedroom, covering it up with his remark about how he'd done so so she'd never leave, but it was sarcasm. It wasn't supposed to be taken to heart, not completely. She figured there was some truth to the statement, but she found she couldn't blame him. He'd been thrust into a horrible predicament. And actually, now that she thought about it, some of his snarky comments had come across to Hermione as amusing. They always had, even before, as a student in his class, Hermione found herself holding back laughter at the meaning of comments and insults that went over her classmates heads.

This was definitely something she'd have to figure out and analyze over time. It would take her more than a day to figure out her complicated Professor, and as they made their way down the hallway towards the Great Hall, Hermione found herself unable to continue in her thoughts anyways.

Students had begun appearing as they'd ascended, and their staring, pointing, and general gawking had immediately caught her attention and put her on guard. She knew they weren't threats, but she needed to be aware all the same, it was instinct. And plus, who could ignore open mouthed, shocked pointing?

She was aware of the Professor slowing his strides beside her, and she followed his lead, and was then caught off guard by his knee driving into her side and his hand clasping her harness, hidden from view by his billowing coat, as he took hold of it and pushed her sideways.

Resisting the urge to act on the defensive, she allowed him to move her, turning her body in compliance so that his knee and hand fell away, one arm rising up to push open a door she hadn't noticed. She strongly believed that was because the door hadn't been visible until his hand touched it. He turned the knob, and Hermione strode through into a narrow hallway lit with candles that let to one other door straight ahead. Professor Snape began walking, and she followed, the hallway too narrow to be at his side. He paused when they reached the other door, looking at her sternly, and the conversation about her behavior for breakfast floated into her mind. She met his eyes and blinked.

The door swung open, and Hermione followed Professor Snape towards the High Table where all the other teachers sat conversing. Hermione had gone to Hogwarts long enough, and more importantly, had been paying attention long enough, to know that a majority of the teachers went to breakfast early to get a chance at conversation with fellow staff before the meal. Professor Snape never did that. He arrived to breakfast when he wanted to be there.

Today was no different. Scanning the hall while she got the chance, Hermione saw quite a few students already at the tables, but the big burst of late risers (aka most of the student population) had yet to arrive, and then her view disappeared as they walked behind the table and Professor Snape took his seat.

Hermione sat to Professor Snape's left, then realized as she did that she was tall enough to just see over the top of the table. That meant students could see her too.

She looked up at Snape questioningly, but he was looking straight ahead, a firm scowl on his face. She pinned her ears back in annoyance, trying to think of a subtle way to get his attention. She noticed his hands where clasped in his lap, so she took her nose and butted it under his bent elbow, lifting it up over her. He tensed immediately at the contact, looking down at her in anger. She turned her ears sideways, trying to look apologetic, then removed her head gently and sat up straight, pointedly looking over the table then back at him. He followed her gaze, looking back down at her and how the top of her head stuck up over the Dias. He brought his hand down onto her head, resting it there, holding her eyes and giving her a nod. She stayed where she was.

So did his hand.

She almost laughed, but wasn't quite sure how that would sound as a lioness. Poor Professor Snape, having to put up appearances in front of the whole school, staff and students, that he actually liked the animal at his side. She felt her lips curl up, then realized hastily that was a sign of aggression. She forced her lips down into a relaxed position.

She sat still, lost in thought, long bored with ease dropping on the mundane conversations of the professors at the head table, when she felt something move on her head. She'd totally forgotten about Professor Snape's hand residing there, and apparently so had he, because as she strained to glance up at him without moving her head she found him staring pensively off into space, his head resting in his hand, his elbow braced on the table.

She'd seem him look like that before when she sat with Harry and Ron at the Gryffindor table.

Only this time, she was here beside him, and his thumb was stroking her ear absently. Overcoming her initial shock at the movement, she found that it felt absolutely delightful, and after a moment, she arched her head into his head like a house cat, earning for more. At her movement his stilled, and she felt his whole body stiffen again before he gradually relaxed, and then slowly his thumb started moving again.

Hermione sighed in relief, holding still as long as she could so as not to discourage him before she couldn't do it any longer, and she butted his hand again, begging for firmer attention. She caught him look down at her with humor and some undefined emotion, and he obliged her, firmly stroking down the top of her skull, then down behind her ear where she knew she had soft tufts of curly fur, which he scratched, then he made his way up her ear, folding it between his hand as it moved upwards. It felt incredible, and after a a few repetitions, a low rumble made it's way out of her, and she realized she was purring hoarsely. She hadn't even realized lions could purr. Apparently neither had Professor Snape, and seeing the shocked look in her eyes, realized she had no control of it, which sent his eyes narrowing mischievously and silent laughter shook him.

Oh dear, she was in trouble. 

She was saved from his evoking of more purring by the appearance of Professor Vector (teacher of Arithmancy, her favorite subject) simultaneously entering her field of vision as food appeared on the plates at the table.

Ooooh, the smells.

Her head was spinning wildly, inhaling bacon, sausage, eggs, English muffins, toast, and

A firm yank on her muzzle as her head was wrenched up to look at Professor Snape, who looked her straight in the eyes, pulling her back into reality. He held her gaze, the unasked question obvious in his eyes.

Was she ok? Was she in control? Focusing on his eyes, she organized her thoughts, pushing the scents away as unimportant. She was not hungry. The scents did not matter. She twitched her ear at him firmly, then blinked, then cast her eyes to the right in warning of Professor Vector's approach. He scratched her chin, although his eyes were cold and hard, then he dropped his hand and brought it up to the table. She heard the clink of silverware as he took a bite of his breakfast, and Hermione turned away to look at Professor Vector, who was now directly beside her. Hermione's eyes trailed up until they met her face, and she reminded herself who she was. She was Nyota.

"Severus!" The woman exclaimed, "Who in the world is this beautiful creature?"

Hermione's ears raised at the praise, but she steadfastly avoided Snape's eyes, sure they were rolling and he was sneering in contempt.

"My familiar, obviously," he said in a disinterested drone, continuing with his breakfast as if Professor Vector wasn't still standing there.

"When did you get a familiar?" A voice beside her asked, and Hermione's left ear twitched as she twisted the other direction to look up at Madam Hooch. The witch hadn't noticed Hermione's presence until now, it seemed. Wow.

Hermione decided to ignore the unobservant witch and turned her neck back around to face Professor Vector. Professor Snape hadn't answered her question but replied with an uncommitted grunt. Professor Vector tsk'd, but didn't press the issue.

"What's her name?"

This he did respond to.

"Nyota, since you're too blind to read her collar," he sneered, earning him a thump on the back. Hermione, remembering to play the part of Nyota, pinned her ears back and curled her lip threateningly. Severus turned his head to face the Professor and smiled devilishly, clearly pleased with Hermione's reaction and the look on Professor Vector's face.

"If you think she's going to stop me from smacking you, you're got another thing coming," she said resolutely, narrowing her eyes at him. He raised an eyebrow, looking down at Hermione then back at the other professor.

"Oh?" In response, Hermione let out a low snarl, her tail twitching. Professor Vector raised her hands up in surrender, laughing good heartedly.

"Forget I said anything," she said, and Severus dropped his brow and smirked.

"Wise decision,"

He turned back to his breakfast, and Professor Vector regarded Hermione. She dropped her lip and relaxed her ears forward, then looked away as if she were ignoring the Professor's curious stare.

"She really is gorgeous," she said, her voice slightly dreamy as she looked at the lioness before her. "How old is she? She looks young, she's in perfect condition, not a scratch on her, her coat is shiny, the only thing missing is some muscle," she thought aloud. Hermione's ears pinned back at the comment of her lack of muscle. Professor Vector quickly added, "I'm sure you just haven't gotten a chance to get her in condition, since you just got her recently," Hermione's ears were still pinned, but Professor Vector was her favorite teacher, and she didn't mean any harm. After a moment she let her ears flick forward again. Professor Snape was still completely ignoring his colleague. After another pause, Professor Vector asked hopefully,

"Can I pet her?" At this Professor Snape stilled, then glanced down at Hermione's pointed glare and chuckled. He rolled his eyes, then grumbled, "if she lets you,"

Hermione had not been touched, ever, except by Professor Snape, just moments ago. It sounded ridiculous, but she felt like this was a lot of stimulation for her to go through in such a small expanse of time. She focused on her breathing, trying to relax. She felt Professor Snape's fingers curl around her harness almost casually. He didn't grip, just curled them under the leather, resting them there, as if reassuring her that he wouldn't let her do any harm.

Hermione was determined not to let herself cause any harm, nor to flinch away in a manner that would make her "master" look bad, so she stood frozen, eying Professor Vector as she stretched her hand out.

Luckily for her, it seemed that Professor Vector knew just how to approach her. She kept her body language soft, her hand slowly moving forwards, her fingers loose. Hermione leaned forward and sniffed them, behaving like an animal would, then allowed Professor Vector to rest her hand softly on her nose. Professor Vector let out a whoof of air.

"By Merlin she's soft," Her hand rotated until it wasn't her palm, but the back of her hand resting on Hermione's head, and then she slid it down the side of Hermione's face, the knuckles of two fingers caressing her gently, until they were scratching under her chin. Hermione raised her head in appreciation, the scratching feeling wonderful, especially in that spot right near her scent glands.

The sudden slap of an unfamiliar hand on her back sent her launching into the air, twisting around, her jaw snapping as her instincts blinded her conscience in an automatic reaction. Immediately two pieces of leather bound her muzzle shut, and a firm hand hauled her back so that she slammed into Professor Snape's chair. Professor Vector had her hand grasped to her chest, eyes wide, but Hermione only noticed Madam Hooch, who was frowning at her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Professor Snape beat her to it.

"I'd advise you to keep your hands off my familiar in the future, Rolanda. She won't always have a muzzle to keep her from biting your hand off. Learn some respect, she's not a dog," His voice was low and threatening, and colder than Hermione had heard it in a while. Madam Hooch's mouth flopped open, ready to respond, but she thought better of it, and closed it, returning to her breakfast.

"Ignorant wench," she heard Professor Snape mumble irritably under his breath, but she felt his fingers scratch her back briefly as he released her harness and let her sag to the floor and she knew the insult wasn't directed at her. She'd have known anyways, but the gesture was nice. She fought the sudden urge to tremble at the awareness of how close she'd been to hurting someone, and instead lowered her head to the floor as the leather binding around her mouth slipped away.

Professor Vector looked down at her from where she stood a few feet away.

"So incredible," she murmured, as if Hermione hadn't just lashed out ferociously in front of her eyes, before she walked away to return to her spot at the table.

Professor Snape stood only a few minutes later, stepping gracefully over Hermione before she could rise. She lie still until he was over her, then rose, following after him. They made it to the door before Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick called out to them. Professor Snape turned, narrowing his eyes at them and frowning.

"How's your familiar settling in?" Professor McGonagall asked, looking down at her and slipping her a wink. Hermione narrowed her eyes at her too, flicking her ears back. She didn't need to have any distractions from fulfilling her role, she didn't need any reminders that she was a human trapped in her Animagus form. Flitwick gave her a warm smile, and Hermione realized she was looking down at him and that he looked rather nervous about it. She flicked her ears forward and tried to give him a warm smile in return with her eyes.

"She's adjusting... and seeing as how Hooch just slapped her on the back out of the middle of nowhere and evoked quite the startled and appropriate response, I think it be best that we leave before someone else decides that my familiar is as innocent and accepting as a puppy," he said this with absolute disgust, and the two professors in front of her exchanged concerned looks before turning cold eyes on the Quidditch teacher. Before they had a chance to turn back around, Professor Snape stalked off, followed closely by his familiar.


	3. My Familiar

Professor Snape led her directly to his office, then taking a left, went to the door that led to his classroom. Before he opened it, he turned to her.

"You can stay up near my desk, and walk around if you need to, but you will stay in my sights and will not draw unnecessary attention upon yourself. No approaching students, no curious peeking at potions, you will stay in the front of the room at all times. If you need to leave for anything other than an emergency, wait until I am at a good spot in my lesson to draw my attention. No fidgeting, no pacing, is that understood?" The cold, hard obsidian eyes were focused on her. Hermione nodded. Looking as if he didn't believe her, he frowned, but turned and opened the door.

"Very well. Make yourself comfortable, the first class will arrive in ten minutes,"

Hermione followed him into the familiar classroom, although it was strange to see it from the teacher's perspective. She watched as Professor Snape sat at his desk to mark some papers, so she slunk under his desk and plopped down silently as his feet, resting her head on her rather large paws. He ignored her, which was fine with Hermione, and she closed her eyes to take a quick "cat nap" until the students came in.

The sounds of footsteps woke her, and she opened her eyes, watching from her spot under the table as a herd of students made their way into the room. They did so silently, but the noise was loud to Hermione, who could hear every rustle of cloth and every squeak of shoes hitting the stone floor. She scooted forward just a bit so she could see the whole room, catching sight of Professor Snape as she did so. He was standing by the blackboard, arms crossed, facing the class. The students settled at their desks and gave him their attention.

That is, until one of the students caught sight of her and began waving her hand wildly in the air.

If that's what Hermione looked like when she did that then she could see how he must have thought her incredibly annoying and immature.

The girl was practically bouncing out of her seat, her hand waving wildly, her eyes wide and anxious. Hermione glanced over at a Professor Snape, whose jaw was now clenched, his eyes narrowed.

"Miss Jughlo, please refrain from behaving like an idiot. What is your question?" The girl slammed herself back down into her chair and pointed towards his desk.

"What's under your desk, sir?" She asked curiously, and suddenly a whole classroom of eyes were on Hermione. Her hackles raised in response, so she focused her attention solely on the Professor, trying to relax. He looked down at her, and with a slight twitch of his head, motioned for her to come out.

Hermione slipped out from under the desk, deciding to have some fun. She rose to her full height, her head up with an air of sophistication, but she narrowed her eyes at the class and raised a lip in a silent snarl. They all recoiled, and she strode gracefully over to sit at Professor Snape's side, chest puffed out and tail curled around her paws. She caught the twinkle of amusement in the corner of his eyes as his students gasped, and then she felt his hand on her head.

"This is my familiar, Nyota. You'd do best to give her a respectful amount of space," the students exchanged nervous glances and were just about to start whispering when Professor Snape used his other hand to tap his wand firmly on the board behind him.

"Get to work," he snarled firmly, effectively ceasing all the murmurs, and immediately heads bowed to prepare their workspaces.

Hermione flicked her tail in amusement. It was quite fun to be the one inflicting fear in the students, something which should make her feel guilty, but didn't.

What in the world was wrong with her?

Oh yeah, she was a lioness.

As if she could forget.

Professor Snape made his way back to his desk, and Hermione curled up on his far side so as to be mostly out of sight from the students. Just when she felt the lull of sleep coming over her (it seemed that lions could nap as much as they wanted), she felt two fingers stroke her neck and trail down to between her shoulder blades.

Tensing at first from the unexpected contact, she sighed, then relaxed, enjoying the sensation, and then realized that Professor Snape was petting her when he didn't need to. No students could see him doing it, so he wasn't enforcing the idea of her as a familiar, but he was doing it nonetheless. Mentally shrugging, because who knew his motives, she silenced her mind and lost herself to the pleasant, rhythmic feeling of his delicate but strong fingers stroking her coat.

Hermione woke, not sure how much later, and yawned, her mouth stretching wide, revealing her sharp incisors. Her tongue stuck out, nose wrinkling, and then her mouth closed. She licked her lips absently, then stretched, pushing her front legs forward, paws widening and unsheathed her claws while pushing her hindquarters into the air. Feeling her back and chest muscles stretching, she hovered, then brought herself into a standing position.

Padding over to the front of the desk, she saw that she had awoken just as the last few students were leaving the room. Professor Snape was back at the blackboard, making subtle wand movements to erase his writing from the previous class to put up the instructions for the next one. Hermione walked over, then sat, raising her head up to read the instructions.

Book work.

Feeling her eyebrows draw together, she frowned. Professor Snape, realizing she was reading the board, looked down at her pointedly.

Oh, it was for her. He wanted to be able to keep an eye on her and not the students and their volatile potions ingredients, which would also be a sensory overload for her and potentially problematic. He was giving her an easy first day while she was getting used to her new form. She drew the corner of her lips up into a smile without revealing her teeth, then inclined her head gratefully. He gave her a short nod, then turned away to lean on the front of his desk, motioning her to follow. She did, sitting beside him as the next class filed in. All mouths dropped as eyes immediately fell on her as the students made their way in. She flitted her round ears backwards, trying to look threatening but not menacing. She narrowed her eyes but didn't show her teeth. The students were deathly silent as they all sat down, focused intensely on the golden lioness and the black clad Professor beside her.

Professor Snape stood, abandoning the desk, and crossed his arms.

"This is my familiar," was all he said, glaring at the class while they shot each other surprised looks. Professor Snape cleared his throat loudly, and all eyes guiltily turned to read their instructions before getting to work. Professor Snape strode around her to sit back at his desk, picking up his quill to dip in red ink to continue his correcting.

It was finally lunch time.

Hermione hadn't napped, she had instead watched the students, and when she could, snuck glances at her Professor. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to know when he was being looked at, so after one reprimanding glare, she learned her lesson, and kept the glances in his direction extremely brief. He'd been correcting papers all class, which didn't give much for Hermione to go on, except for the feeling that Professor Snape was taking advantage of the time during class that he'd normally be instructing in to catch up on his grading, which meant that it was possible he might be grateful, somewhat, for her presence.

It was just a hunch, but it made her feel slightly better about herself, and that maybe she wasn't as big of a burden as she thought. Oh, she was still a huge burden, no doubt, but not a catastrophically huge burden, and there was a difference. If Professor Snape could glean any benefits from this predicament, she hoped he would, because it would make everything that much better. 

 

After the last student left the room Severus rose, flicking a wrist towards the door to close it firmly.

Glancing down at his desk, he saw that he had finally caught up from the paperwork he'd left unfinished the last time the Dark Lord demanded his presence. He ran a hand through his lank hair, curtesy of a lifetime over potion fumes, and felt his eyes unconsciously settle on the mass of lioness that lay at his feet.

Absently, he considered that he'd only ever seen her lying down in one position; her body slightly curved, her head resting over her forelegs and huge paws, chin touching the floor, tail wrapped around her hind legs that were positioned at an angle under her body, her hip flat on the floor. She seemed oblivious to his standing up, probably lost in thought - typical Miss Granger behavior.

He lifted a dragon hide boot and nudged her to see her reaction.

She stiffened, tension obvious in her body. He wasn't sure if this reaction to touch was purely lioness, or if it was part Granger too. Thinking about that, he realized that although Potter and Weasley often grabbed and rough housed with one another, they never touched Granger except for the brushing of shoulders or the gentle grasp of arms or the self initiated hug after some kind of trauma. Aside from the two boys, though, he'd never seen anyone touch her.

She must be subconsciously unfamiliar and therefore uncomfortable with unexpected touching. She reacted by tensing up. If it was purely a lioness reaction, she would act defensively, making it probable that Miss Granger's uncomfort was stronger than the lioness's need for defense.

Filing that bit of information in the recesses of his mind for later perusal, he turned his attention back to said lion who was now standing in front of him expectantly.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, unsurprised when she shook her head no. She'd had quite a bit of meat that morning, and lions weren't in need of multiple meals a day.

Severus turned away and made his way through his office and into the corridor to head to the Great Hall.

It was odd, but surprisingly comfortable to have the form of the large lioness at his side as he walked. Granger wasn't able to talk, so she wasn't getting on his nerves, and she hadn't been fidgety of otherwise distracting while he had worked, which meant she wasn't annoying him. In fact, everything was going surprisingly well.

He had been humored by her little snarl at his class of third years, and he hadn't missed the look of surprise followed by embarrassment at the student who had waved her hand wildly to get his attention and to be called on. He doubted Miss Granger would ever do that again.

And the looks the students around him in the hall were just too amusing. A majority of them were petrified by the predator at his side, and there were quite a few who were obviously impressed and in awe of his companion. Looking down at her, he saw she had her ears back and had a convincing look of annoyance and disgust on her face, looking very much like a familiar of Severus Snape's should. Satisfied, he shot a glare at a group of students pointing at them, and they continued until they reached the teacher's entrance to the High Table.

The rest of the day had gone smoothly, Severus reflected as he sat in his recliner with a book and a cup of tea in his hand. Rolanda had wisely kept her hands to herself, and after seeing Nyota licking her lips multiple times, Severus had called Dobby with a bowl of water, which she had drunk from neatly, afterwords flashing him a thankful look.

Nyota, now Miss Granger, since they were in his chambers, was lying on the floor in front of the fire.

Severus glanced up over his book and raised his eyebrows in surprise.

She was on her back, all four feet up in the air, her paws twitching, tail swaying from side to side on the floor. Her stomach was a creamy white, the same color that lined under her eyes. The fur was sleek, except for between her hind legs, which was loose and fluffy. At that observation, Severus paled and remember that he was looking at a student, even though it was just part of her stomach, nothing inappropriate. He brought his eyes up to her paws, which were hanging loosely but flexing ever so often, her claws poking out then disappearing as she kneaded the air. Severus cleared his throat, causing the lioness to flip over instantly, looking extremely embarrassed.

Severus took a sip of tea, then set his book and cup down on the table in front of him. He looked at Miss Granger.

"Would you like to go outside?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow at the offended look on her face. He reconsidered his words, he did not mean to make it sound like he was offering a bathroom break.

"Would you like to accompany me on a walk?" At this, her eyes brightened and she perked up, eagerly getting to her feet. "We'll leave through the castle. The students need to get used to your presence," with that, he grabbed his cloak, and they were off.


	4. Accidental Violation

Hermione found herself walking beside Professor Snape on a well worn jogging path around the lake. She hadn't noticed it in all her years as a student at Hogwarts, but then again, she hadn't been looking. They walked in a companionable and comfortable silence, not that Hermione could say anything, but she was glad Professor Snape wasn't either. He seemed unbothered by the quiet which made Hermione very grateful she wasn't stuck with a teacher who would have rambled on in a one sided conversation. Silence gave her time to think and reflect on her situation, something she needed to do to keep herself grounded and sane.

Her first full day in her Animagus form had gone well. The Potions classes had bored her, but that meant she had gotten a few good naps and was able to just lie around and get the feel for her new body.

Professor Dumbledore had told her that the first few days would actually be the easiest, and then when she hadn't returned to her human state in that time that the instincts would come on to her full force. He reminded her of Peter Pettigrew, who had been a rat for years without changing, and how he'd lost complete control for a long time until his mind had been reawaken in fear at seeing Sirius's escape in the papers. He'd warned her that many people stayed in their Animagus form out of choice but then lost their human conscience after staying in it too long - that choice revoked as they completely absorbed and became the animal they appeared as.

Hermione was petrified of that happening to her. To lose herself, her intelligence, her chance at a life as a witch was terrifying and made her want to vomit. Feeling a shiver roll through her at the thought, she glanced up at a Professor Snape. Professor Dumbledore had said he was her only hope to make it through this unless they could reverse her form early enough, which was highly unlikely. He said Professor Snape had experience in these matters that no one else on the staff could offer. She frowned, turning away before he noticed her looking, wondering what that might mean. Was he an Animagus too? Had he been trapped in his form before? Lost himself? Or was it just what Dumbledore had said outside of the door to his office last night, that he was the only one who could control her? Professor Dumbledore was the strongest wizard alive, but he wouldn't have time to take care of her, so that had left Professor Snape who was apparently the second strongest wizard on the staff.

What would he do to her if she lost control and someone was in danger? Professor Dumbledore had put that spell on her to block magical advances, so it wasn't like he could stun her. Was he going to physically attack her? Glancing up again, she eyed his frame. He was tall, but very thin. She knew he was strong as to how easily he yanked her around by her harness, but he was no match for her sharp teeth and claws and brutal strength should she lose control. He was quick and intelligent, but she was a wild animal. Looking away again and back down at the ground under her, she twitched her tail in irritation at her lack of knowledge. How would Professor Snape control her, and teach her how to control herself?

As if hearing her thoughts, or sensing her distress, the man beside her stopped and Hermione continued a few steps before she realized, whirling around quickly to face him, her thoughts swirling away as she focused on the present. He transfigured a flower into a stone bench and sat down on it, still watching her. Hermione shifted her weight uncomfortably, feeling her paws flatten into the ground as she did.

"We'll start our first lesson today," he said cooly, pulling out his wand. Hermione stood at complete attention, waiting to see what he'd do.

"In order to gain full control of your Animagus form and to eradicate dangerous instincts, you will first need to become absolutely comfortable with your body, as comfortable as you are when you're human. This isn't something you can force, it comes naturally with time - however, there are ways to speed up the process, the same way you learn to master your human body - you do things with it. You play sports, you run, jump, swim, any type of physical activity. Lying around gets you comfortable with lying around. Physical activities get you comfortable with actually using your body. That's why the first part of your "program" is physical." He paused, observing his wand, turning it in his hand as he spoke, avoiding her eyes which were focused intently on him.

"Second, we'll address your instincts. There are instincts that we will be ignoring, that are of no danger and are therefore unimportant. Such instincts and behaviors include your purring, for example, or desire for lying near a warm fire, possibly on your back waving your feet around in the air,"

Hermione huffed indignantly and glared at him. He smirked and continued,

"We will never be able to get rid of all your instincts, so we won't try. It will do more harm than good. You're a lioness, and that isn't going to change any time soon, so you'll have to accept the lioness behaviors that come with the territory. What we can, and will, be addressing are your dangerous behaviors that make you lose control. When you're purring, or have the urge to be in front of a warm fire, your mind is still present, in control, is it not?" He looked at her now, an eyebrow raised expectantly. Hermione nodded, she was in control during those times for the most part, the purring was just a feeling she expressed, she didn't lose control of her whole her body.

"Now when the instinct is dangerous, you do lose control of your mind and as a result, every aspect of your body. These are the instincts that need to be controlled. If you can do it, you'll still have urges, but you'll be able to suppress them until they subside." He paused, and she nodded in understanding.

"The best way I know to address this is through Occlumency," Hermione immediately brightened. She'd be learning Occlumency! From none other than the strongest Occlumens she knew! Oh, was that what Professor Dumbledore had meant?

"Calm down," he snarled, seeing her excitement. "It will not be easy. Especially since you cannot speak, so I will be teaching you blind. You must promise to listen and do exactly as I say and to always put forth your best effort," Hermione met his eye and did not hesitate to nod firmly. Professor Snape rose from the bench and flicked his wand at it, causing it to turn back into a small yellow flower. He pocketed his wand and inclined his head at her.

"That's all for today," and he began walking again.

They walked one more lap before returning to the school for dinner. Afterwards, Hermione had some more red meat, this time delivered to her with the cover off, and had the same experience she did that morning. She was now lying on one of the tree branches in her room, her paw dangling and tail swinging.

She was debating what she was supposed to do about her smell. She'd been extremely nervous for a prolonged period of time, spent the day lying on the castle floor and walking on the dirt path outside, and had eaten bloody, raw steaks twice. She'd tried to lick herself clean but she could only do so much. Deciding that it was better to push her limits sooner rather than later, Hermione plopped down from her branch and on to the floor and made her way to Professor Snape. He was sitting in his recliner again, leaned back, his feet up, reading. Hermione suppressed an evil grin and settled herself silently beside him on the floor.

She didn't have to wait long.

"What in the bloody hell is that awful smell?" He mumbled to himself, looking up from his reading. After a second, his eyes fell down to where Hermione lay, and he growled deeply,

"Miss Granger,"

Hermione rose to sit in front of him, looking at him innocently.

"Go away, you smell atrocious,"

Hermione lowered her head and tried to look pitiful, then sheepish. She knew she smelled, duh, but she couldn't exactly do anything about it!

Sighing, Professor Snape narrowed his eyes and tried to cast a cleansing spell, although they both knew it wouldn't work. When nothing changed he slammed his book down firmly on the glass top of the table and rose, steaming.

He stalked over to the fire and called Professor Dumbledore, who's head poked through the flames a second later.

"Is everything all right?" He asked, concerned. Professor Snape jabbed a finger furiously towards him.

"No, everything is NOT all right, you meddling old git. How am I supposed to keep the animal from smelling when I can't cast a cleansing charm?!" Professor Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement even through the flames.

"She is not an animal, Severus, don't offend her. And by all means boy, just give her a bath!"

Professor Snape paled, then got even more angry.

"You give her a bath! I'm not giving a girl who happens to be a student of mine a BATH! It's inappropriate, and I don't want to end up smelling like wet dog either!" Professor Dumbledore huffed a breath impatiently.

"You're acting like a child, Severus. Miss Granger may be a young woman who is your student, but her body is a lioness. You won't be seeing anything inappropriate and you've already touched her. It's no different with soap and water," he paused, steam practically shooting from Professor Snape's ears, "It's not a choice, Severus. She's your responsibility. Be responsible," with that, he disappeared. Professor Snape turned, his rage redirected.

"This is fucking brilliant," he snarled, hands clenched into fists. Hermione cowered, unsure about what he would do. Upon seeing her reaction, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He seemed to gather himself, and his voice was considerably calmer, even if his eyes still shone with anger, and he said,

"Get what you need and I'll show you to the bathroom,"

Hermione nodded quickly then sprinted down the hallway, only needing a few strides to reach her rooms. She looked around frantically, realizing she had none of her possessions. She pressed a paw to the wall, picturing her bath supplies desperately, but nothing happened. She reluctantly turned from her room and sulked back to Professor Snape who glared at her, then seemed to think and snarled,

"Dobby," the house elf appeared instantly, looking up to Professor Snape for instructions, "Get Miss Granger's bath supplies," Dobby nodded.

"Yes sir!" And disappeared. Professor Snape began walking, Hermione assumed towards the bathroom. She was surprised when he stopped in front of the door that she'd seen at the end of the bookshelf on the right side of the room when she'd first arrived. He looked down at her firmly.

"You will never come through this door without my permission. The only reason I'm allowing it at all is because the guest bathroom has no bath, and I have no other choice," Hermione nodded her head, then the door opened to reveal Professor Snape's bedroom.

She got only a brief glimpse before he led her into the bathroom, but it was enough. His bedroom looked a lot like the living room, only the walls were a dark navy. There was a large bed in the center of the far wall, bookshelves lining the walls beside it and there were two dressers and a nightstand. That was it, or all she saw.

She turned her head to the bathroom, which she was walking into. It was big, but not massive by any stretch, much smaller than the Prefect's bathroom. To the right was a sink, then past that the toilet, and to the left was the bathtub and shower, which she wasn't surprised to see was black. 

 

Dobby appeared with a few items in his hands, all of which Severus was not looking forward to seeing. She probably had a bunch of crazy smelling shampoos and conditioners and soaps, he shivered just thinking about it. 

Therefore, he was surprised when Dobby simply handed him three white bottles and a dark violet loofah. He set everything on the sink, not bothering to deal with them until he had to, and he turned to the lioness beside him. He quickly removed the harness, she remembered to pick her leg up, and he set is aside and looked down at her.

"Get in Miss Granger," she glanced up at him, then jumped casually and with little effort into the tub before turning back to him.

She was very graceful.

Shaking that thought from his head angrily, he looked down at himself. Most of his outfit would have to go. With a wave of his hand everything was removed and folded except for his white long sleeve shirt and black trousers. He rolled up his sleeves, ignoring the shocked look on Miss Granger's face at seeing him without his black coat, and grabbed the shower head from it's holder, directing the head towards the drain as he turned on the water.

He ran his hand under the shower head, fiddling with the temperature until it was quite warm but not too hot, and then turned to look directly at the lioness. Her dark chestnut eyes met his steadily, and he took a deep breath in preparation before scowling.

"I'm going to do this as quickly as possible. Do as I say and it will be less painful," to his surprise, she merely rolled her eyes at his threat and regarded him cooly. Scowling deeper at that response and adding a sneer, he kneeled beside the tub and directed the water onto her back.

The temperature must have been acceptable, because she didn't flinch, instead almost leaning towards the stream of warm water.

He sprayed her until her coat was sufficiently darker in color, reflecting how wet she was, and he turned off the shower, reaching behind him to grab all three of the bottles. Placing them so the labels were facing her, he sneered,

"Do you really need all three of these?" She responded by looking thoughtful for a moment, pondering his question, while once again ignoring his biting tone, before she shrugged, her body lowering so her shoulder blades could pop up in the gesture. She rose back up and pushed her large face forward, her wet black nose bumping one of the bottles. Severus picked it up, moving the others to the side, and read the label.

It was vanilla scented body wash. He could handle that. He opened the cap and went to pour it over her when she pulled back, raising a paw from the floor. He stopped, sighing impatiently, feeling the anger rise.

"What?" He snapped.

She tossed her head, looking beyond him, and Severus turned to the counter and grabbed the loofa. Of course, she needed the bloody fucking loofa.

Only, as he poured the body wash onto it and began scrubbing, he reluctantly acknowledged that it was a lot better than having to use his hands. The body wash foamed up quickly and the material of the violet loofa scrubbed it in without him having to get his fingers and hands all dirty.

He made his way over her back and then under her stomach, then addressed her hind leg and to his disgust, her tail. It was very thick and surprisingly strong, with a tuft of thick, curly black hair at the end. When he accidentally pulled it a little too harshly, he ducked just it time to miss it flying over his head. He cast her a threatening look, to which she responded by narrowing her eyes.

The lioness personality was really getting to her. Sure, she was a Gryffindor, but Miss Granger had never been this courageous or daring. He was stunned to realized that it didn't bother him, though. It was refreshing to have someone who gave some of his shit back to him and who wasn't constantly afraid of him. And he'd caught her stifling laughter before in his classes at some of his harsh comments, the girl was smart, she understood dry humor.

Mentally shrugging, and forcing down a small smile, he told her to turn around and he scrubbed down her other side before making his way to her neck and face.

She eyed the soapy loofa in his hand nervously, but he knew better to go near her face with it, and was already setting it down on the floor of the tub. He grabbed the bottle, poured some of the thick substance in his hand, and dabbed it between her eyes and streaked some down her nose. Then he applied a liberal amount to her ears and scrubbed some under her chin until she looked quite amusing covered in small suds and bubbles.

Turning the shower back on, he rinsed his hands, then placed on over each eye to protect them while he rinsed the soap away. He had to use his hands for this, like a squeegee, pressing into her body to slide the soap and water from the lower layers of her coat out and off her. He did the rest of her, finishing with her tail, and turned the shower off again, making to stand. She placed a large paw on the side of the top with a loud smack, sending water flying, at which she looked up at him with a horrified expression. He stilled, narrowing his obsidian eyes at her, and snarled,

"What?" Looking nervous, she slid her paw down to one of the other bottles and knocked it towards him. He caught it reflexively and furrowed his brow,

"Conditioner?" He said it like the word was venomous, and she flicked her ears back and raised a lip in defense. He sighed, grabbing the loofa, but she shook her head.

"Then what am I supposed to do with this?" She looked at him patiently, waiting for him to figure it out. He did, and she gave him a grateful and appreciative look as he poured the conditioner on her and smoothed it out over her, not scrubbing it in, just applying it over her coat. He didn't do her face, but she apparently didn't expect him too, and then he rinsed it out, this time rising without interruption. He then remember he couldn't cast a drying charm on her, curse fucking Dumbledore for that, and grabbed a thick green towel from the closet, tossing it over her. He kneeled back down, rubbing her thoroughly, his forearms burning by the time he finished. He stepped back, admiring his work. She was still damp, but she was clean, and she, thank Merlin, did not smell like wet dog OR an overly strong girly teenage scent, but the perfect amount of vanilla and a little bit of violet.

He looked down at himself then, pleased to see that he was relatively dry and that there were no lion hairs plastered to him. He waved his wand, drying what bit of him was wet, and lined the bottles up along the end of the tub, reluctantly recognizing that he would have to bath her again.

Miss Granger looked up at him with an obvious look of pure appreciation and acknowledgment at the sacrifice of personal dignity he'd made to complete the task (he was amazed at the level of emotion she could show with a lion's face, they were apparently extremely expressive) and then she leaned forward to where his hands were gripping the tub and her tongue darted out, it's raspy surface darting over his skin before she pulled back, alarmed.

He yanked his hand back at the touch, feeling like he'd been shocked, and looked at her with a mixture or rage and incredulousness until he saw the embarrassment, shame, and horror on her face.

He immediately thought she was horrified at the fact that she'd touched him, and he rose to leave the room, his pride and dignity even more damaged, but then realized that she was horrified at his reaction and embarrassed that she'd lost control of herself and violated his personal space, especially since he was clearly a person who despised being touched.

He wasn't sure how he'd figured that out, but looking back at her face again, the reason for her expression just seemed glaringly obvious.

Gathering his self control and stilling his emotions, he softened his eyes and gave her a small, very brief half smile, before motioning for her to proceed him out of the bathroom and out of his bedroom so he could close the doors behind her.


	5. The Dive

Severus cracked open Miss Granger's bedroom door just enough so that he could slip his hand onto the wall to tell the room he wanted the lights on. At his touch, the room brightened immediately, and Severus was able to see the form of a sleeping lion on the bed to the left. Now that he knew where she was, he pushed the door open, and waited for her to wake.

She was lying on her side, completely flat, one leg up near her chin, the other stretched out straight in front of her. A blanket covered her bottom half. Her mouth was open, her tongue lolling to the side, and for the first time, Severus got a clear view of her mouth without any meat in it. Her teeth were large and sharp, startlingly white for a lion - then again, Miss Granger's teeth were, so it would make sense these ones were too. Her incisors looked like dangerous daggers protruding from her mouth, but seeing them like this, while she was asleep, was the antipode of threatening.

She stirred, yawning, her open mouth stretching even wider, before opening her eyes and blinking slowly, groaning as she twisted her body so she could plant her front feet into the mattress to push herself up. She stretched like that, leaning forward so she could lengthen her back, then her hind legs pushed up and the blanket fell away. She turned, and halted, surprised to see him in the doorway. He marched into the room, closing the door behind him, and motioned for her to follow. She gave him an incredulous look, as if offended he would wake her up early and then stride through her territory, and he looked at her wearily.

"Your training?" He offered, and she immediately bounded from the bed, her body still slightly heavy from sleep, her paws hitting the floor with a thud. She trotted eagerly after him, her feet barely lifting from the floor as she started to officially wake up as they made their way outside.

It was completely dark but Severus was used to being outside this early and could see quite well. He knew once the lioness at his side adjusted to the light change she would be even better off.

He led her down to the jogging path and stopped to address her.

"We'll be jogging today. Not sprinting, but not a leisurely pace either. I'll set the pace, you stay beside me. This is part of your physical training. I want you trotting, not running," he added firmly at the end, not waiting for her to nod as he turned and took off. 

 

Hermione burst into a trot after him, her legs lengthening under her to catch her up. She did in a few strides, and for the first time noticed as she looked over at him that he did not look like Professor Snape.

He was wearing black sweat pants and a fitted grey athletic top, made of that material that stretched and practically molded to every curve of your body.

She could see the lines of his ribs, and then his stomach which was completely flat, almost inverted, but there were lines of muscle along his chest and down and across his abdomen. His collar bones stuck out creating two hollows at the base of his neck. He looked down at her, catching her eye, and she immediately turned away, embarrassed at being caught staring and pleasantly surprised he didn't verbalize it.

They moved forward around the track at a brisk pace, Hermione now jogging with her mouth hanging open, trying desperately not to pant. Professor Snape appeared no different, he was breathing easily, his breath swirling in the cool morning air.

They finished their first lap and started on their second, Hermione feeling the dread of her impending failure. There was no way she'd make it another lap without slowing.

A quarter of a way around she gave up trying to control her breathing and felt the tightness in her chest release as more oxygen came into her, although it did nothing for the pain she was beginning to feel in her side.

She had never actually panted before and it was a strange sensation. It was almost like hyperventilating only it seemed to be having a positive impact as opposed to a negative one.

They finally made it around the last bend and down the final stretch and Hermione collapsed into a heap when Professor Snape finally stop.

"Get up, that was nothing," he grumbled, and Hermione scoffed in response but obeyed. Her legs were trembling and she had a cramp (she hadn't even thought lions could get cramps) and she glanced over at him to see how he'd fared. He had a line of sweat between his shoulder blades, which stuck out through his shirt, but that was it. He was breathing deeply but wasn't out of breath, much to her dismay. She paced in circles, getting her breath back, then stood in front of her Professor.

He glanced down at her but otherwise ignored her as he turned and made his way back up towards the castle.

That's where she thought they were headed, that is until he darted down a side path she hadn't seen, and she quickly followed after him. The path was inside of one of the big rocks of the cliffs that Hogwarts was built on, and it was cool to walk through. It was steep, and curved to the right slightly as they made their way down. It was pitch black but she could hear Professor Snape's footsteps and managed not to run into any walls, thankful for the whiskers on her nose that helped to guide her.

They emerged out of the rock and continued down the path, Hermione immediately realizing where they were headed.

The lake.

Sure enough, they ended up along a rock ledge, water lapping up against it calmly. She could feel the cold the water emitted and turned to Professor Snape reluctantly.

"The cliff goes straight down, and this is a very deep and clean part of the lake. Jump in first and I'll follow, I'm not going to get in only to have you dawdle around to gather some Gryffindor courage," he gave her a mocking stare and crossed his arms, clearly waiting for her to just plop into the water.

Hermione hesitated. She wasn't a great swimmer as a human, she had no idea how to swim as a lion, and the Professor couldn't use magic on her in case she started to drown...

Feeling the panic rising and the heavy stare of the man beside her, she halted her thoughts and gathered her Gryffindor courage as quickly as she could. She was determined to prove herself and her lioness form as capable and not wussy in any way, so she inhaled deeply, bunched her hindquarters together, and lunged towards the edge.

As soon as her front paws hit the edge, she brought her back legs underneath her to meet them, her claws grasping the rough rock, and she lifted herself up into the air. She curled her front legs up under her chin, her paws drawn in tightly. Her already burning hindquarters shook, but tightened and then released, her back legs pushing her up and forward, her claws the last thing to release until she was flying through the air. Her tail swung behind her, and she arched through the air, angling her body so that she would dive completely into the water rather than to keep her head above it.

If she was going to get wet, she was going all in.

She closed her eyes and pinned her ears back, breaking through the surface of the water and stifling her urge to inhale sharply in shock. The rest of her body followed her under, and then she began pumping her legs, spreading her paws wide to gain as much purchase on the water as possible. 

 

Severus was really getting tired of being impressed. But no matter how hard he fought it, it was futile. Hermione Granger as a lioness Animagus was impressive.

His snide comment seemed to be the drive she needed to dive into the water. She took a deep breath, lunged forward in a run, and launched herself with absolute grace off the ledge.

He could see the shiver of muscles in her hindquarters as they gathered together and the lean curve of her stomach as she drew her forelegs up under her chin. The coiling energy in her released like a spring, and she pushed off into the air, her body arching with flawless positioning.

He almost lost it right then and there out of spite. He'd show her grace and power and...

No. He couldn't.

And he didn't.

Instead he watched her disappear into the water, sending a whirl of ripples out from where she broke through the surface. The tip of her tail disappeared, then he saw her head coming back up and she broke the surface.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Thankfully there'd be no rescue mission today.

The girl's earls were pinned back flat against her head, her teeth were bared. As she puffed out air a mixture of water and saliva shot out in an almost mist and her legs churned ferociously underneath her.

"Just relax," he told her, and she shot him a look of absolute terror, "You're swimming Miss Granger, don't worry, you aren't going to drown,"

Then she realized he hadn't gotten in yet and her look of panic turned to fury. He looked at her firmly, eyebrows drawn together.

"I'll get in when you calm down. If I got in now, you'd clamor all over me and drown us both,"

He knew he was right when she looked away sheepishly, and he watched as she swam in a few small circles. After a moment, her breathing quieted and she was swimming slower, less frantic.

Recognizing this, Severus waited until she was swimming away from him and slipped out of his pants, folding them neatly and placing them far enough back so they wouldn't get wet, then ran towards the edge and dove in.

Had anyone been watching, Severus knew they would have seen another perfect arch into the water, and when he entered there was no splash, and no sound, only a slight ripple as he disappeared.

As the cool water enveloped him he laughed at himself. Since when did he care what others saw in him? Since when did he strive to impress? Never, and he wasn't starting now.

He broke through the surface, flicking his head as he did so his wet hair wouldn't fall over his eyes. The dark ends splayed out beside him, floating on the surface, no longer looking greasy but soft as the lake water refreshed it.

He looked over to find Granger, who was a few feet to his left, giving him a pleased quirk of her lips before swimming towards him. Severus quickly back paddled out of the reach of her long legs and reaching paws and gave her a stern look. She nodded and stayed where she was, treading water.

"We'll swim out a little ways and then return," he told her, turning to face the far end of the cove they were in which led to the middle of the lake. He began swimming overhand, his arms pumping and entering the water smoothly over his head, his abs tightening and back twisting, his legs kicking easily behind him.

If Severus loved anything, and was a natural at anything besides magic, it was swimming. It didn't put strain on his bones or joints, which had suffered enough at the hands of the Dark Lord, and the cool water that surrounded him chilled and relaxed his nerves in a way nothing else could. It worked all of the muscles in his body, yet it didn't hurt.

He surged forward, barely putting in an effort but moving swiftly. He caught a glimpse of Miss Granger behind him, struggling to keep up, but now that she had somewhere to go and someone to catch up to she was finding her groove and doing better.

Good. She needed to benefit from this.

They swam to the end of the cove and he turned around, swimming underwater for a few seconds before resurfacing. He loved the feel of the water rushing over him, even if it was freezing cold. He switched to a breast stroke until they were halfway back, then rolled over and swam casually, watching Miss Granger in their final stretch.

She was tired, moving much more slowly, but her movements were much more effective. Her legs churned through the water, her tail floating behind her, and her ears were back in concentration. She was putting power behind her strokes now, not frantic speed, so she glided through the water more easily than before, but Severus could imagine that her legs were positively burning.

Knowing he was close to their destination now, he turned back over and faced ahead, finishing the last few strokes before pulling himself out of the water, momentarily forgetting that he was in green swim trunks.

He strode over to his pants, grabbing his wand that was hidden inside, cast a swift drying charm, and quickly pulled the black sweats on.

As he looked over, Miss Granger was planting her front paws on the ledge, then she heaved herself up, her back legs clawing against the rock, finally grasping the slick surface, and she pulled herself back up onto land. She was dripping and looking quite pathetic now, as pathetic as she could as a lioness, and she caught his eye, winking, then shook ferociously, sending water everywhere, but thankfully not towards Severus.

He rolled his eyes at her and they made their way back up to the castle in silence.


	6. Small Favors

Severus changed quickly, had a cup of coffee, and then knocked on Miss Granger's door.

"Miss Granger?" He asked, pushing the door open slightly. It wasn't as if she was indecent, she was a lion for Merlin's sake and he'd already bathed her. He heard a thump from the middle of the room and a small growl of acknowledgement, so he pushed the door open the rest of the way and she approached him and stopped, looking up.

"I have your harness," he said, holding up the piece of leather. She nodded, turning her body parallel to him and he leant over to put it on. He snapped it into place and realized that her fur was extraordinarily soft and sleek this morning. He stroked it briefly, under the guise of adjusting her harness, and wondered if it had been her conditioner or the lake - probably both. Either way, she look very nice in the black leather of her collar and harness in contrast to her shiny dark gold fur which was reflecting the light of the room.

Standing, he gave her a passive look and leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms.

"I've got a free period after breakfast which I'm going to be using in my potions lab. You can be present if you stay by the door and far away from my work," He narrowed his eyes at her sternly and she nodded her agreement.

"Very well," he turned from the door and she followed behind and they made their way to the Great Hall.

It seemed that Nyota was still an object of great fascination. Walking through the hallway they were just in time for the great rush of students heading for breakfast, and as such, giant swarms of them were pausing to gawk at her as they walked. Her hackles raised under the attention she was receiving, but she remained calm otherwise, walking stride for stride with him. He raised his arm slightly, causing one side of his dragging cloak to rise from the floor and drape over her bristled body. She shot him a grateful look with her eyes, now partially covered from the stares of onlookers by his gesture.

He had spoken to Albus and had requested a change of the seating arrangement at the High Table. He had refused to change it until Severus told him it was for his "familiar's" sake. She was bored of only being able to see just a sliver over the table, and was not comfortable in any way being near Rolanda Hooch after her insensitive attack on Nyota's person.

Then Albus had agreed heartily, must to Severus's annoyance, and he'd allowed Severus to sit at the very end of the table so Miss Granger could watch her friends and fellow students for entertainment. He had then moved Minerva to sit to his left so that someone familiar with her circumstances and knowledgable in how to approach a lion would be at his side instead of a "curious colleague", as Albus had put it.

They were seated there now, Miss Granger lying on his right side and Minerva seated to his left. As food appeared on their plates, Severus glanced down at the lion on the floor. Her hip was angled flat on the floor, her tail curled around the leg of his chair. The only part of her that stuck out around the table was her head and forelegs, the former resting neatly in between the latter, her ears flicked forward in curiosity as she watched the happenings in front of her.

Severus was ambidextrous, and thought nothing of shifting his fork into his left hand as he ate his eggs to reach down and drag the tip of his two longest fingers up the ridge of reversed hair on her spine.

She didn't twitch this time, to Severus's amusement. She had apparently become comfortable with his touch, something he had never experienced before in his life. Thinking about that, he frowned, and removed his hand, placing it onto his thigh.

It wasn't much later that he subconsciously reached down and began stroking her again.

Hermione lay at the door of Professor Snape's private Potions laboratory, watching his every move with barely restrained curiosity. When he had first opened the door, the sight had caused her to forget herself, and she launched forward, eager to look at everything. She'd been stopped by a lightning quick hand that gripped her harness, the sudden resistance causing her upper body to leave the floor as she was yanked back. He'd glared at her, before letting her drop, and he had waited until she flopped down obediently on the floor before he closed the door behind her and started working.

He took off his cloak and coat, folding them and placing them on a stool, then rolled his sleeves up. Now that she wasn't anxiously standing in a bath, Hermione noticed the scars scattered over the pale, fragile skin of his wrists and forearms. None of them looked deep or large, they were mostly small and appeared shallow, she figured they were all minor potions injuries - like splatters from a reaction or something similar.

He had started working, making quick work of preparing his work station and getting out the necessary ingredients. Now he was chopping and measuring and mixing and timing, and occasionally tasting, she realized with a wrinkling of her nose.

She watched as his hair, which she'd noticed had been soft and loose after swimming in the lake, was tightening up and becoming greasy and lank. So that's why his hair was like that all the time, it was the potion fumes, not a lack of personal hygiene. Not that Hermione had ever believed those rumors, but she had still wondered about the state of his hair. She knew about difficult hair, and she realized now that no product could reverse the effects of having your head ever present over steaming potions. She could only imagine what her hair would be like if it was constantly exposed to moisture... She cringed at the thought.

Refocusing her eyes on the Professor, she tried to determine what he was making, raising her nose in the air to detect the scents. Before her mind could process the swell of smells a deep voice sliced into her thoughts and popped them like a bubble, and she started.

"It's not a potion you'll recognize," he said, gracefully slipping something into the cauldron.

She sighed, then waited hopefully to see if he'd tell her what he was making, but he remained silent, entirely focused on his work, so Hermione went back to observing him, this time her eyes falling on his hands.

She'd never seen him making a potion like this, she'd only ever seen him helping students, and that itself had been awe inspiring to watch. But this, in his own lab and in his element, he was genius. His fingers moved confidently and incredibly nimbly, they were long and thin and experts at their craft. They were beautiful to behold.

They didn't call him a Potions Master for nothing, she determined.

Severus felt her eyes on him the whole time he was brewing, and then suddenly as he finally finished, they were gone. Puzzled, he looked over to her to see what had drawn her attention, or if she'd left, but she was still there on the floor... Fast asleep. Severus chuckled softly and rolled his eyes. She had watched him intensely for two hours and it seemed like the energy such undivided attention required was enough to completely exhaust her.

He cleaned up his station and pocketed one of the vials full of a pale powder before kneeling down in front of the sleeping lioness. Not sure where the urge came from, he found himself stroking two knuckles up her wide nose and between her eyes, then he traced one finger over her eyebrow and down around her closed eyelid; the creamy white underneath her eye felt like velvet. He moved his hand to under her jaw, applying slight pressure to shift the dead weight gently to see if she'd rouse. When she didn't, he directed his attention to behind her round, thick ears where the only evidence that the lioness was in fact Hermione Granger aside from her intelligent deep brown eyes was the tuft of trademark curly hair that could be found there. He twirled his fingers through it absently then curiously stroked the line of black hair that dashed across the middle of her ear. The black hair was even softer than that of under her eyes, and he rubbed it again, causing her ear to twitch.

"Miss Granger," her body tensed as she awoke, and her breathing changed, but she didn't open her eyes. "I know you're awake," he told her, removing his hand and standing up. She didn't move.

"Miss Granger," he said again more firmly. Nothing. He brought a foot to her paw and nudged it. She let it slide, not resisting, but still leaving her eyes closed.

"I'm not going to call you Nyota except in public," he told her, frowning, beginning to get agitated at her lack of response. Finally he exclaimed,

"HERMIONE!" And she opened her eyes, giving him a look of pure satisfaction, before rising and trotting up the stairs and out of sight.

Severus's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the look he received, and then he narrowed his eyes. The fucking lioness was tolerable, but if she thought that they were friends after two days of one another's company, she was wrong.

Hermione was proud of herself, but she knew better than to gloat about it. She'd gotten Professor Snape, no... Severus, she reminded herself, to call her Hermione! The idea had never crossed her mind until she had felt the stroking of fingers on her face in the Potions lab. She'd thought she was dreaming. The fingers were so soft, gentle, kind, that when she finally woke she realized that they were absolutely real and that they belonged to Professor Snape. When he'd said in an official tone,

"Miss Granger," she decided that that was not going to fly. As she lie there, her eyes closed, so thought back to the last two days. He'd bathed her, pet her, walked with her, jogged with her, swam with her, fed her, eaten in front of her, talked to her, understood her subtle body language, sat on his couch reading while she lie by his side... If that didn't make them on a first name basis, she didn't know what did.

When he finally gave in and as a last resort hollered her given name to get her up, she couldn't help the satisfaction that rose through her at having gotten what she wanted. He could try to revert back to addressing her formally, but she wouldn't let him.

She knew better than to rub it in his face that she had gotten him to do something he didn't want to do. She'd have to tread very carefully, under no circumstances did she want the Professor... Severus, she reminded herself mentally... to not trust her or to think that she didn't respect him. She would be as good as dead, then, and he deserved better. She trusted him and respected him more than anyone, even Dumbledore, now that she'd gotten glimpses at his softer side these past few days. Sure, his soft side was still mostly brittle and abrasive, but to her it was more than enough. The fact that she was seeing through the cracks of the man that had been nothing but spiteful, degrading, and verbally abusive to her and her classmates for the past six years was incredible, and she'd appreciate whatever she got.

She liked the man she saw, every nasty bit of him, and she wanted him to know he had her support and friendship. She knew he didn't have anyone else, and she admitted to herself, she would still want to support him even if he did.

He was risking his life every day for them, and she was reminded of that not too long later.

Hermione was sitting patiently as Severus and Dobby conversed briefly before the elf disappeared, leaving Severus holding the tray of bloody meat. Tonight it was chicken, she could smell it, and as he lifted the cover she could see it.

She was trying to think of something to distract her when he pulled a vial out of his pocket and poured the powdery white contents over the chicken. She watched curiously, and then the platter was in front of her and he was stepping away. She held his eyes, hoping that her curiosity was showing.

His brow furrowed as he looked down at the platter and back at her, then they rose and he looked amused.

"It's a vitamin mixture I created. I did some research and found out what the lion body requires for nutrients and compared it with what you're being fed now. There were some deficiencies," he said nonchalantly, now looking uncomfortable. She perked her ears up at him and pulled her lips up into a small smile, then looked down at the meat below her. She sniffed the powder on top for a moment before her eyes glazed over and she lost control.

She had only regained control for a moment when she saw Severus tense up and grasp his arm. Immediately concerned, she moved towards him, but he brushed past her swiftly.

"Stay in these rooms, don't go anywhere," he said quickly as he went into his bedroom and returned with black robes over his arms and what she realized was the Death Eaters mask in his hand. She fought the urge to cringe and cower, knowing he would misinterpret the behavior and take it offensively, when in reality she was afraid for him, not of him.

She tried to show her concern for him in her eyes, not sure if it was working until as he strode out the door her told her,

"I'll be fine,"

Hermione had never been more anxious in her life, not even the night she got stuck as her Animagus. She had spent the past five hours pacing the living room and up and down the hallway, and twice she had to run to the forest before her bladder burst, even though she technically wasn't supposed to leave.

She was shaking, her tail clamped unconsciously between her legs, her body tense.

She bolted at the sound of the door opening and Severus walking through. She bounded towards him and leapt up, wrapping her forearms around his neck and gripping him tightly with her paws, the tips of her claws hooking into the fabric of his cloak.

That was absolutely a lioness response, but once she realized where she was and what she was doing she didn't move. She felt Severus lower his hand which was gripping his wand, she'd set off his own primal instincts, and then to her surprise, his arms wrapped around her.

Then Hermione realized that she was whining uncontrollably, and that it sounded so hoarse that she must have been doing it for a majority of the past five hours. As she gained control of herself, she finally silenced, though she was still breathing heavily from her distress.

She felt his lips move against her ear and he said slowly,

"I'm all right Hermione,"

A whine slipped out again, and it sounded so pitiful, even to her own ears.

One of his hands moved up to her head, spreading over her skull to grip her tightly, the other rubbing slowly up and down her back. She focused on her breathing, then slowly and carefully released her claws from where they were embedded in his cloak, and she slid her forearms down from around his neck, falling to the floor. One hand dropped to his side and the other cupped her face as she looked up at him, his thumb moving in reassuring circles under her eye.

His face looked stony, but in the depths of his eyes she saw more emotion than she ever thought she'd find.

He was shocked, alarmed, cautious, pained, nervous, relieved, exhausted, alert... And pleased.

She waited for the walls to shut down and block her out, but they didn't.

He looped a single finger through her rolled leather collar and walked over to the couch and she followed behind. He dropped his Death Eater garb on the floor and motioned for Hermione to stay where she was. She did, watching as he went to the kitchen and made tea, returning to her and placing a bowl on the floor. He opened a vial with a deep crimson liquid which he held out for her to smell, Calming Draught, and poured it into the tea in the bowl. His hand was trembling slightly but she resolutely ignored it, looking up and thanking him with a slow blink before lowering herself to delicately lap up the warm, tasty liquid. He lowered himself slowly onto the couch, leaning against the armrest, bringing one leg under him and stretching the other out along the the length of the cushion. Hermione finished her tea, and apparently so had he, because the cup was on the table beside her and he was looking at her calmly.

She trembled as she looked at him. He opened his arms in a gesture of invitation and Hermione didn't hesitate. She crawled up onto the couch and he slid down, resting his head on the arm rest. He moved his legs so she could lie in between them, her upper body resting on his, and she set her head gently on his shoulder, a soft whimper escaping her. Her wrapped his right arm around her back, and his left hand gripped the loose skin at the base of her neck, and he pulled her tightly to him. She heard something whisk through the air before it dropped slowly onto her back. Covered in a blanket and feeling safe in her Potion Professor's arms, she fell asleep.


	7. Reflections

Severus woke and momentarily panicked at the heavy weight pressing on him until he realized what it was, or rather, who it was. Hermione was lying on top of him and still asleep. One large paw was resting on his shoulder, the other curled under his back beside her head, which was on his other shoulder. He found his right arm hooked over her shoulder blade, his hand buried in the soft fur of her neck. His other arm was draped over her stomach, his hand splayed across her ribs. His right leg was slightly bent, his knee pressing into the back of the couch, and his foot was flat against her lower back, his toes touching the base of her tail. His other leg was straight out and resting on top of one of her hind legs.

Her body rose and fell rhythmically, her breath soft in his ear.

He supposed now they were friends.

The Death Eater meeting had been brutal, but only mentally. The Dark Lord wasn't expecting any information from him, the purpose of the meeting was to bring the Death Eaters together, to raise their spirits. He'd had to attend a revel.

The Dark Lord enjoyed watching them almost as much as a majority of the Death Eaters enjoyed participating in them, and he pulled out all the stops.

Naked women tied to poles, some thrown on slabs of rocks. They were all beaten, tortured, and raped relentlessly. Severus had long ago convinced his master that he was unable to perform sexually, not that it was hard to prove considering how his stomach rolled at the disgusting sights in front of him. Severus got no enjoyment out of it.

But he was forced to watch and motivate the others, and his wand and mind were expected to be put to good use to make the guests' stay as painful as possible. Bellatrix had screamed with joy, dancing around, wand waving in the air and firing at random. Bellatrix loved nothing more than a good revel. Her screams of joy and the screams of pain from the innocent women echoed through his head, causing him to shiver and subconsciously pull the weight of the lion on top of him in closer.

He had not expected to walk into his quarters that night to be mauled (embraced) by Hermione.

It was obvious that she hadn't meant to jump on him and practically knock him over, evoking a dangerous response that almost killed her, but he had felt her trembling and heard her desperate whining and realized that she'd had a night almost as bad as his.

The shock of having someone who cared enough to pace and cry and worry for 5 hours straight broke something inside Severus that he hadn't known was there. He'd felt a warmness inside and had no control as his arms had wrapped around the lioness in return.

His whole life, no one had cared that much about him, not even Dumbledore, and here she was, after only a few days in his care... She was such a Gryffindor, but he realized she was much more than that. She was Hermione, and she wasn't doing this because she pitied him or thought he needed fixing. She was doing this because she genuinely cared, he'd seen the raw emotion in her eyes and it had astounded him, shocked him to the core.

He didn't know what he'd gotten himself into, but he determined then and there, the heavy lioness on top of him and his arms around her, that he'd finally found a true friend and he wasn't going to let her go easily. He wasn't going to change, the girl knew what she'd signed up for, but now he supposed he would be able to accept her, now that he'd seen she truly cared and that he could trust her.

Friend. The word sounded foreign, unfamiliar in his mind. It would take him a while to get used to it.

This was definitely not what he'd expected to happen when Albus had thrust her into his life. 

 

Hermione woke, breathing in the comforting scent of herbs and the minty bite of aftershave, and then she tensed in realization. She was lying on top of Severus Snape. Oh god, she was dead. He was going to kill her. Her mind raced frantically, trying to determine how to move without waking him up -

A hand moved on her back, and she felt a vibration as the man under her chuckled,

"Good morning," came his voice, deep and gruff from sleep. Hermione raised her head from where it was resting on his shoulder and looked at him. "I'm having difficulty breathing," he added, his dark eyes brightening with amusement. Hermione got up immediately, and Severus stretched and groaned under her. She noticed the imprint of her ear on his cheek and purred in her own amusement, and he brought a hand up to his cheek, following her eyes. Feeling the ridges he furrowed his brow.

"Wonderful," he grumbled, moving to sit up under her. She jumped down off the couch and walked towards the fire place to sit facing him. He ran a hand wearily through his hair and glanced up at her.

Hermione brought her eyebrows together in concern.

"It was a revel," he sighed. She lifted her head in surprise, she hadn't expected him to tell her anything, but then she lowered her head in sympathy and cast him a sorrowful look. He stood and went to the kitchen. She padded after him and sat in the doorway.

"I don't have to participate in the... Activities... But I still..." He shuddered, "see them." He glanced down at her before taking a sip of tea.

"I'd appreciate it if no one spoke to me today,"

Hermione nodded her big lioness head in understanding, and after he finished his tea he called Dobby to bring her breakfast as well as a vial of vitamins, and she ate, and then they made their way to the Great Hall.

Professor McGonagall turned to Severus as soon as he sat down at the High Table. Hermione situated herself between them, lifting her head and releasing a low growl to get the other Professor's attention.

Surprised, her Head of House looked down at her. Hermione shook her head side to side, but the Professor just gave her a confused look before redirecting her attention to the silent man behind her. As she opened her mouth to speak, Hermione let out a louder growl, stretching her neck up to force herself into McGonagall's field of vision.

Comprehension dawned on her face as her eyes darted from the defensive lioness to Severus, who was bowed over a cup of coffee, his black hair falling like a curtain to hide his face.

"Fine," she said to Hermione, turning away to talk to the teacher to her left.

Hermione turned to face Severus and nuzzled him reassuringly on the arm before sitting and positioning her head to rest on top of his thigh. At her movement, Severus didn't tense but seemed to relax, letting out a low sigh as he dropped a hand to run down her head before curling a few fingers around one ear, his thumb moving in circles over her fur. Hermione closed her eyes as his meal appeared, and they sat, unconsciously giving one another comfort as he ate.

The clink of silverware and the smell of food quickly became lost on Hermione as she drifted into thought about the previous night.

She'd surprised herself, running towards Severus like she had, but what had surprised her even more were the arms that wrapped around her, and then minutes later, the arms that welcomed her into his arms again to lie with him.

She had been a comfort to him, a comfort that he had sought to have lying on him throughout the night after his horrible experience with Voldemort and the revel.

She had done it. She'd finally done something that he'd accepted, and now their relationship had changed. She could feel it, see it in his eyes. There was friendship now. He trusted her, she trusted him, and it appeared they both were comfortable around one another and with one another's touch, and there was that uncanny ability they shared to easily read one another's emotions without the need for words.

She was going to do everything she could to keep their friendship. She didn't want to lose it. This was different than her friendship with Harry and Ron, although she didn't have the words yet to describe the difference, but it was a deeper, more meaningful friendship, more natural, she supposed.

He rubbed under her ear, evoking a purr and shaking her from her thoughts.

She looked up to see him smirking and she narrowed her eyes at him before giving up and losing herself to the pleasurable feeling, her purrs growing louder.


	8. Broken Dam

The first potions class of the day had just finished, and Hermione was happy with herself that she hadn't had any problems controlling herself, even amongst all of the stimuli produced by the bubbling cauldrons. To be honest, the brewing had just served to reminder her of the night she watched Severus brew her vitamins, which had caused a warm feeling of relaxation to wash over her, and she spent the class lying on the floor and observing through half closed eyes.

Two dragon hide boots filled her vision, and Hermione raised her head to look up at Severus.

"This next class has Potter and Weasley," his voice was low and serious with an undertone of warning and Hermione nodded her head slowly.

"I don't want to see any special looks or friendliness towards them..." He narrowed his eyes at her, brow furrowed. Hermione nodded quickly this time. She absolutely understood, it would not do for Harry and Ron to blow her cover and she certainly wouldn't give them any opportunities to.

His concern quelled, he gave her a short nod and turned around to lean his hips against the table, crossing one leg over the other casually. A moment later, the first group of students filed into the room and he stood and moved towards the edge of the raised floor that his desk sat on, arms crossed as he watched them make their way to their seats.

The next group of students to walk in approached the door loudly, then bustled in with lowered voices, although they were still noisy. One glimpse at Professor Snape and they fell silent, though not without returning dirty looks of their own, and Hermione caught sight of Ron and Harry followed by Neville, Seamus, and Dean.

Hermione brightened at the sight of her two best friends, who hadn't noticed her. She watched them eagerly from her place under Severus's desk, then as they sat and focused their attention to the front of the room she forced herself to look away and return her head to the floor. She'd gotten her look at them, that was all she was going to afford herself. She would not mess this up.

She listened to Severus lecture the class on the day's potion, and then the room was filled with the bustling of bodies as they sought out ingredients and began brewing. The room was soon filled with an array of scents, which served to keep Hermione occupied as she separated them out to determine their origins.

She was in the middle of deciding if the sour but somewhat earthy scent belonged to Mandrake root or something else when there was a loud boom and a puff of dark grey and yellow smoke and the sound of a body hitting the floor. Hermione jumped up, slamming her head into the table, but no one had noticed, luckily, as all their attention was on the exploded potion and it's victim lying still on the stone floor.

Hermione watched anxiously as Severus strode over quickly, vanishing the contents of the cauldron and kneeling over who she now saw was Seamus.

Of course it was Seamus.

He must have been ok because Severus stood slowly and addressed the class in a bored drawl,

"Put all your potions under a stasis charm, do not touch a single ingredient or address your potions in any way until I return. In the meantime you can open your books and read the chapter on how to follow directions," he said the last bit of his instruction with a menacing snarl, looking pointedly at Neville, Ron, Harry and Dean and then the boy at his feet. Everyone stood frozen until he barked,

"Now!" And wands were raised and the students cast their stasis charms, then reluctantly sat and pulled out their books to thumb to the very first chapter about instructions and safety while brewing.

Severus waved his wand and Seamus was in the air, hovering in front of the Potions Professor as he strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

After a pause, everyone was wary that he might be standing outside the door listening, everyone started talking at once, abandoning their books for the moment while they discussed the incident.

"Bloody idiot," she heard a Slytherin sneer,

"Did you see his face?"

"Is he ok?"

"What did he put in there, that was brilliant!" Dean exclaimed, exchanging amused looks with Harry and Ron. Neville sat beside them, his face pale, the only student in the room actually doing the reading.

The rising noise level was making Hermione extremely nervous, not to mention agitated at their blatant disregard for their assignment as soon as their Professor had left the room, so she found herself standing squarely in front of the class, her head high and ears pinned back and she opened her fanged mouth to roar loudly.

She had never roared before, but it leapt out of her throat as naturally as breathing, rumbling through her like a volcano erupting. The sound was very loud and startlingly low and menacing, and as she closed her mouth and focused a stern look at the students in front of her, she realized she'd scared the living day lights out of them. Their faces were pale, some were trembling, and they all instantly sat down at their seats and buried their noses into their books.

Satisfied, Hermione sat down to watch the class, her eyes flicking over Harry and Ron before returning, shocked. They looked completely startled as well, which she didn't think they would have been, since they knew it was her - and Harry and Ron were not that convincing as actors. Her eyes narrowing in confusion, she watched as they leaned close, whispering, then they both shot a glance up in her direction. She quickly averted her eyes, her mind scurrying...did they not realize it was her? Dumbledore hadn't told them? They truly thought she was at home caring for her "ill" parents without ever writing them a letter while she was gone? Granted, it had only been a few days and it was a convincing lie, but really? Dumbledore hadn't told them? Her suspicions were confirmed when she swiveled her ear in their direction while she looked towards the Slytherins and heard,

"She's worst than Mrs Norris," Harry whispered maliciously.

"What do you bloody well except, it's Snape's familiar," Ron spat back in return, and she could feel their eyes boring into her again before they turned back to each other to continue whispering.

"We ought to teach her a lesson," Harry said furiously. Hermione could just picture the anger flashing in his eyes. She was filled with a feeling of dread. They actually thought she was Snape's familiar, and they hated Snape, and he wasn't here but she was, oh dear Merlin what were they going to do?

Ron must have nodded because Harry continued,

"He'd never know it was us, and it'd teach his nasty little pet a lesson...and it would serve him right, the bastard," Harry told him, pondering his idea.

"Mate, you better make it good and do it before he comes back," Ron told him in an eager whisper.

"Yeah I will, she may be a lion but she's not invincible. She won't mess with me again after this...And I know the perfect spell," Harry said devilishly, and then Hermione realized something. Dumbledore's protection spell on her! Oh thank goodness, his spell would bounce right off her.

It hit her just as she thought that, and she collapsed to the floor in a fit of pain. Something had sliced her open in multiple places; her face, shoulder, chest, back, all she could see was red and a dazzling white as pain shot through her body. She felt herself lose control as her lioness instincts surged forward in response. She collapsed and she distantly heard the shrill whines and yelps that were escaping her now panting mouth, saliva dripping down her chin as she convulsed. All she could smell was her own blood, she could feel it pouring from her body, she wanted to move, to run away, and she wanted to fight at the same time. The fury now momentarily overriding the pain, she struggled to pull herself up, pushing her front paws firmly to the floor, a snarl of determination and absolute rage escaping her mouth between bared teeth. Her eyes locked on Harry, she was going to get him for this, she was going to -

The last thing she saw was a flurry of black robes and then a different blackness overtook her.

Just as Severus opened the door to his classroom after dropping the ignorant boy Finnegan off at the infirmary a flash of light shot from the right side of the room and struck Hermione.

Deep gashes split through her perfect golden pelt and blood began pouring profusely from the gaping wounds, splattering to the floor, staining them deep red. Her eyes were wide in surprise, and then a high pitched yelp escaped her as she fell to the floor, followed by a pain filled screech of a desperate whine that made Severus's stomach clench and heart tighten. Her body shook, then convulsed violently, blood continuing to spill, and then he was running towards her, rage filling him at the thought of who might have done this, but the strongest feeling was fear. He was so afraid for her.

He was halfway there when he saw the flash of anger and determination in her eyes and he knew the lioness was out for revenge. Her claws scraped into the bloodied stone at her feet, and her upper body was pushed off the floor as she snarled through the pain, looking directly at whoever had done this to her. Following her gaze as he approached he saw the pale, but triumphant face of Harry - I'm going to fucking kill him - Potter, and then he was finally there, cupping her face as her eyes glazed over and she slumped down to the floor, unconscious.

He had his wand in his hand already and waved it over her frantically, but nothing happened.

DAMMIT, that fucking meddling prick of an old man had blocked HIM and ONLY HIM from using magic on the fucking girl? WELL LOOK HOW GOOD THAT FUCKING SERVED, WHEN HER FUCKING BEST FRIEND HAD BEEN THE ONE TO ATTACK HER!

Frantic and left with no means to help the girl suffering at his feet, he pressed his hands onto the first two wounds he saw. She was losing a lot of blood, and fast. He would have called out to Potter to get help, seeing as he was Hermione's friend, but the bloody bastard had done this to her so he yelled frantically,

"Draco! Get the Headmaster! Now!!! Run!!!" If the boy thought the request was strange, he didn't acknowledge it, bolting from the room obediently. Then he ground out,

"Class dismissed," ignoring the flurry of motion as panicked students pushed and shoved one another to leave, eager to get as far away as possible from the wrath of the furious Potions Master. One last thought flitted through his panicked mind,

"Potter, Weasley, sit down and don't move," before he lost himself to his emotions, returning his eyes to the still convulsing form of the lioness under his hands, his one and only confidante and friend, and now here she was, bleeding, dying...

"Shh," he whispered, pressing firmly into the gaping wounds under his fingers. Blood spurted out around his digits, his hands were stained by the dark red blood now, there were trails of it running down his arms, his knees were plastered in it from where they were kneeling in an ever growing puddle of the warm crimson liquid that streamed down her body and onto the floor.

"Shh, Hermione," he whispered, it seemed to be the only thing his mind could think of and that his trembling lips could form.

He'd never been so afraid in his life.

How had this girl come to mean so much to him so quickly?

Albus was suddenly behind him, his hand gripping Severus's tense shoulder.

"What happened?!" Albus asked, peering down at the lioness.

"Bloody fucking fix her!" Severus roared, furious that he was merely standing there looking at her.

"Of course!" That seemed to get Albus out of his day dreaming, and he brought his wand out without his usual flourish. Severus glanced up and saw his face was pale, eyes full of concern.

He worked quickly, but it was difficult to heal her given the circumstances; that she was a human stuck in the form of an animal. While he worked, Severus stood partially to step over Hermione's body, sitting himself at her head. He grasped the loose skin of her cheeks gently and pulled her head up into his lap, cradling it in his arms and his thumb stroked soothingly under her eye.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, oblivious to the brief look of curiosity and surprise that Albus shot in his direction.

The work was slow and tedious, and Severus did not move until Albus stood back and evanasco'd the blood from the floor and looked at Severus gently.

"She's healed Severus, she'll be fine,"

At this, Severus snapped from his panicked state of compassion and glared up at the Headmaster, snarling, absolutely enraged.

"FINE?! YOU CALL THIS FINE?!" He swept a hand over her battered body that still lie unconscious and he roared, "YOU FUCKING BASTARD, YOU MADE IT SO I OF ALL PEOPLE CAN'T CAST MAGIC ON HER AND IT'S HER SUPPOSED BEST BLOODY FRIEND WHO'S THE ONE WHO DID THIS TO HER, AND THEN I COULDN'T DO A SINGLE THING TO HELP, I HAD TO STAND HERE AMD WATCH HER BLEED," Seeing the shocked look on Albus's face, he directed his flaming eyes to Potter, "YES, IT WAS HARRY FUCKING POTTER AND HIS LITTLE FRIEND WEASLEY WHO NO DOUBT SUPPORTED IT, YOU IGNORANT, NASTY LITTLE SHITS, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" If it was possible, their pale faces whitened even more, and they looked frantically up at Albus, whose blue eyes were no longer warm and concerned but cold and firm.

"Is this true Harry?"

Severus was breathing heavily, his eyes fixed on Potter to await his response. The boy had sense enough to nod, and Albus's white brows furrowed together and his voice was angry as he said slowly,

"You have just attacked Hermione, Harry,"

At this the boy shook his head, shocked and confused. He lifted a shaky finger and pointed towards the lioness still partially held in Severus's lap.

"No, no, that's not Hermione, sir, that's a familiar," he said, his voice desperate, and he blinked and looked from Ron to Albus to Hermione and then back at Albus.

"Right?" He asked, turning slightly green.

"No, Harry. This is indeed Hermione,"

Both Ron and Harry were green now, and they both rose from their chairs and made to rush towards their friend. Severus halted them in their steps with a growl,

"You don't come near her," he threatened with a hiss, and they stopped, looking to Albus who shook his head no.

"I think it's best if we go to my office," he looked down at Hermione one last time and his eyes were full of sorrow as they met Severus's before growing hard again as he beckoned at the two boys. "Come,"

And with that they were gone, leaving Severus with an arm full of a broken Hermione. Before he knew it he found himself bent over her, his face pressed into hers as his body shook with barely suppressed sobs, tears streaming down his face as all of his emotion flooded out of him, breaking through his mental blockades like a burst dam, and he cried until he had no more tears left in him.


	9. Failed Amends

Hermione woke to excruciating pain and started to panic.

What had happened? Where was she? Was she still bleeding? Was she dying? She couldn't be dead already, because she could still feel pain, right?

She slowly opened her eyes. She blinked as they adjusted and then she realized she was in Severus's living room. Gathering her bearings and fighting the pain, she slowly lifted her head to look around.

A hand pressed into her gently,

"No, you don't" came the low voice and Hermione released a sigh as she lay her head back down. She was with Severus. She was safe.

The hand stroked her nose softly and Hermione glanced up. Her head was in his lap, her front legs draped over his bent knee, the rest of her body lying flat on a thick blanket. She could feel his other leg stretched out and along her side. They were on the floor directly in front of the fireplace.

She studied his face.

He was pale and his eyes were slightly red around the edges as if he'd been crying. She wanted to immediately dismiss that thought, but she realized there was a small possibility it had happened. She'd broken through his shell, after all, and she knew he had feelings. She'd been petrified of what was going to happen to her, she couldn't imagine being the one to see her body lying on the floor gaping open with blood pumping out.

His hair fell forward to the sides of his face as he looked down at her, casting dancing shadows on his cheeks where the light of the crackling fire shone through.

"I'm so sorry Hermione, I should have been there -" Hermione shook her head quickly to stop him, gritting her sharp teeth as the pain welled up. His hands stilled her face and he murmured, "Ok, shh..." He was quiet another moment before he took a slow breath and started talking in a low, quiet, carefully controlled voice.

"Potter didn't know it was you... I honestly thought Albus had told the both of them about the situation... It doesn't excuse his actions, he never should have attacked you, whether he thought you were just my familiar or not," he paused, taking another slow breath. Hermione could see he was fighting to suppress the anger that was boiling inside him, and she nuzzled him reassuringly.

"He cast my own spell against you, I can't believe it, he must have remembered it from the Order dueling training from the summer," another slow breath, "It is a nasty spell. I created it when I was younger and I've never regretted it more than I have now," He looked down at her, his eyes soft and sad, and Hermione frowned at him. She did not blame this on him, not at all.

"You're too kind," he whispered, stroking a thumb under her eye, before continuing. "It gave you multiple deep slice wounds, and I tried to help you but Albus's damn "protective spell" wouldn't allow me to," his voice grew very cold, "He blocked me, and me only. He seemed to think every time you looked my direction I was going to stun you,"

A longer silence this time.

"I sent Draco to get Albus, but it was a few minutes before he arrived, and it took him some time to heal you. Healing Animagus's in their animal form is extremely complicated. Their bodies are not very accepting of magic, but Albus managed to stop the bleeding and stabilized you. You lost a lot of blood. He could have killed you, it was so close..." His Adam's apple bobbed and his face tightened. Hermione lowered her eyes from his face and burrowed herself into him, and she felt his arms grip her tightly.

"You're going to be on the mend for a while. I brought you back here, now that Albus has removed his bloody brilliant protective spell, and I cleaned your wounds the muggle way and stitched you up by hand with dissolvable stitches. I contacted Poppy to get ahold of some lion's blood for you, because Blood Replenishing is for human consumption only. I hooked you up and gave you a blood transfusion. I had to resort to some books, because, although I'm a half-blood, muggle medicine has come a long way since my youth,"

His hand stroked her ear.

"It worked, no problems. You just need time to rest and recover now, although since you're awake I'm afraid I must let Albus know," He titled her head up so she could see him.

"I'm sorry, I'll try to make them leave as quickly as I can,"

Hermione rolled her eyes, trying to be playful, and he gave her a small smile. He shifted her slightly so he could stretch up to reach the small bowl of Floo powder, and he grabbed a handful before settling back down and tossing it over her head and into the flames.

A second later Dumbledore's head appeared.

"How is she?" He asked eagerly, to which Severus replied with a scowl and a gruff,

"She's awake. Give us a moment to get out of the way of the fire, and then you better make it quick,"

His head disappeared without replying.

"Ok, Hermione. I know you hurt, but it's another half hour until I can give you more medication, and we do have to move so we don't get trampled," his voice was calm and patient, and Hermione nodded. She could deal with a little more pain, she would rather not have a bundle of Harry, Ron, and the Headmaster landing on her.

"We're just going to go across to the couch, try not to move and it should be ok," she nodded again and he shifted out from under her, setting her head gently on the floor. Pulling out his wand he cast a silent Moblicorpus. Hermione felt herself leave the ground, pain shooting through her muscles as she tried to keep her body parallel, and Severus said quickly,

"Relax, you won't flop, I promise,"

She did, and was happy to find that her body did indeed stay straight, the only thing drooping towards the floor was her lax tail. In a mere second she was hovering over the couch... But without Severus.

Blind panic gripped her and she started squirming, pawing the air towards him, momentarily oblivious to the excruciating pain shooting through her.

His eyes widened and he moved closer, trying to calm her while still lowering her slowly.

A yelp escaped her and he swore,

"Fuck, Hermione, it's ok, shh you're fine, I'm right here," his voice was so gentle and smooth, and his touch comforting, and she stilled, her control coming back.

"Here, I'm here," he repeated, sliding under her body once more and then lowering her down between his legs and onto his chest. She sighed, looking at him apologetically, and his eyes warmed and he chuckled softly.

"It's ok Hermione, I don't mind. I know you're scared, I'll stay with you. I won't let anything happen to you again," his eyes turned serious as he spoke, and she gave him a low whine in response, touched at how kind he was being. He smiled at her and flicked his wrist, the blanket from the floor flying in the air towards him. He grabbed it and tossed it over her.

"Good?" He asked. She nodded, resting her head against his chest, and she felt him respond by pressing his chin to the top of her skull, his other hand moving under the blanket to rub in between her shoulder blades.

For a moment, she forgot that she was a lioness, imagining that she was doing this as Hermione, and she felt her lips curl into a smile.

That is until the Floo activated and Harry, Ron, and Dumbledore came through one after another.

Eyebrows rose in surprise as they took in the companionable sight before them, but all three of them remained silent as they looked at the lioness in his lap.

Hermione tensed at their arrival, and Severus felt himself make a soft sound of comfort and reassurance without even thinking about it.

He was rewarded by her relaxing into him, and Severus tore his eyes away from her and back to his intruders. They were not worthy of guest status.

"'Mione, I'm so sorry," Harry started, making to move forward towards her. Severus scowled warningly at him and Hermione growled softly.

"Harry," Albus cautioned, and Harry gave him a sheepish look and stepped back. Ron was absolutely green, staring at the lioness in his arms as if he'd never seen her before, and Severus cast a stern glare at him, daring him to vomit. He blinked, swallowed, and seemed to gain a little bit of control over himself, but his eyes were still wide in shock as he looked back at Hermiome.

"Harry and Ronald have been made aware of the situation, and will not speak a word of your identity, Hermione," Hermione glanced up and caught Severus's eyes, she looked incredibly irritated.

Albus really had no idea about priorities. Apparently not much had changed since Severus was a child and Lupin had almost killed him. Did Albus care about Severus almost dying? No. He cared about making sure Severus never opened his mouth so his precious Gryffindor wouldn't be expelled. And even now, all Albus cared about was making sure his plans stayed in tact, not about the life that had almost been extinguished. Severus's eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw at the thought.

"Nothing has changed, you will still be posing as Severus's familiar," at this another low growl escaped, this one in annoyance rather than defensive warning.

Albus narrowed his eyes.

"I'm sorry Hermione, but this is not up for discussion" he said firmly. Severus groaned.

"For Merlin's sake, she doesn't give a fuck about that Albus! She's a little put out by the fact Potter almost killed her, a subject you seem to be neatly avoiding,"

Harry didn't move but spoke up,

"Seriously Hermione, I didn't know it was you, I would never hurt you, I thought you were just Snape's familiar -"

This growl was much louder and much more menacing. Severus fought a smirk.

Harry's eyebrows rose in surprise, and he swallowed nervously, thinking over what he'd said and what might have offended her.

"'Mione, Harry's right," Ron said, oblivious to the danger of the words he was about to say, "We were just trying to get at Snape, he's a nasty git, you can't argue that, and just think about what his real familiar would be like! It'd be a monster! And then you went out and roared at the class 'cuz no one was working, what were we supposed to think? Anyways, he deserved i-"

RRROOUUARR

Hermione snapped, lifting her head into the air and cutting Ron off mid-syllable, his mouth still partially forming the sound he was about to say. Hermione's claws had unconsciously unsheathed and were currently pinned into Severus's flesh quite deeply, but it was worth the pain to see himself being defended. And she had roared at the class for not working? He smiled smugly.

Ron sputtered, completely taken off guard, and exchanged an incredulous look with Harry, who had a look of dawning comprehension on his face. Dumbledore had been shocked as well, and jumped a little, something which pleased Severus to no end. Now he was looking quite happy, which immediately caused Severus to scowl at him.

"Wait, 'Mione..." Harry said slowly, "You... You actually like Snape?!"

Ron's red eyebrows darted up even farther,

"Bloody hell," he said under his breath.

Peering down at Hermione, he saw her throw them a look of "No shit" and the boys once again exchanged glances and Harry murmured,

"Oh," clearly not sure how to take the information he had just received.

Albus clapped his hands together enthusiastically,

"Well that's settled!" He said, his blue eyes twinkling. Severus raised a lip at him in disgust.

"No it very well isn't! What is their punishment?"

"That, Severus, is none of your concern," he replied airily, stepping into the fireplace and disappearing before Severus could argue. Harry and Ron stepped towards the fireplace after him, each grabbing a handful of Floo Powder.

Ron went first, casting Hermione a sorrow filled look, and said softly,

"I'm so sorry 'Mione, I really am," and he was gone.

Harry looked slowly from Severus to Hermione, frowning, before gathering himself together and saying a little stiffly,

"I'm sorry I hurt you Hermione, but I couldn't have known," and then he too was gone, leaving both Hermione and Severus with anger welling up inside them at his immature and frankly astonishingly inconsiderate departure as well as Dumbledore's apparent lack of discipline regarding the matter.


	10. Passing Time

Severus sat at the High Table feeling incredibly alone.

Hermione had been resting and healing all week, and she would be ready to take on her role as his familiar in the public eye once again starting tomorrow morning.

Severus had been taking care of her in between each of his classes, and stayed with her constantly if he wasn't otherwise involved in a meeting or detention (which he had tried to avoid giving, but misbehavior had to be punished). He had grown incredibly attached to the lioness throughout the week, even more so then he'd been previously, and it seemed she felt the same. They were constantly yearning for the other's presence.

It was a strange revelation to realize how much he cared for Hermione. It had caught him by surprise, the level of emotion that welled up at seeing her bleeding on the floor. He supposed the feelings had been there starting the night before, when she had embraced him after his meeting with the Dark Lord, but he hadn't realized to what extent until he was cradling her unconscious and bleeding head in his arms.

This was definitely different than the friendship he'd had with Lily. Lily had been the only good thing in his life, and despite the fact that their relationship was largely one sided and they had nothing in common, he had clung to her 

Plus, Hermione would have forgiven him for lashing out and saying that despicable word, he knew that.

He'd seen her forgiven Harry and Ron for quite despicable behavior before. 

He pondered the relationship he had with her.

It was healthy, as healthy as it could be considering she was a lioness and he was a 36 year old Dark Wizard. Ignoring that, they got along very well. They felt no need to talk, although Severus knew if she was human they would probably engage in intelligent conversation and both enjoy it, but the fact that she couldn't talk wasn't really a barrier like he'd expected, nor were the silences awkward. He felt no need to fill them with words to ease tension, because there was none present. They seemed to naturally be able to read one another's expressions quite accurately, and could usually guess the reasons behind them.

In the back of his mind he was petrified at what might change when she was finally human again.

He desperately hoped things would only get better.

They needed one another. 

He'd had a one sided conversation with her a few days prior, and she confirmed that Harry and Ron were mostly her friends because of the Dark Lord. They fought constantly, and none of them had anything in common, aside from Harry and Ron. Hermione was constantly frustrated with their attitudes and disrespect of her intelligence - all they wanted to do was copy her work - and found it refreshing to have someone who appreciated her and not merely her abilities.

At this confession (well, nod of her head as he guessed up random ideas and scenarios and thoughts for her to confirm or deny), he had quietly admitted that he found it refreshing to have someone who trusted him and she had given him a warm eye smile.

He was grateful for much more than that though, not that he could ever bring himself to tell her.

Her presence helped to ease the pain of meetings with the Dark Lord, and he'd found that stroking her smooth coat was extremely comforting and relaxing, as was the warm and heavy weight of her body in his lap. He appreciated that she supported him and listened when he needed to speak, but she never pressure him with insistence stares if he didn't elaborate on what he'd done at Death Eater meetings, instead listening and giving slow blinks or nods that told him she was paying attention, and then would let the matter drop when he fell silent.

It was so liberating to have a confidante. He didn't feel alone.

He did feel alone right now, however, as he caught himself with his hand lowering to stroke a head that wasn't there.

Shaking his head, he took a bite of toast and swallowed some coffee and with a curt nod at Minerva left the Great Hall to return to his lioness.

Hermione was lying on the couch reading the book he'd charmed to hover in front of her and to turn the pages once she'd finished reading them.

He'd had to get creative since she'd been condemned to spending a lot of time alone in his rooms.

At the sound of his entrance, she looked up eagerly from the book and watched happily as he sat down beside her and rested an arm on her hip.

They both knew they missed each other, but felt no need to verbalized or acknowledge it, so Severus didn't feel embarrassed by his actions. He heard her sigh at his touch, then returned to reading her book. Severus grabbed his own book off the table, propped his feet up on the glass, and for a while the only sound in the room was the rustle of turning pages.

Not too long later he reluctantly rose for his first class, but before he left he set out her lunch. She hadn't been able to go outside to eat meat, so he'd made a new vitamin supplement and was giving it to her in a broth three times a day which seemed to be working to quell her hunger while giving her the proper nutrition.

She looked up at him and twitched her tail as a goodbye and he left to teach his class.

 

Hermione had really enjoyed her week despite being nearly killed and left bed ridden from the healing injuries. Severus kept her pain under control and had been kind enough to charm some books for her to read, and had even made another special batch of vitamins for her while she was stuck eating broth instead of meat.

And it had been a perfect arrangement for learning Occlumency.

Severus had brought it up only a day after the incident, seeing that they couldn't continue with the physical aspects of her training, that meant they had plenty of time to focus on the mental aspects.

He'd started by teaching her how to clear her mind and gain control of her thoughts and memories. Using a visualization was the most effective way to do this; Severus used water. It allowed him to bring the memories he wanted seen to the surface while slipping private memories into the deep depths where they could not be found.

After some thought, Hermione decided on using a library. She had carefully crafted it, making sure that none of the books containing her memories were labeled or in order, and she had her most private memories hidden within the restricted section. She'd designed her library as an intricate maze, the further you go in, the more private and important the memories, but the maze was extremely difficult. There were many dead ends and false turns leading only to innocent memories of her giggling as a baby or teetering as a toddler, or her waving her hand wildly in class to answer a question. She was torn between laughing and cringing at that last thought; she would never be caught doing that again, not after seeing how immature and obnoxious that student had looked in Severus's class when she had done the same thing.

Hermione had been fine tuning her library all week while Severus was out teaching, and when he returned he continued to give her advice and information regarding the process of Occluding the mind. Unfortunately, he would not be able to actually go into her mind to approve of her visualization and techniques and continue her training until she was fully healed.

She had shot him a questioning look and he explained that Legilimency did not work between human and animal, he would have to transform into his own Animagus during future sessions to continue her training.

Hermione was giddy at the thought, but also extremely nervous. She knew she was an anomaly, and the thought was irrational, but she really didn't want Severus to get stuck in his Animagus form too. Despite this, she was extremely excited to see what form he'd take.

In the mean time, Severus had begun teaching her to use her Occlumency to overcome her lioness instincts. Not knowing what her visualization was, he didn't realize that a library would not work the way it needed to, the way his water visualization calmed him while he imagined the cool liquid lapping slowly at the sandy shores, distracting him from what was going on around him.

Thus, Hermione had two visualizations; one to protect against Legilimency and one to calm and focus her mind.

It had taken her a whole day of non stop thinking to develop the latter visualization. She'd tried water, fog, clouds, rolling fields of tall, waving grass... She had no idea what would calm her.

And then it came to her.

It was ridiculous, really, but it worked.

Whenever she felt the instincts start to overwhelm her, she withdrew into her mind and found herself standing over a bubbling potion, stirring it slowly with a glass rod, the thick fumes wafting up into her nose, overwhelming the scents of temptation that triggered the lioness... and over her shoulder stood Severus, his hand on her shoulder, whispering words of reassurance in her ear. The soothing distraction of brewing the calming draught and the comforting and strong presence of Severus beside her was all she needed to suppress the lioness instincts and clear her mind.

She practiced this on a small scale while she recovered. Severus used small triggers, like a bite sized piece of clean meat dangling in front of her, to evoke her lioness instincts. As she learned to use her visualization and it proved to work, the triggers became more frequent and were made to evoke stronger responses, all of which Hermione was able to suppress.

Severus had been impressed (not that he admitted it), but told her that the true test would come once she was healed and he could give her some real triggers. 

Hermione was looking forward to it.


	11. Master of Camouflage

The next week went by without incident, Hermione falling back into her public role as Severus's familiar. Her first morning back she'd been surprised by the whole of Hogwarts' staff surrounding her and questioning Severus about her wellbeing, much to his annoyance and overall dismay. Professor Vector had cooed at her and Hermione could practically see the hearts floating in her eyes as she stared lovingly down at the lioness. Hermione thought it was amusing, but also quite creepy.

Severus had grumbled and growled and finally snapped and berated the crowd of Professors surrounding his chair at the Head Table, causing everyone to scurry like mice to escape his wrath. Narrowing his eyes at the fleeing forms he had turned to face front, sneering in disgust, but his hand had found Hermione's head and pulled it onto his thigh, where she rested it and he stroked her ear absently.

Potions classes had been getting much more interesting to watch. Now that the students were getting used to Nyota's presence, Hermione was able to walk down the aisles and assist Severus at watching for potentially dangerous situations. A few times Hermione had caught some students about to pour in ingredients that would have caused utter disaster and snarled at them to halt their actions. She was spending way too much time around Severus because the look of shock and horror on their faces came across as way more amusing to her than it should have.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was Christmas break before Severus approached her about proceeding with the next step of her Occlumency training. She had been in her form for a little over a month, and the few attempts to revert her back had failed miserably. Despite this, Hermione had managed to remain mostly in control of her lioness instincts, but she agreed with Severus's assessment that they leave nothing to chance and that they make sure she was as strong an Occlumens as possible.

They were standing outside now, Severus turning to face her, his cloak billowing out behind him in the brisk winter breeze. Snow had come quickly, coating Hogwarts ground in a matter of hours one November evening and it had only gotten deeper and colder since.

Swirls of misty air puffed in front of both Severus and Hermione as they breathed quietly, and Hermione felt her coat standing on end, acting as insulation to keep her heat in and the biting air out. Severus looked down at her.

"I'm going to transform into my Animagus now. I'm not sure if it will trigger you, but if it does, do not panic. I'll be able to handle it," Hermione narrowed her eyes. The blasted Slytherin had refused to come straight out and tell her what his Animagus form was, leaving her going stir crazy trying to guess. She had long ago thrown the idea of his being an actual 'Dungeon Bat' out the window, and she doubted he would turn into a giant snake - she was sure his disgust of Nagini would make sure he wouldn't take such a form - leaving her with absolutely no ideas. She figured he could be a big black panther, it would definitely fit his strong personality and affinity for wearing dark colors. Professor McGonagall's lecture floated into her mind as she once again pondered what form he might take,

"One's Animagus form cannot be chosen by the witch or wizard, but is determined by their personality and inner traits. It is not uncommon for one's Animagus to match a witch or wizard's Patronus form, as the Patronus also reflects one's inner self and unique characteristics. An obvious example of this would be myself - Both my Patronus and Animagus form is a cat.

Your Animagus form will also bear an identifying mark that is caused by something on your human body. For example, as a cat I can be found with dark spectacle markings around my eyes due to the fact that I wear glasses. However, these identifying marks can be anything and are unique to every witch and wizard - no two Animagus's are the same, even if they are the same species.

Your Animagus form might come as a surprise. Often times the form a witch or wizard takes does not seem obvious, nor is easily explained in relation to their personality. It just means you have to open your mind a bit to figure out the reason behind the form you took,"

Hermione glanced back up at her Professor, who was setting his wand down on a nearby rock. What were Severus's inner traits? He was strong willed, that was for sure, and extremely intelligent. He was courageous, and loyal. And strong, both mentally and physically. He was sneaky and sly, witty, manipulative - all traits of a true Slytherin.

Hermione was practically shaking with anticipation. Severus fixed a scowl in her direction and grumbled,

"Calm yourself, witch," Before closing his eyes in concentration and taking a slow, steady breath as his body started to shift.

 

Severus felt his body changing - shrinking in some places, growing in others, felt his face protrude and his teeth lengthen and sharpen, felt his hands widen and thicken, felt his skin turn to fur, felt his senses become more acute - until...

 

Hermione's mouth dropped.

Severus had turned into a tall, strong, striking, and fear inducing tiger.

He was huge, without a doubt bigger than Hermione in every aspect - taller, longer, heavier - and definitely stronger.

A sudden thought hit her as her eyes perused the figure in front of her - so this was what Professor Dumbledore had meant! It all made perfect sense now.

His eyes met hers and Hermione saw they were Severus's eyes, pure obsidian that one could get lost in easily without finding anything. They were deep, but at the same time shallow. They were expressive but impossible to read.

His coat was a deep silver, covered with thick black stripes. His ears were pure black with a white eye spot on each one, the only white on his body besides the two spots above his eyes and of course the white along his chin. His face was framed with a deep black line of hair followed by the dark silver fur that protruded around his thick cheeks and firm jaw. His nose was slightly arched, giving him a noble, Roman look.

His thick paws were positively monstrous, and his long tail swung idly from side to side as he stood under her curious gaze. Eventually he'd had enough, and he moved forward, turning, unintentionally giving Hermione a side view of his long, muscular body.

She immediately knew what physical human quality could be used to identify Severus as an Animagus.

It was his scars.

Hermione had never thought about the possibility of Severus having scars, and now she felt a fool for it. Of course he'd have scars. She knew that the Death Eaters were not exempt from horrific, brutal punishments at the hand of the Dark Lord, and Severus was no exception. If anything, he got punished more than any of the others due to his difficult role as a spy.

There were so many.

They littered his back; some thick, some thin, some long, some short, some healed and shown as white hair, others fresh and raw, the pink, inverted skin stiff and unmoving as he walked forward. 

 

At the sound of Hermione gasping, Severus halted, confused, and turned his head towards her. Her mouth hung slightly open, and he followed her eyes, twisting his head around even further until he was looking at his back, and the scars.

Of course. The bloody fucking scars.

He always forgot about them. His body had always been unsightly; a few more blemishes meant nothing. If anything, he was glad for the scars. They reminded him of what he'd done. He deserved all of the torture and punishment he received, he deserved to bear the mark of his betrayal as a reminder that he carried with him always, permanently etched into his skin, so that he'd never forget. He didn't deserve to forget. 

He deserved the horror in her eyes as she looked at them. 

He dropped his eyes from his back and looked at her. She met his eyes immediately, her ears pinned back in submission. She hadn't meant to stare. 

"I should have warned you," He thought, directing it towards her in his mind. Her eyes lit up and her body tensed in surprise, but then a smile curved her feline lips and after a moment she responded weakly,

"I didn't mean to stare," Severus shook his head. 

"It doesn't bother me," Of course it did. But he deserved it. He deserved her judgement and scorn and that of every other person who saw the proof of the life he lived. Saw the proof of his life as a Death Eater. He tortured and cursed innocent lives, and he was tortured and cursed as well. It was twice as painful as it could be, and he was glad for it. If he wasn't tortured he wasn't sure he could have done it. It would have been too easy for him, easier to detach himself from what he did. But he always knew what they were feeling, the people at the end of his wand, at the end of his cruciatus curse and Sectumsempra spell. He couldn't detach himself. He looked into their eyes and felt the same pain they did, he felt the hopelessness and the despair and the excruciating fire that burned through their veins and overcame them until they were left with nothing; engulfed into an infernal heat. 

He deserved it. 

"No, you don't!" 

Fuck. Her voice was stronger this time, perfectly clear in his mind, and full of Hermione Granger's insistence and confidence. 

"Yes, Hermione, I did. Do not argue with me about this. I've done things you can't even imagine. Things that would send you fleeing from this very spot without hesitation. I deserve every single one of those retched scars,"

She was silent for a moment, and he could see the battle raging in her eyes. She wanted desperately to argue with him, but she knew this wasn't the time or the place. Severus hoped she would forget about it, but he knew better. Then, he watched, his brows furrowed, as her expression softened and her eyes warmed with sadness. 

Oh, no. Not pity. 

"I don't pity you, Severus,"

Fuck, he needed to gain control of his mind in this form, and swiftly. He couldn't keep unconsciously projecting his thoughts towards her like that. He was a bloody spy for Merlin's sake. He couldn't afford to be this careless, ever. He focused internally for a moment and hardened his walls, slamming them down mercilessly. He was detached now, he had to be, until he got used to being in this form again, but his thoughts were safe. 

"I don't pity you," She repeated. His eyes met hers, cold and hard. 

"You made your own decisions, your own choices, and you suffered the consequences. I understand that. But you didn't deserve it, Severus. You are a good person. You aren't evil. You aren't what you make yourself out to be. I know you better than that," Her eyes flickered to his back and the scars that raked across his pelted flesh. "You didn't, and don't deserve, all of that suffering,"

He didn't allow himself to feel anything at her words. They were empty. She was merely forming the words in her mouth and letting them slip out, there was no meaning behind them. There was no truth. 

"I need a few minutes to get used to my form, then we'll continue your lesson," With that, he turned from her, and took off trotting down towards the track, his long legs swinging effortlessly underneath him, devouring the ground. He never looked back. 

 

Hermione saw the change in his eyes immediately. She'd gotten used to seeing it, but she didn't think he realized she knew. She watched it happen every day. His eyes would be guarded around her, and she figured they always would be, but when they walked out into the corridor and into the public eye, then they really hardened. She could practically see his mental walls shut forcefully into place, keeping his every emotion and thought completely sealed inside, leaving the shell of his eyes behind, merely a vessel for him to see out of. When she looked into them, all she could see was the purest black, colored only by the yellowish white of the light that shone into them. His gaze turned strong, cold, ruthless when he cast it on to her, and she always had to remind herself that Severus was still in there, behind the mask of Professor Snape. 

He was Professor Snape now. 

She wasn't sure why. Was it the scars? Was it what she said to him that caused him to shut himself down, to close himself off from her?

Was it because of what she'd heard him say in her mind that she knew he hadn't meant to say? 

Oh. 

That was what he'd meant by needing to get used to his new form. 

Of course. It was probably a very rare occurrence for him to take his Animagus form. There was no use for it in his life as a spy. Hermione remembered the first few times she took her form. Her mind felt out of control, overcome by the nature of the lioness. She doubted that Severus was in any way out of control of his body, or that he'd turn on her because he saw her as a threat, it wasn't that kind of loss of control he was suffering from. He had to rebuild his walls in this new form. For him, that was worst. 

He couldn't be vulnerable at all, and he had been. He'd let his thoughts slip into her mind without meaning to. 

So he'd completely shut himself down, suppressing every emotion, shutting her out. 

She'd just have to give him time to sort himself out, if that was what the problem was. She prayed that the reason he'd shut her out was not because they'd finally talked, even if it was just in their minds. She prayed that this didn't mean he only wanted her as a "familiar", and that as soon as she was human again he'd forget or forcefully ignore the relationship they'd developed. 

If that was why, she didn't know what she'd do.


	12. Sink of Swim

His body was well muscled, but lean. She could see his ribs, and the peaks of his hipbones, and his shoulder blades stuck up much farther than she'd ever seen on a tiger, or any large feline predator for that matter. She thought she could see the ridges of his spine now that he was moving, but she wasn't sure. 

His thick tail hung low behind him, only inches from dragging on the ground. His body moved easily and swiftly. He was without a doubt in excellent shape in regards to endurance and fitness, even if he looked half starved. There were ripples of muscles on his hindquarters and along his stomach and he was not even close to being out of breath. As a human, Severus ran every morning, so really, this shouldn't have come as a surprise. 

But in this form, Hermione could see everything. Everything she was looking at now was a direct reflection to what Severus looked like as a human. Of course, it was the same when Severus saw Hermione, but still... this was different. Severus was such a private person. The clothes he wore covered practically every inch of his body, and here he was... His scars exposed, his ribs, his hips, his thighs, his forearms. She was seeing it all, right here, right now, directly in front of her. It was fascinating and she felt like she had slipped through another one of his barriers. She was sure not very many people got to see Severus like this. 

But still, she was plagued with doubt. Now that he was in this form, and they could actually converse with one another, would he shut her out? Would he revert back to Professor Snape completely and never return to being Severus? Would she lose the person in her life she was coming to value most?

If she lost Severus, she would be right back to just having Harry and Ron. She loved them completely, even if there was something suspicious going on with Harry and his temper, and Ron was... Ron, but yes, she loved them. 

She was utterly pissed at them for almost killing her and for their unwavering hatred towards Severus, but they still meant everything to her. 

But Severus was different. Severus appreciated her for who she was. She didn't need to do his homework or help him study, she didn't have to mother him because he was irresponsible. She didn't have to be the voice of reason in his life to keep him from making spontaneous and horrible decisions that put his life and the lives of others in danger. Severus was a grown man, and he knew how to take care of himself. 

He accepted her for who she was. Sure, so far who she was was a big cat, but he never seemed to forget who was underneath the pelt. He'd charmed books for her, let her read his lessons, even gone as far as getting notes and books from her other teachers so she could at least keep up with the reading she was missing in class. He never made fun of her for reading or studying too much... He understood the importance of education, which meant a lot to Hermione. She had always been shunned by her classmates because she was too smart, too mature for her age... She couldn't relate to the other kids, so they never accepted her. 

But she never felt self conscious with Severus. 

She didn't want to lose that relationship. 

And she seemed to help him, a bit, too. Hermione wasn't in this just for herself. She knew Severus was alone, knew he didn't trust anyone, knew he was burdened beyond what any one person should be able to handle by themselves. She wanted to always be there for Severus, for him to trust her, for him to have someone to support him in this horrible war. 

She didn't want him to lose her. But if he forced her away, if she lost all of the progress she'd made into friending him... 

She didn't want to think about it. 

So she focused on his large black paws hitting the ground, his tail swinging low, his ears pinned back, teeth slightly bared in concentration, watched in fascination as his muscles rippled over his bony sides, and temporarily shoved the thoughts plaguing her into the deep recesses of her mind. 

 

It didn't take that long for Severus to regain control of himself. He was about halfway around the track when he finished the last touches on his mental imagery and slipped the last memories and emotions into place. He knew Hermione was probably worried. He'd blocked her out, and no doubt she was being typical Granger and panicking that she'd done something wrong. 

She hadn't done anything wrong. Well, except slip herself into his life and befriend him like a meddling, good for nothing parasite. 

He had to suppress a self-deprecating chuckle. 

Hermione was not a parasite. She was quickly (too quickly) becoming the best thing that had ever happened to him, the best thing he'd ever had in his life. 

He didn't want to block her out. That's why he'd had to take a moment to focus, to make sure he could remain himself in his Animagus form. 

He hadn't been a tiger in so long. Too long. He couldn't go this long without transforming again. He didn't like the feeling of not being in complete control when he took his form. It was too dangerous. A single slip of his mind and all the hard work of the Light would be for nothing. 

But at this moment, something else was more important. Now that Severus was in his Animagus form, he would be able to talk to Hermione, and it was apparent she was skilled and determined enough to talk back. It would drain her energy immensely these first couple of times they conversed this way, but she would learn the fine art of talking via the mind, probably quickly given it was Hermione, and then she would find it become almost effortless, and practically subconscious to speak to someone mentally. 

This was the next test of their friendship. They were balancing on a thin wire, the slightest shift could throw them off. He did not want that to happen. 

Severus was not the type of man to let people into his life. It was too dangerous, both for him and for them, emotionally and physically. But somehow, the intelligent young Gryffindor had weaseled her way in past all of his barriers, the clever witch, and now that she had he was not about to let her slip away. He couldn't make it through this war without some support, and she was all he had. 

He brought forth his mental lake; the slow, tranquil, sweeping waves of the water lulling his anxious mind into stillness, calmness. 

And then Hermione was in the water, and he was too. They were human, their bodies bare, only their heads sticking up above the surface. Around them, their Animagus forms swam circles, their powerful bodies gliding effortlessly through the water, their tails like long rudders drifting behind them. 

He focused back on his human form, and Hermione's across from him. The water churned around them from the lioness and tiger swimming, faster and faster. It became harder and harder to tread water. He swam closer to her, until their faces were practically touching, their legs pumping between each other under the surface. He locked eyes with her and willed her to stay strong. To believe in him. To trust him. This was it. 

They would either sink, or they would swim.


	13. A Stroke Towards Swimming

Severus shook his head, re-calibrating his mind so that the water was empty and calm again. His thoughts had affected his imagery, causing it to reflect his fears. But he was in control again, he was in control now, he was absolutely certain of it this time. 

He slowed his long body to a stop, turning so he could look at the lioness following behind. She was panting, to his amusement, and her body was blotched where patches of her fur had gotten sweaty. 

"Out of shape, are we?" He teased, narrowing his eyes as he scrutinized her body. She huffed and fixed him with a glare, but he didn't miss the flash of relief in her eyes and the slight shift in her stance as her muscles relaxed. He twitched his dark silver tail at her. 

"Come. We'll go down to the lake to begin our first lesson," He told her, turning again to trot off in the direction of the hidden path that would lead them to the secluded cove. 

 

A few moments later they were both seated on their haunches on the ledge overlooking the lake. They were facing eachother, Severus looking down at her, his dark eyes peering over his arched nose. Hermione looked up at him, observing him closely. Severus scowled under her gaze, and spoke up uncomfortably.

"You'll be showing me the visualization you use to Occlude your mind," He said, even his mental voice low and menacing. 

Hermione was used to it, however, and didn't flinch when his intimidating voice flowed into her mind. She narrowed her eyes in concentration, then gave him a slight nod of her feline head, and then Severus was in her mind. 

He found himself in a library. 

He shouldn't have been surprised. 

This wasn't the best technique to Occlude one's thoughts and memories. All someone had to do was pick up one of the books, alphabetically organized, no doubt, and they would have access to whatever she was trying to keep hidden.

He walked down the aisle he had appeared in, running his fingers along the spines of the books. He looked at them closely and realized that none of the spines were labeled. He pulled a book off the shelf and turned it over to see if it had a title. It didn't. 

Interesting. 

He placed the book back on the shelf without opening it and continued down the aisle. He felt a surge of smugness in Hermione's mind and frowned. 

She had something up her sleeve that she couldn't wait for him to see. But what? Was she merely happy that she'd proved to be smarter than he'd anticipated? That she'd thought not to label her books? No... it was something else. 

Severus reached the end of the aisle and realized there were three other aisles in front of him to choose from. 

Ah. She had made a maze. 

Clever. 

He could practically feel the smile broaden on her face and rolled his eyes in response. 

He strode down the middle one and grabbed a book swiftly, opening it with the quickest of movements. She'd had no time to prepare any defenses. 

The book opened in his hand easily, the pages whirring and flipping as the memory within flashed before his eyes. 

A young Hermione on a swing set, laughing as her legs swung underneath her, her two parents standing behind her and taking turns pushing gently on her back. 

Severus slammed the book shut and slipped it back into it's spot on the shelf. 

A childhood memory. 

Severus continued down the aisle swiftly, curiosity egging him on. 

Had she organized it with all of her important memories in the center? That wasn't safe either. As soon as the person in her mind mastered the maze they would have access to all her memories, and she'd have no way to stop their prying fingers from opening every single bloody book with every single secret of the Order, everything about Potter and Weasley, everything she knew about Severus... It would be a disaster. It would not do. 

But he pressed on. He had a feeling he was missing something. Hermione wouldn't be so careless, so obvious. She would have thought of something. 

And she had. 

Severus had lost count of how many times he'd reached a dead end, picked up a book, found that it was an innocent, useless memory, turned around, and tried again... only to have the same result. 

He'd tried pushing over bookshelves, blasting them away magically, summoning certain memories... Nothing worked. He had to walk through this maze until he found the most important memories, the ones that, if he were the Dark Lord, would tell him everything he needed to know. 

He had no idea how long he'd been in her head, but when he finally reached the small door cleverly hidden behind a fake bookshelf (he could smell the difference in the material used for the shelves) he almost cried out in relief. He would have left much sooner, but Hermione had urged him on, assured him that she was doing fine, having him in her mind. He wasn't a burden, he was just there, ambling through the corridors of her library. 

And now he'd found it. He pulled the fake shelf away from the wall and slipped through the small door behind it, labeled "Restricted Section" in Hermione's neat print. He smirked and removed himself from her mind.

 

He blinked as he re-adjusted to being back in his tiger form. He twitched his ears and curled his tail around his black paws, then brought his obsidian eyes down to meet Hermione's.

"Clever, witch. The Dark Lord would have become extremely frustrated and eventually given up once he realized he couldn't curse himself through your maze, or summon your important memories. He would never have the patience to go through your whole maze to reach the 'Restricted Section.' As such, you may keep your visualization. It is sufficient,"

Hermione practically beamed back up at him, and he allowed her a few moments to bask in his well veiled praise before raising a thick feline eyebrow at her.

"However, I am confused. How does this visualization help you overcome your lioness instincts? Do you really just sit there and read a book?" His voice was condescending but his eyes flashed briefly with amusement. He wouldn't have been surprised, honestly. 

Hermione shook her head. 

"No," She said softly in his mind. As much as she said she was fine while he had been perusing through her mind, as soon as Severus had left she had realized how exhausted it had made her. Now speaking to him mentally was taking all of her strength. Severus waited patiently while she summoned up the energy to continue. 

"I recognized that the library wouldn't work for that purpose, so I made another visualization," Severus furrowed his brow at her. He was curious to see what the second visualization was, but Hermione was exhausted. 

"That will have to wait," He told her, his baritone voice rumbling in her head effortlessly. "For now, let us return to our quarters. You need rest," 

Severus transformed back into his human form and accompanied Hermione back up to the doorway to her room, grabbing and pocketing his wand from where he'd hidden in on a rock before they'd left. 

Severus sat himself down gracefully in his recliner, motioning for Hermione to situate herself on the couch. 

"Talking via the mind will exhaust you the first few times until you master the art of conserving your energy," He droned lazily, watching as she dragged herself up onto the couch; first her front legs, then a long pause, then one back leg, ever so slowly, and then as she lifted her last leg off the floor her body collapsed and her muzzle smushed into the leather. Severus chuckled at the display, a low rumble, and Hermione summoned enough energy to lift her head, fixing him with a glare, before dropping it back down with a heavy sigh. 

She was asleep within a matter of seconds, her chest rising and falling slowly, her mouth opening slightly and her tongue lolling. Every few seconds one of her paws would twitch, or a claw would extract, and sometimes the muscles throughout her whole body would tighten and flex under her skin. 

Severus was fascinated with watching her sleep. She had taken to 'cat napping' quite often during her time in recovery. She'd be utterly enamored in one of her textbooks, ignoring her body's needs, and sleep would sneak up and overtake her, her book still floating in the air beside her head where it would hang over the edge of the couch between her paws.

Severus would watch her for a few minutes before busying himself with his schoolwork. 

She dreamed often, which was most interesting. He'd never asked what she dreamed about, but he wondered. Did an Animagus revert to their animal instincts in sleep or did they retain their human consciousness? Did she dream as a lioness or a human? Did she remember what she dreamed? 

Severus's never dreamed, unless they were nightmares. His occlumency shields would only block so much, and last so long in his subconscious. If his night with the Dark Lord was bad enough, the images would slip through his shields and haunt him relentlessly. 

Other things haunted him too. Dumbledore... his childhood... Lily. 

He hoped Hermione had sweet, innocent dreams. But looking at her now...

He doubted it. 

He'd watched this happen before. Hermione would be lying there peacefully, silently, completely still, and then suddenly her body would be riddled with tension, her legs would pump wildly, her ears would pin back, her lips would rise up over her incisors in a snarl. She looked both afraid and angry. 

He rose from his chair and made his way over to her. He always proceeded with caution, in case she woke up and the adrenaline coursing through her caused her to act defensively. 

She woke easily this time after he grabbed her hip and shook her. She raised her head and turned to look at him, eyes wide. 

"It was just a dream," He told her, taking his hand off her hip and returning to his chair. She watched him move, but her eyes were unfocused. 

"Don't dwell on it," 

She didn't hear him. 

"Hermione!" 

Her eyes sharpened and the brown orbs looked at him intensely. 

"I said, don't dwell on it," His voice was deep with warning. She would heed his advice. She gave him a weak, short nod and adjusted her body so she could lay her head over the edge of the couch on top of her partially dangling paws. Her eyes were hooded as she peered down at the floor. 

"Would you like a book?" He offered, fingering his wand out of his pocket and holding it daintily in his hand, ready to summon a text. Her head lolled to the side in the negative. 

"Music?"

No. 

"A drink?"

No.

"A walk?"

Merlin's beard. He was not cut out for this. 

"Hermione, I'm not going to keep listing off things only to have you turn them down, but I'm not going to let you sit here and wallow in the horrors of your dreams either. What. Do. You. Need?!"

He almost didn't hear the soft, short whine that escaped her lips as she clenched her jaws to try to hold it in. 

Well, fuck. This was it, wasn't it? Either he'd show her that he cared, and they could build their friendship, or he'd show her that she was just a pet. That nothing had changed. Sink or swim. 

"Would you like to talk about it?" 

Hermione's head lifted from between her paws immediately, her eyes were wide, this time with surprise. 

"You heard me correctly, Hermione," He told her softly, leaning forward in his chair. "Would you like to talk about it?" 

The look in her eyes alone told him that yes, yes she would.


	14. A Possible Connection

Severus stood, setting his wand on the coffee table in front of him, and concentrated on shifting. He was back in his Animagus form within a matter of seconds, and sat himself on the floor in front of Hermione and waited. He wasn't sure if she would have much energy to talk to him through her mind, she hadn't gotten that much rest, but he was sure that she would try until she succeeded so he'd have to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't hurt herself. 

"Thank you," She told him softly, and he nodded his large head, his dark eyes focused but concerned. 

"It's ridiculous, really," She started, her lioness face twisting in disgust. Severus let a low growl out of his throat and glared at her. 

"Obviously not, or it wouldn't have bothered you," One could not exactly control what affected them, anyhow. Severus had his own fair share of irrational fears. 

"It's just... I have these dreams about Voldemort," Severus flinched, his forearm burning even in his Animagus form. Hermione's eyes widened and she immediately apologized, "I'm so sorry, Severus!"

Severus froze. That was the first time he'd heard her say his name. Not that she'd actually said it, but it was in his mind, in her voice, his name. Severus. The way she'd said it, so kindly and full of compassion. He didn't think he'd ever heard anyone say his name like that. He shook his head and instinctively took his huge paw and set it on his nose, ducking his head down towards the floor. Realizing what he was doing, he lifted his paw and made it look like he was itching, padding at his twitching black nostrils before setting his paw back on the floor. 

"It's fine. His name evokes a strong response from the Mark. It fades after a moment. Continue," Hermione looked curiously at his forearm, probably looking to see if the Dark Mark was visible, which it was, if she looked hard enough. His hair was slightly discolored on the inside of his foreleg, the rich silver hair a shade darker than normal. She didn't look convinced that he wasn't still in pain, however...she was worried about him... what a strange sensation, to be worried about...but she continued at his request and Severus ignored the pain in his leg as he focused on what she was telling him. 

"It's about Harry. My dreams are about Vol- Um, the Dark Lord, and Harry." Severus felt his hackles raise and his claws extract, digging into the floor, and he fought to calm himself in response to the boy's name. Hermione didn't notice, and continued. "I keep dreaming about what's going to happen to him. I'm so worried about him. But even more than that, something's... off." Severus narrowed his eyes. Potter. Was there something wrong with him? No. He just had James's genes. The fucking prick. 

"He's been much more temperamental than usual. He's always angry and he snaps at the slightest provocation. And Harry... he never would have normally done something like that to me, Severus. He really wouldn't have," Her eyes softened and her voice quieted. She took a moment, gathering her concentration and energy to continue. Severus watched her carefully, feeling gently around the edges of her mind to sense her stability, but she was fine for now. He would allow her to continue. 

"I know you think he's always like that, but he isn't. He's always been so kind, friendly, caring. I can't imagine that he would curse me and then not even apologize afterwords," She looked thoughtfully at Severus, tilting her head slightly. "And really, he doesn't hate you that much. Not enough to harm a living being because of it. That's too much like something Vold... the Dark Lord would do -"

She stopped abruptly, her ears pricking up and her body stiffening. Severus stood, his brow furrowed in confusion. He immediately pressed against her mind, but she was fine. She wasn't drained. In fact, she was suddenly bursting with energy. 

"Hermione?" He said, his voice deep and concerned. "What is it?" 

"Ohmygod, Severus! It can't be.. Can it?" She leapt down gracefully from the couch and brushed by him, moving to pace in front of the fireplace. Her tail was high and swishing madly. It was too much energy, too much movement and it made Severus anxious to not know what she was thinking. He moved in front of her path and she ran into his side, looking up in alarm and slight embarrassment before going on to ramble in his mind. 

"What if that's it? He's acting like Voldemort; he's angry, volatile, ruthless! What if Voldemort is connecting to Harry through his scar? Can that happen? Well we don't know, how can we know, it won't be in a book because it's never happened before, for Merlin's sake I've been worrying about him and thinking about what might be wrong for ages and now it's suddenly hit me! I've been so blind, so stupid! -"

"Enough!" Severus boomed, his every hair standing on end from the mental electricity and energy that Hermione was letting lose into his mind. She was charged up and he was on the receiving end of her incessant babbling and he couldn't handle it. 

"That's enough. Take a breath," He instructed, his voice clipped and short. He was breathing heavily and closed his eyes, bringing forth his mental imagery to calm himself. 

Potter. 

In touch with the Dark Lord. 

 

Hermione focused herself to calm down. Severus was not the type of man to tolerate an outburst like this, but oh! It made so much sense!

She was buzzing with the energy of possibly solving the 'mystery' that was becoming Harry Potter. Hermione had been noticing the slight changes in his behavior for some time, had even talked to Ron about it, but neither of them had known what was wrong. They'd tried to touch around the subject; if it was the Dursley's, if it was a girl, if it was the pressures of being the 'Chosen One'. They'd gotten nowhere. 

But oh! Now she was on to something! What if there was some kind of connection through the scar? That Harry could be influenced by Voldemort? Could they feel traces of one another's emotions? If Harry didn't know what was happening, he wouldn't be able to distinguish between his emotions and the emotions he was feeling from Voldemort. It made so much sense!

She'd been dreaming about what Harry had done to her for a while now. The mere thought of her best friend nearly killing her twisted her gut and made her heart hurt. Sometimes in her dream it would start out as Harry and then there would be a flash and it would be Voldemort, and then after he cast the spell it would turn into Harry again and he'd be down on his knees begging for forgiveness. 

The dreams never made sense to her, she'd just thought it was her subconscious being twice as cruel to her as it should have been - making both her best friend and her worst enemy attack her in the same dream.

But her subconscious had been trying to tell her something, hadn't it? 

A nose butted her to get her attention and Hermione looked up at the large silver tiger standing in front of her, his head bowed lower to her level, his eyes completely blank and shielded. 

"I'm sorry Severus, I got carried away," She said softly in his mind. She was worried he wouldn't let her in, that he would have blocked her out, but he hadn't. He gave her a short nod before holding her eye for a second longer and turning away. 

"As much as it pains me to say, it is possible," Came his low rumbling voice in her mind a few seconds later. "Something like Potter's scar has never happened before. The thought that it might be a vessel between Potter and the Dark Lord is entirely valid." He paused again, his ears pinning back and his hackles raising slightly. "And I will admit, now that you mention it, something is different about Potter. I myself found it difficult to believe that he would attempt to harm an innocent animal in cold blood, and to then to discover it was you and to refrain from giving you a genuine apology..." His hackles raised even more and a low growl escaped his throat. He turned back around, then, and looked her directly in the eye. 

"If that is the case... if it's true that Potter is being influenced by the Dark Lord, then he is in grave danger, and so is all of the Light. If the Dark Lord discovers the connection between them, he could potentially control Potter and read his mind like an open book," A visible tremble rippled through the muscles of the large tiger before her, and he narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth. "We cannot allow that to happen."


	15. Plans of Murder

Hermione was sleeping in her room, leaving Severus to pace in front of the fireplace with a glass of Firewhiskey in his hand.

He swirled the glass, watching the liquid slosh up along the sides and the ice cubes click against one another.

Should he tell Albus?

He took a sip, revelling in the burning sensation as the liquid devoured the lining of his throat.

Bloody fucking Albus.

The man was a nightmare. Severus still hadn't decided who and what was worse - The Dark Lord and his physical torture or Albus and his mental torture and manipulation.

Right now, he was thinking the latter.

Albus had made him his spy, made him servant to two masters, made him subject to twice as much struggle and stress and pain as any normal person in the war was exposed to. The Light's success was dependant on Severus's success, and that was difficult enough without Albus making it even more of a struggle every chance he got. Severus was always left in the dark, left without crucial knowledge that would surely make the progression towards winning the war much quicker and easier. But no, Albus didn't trust Severus. He assured Severus that he had the utmost trust in him, that he trusted Severus with his life, but did he? Did he really? Oh, no. He didn't. Albus didn't trust anybody, didn't care about anybody but himself. He was the master manipulator but he got away with it because of his "innocent old man" routine. It made Severus's stomach lurch with disgust.

Would telling Albus Hermione's theory about Potter and the Dark Lord help or hinder?

He drank the rest of the firewhiskey and slammed the empty glass down on top of the fireplace.

No. He wouldn't tell Albus. Finally Severus knew something that fucking Albus didn't, and he wasn't about to hand that over. Trust Albus to take the information and tell Severus to never speak of it, to keep it secret, hell he'd probably try to obliviate it from Severus when his back was turned.

It wouldn't do to tell him.

He wouldn't do anything about it anyway, now would he? He'd known that Potter was going to play hero and try to protect the Sorcerer's Stone, so what did the old man do? He made the Professors add protective spells of their own so Potter could have some challenges to overcome to stoke his ego. He'd known Potter would go after the Weasley girl in the Chamber of Secrets, and he'd let him. Oh yes, Albus knew about all of that, knew it before even Potter knew the actions he would take. Albus controlled everything, and he revelled in it. He loved nothing more than moving his own little players on his chess board.

Severus would address this development on his own.

He shook his head.

No, not alone.

He had Hermione now.

They would address this issue together, and solve it.

But first, there was another problem to overcome.

The other Professor's had failed miserably at finding a countercurse to release Hermione from her Animagus form. Severus was done sitting by and watching them fumble around aimlessly.

He would revert Hermione back to her human self and they would address this Potter issue together.

Severus was jolted from his thoughts by a searing pain in his arm, and he started, sprinting to his quarters to grab his Death Eater robes and mask. There was no time to warn Hermione where he was going.

He ran from his quarters and down the halls of Hogwarts to beyond the gates, disappearing with an audible snap to meet with his Lord.

\---

"Ah, Severus. How nice of you to join us,"

"Of course, my Lord," Severus responded, bowing down to kiss the hem of the slimy wizard's robes.

He straightened as Voldemort gestured with a wave of his hand for his servant to stand, and then he gestured broadly to the room behind Severus.

Severus turned, his expression and mind carefully controlled, to see the entirety of the Malfoy and Lestrange family seated at a long table.

"We have a special meeting tonight, Severus. Please, be seated,"

Severus bowed his head respectfully and took the empty seat at the left of the head of the table. Voldemort followed and sat himself in the decorated throne. His hand fell below the table, and Severus felt Nagini sliver over his dragon hide boots to be stroked by her master.

"Severus," Voldemort started, his attention still focused entirely on his pet, "Our Draco has been given a mission. Are you aware?"

Severus shook his head slightly in the negative and said slowly,

"No, my Lord."

Voldemort raised his slit eyes and cast a look over to the Malfoy's, hissing with pleasure.

"Very well. You will be made privy to the details now, my faithful servant,"

Severus bowed his head again, "It is an honor my Lord,"

Voldemort lifted his hand from Nagini's head and set it on the table, sliding it over the polished top towards Severus.

"Draco has been given a very important task," he paused dramatically, his eyes locked with Severus's, probing into his mind to seek out any information while he waited to gauge Severus's reaction. Severus kept his expression trained to respectfully curious while bringing forward altered memories of conversations with Albus regarding Order activity. There was nothing to report, but Voldemort hadn't been expecting anything, so he ripped himself from Severus's mind and said,

"He's been assigned to murder Dumbledore,"

Severus remained absolutely still except for the raising of one eyebrow and to lean forward, clasping his hands on the table.

"I'm sure Draco will not disappoint, my Lord,"

An evil smile grew on Voldemort's serpent-like face.

"No, no he will not," The voice held a strong undertone of a threat, but Severus did not allow himself to risk a glance in the Malfoy's direction. He knew what he would see - the palest of pale complexions and a forced mask of pride that Voldemort could see through with ease. The Malfoy's were petrified for their son. Voldemort turned his attention back to Severus.

"You will play an important role in his success, Severus. He must find a way to get Death Eater's into the school, and you must protect him and keep his activities from being discovered..." He paused, narrowing his eyes. " Also, when the time comes for the old wizard to get what he deserves, I expect you to be present and ready to take over should Draco fail,"

Severus nodded, keeping his eyes locked with his dark master's.

"Of course, my Lord,"

Voldemort pressed into Severus's mind again, feeling ruthlessly for any false emotions, but finding none, withdrew, and gave Severus a crooked grin.

"Very well. You may take your leave,"

Severus stood and bowed deeply to his Lord before turning and nodding briefly to the Malfoy's, giving Bellatrix and Rodolphus the slightest glance of recognition before moving towards the door at the end of the table.

Just as he reached the threshold, Voldemort's voice called out through the room, sending a shiver down Severus's spine.

"It will be done in no less than a month, Severus,"

Severus turned back,

"Of course, my Lord,"

and left.

\----------

"Ah, Severus. I see you got my Patronus?"

"Yes. Lucky for me, I had just arrived at the edge of Hogwarts gates before it came. It would not have been a welcome sight at a Death Eater meeting." Severus said snidely, glaring at the Headmaster. As Severus's eyes rested on the old wizard, they widened and Severus strode forward, wand out and ready.

"What happened?!" he demanded, rolling up the sleeve of Albus's cloak. Albus sighed, and gestured to a ring on the desk in front of him.

"It was cursed," He stated simply. Severus felt rage threaten to overwhelm him and forced his walls down, drowning the emotion.

"And you put it on?" He stated through grit teeth, turning Albus's arm in his hands to assess the damage.

"I am a fool, Severus. Sorely tempted," Albus looked at Severus with a sad smile, but Severus ignored it. He had no time for Albus's mistakes and resulting self pity. He knew where it stemmed from - Albus was a selfish bastard. The ring on the table was no ordinary ring, not just because of the dark curse, but there was something else - a palpable power and strong magic that Severus could sense just by looking at it, and Albus had wanted that power for himself.

Severus began chanting, waving his wand in intricate patterns over the still blackening hand and arm of the man sitting before him. He worked diligently for just under an hour before finally straightening, sweat dripping from his face, his black hair lank and plastered to his pale skin.

"It is a powerful and dark curse, Albus. I've managed to temporarily contain it in your hand for the time being, but it will not last. This curse is designed to kill, and it will succeed,"

Albus nodded his head, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"I figured as much," He took his left hand and ran it over the skin of his right, which was now blackened and severely wrinkled.

"How long do I have?" He asked, attempting to flex his withered hand. He winced in pain and Severus waved his wand, summoning a pain relief potion from his stores.

"Maybe a year," Severus said after a moment. Although Albus was an older wizard, he was an extraordinarily strong and powerful one, and he wouldn't go down easily. The curse would remain restrained for a short time, maybe a month or two, but then it would begin to spread and Severus might be able to slow it, but he could never stop it. The curse was exceedingly powerful and dark. The only true way to avoid death at the hands of this curse would have been to avoid receiving it in the first place. Albus remained silent in response, still observing his now useless extremity with curiosity, before finally looking up at Severus, who now had a potion vial in his hand. Severus held it out and Albus took it, drinking it gratefully.

"Thank you, Severus," He said, his voice now stronger and his complexion brighter than it had been moments prior. "Now, what was this meeting about tonight?"

Severus took the empty vial and tucked it in his cloak before moving around the desk to sit in the chair on the other side, clasping his hands together and propping them under his chin in a prayer like pose.

"He has ordered Malfoy to execute you," He said, watching closely for Albus's reaction. He merely sighed and adjusted his position in his chair, placing his blackened hand gingerly in his lap.

"I feared as much."

"Did you?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Draco has been balancing on the edge, and we both know Riddle would only tolerate that for so long. With Lucius's recent failure at the Ministry, the Malfoy family has been due for punishment, and now it's being served. Draco has a chance to prove his loyalty to Riddle and Riddle has an opportunity to make Lucius and Narcissa suffer. They're now in constant fear for their son. It's worked out perfectly," Albus explained, gazing off into a space to the right of Severus's shoulder.

"I've been ordered to act if he should fail," Severus said slowly, drawing Albus's eyes back to meet his. Albus blinked slowly before stating simply,

"And you shall,"

Severus leaned forward in his chair, brow furrowed, his hands shooting down to grip the armrests of the chair.

"What?" Fear rose up inside him but he could do nothing to stop it.

"You must be the one to kill me, Severus. Draco cannot do it. He will, he must fail,"

Severus was so stunned he didn't know what to say. He rose from the chair and stalked towards Albus's desk, planting his hands on the glossy wooden surface, leaning over towards the great wizard.

"Why?" Severus forced the first word that came to his mind out between his clenched jaw.

"Oh, Severus. You know why,"

No. No.

"I can't let Draco ruin his soul,"

The fucking bastard.

"And what about my soul, Albus?" Severus's voice was dangerously low, menacingly soft.

Albus's eyes twinkled and he gave Severus another one of his sad smiles. A growl rumbled from within Severus's throat, but Albus didn't say a word. He didn't need to. It was all perfectly clear to Severus. He would be the sacrifice, oh he would. He would be the one to kill Albus and suffer every single bloody fucking consequence that came with it. Severus focused on his breathing, fighting to calm his racing heart and desperate lungs, slowing his respiration back down to it's normal rate. He focused every ounce of energy into the glare he was fixing on Albus's bright blue eyes and spat,

"What then, Albus? What happens after you die? What happens after I raise my wand and utter the words that stop your heart? What happens after the world sees that I am a loyal servant to the Dark Lord? What happens then? What happens to your precious Order? I won't be able to tell them a word of the Dark Lord's plans. What happens to the school? You haven't thought this through, Albus. No. This won't work," He spoke slowly, pointedly, his voice as deep as it ever got, as intense as he could possibly make it, but as he went on he spoke faster until he was practically spitting his words into Albus's prissy little face. The blasted man didn't move a muscle, let Severus make a fool of himself by losing control, before holding up a hand like a Muggle traffic man.

"Enough, Severus. I have thought this through. Yes, you will be seen as Riddle's loyal spy, traitor to the light and traitor to me. But it is necessary, Severus. After you kill me you will be Riddle's most trusted Death Eater. He will have no doubt of your loyalty. He will put you in charge of the school, and you must accept. It is the only way that the students will be protected,"

"Wha-?" Severus's voice cracked. "What?!" He was breathing heavily again. He was shocked, absolutely stunned at the way this was going. This was not what he had anticipated, he could not wrap his mind around this.

"How am I supposed to protect the students? The staff will hate me! The Dark Lord will order me to torture them! To convert them to his ways! This will not work out the way you think it will, Albus. It won't. It will be a bloodbath,"

"It won't be, Severus," Albus's eyes were no longer twinkling, and he stood, his voice hard and face stony. "You will make sure that this school is safe for the students. You will put me out of my misery, Severus. This curse will kill me anyway, and in the most humiliating and painful way possible. You know the history of Avada Kedavra. It was invented for Healers, to give their patients a quick and painless end. You will give me that end. It is not an option, it is an order. And I order you to become Headmaster of Hogwarts and to protect the students and to find a way to send valuable information to the Order. You will do all of this."

Severus's mouth was dry and it felt like there was a weight in his stomach. His head was spinning and there was a hurricane of emotion that had slipped through his walls and were ravaging through his body; fear, fury, hate, confusion, shock, disbelief, more fury.

The fucking bastard.

Severus nodded his head, the slightest of movements, before turning, his cloak billowing out behind him. He slammed the door of Albus's office with a flick of his wrist before striding down the halls of Hogwarts towards the Dungeons. The echoing of his dragon hide boots hitting the stone floor was the only sound in the stillness of the black night.


	16. Coping Skills

Severus burst into his quarters and was torn from his internal fuming by a loud yelp. He turned and saw that Hermione had been launched and hurled a few feet when he had opened his door. She must have been lying on the floor in front of it.

"Shit," He breathed, rushing forward to her side, stroking his large hands over her coat to search for injuries. Finding none, he whipped out his wand and did a few diagnostic spells to make sure, breathing a sigh of relief when all the results came up normal. Hermione fumbled a moment but stood up and gave him a toothy grin before pouncing on him, wrapping her paws around his neck and burrowing her head into his shoulder.

She pulled back immediately, her eyes searching his face, and Severus realized that he hadn't moved a muscle after finding that she was ok, that his body was stiff as a rod and his hands were fisted and pushing down onto the floor, and that his walls were now in place over his emotions, meaning his face was completely blank. He tried to sigh, to release the tension in his body, to allow some cracks in his walls to let some positive emotions through - but he couldn't. Summoning his strength, he pushed Hermione's heavy lioness body off his person and stood, moving away from her to the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

It was all too much. If he afforded Hermione so much as a smile his walls would break like a dam and all the negative emotions and thoughts would overwhelm him. He needed time to process what he'd just been told, what he'd been ordered to do.

He drank the whole glass of firewhiskey in one gulp and poured another.

And another.

And another.

Hermione was afraid. Severus had gone, to what she assumed was a Death Eater meeting, while she was asleep. She wasn't sure how long he'd been gone, but after a while of pacing she curled up in front of the door. She knew it wasn't a smart place to lie because she'd get hit when he opened the door, but at least she'd know when he came home.

She hadn't been expecting to get launched across half the room when he burst through the door and strode in like there was fire at his heels.

She'd seen a flash of concern in his eyes, and he'd checked her for injuries, but then his walls came down.

He'd pushed her away and gone to the kitchen to drink. Hermione had allowed him a few before going in and butting against him, using her body to try to force him away from the large bottle of firewhiskey on the counter in front of him. He was surprisingly strong and resisted even her most forceful efforts with a sneaky dodge, sending Hermione barreling into the side of the counter. She was beginning to panic, and panic meant that she had trouble thinking straight, even more so since she was stuck in her lioness form. If she was human, she'd just let her magical instincts take over, and usually a solution or spell would pop into her mind for her to utilize. Not so in her lioness form. All she had was brute strength, but apparently Severus wasn't drunk enough to be stupid or clumsy and had some moves of his own at his disposal despite his inebriated state.

\---

She'd lost count of how many drinks he'd poured and swallowed, but it was finally starting to affect him.

She slammed into his legs again and he stumbled to the side, grabbing at the counter and wall to balance himself.

"Leave m'be witch," he slurred, swaying slightly as he stretched his arm out to grab the bottle which was now just out of reach.

"Go aw-" Hermione barreled into him again, almost knocking him to the floor. His face twisted with fury and he fumbled to get his wand out of his pocket.

Oh shit.

Hermione lunged, grabbing the end of the wand gingerly but firmly between her teeth, tearing it from Severus's hand before he could get a good grip on it and aim it in her direction. Hermione sprinted to the other side of the room, ducking behind Severus's arm chair, wand still in her mouth.

"Bitch!" Severus bellowed, making his way determinedly towards Hermione, using the back of the couch to balance himself.

"Gi'me back my fucking wand," he spat, rounding the corner of the couch towards his chair, which Hermione was still behind. Hermione backed up slowly as he approached with his arm outstretched, her hackles raised and claws unsheathed subconsciously.

She growled in response, baring her teeth around the wood that rested on her tongue.

Severus lunged forward without warning, falling onto Hermione and wrapping his arms around her neck, bringing her head to the floor into a choke hold.

Hermione braced her paws on the floor, digging her claws into the surface, and fought to wriggle her neck out from between his biceps that held her. One of his hands was fisted into the loose skin under her neck, the other wrenching on her collar. Unable to slip away, she instead pushed into him, knocking him to the floor so that Hermione was between his knees and her face was pressed over his shoulder. He adjusted himself so that he could reach one hand up to grab at his wand. Panicking, Hermione bunched up her hindquarters and launched herself forward, accidentally pushing off of one of Severus's feet, her claws digging into the dragon hide leather of his boot.

He twisted underneath her as she flew forward so that his arms wouldn't get pulled out of their sockets. She just made it over his head before she hit the floor, one of her back legs narrowly missing his ear. Hermione was tugged forcefully back around so that she was face to face with Severus. Both arms were outstretched and gripping either side of her head, hands still curled around her collar. His eyes were glazed and he was breathing heavily. His mouth was close to her nose and every time he exhaled Hermione got woozy from the strong stench of the firewhiskey that overwhelmed her sensitive nose.

They stayed that way for a moment until they both moved at once, Severus removing one hand from her neck to grab at his wand, Hermione pushing herself to the right, breaking free from his grasp at last. She sprinted down the hall, making it only a few feet from the door to her room before a feral growl came from behind her and an intense feeling of dread washed over Hermione. She was so screwed.

Two giant paws landed on her shoulders and an immense weight fell on top of Hermione, causing her legs to collapse under her. She slammed into the floor, her mouth opening in shock, causing the wand in her mouth to skitter across the floor ahead of her. Her lioness instincts immediately surged, and Hermione fought to keep control. The weight disappeared from on top of her as the tiger lunged forward to get the wand. Hermione rose and burst forward, grabbing one of the tiger's back legs between her two fore paws, causing him to whirl around with a snarl, his teeth bared and his eyes wild. Hermione watched as the last bit of Severus disappeared from the dark eyes, and she made the flash decision to let her lioness instincts take over. There was no more Severus and Hermione. There were only two large, wild cats ready to fight.

The lioness turned and sprinted down the hallway back to the living room, followed by the large tiger. They met behind the couch in the empty space between it and the door, circling one another. Their bodies were low to the ground, tails swishing, lips raised and snarls escaping between bared teeth. Both their ears were pinned; the tiger revealing a white spot and the lion revealing black ones on the soft fur of each ear. The tiger was much bigger than the lioness, and well muscled, although lean. The lioness was lean as well, and slightly ribby, but her legs moved under her easily and with utter silence; she practically glided across the floor. Each of the tiger's movements was purposeful and planned, and backed with experience. He waited for the rookie fighter to move, to make a mistake in her attack, so he could take the advantage.

But the lioness was smart. She knew she was inexperienced, and that the tiger was enraged. She waited for his patience and control to break, ready for him to charge, blinded with fury, so she could gain the upper hand.

They circled a few more times, and ended up both moving at once, both cats reaching their limits and needing to move, to fight. The tiger reared forward, front legs off the ground, paws and claws outstretched, hindquarters rippling with coiling muscles. The lioness ducked low and surged towards her enemy, aiming for his exposed underside. She snuck just below his sharp claws, opening her mouth to make contact with the soft white and black fur of his stomach.

The tiger brought it's two paws down to the lioness's back, digging into the flesh of her hips, forcing her hind end to the ground. The lioness twisted, planting her paws into the tiger's chest which was hovering above her face. She pushed with all her strength and lifted her mouth, biting at the skin directly behind the tiger's foreleg. The tiger growled with pain and lowered his head to bite the lioness's thigh, evoking a yowl from the lioness's throat, causing her to twist under him and scramble at the wood floor, trying to gain purchase so she could escape the teeth now implanted in her flesh and the claws digging into her. A few of her claws caught a crack in the wood floor and she hauled herself forward, surging with enough strength to shoot out from under the tiger to get her upper body over his back, reaching one foreleg over to the opposite side of his body to dig into the hollow in front of his hip, the other reaching around under his tail and slapping into his thigh, digging in ferociously.

The momentum of the attack caused the tiger to stumble slightly, and he tightened his grip with this claws on the lioness, but released his bite in order to raise his head up to balance himself. Relieved of the pain and pressure, the lioness was able to shift enough to scramble with her hind end to push herself up into a standing position. 

Now both felines had a hold on the other's hind end, which was not an advantageous position for either one. The tiger moved swiftly, releasing the lioness's hindquarters in order to brace himself on the floor to duck his head under her stomach, pushing her away from him in hopes she would release him and fall.

Instead, as the lioness's back legs flew off the floor, she used all of her strength in her core and upper body to pull herself around, her tail swinging wildly to help balance her. Her lower body now out of reach of the tiger, she pushed off the floor and released her forelegs from the tiger's hind end, reaching forward to grab around his neck as her back legs lifted off the ground and landed on his scarred back.

The tiger twisted his head around and met the lioness's movement, digging his canines into the exposed flesh under her neck as she tried to bring her own sharp fangs into the back of his. The lioness growled in fury, her throat vibrating in the tiger's mouth, and she released her right paw in order to smack it into the right side of the tiger's face, digging her claws in around his eye and in his cheek.

The tiger pushed himself sideways and fell, slamming both himself and the lioness on top of him into the floor. Still with his mouth dug into the lioness's throat, he rose over her, overpowering her and raising a paw into the air, striking it home and slashing it across her ribs before planting his paw down firmly on her back. He dug in with his claws, planted his other paw firmly on the floor, and tensed his body, moving his head forward to quickly grab more of the lioness's throat into his mouth, and he moved to pull backwards, to rip out the lioness's throat. 

The sound of the door to the quarters opening was lost in the screaming yowl of the lioness and the triumphant, ferocious roar of the tiger, only slightly muffled by the flesh in his mouth.

A flash of light and all that could be heard was the quiet, desperate whine of the lioness bleeding profusely on the floor.


	17. Change is Coming

Albus Dumbledore stood in the doorway of Severus's quarters, his wand raised and his brow furrowed, lips pressed in a thin line. His face was pale and slightly green with illness, his black and withered hand hanging limp at his side.

His eyes were focused on the tiger that he'd stunned for only a second before he turned his attention to the lioness on the floor underneath it. He paled even further and murmured something under his breath, his face softening with concern, and he rushed forward as fast as he could to her side. The tiger was lying limp over half of her body, his mouth open and lack, Hermione's blood flowing over his tongue and out the sides of his cheeks. Albus waved his wand over the unconscious form, focusing his magic and attention until the tiger was no longer present, but a man was. His clothes, which automatically appeared on an Animagus's body after transforming, were tattered. His hips were slashed and bleeding, and as Albus pushed his body off of Hermione's, he saw that the right half of his face was split open with mutliple gashes. With Severus now out of the way, Hermione struggled to her feet, blood pouring from her neck, eyes wide and teeth bared. 

Albus reacted quickly, stunning the lioness before she had a chance to strike him with the paw she was raising. Her body slumped to the floor and Albus sent his patronus quickly to request the aide of Minerva, Filius, and Poppy.

Albus moved and knelt over Hermione, working quickly to try to stop the bleeding. Albus had caught Severus just in time, knocking him out before he had a chance to rip Hermione's throat out, but she was still quite wounded; Severus's four canine teeth had punctured deeply into her neck and she was bleeding profusely.

The room was filled with a screaming silence that was left by nothing other than destruction. The only sound was the soft gurgle of blood from Hermione's throat and the exhausted breathing of Albus as he fought to stem the bleeding. Compared to the screaming, roaring, and thudding of two feline bodies that had filled the room moments before, the room seemed much too quiet, and it unnerved Albus. To him, the silence sounded like death. He was not healthy enough to deal with healing an Animagus form, and his magic was already depleted from trying to counteract the curse in his hand. If someone didn't respond to his patronus soon, Harry Potter's best friend and best chance of winning the war would perish.

Albus cursed under his breath and tossed his wand to the floor by his knees, leaning forward to press his good hand onto Hermione's neck until help came.

Just a few seconds later the sound of swishing robes caught Albus's attention, and he turned immediately towards the noise.

"Poppy, attend to Severus. Filius, Minerva, you must come up with a way to get Miss Granger back into her human form! I'm unable to stop the bleeding, and she's only just recovered from Harry's attack... She's lost a lot of blood, she needs -"

Exhaustion and pain suddenly overwhelmed Albus and he stopped speaking, swaying slightly, causing Minerva and Filius to rush forward to his aid.

"Oh Merlin, Albus! What happened to your hand?" Albus shook his head and pointed shakily to the lioness once again bleeding openly.

"Are you sure? Are you alright?" Minerva asked, glancing frantically from Hermione back to Albus, unsure of who to aid. Albus nodded firmly, and Minerva moved, kneeling by Hermione's head to address her neck.

"Filius, come here and help me!"

Filius and Minerva worked diligently, but to no avail, trying to get the bleeding to stop. They had, like Albus, given up on using magic, and were now trying to pack the wound on her neck with gauze summoned from Poppy's stores.

"Severus is healed and awake, Albus,"

Albus rested his head in his hands and groaned slightly.

"You should have left him unconscious, Poppy," he whispered, preparing himself for the outburst that would surely come from Severus, who was stirring on the other side of the room.

"I'm drunk, Poppy," were his first words, and a bottle of sober-up potion soared into the room into Poppy's outstretched hand. She gave it to Severus, and he swallowed it down, pressing his hands to his temple for a moment before opening his eyes and standing up from the couch where Poppy had moved him, scanning the room until his eyes fell on the mass of bloody lioness under the hands of Minerva and Filius.

"Oh, god." He whispered, horrified. He jumped up, oblivious to his healing injuries, and sprinted across the room, throwing himself down over Hermione's limp body.

"The magic won't work?" He asked frantically, waving his wand expertly over her neck. Filius and Minerva shook their heads and Minerva set a bloody hand on his shoulder as he moved to place his hand in her place.

"Severus."

He ignored her, waving his left hand to get Hermione's diagnostics. The numbers swirled in the air for a brief moment, then disappeared, and Severus pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Her body will no longer accept healing magic. It's still exhausted from the last time, and is now resisting it. The body finds it un-natural, thinks it's dangerous," he mumbled, shoving his wand back into his pocket and motioning for Minerva to move out of the way so he could take over.

"But she's got a chance. Minerva, summon me my cauterizer,"

"I'm sorry. You're what?" Minerva responded, twisting her face up in confusion.

"My cauterizer! We're going to have to use Muggle techniques to save her," Minerva and Filius exchanged a look and Severus bellowed, "Now!"

"Accio Severus's cauterizer," Minerva finally said, swishing her wand. A white stick with a pointed end flew through the air and Minerva caught it like it might bite, handing it gingerly to Severus, who grabbed it out of her hand and clicked a button, causing it to buzz loudly.

Severus grabbed his wand out of his pocket again and enlarged the object in his hand, pressing the button again, this time lowering the white pen like object into one of the wounds in Hermione's neck.

The smell of burning flesh and blood filled the room, causing everyone but Severus to fight the urge to gag at the thick stench. Poppy came up to Severus's side, concerned.

"What are you doing to the poor girl, Severus?!"

"I'm saving her,"

"But how? You're burning her flesh off!"

"I'm not, Poppy. I'm cauterizing it. Burning it so the wound closes and can't bleed,"

"Really?"

"Muggle's aren't always as useless and ignorant as they seem, are they?" He responded rhetorically, lifting the cauterizer from the wound he'd been working on. It was burnt,and still bleeding a little, but nothing like it had been before. Minerva, Filius, and Poppy all leaned closer.

"Oh," Filius said, whistling slightly.

"Shouldn't you stitch it now? Isn't that the Muggle method?" Poppy asked, eyes narrowed in concentration as she observed Severus work. Severus shook his head.

"No. You never close up an animal bite like this, they get infected much too easily."

"An animal bite? What bit her?!" Minerva asked, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Severus frowned deeply and ignored her, turning his attention to Hermione's remaining wounds. Once they were all sealed, he waved his wand over her, casting a cleansing charm to rid her of the blood. Then he stood, cleaned himself, and turned to Albus, who was sitting on the floor a few feet away. He fixed the old man with his most intense glare and stalked away towards his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Filius and Minerva exchanged a brief look before Poppy raced to Albus's side, fussing over him and telling Minerva and Filius that she'd be taking him up to the hospital wing.

"Would you like our help, Poppy?" Minerva asked, moving to walk over to assist.

"No, dear. You stay with Hermione here. I don't know what happened, but she shouldn't be alone with Severus," Poppy instructed. 

"No," Albus said weakly, causing everyone to turn to him. "Get Severus to stay with her,"

Eyebrows rose, and Poppy asked,

"Are you sure, Albus? It looks like Severus was involved, somehow. Did you see his face?"

"Poppy," he croaked weakly, "I'm sure."

\-------

A knock on Severus's door caused him to pause in his pacing, and he turned towards the sound.

"Severus," It was Minerva. "I know you're in there,"

Severus rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"Obviously."

He could hear Minerva huff, but was in no mood to find humour in it.

"You need to come out. Albus wants you to stay with Hermione once she's awake. She's stirring now,"

Severus's heart started beating faster in his chest.

"That's not the wisest idea, Minerva," He said, making his voice sound as threatening as possible.

"I don't give a damn, Severus. Get your arse out here before I break down the door and drag you out!"

Severus had every confidence that his wards would hold, but he was not so confident that Albus would not use his power as Headmaster to make the castle open up to let Minerva in. He would be listening to see if Severus did as he was told, and if he didn't, Albus would interfere.

The fucking meddling old prick.

Severus stormed over to his door and wrenched it open, brushing past Minerva to sit himself angrily in his arm chair, only to find Filius sitting in it. Letting out a growl, he turned away, moving to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace.

"Must you pace, Severus?" Filius asked, frowning in his direction. Severus turned towards him and silenced him with a snarl. Minerva walked over to where Hermione was lying on the couch and knelt by her face, stroking her head softly.

"Hermione?" She cooed, like she was talking to her own child.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Severus said in a dull, uninterested drone.

"Oh, really? And why not?" Minerva asked, not moving from her position.

The lioness's eyes shot wide open and she reacted instantly to the person hovering over her in her space, striking out with her paw and knocking her violently away before jumping up, snarling visciously and glancing around the room, her hackles raised and claws digging into the leather of the couch.

"That's why," Severus breathed under his breath, looking at Minerva long enough to make sure she was unharmed before turning his attention to the lioness.

"Hermione, remember what I taught you," Severus said slowly, meeting the lioness's dark amber eyes steadily with his own. "Focus on your imagery, focus on yourself. Forget about the lioness. Forget about everything she senses. Focus inside your mind. Don't try to over power her. Don't try to force her down. Just focus on your imagery," His voice was smooth, steady and low. It was mesmerizing to hear, like what a pendulum would sound like if it had a voice.

The lioness let out a growl in response, her tail swishing dangerously from side to side.

"Hermione," he said again, never looking away from her eyes, "You can do this."

"Rrraow," the lioness garbled, blinking in surprise at the pain that no doubt rose as her throat vibrated from the sound. She shook her head and looked back up at Severus, her eyes hard and determined. Severus was the enemy. Severus lifted his hands, holding them in front of him, before taking a step back towards the fireplace.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Hermione."

Oh god, how this pained him. He'd turned on the one person he'd never wanted to hurt, the one person whom he actually wanted in his life, his one friend. He'd turned on her and almost killed her. He was no better than Potter. He was no better than the Dark Lord. Oh no, he was worst. Far worst. He was so selfish.

He would never hurt her again.

After this, he would never let her close enough.

Hermione heard Severus faintly at the edge of her consciousness, saw him vaguely, standing in front of her, but she couldn't focus on any of it. The lioness was in charge. She could feel the rage and the power flowing through her veins, the strength in her bones, and it was oh so potent, and it felt so good, to lose power like that. To let the lioness surge, to see red in front of her pupils, to let loose and feel the adrenaline burn through her. It was like a drug. It was so easy to be like this. All her problems, gone. The lioness would take care of her. Keep her alive. She didn't need anyone, not like this. The lioness was freeing. Is this what Harry felt like when Voldemort influenced his mind?

Harry.

Oh, god. She couldn't leave Harry. 

No, she couldn't let the lioness take over. She was stronger than that. She had a life to live, she couldn't give it up just because it seemed easier to be a wild cat. She was seeing now, what Severus and Professor Dumbledore meant... She understood now how others that stayed in their Animagus forms too long lost themselves completely. 

She couldn't do that. 

"Just focus on your imagery." The words danced around the edge of her control, just barely out of reach. A whisper, a light breeze, and it took her a moment to understand what he was saying, what it meant. 

"Hermione. You can do this." She was Hermione. She wasn't a wild lion, she wasn't Nyota, she was Hermione. 

She heard herself make some sort of noise, a strange, confused garbled sound, and a strong, aching pain overwhelmed her throat and her eyes widened, fear and rage rising up again. 

She'd been hurt, she'd been hurt by the man in front of her. That blurry figure that Hermione saw the lioness could see clearly, and it was the enemy. 

"I'm not going to hurt you, Hermione." No, no, he was not the enemy, something was wrong, but he wasn't evil. She knew that. Didn't she? 

Focus, Hermione. 

What had he said? 

Imagery. Focus on the imagery. 

Hermione focused. The cauldron appeared before her, and then the ingredients and the bench and the bubbling liquid, calming draught, and Hermione started reciting the process for brewing slowly to herself, preparing and adding ingredients as she did. The smell grew stronger, and she could feel herself relaxing, focusing, but something was missing. 

Ah, there it was.

Severus, standing over her shoulder, his scent and presence the last thing she needed to regain control. 

No, he couldn't be evil. He couldn't. 

Something was wrong. 

Hermione opened her eyes and saw Severus clearly in front of her. He must have been able to tell the difference in her gaze, because she saw his tense body relax slightly, his shoulders dropping and his chest lowering as he breathed out deeply. He held her gaze for a moment before looking over to Professor Flitwick. 

"You find a way to change her back, and you do it fast. Stop fucking around. This isn't a game, it isn't amusing, it isn't anything but dangerous." He looked at Professor McGonagall. "Change her back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I just want to say thank you to everyone who's read this and commented, and made it through the awful cliff hanger from the last chapter! Sorry about that ;) As for this chapter, I hope I didn't disappoint, but I'm a bit nervous I did. I've been quite sick so I haven't been able to be on the computer for very long without getting a migraine, so I didn't get a chance to do much in depth research on the best way for Severus to save Hermione (and I didn't want you guys to have to wait even longer to find out what happened next) I figured cauterizing the wounds would work, and it was better than having Hermione bleed to death, so *sheepish shrug* hopefully you guys don't mind too much! And I'm sorry if you do, and it makes the story seem unrealistic or anything like that, because that wasn't my intention and I definitely don't want to ruin it for you by being inaccurate, but it was my only option at the time. If you know anything about medicine please comment if you can think of a better, more realistic way for Severus to stop the bleeding and I'll change it! Who knows, though, maybe I'm not that far off and it's all right. I look forward to the comments and thanks again for reading! You're all so awesome!!! :D


	18. Mental Masochist

Severus paced his quarters, his chest rising and falling rapidly, sweat beading and falling down his ashen face. His head was bowed and his lank black hair fell in a curtain, blocking everything from sight except the ground directly below his feet. Minerva and Filius had left about a half hour ago, after tending to Hermione a bit more, and leaving her to rest in her room. Severus had to check on her soon, but he wasn't mentally ready for it yet.

He'd almost destroyed her.

He'd almost ripped her throat out and watched her die with pride filling his chest.

Almost was too close. He'd been too close. He'd come back from Dumbledore's visit and shut her out, gone to drink, acted like a fucking teenager trying to drown out his problems. He deserved what he got. He deserved what the Dark Lord and Albus were putting him through, but Hermione certainly didn't. She didn't deserve what he'd done to her. She'd have scars, now, from him, that she'd see every day for the rest of her life. His scars had healed, his face was spotless, but he'd marked her for life. He was sure he must have scarred her mentally as well.

Pain welled up in his chest at the thought. He'd hurt Hermione. He'd damaged her.

Would she ever look at him without fear in her eyes? Would she ever trust him again?

He hoped, desperately, that she wouldn't trust him ever again, that she wouldn't try to befriend him, that she would distance herself from him as much as she could under the circumstances.

A drop of sweat rolled down his hooked nose and he watched it fall to the floor, almost in slow motion.

He knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't block him out. She was too naive, too innocent, too Gryffindor... too Hermione. She would never give up on him, he didn't think. Which was admirable, it was, and it was what he'd always wanted - to have someone on his side, someone to believe in him, and stand by him, even when they weren't sure of his motives, even if they couldn't know the whole story, and he'd finally been on the verge of getting that, of solidifying that type of relationship with Hermione, and then he'd gone and almost killed her.

He wasn't sure he'd ever forgive himself for this. It had taken him long enough to forgive himself for what happened to Lily, well, actually, he still hadn't forgiven himself, had he? No, he hadn't, and he knew it wasn't his fault, not completely, but it didn't matter. He had to try to make up for what he'd done, and even that wouldn't be enough. He would die for the Light and it would never be enough. He wasn't even sure that he loved Lily. Now that he'd been friends with Hermione, he'd realized how unhealthy his and Lily's relationship had been. But it didn't matter. His feelings towards Lily, or lack thereof, didn't matter. What mattered was that he'd betrayed a friendship, a trust, and Lily and James had died because of it, and now their only son, a mere teenager, had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And what did he do? He fucked up again. He almost killed another innocent soul, he'd almost killed one of the only people he actually cared about, and now she was sleeping in a room down the hall with deep puncture wounds in her neck that his teeth had caused, and... he didn't know what to do about it.

He had no idea what he was going to do.

Hermione woke up to the scent of Severus, and she opened her eyes slowly, blinking the sleep from them as she lifted her head and looked in his direction.

He was standing in the doorway, his hands hanging loosely by his side, his brow furrowed, and his skin was so white, so pale, and Hermione could smell that he had just showered, but it didn't do anything to hide the scent of fear that was coming off him in waves.

She flicked her ears back in uncertainty, and she could see Severus's jaw clench, a vein pop on his throat.

"May I come in, Hermione?"

She nodded immediately. He must have thought she was afraid of him, so she forced her ears forward and tried to make her face as welcoming as possible, curling her lips up into what she hoped looked like a smile. She blinked slowly, a sign of comfort, and sighed as he made his way over to her bed. He said nothing until he was directly beside her, standing on the edge of the mattress. Hermione was lying in the middle of the round bed, and she wasn't about to move. She knew all too well what Severus's tendencies were, even though she technically hadn't been friends with him that long, but to her, it was glaringly obvious. He was a mental masochist. He emotionally tortured himself over every mistake he made, and this was no different. He'd gotten drunk, almost killed her, and she was certain he was feeling extremely guilty, and would want to push her away, and would torture himself over the pain he'd caused her until the end of time unless she did something about it. So no, she was staying right where she was, and Severus was going to climb right up on the bed with her and tend to her neck, dammit.

He seemed to realize that he was going to have to climb up on the bed, and his jaw flexed again as he tensed, but he thought about it and she was sure he would have felt guilty for asking her to move, so he placed a hand on the bed and raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"May I?"

She nodded her big lioness head once again, and he climbed gracefully onto the bed, scooting himself over so he was beside her head, his long legs stretched out alongside her.

"Actually, I'm going to go behind you. It'll make it easier." There was an unasked question in his statement, one of asking permission, and Hermione nodded yet again. She was not afraid of him. Severus had made a mistake. He'd gotten wasted, frankly, and Hermione had taken the one thing that allowed him to protect himself, his wand. Of course he'd been afraid and gotten defensive. He was a spy for Merlin's sake, she couldn't blame him in the least for the way he'd reacted. And as for the tiger, well, that had nothing to do with Severus.

She'd come to terms with what had happened in the time she was supposed to be sleeping, and although at first she had been afraid, she had been hurt, by Severus and his actions, she had come around and looked at the situation through his eyes and realized that he'd not really intended to hurt her.

She'd also thought about what the hell must have happened for him to come back to the quarters in such a state, and she was determined to find out.

Once she made a friend, she stuck with them, and Severus was no exception. Well, he was an exception, but only because he was turning out to be the best friend she'd ever had. And she wasn't going to watch him mentally kill himself over something like this. She was fine, really, and he needed to realize that, and accept it, and she was going to do everything she could to make sure he did.

Severus shifted over her, setting himself directly behind her, and he pulled her close to him, cradling her head in one arm and moving his other over her to address the bandages on her neck.

He was so gentle, and Hermione had never felt more safe than she did in his arms.

She wished she could tell him that.

She relaxed completely, sighing loudly to try to display the message that she was entirely at ease, and she glanced up, trying to see his face. She couldn't. His hair was draped down over it.

She blew out through her mouth, watching with a mix of amusement and irritation as the hair blew back and then fell again over his face. He ignored her. She did it again. He glared at her, then caught himself, and fixed his features into impassiveness. He returned to removing the bandages from her neck.

She huffed, then did it again, furrowing her brow at him and snarling in warning when he went to bend back down without fixing his hair.

He removed his hand and looked at her, frowning.

"What?"

Hermione braced one leg out and pushed up, bringing her face towards Severus's. She felt his body stiffen and his breathing quicken and she knew he was about to move away.

She nuzzled the hair behind his ear and flopped back down into his arms.

He was utterly puzzled at what she'd done, and it made her sad. She wanted to see his face. Had no one ever done that to him before? Had people always let him shut himself out, without even trying, without even showing that they didn't want him to? Without even telling him how much their loss of his friendship hurt them, how much he meant to them? More than ever Hermione wished she had her voice, so she could tell him all of this. She desperately hoped it wouldn't be the first time he'd heard words like that, but she had a feeling that it would be. Her heart tightened and she had to close her eyes to keep a tear from falling.

In this moment, she wanted nothing more than to be human again. Even if it meant she couldn't live with Severus anymore. Even if it meant she would have no reason to be around him, that it would be even easier for him to push her away. If she became human right now, Severus would undoubtedly push her away and she wouldn't be able to do much about it, so no, really, she didn't want to be human until she'd convinced him to get over what had happened, and she knew she could do that better through her actions than through her words, because words to him probably meant nothing, they were easy, they were lies, they were manipulative, but how she wanted to be human in this moment so she could tell him what he meant to her.

He worked in silence, and Hermione lie still. He removed her bandages, cleaned the wounds and applied some ointment, leaving her neck unwrapped as he got up off the bed.

"Do you need anything?" He asked, not looking at her directly. She shook her head no. His curtain of hair fell again and he went to the doorway, pressing his hand against the wall, the light going out in the room. There was a torch lit in the hallway, and it cast a warm glow on his face, and she watched as his head dropped and turned slightly and he stood like that for a moment, until he moved to leave and she barely heard him whisper,

"I'm so sorry, Hermione."

And then he was gone.

Hermione thought her heart might just break.

Severus made his way back to his quarters. Normally, something like this would have driven him to drink. He would never touch a drink again. He'd lost that privilege. No, from now on, he was facing every single problem without the help of alcohol. No more numbing the pain, no more temporary relief. He didn't deserve that anymore, and he'd never risk getting inebriated and hurting someone close to him ever again.

So he paced. He paced, and ran his hands through his lank hair, and sweat, and thought about everything he'd done wrong and how he could never fix it and how he'd hurt Hermione and how kind she'd been, how trusting, so welcoming, and it broke his heart, it broke him to be near something so good and pure when he was so evil and corrupt. He couldn't taint her. But he already had, and it killed him.

He wanted to have nothing to do with her ever again, but he'd realized that wasn't what Hermione wanted. It pained him, the thought of leaving her alone, but it pained him even more to be near her. To see what he'd done. To see who he'd hurt. But he deserved it. He fucking deserved it. He deserved much worse.

Sp he'd suffer through it eagerly to make sure Hermione was taken care of correctly until she was human again.

A thump on his door shook him from his thoughts.

What the fuck?

Severus spun on his heels and his wand was in his hand in an instant.

He strode over to the door, wand raised, and swung it open. Something shot between his legs, almost knocking him over, and he jumped, mouth forming a spell, until he recognized the tan pelt and he dropped his wand to the floor with a clatter as if it had shocked him.

He picked his wand up swiftly and pocketed it, then stood, completely unsure of what to do. He watched as Hermione climbed on to the chair beside his bed and turned a circle, plopping down and resting her head on her paws.

Severus recovered, and opened the door wider, motioning for her to get down and return to her room.

"Hermione, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you need to rest. Please, go."

She closed her eyes and sighed in response.

"Hermione." he growled, trying to be stern, although it hurt him.

But she couldn't be in his rooms, for Merlin's sake. Definitely not.

She didn't even flinch.

What was she doing? He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"Hermione, I'm being serious. You can't be in here with me."

She opened her eyes and shook her head in the negative, her eyes slightly moist, and he felt his heart racing.

"I hurt you Hermione. I could do it again, please leave."

She let out a low whine and shook her head again before lowering it back down onto her paws with an air of finality, continuing to stare at him, as if in challenge.

"Hermione," his voice cracked and he cleared his throat weakly.

She wasn't going to leave. For whatever reason, to torture him, to make him feel worse, who knew, she was staying, and he was going to have to either sleep on the couch (she would follow him though, wouldn't she) or he was going to have to deal with it.

He closed the door and reset his wards, then went to the bathroom and closed the door, bracing his hands on the sides of his sink, fighting to control his emotions.

He turned on the tap and splashed cold water up on his face, scrubbing furiously at his eyes, which were turning red with the tears he refused to let fall.

Why was this affecting him so badly?

He hardly knew the girl, really.

So he'd spent a few weeks with her, and had a nice time, it meant nothing.

Bull fucking shit.

He couldn't lie to himself about that. She may be a student stuck in a lioness body, but he'd had the best time in the past few weeks in her company than he'd had with anyone ever in his life.

Bloody fucking hell.

Why did he have to go and fuck everything up?

Why in the ever-loving fuck did Voldemort and Albus have to fucking control his life?! Between the two of them, his life had been destroyed, ruined, obliterated. They'd both offered him redemption, hope, a place to belong, and he'd been fool enough to believe it. How fucking stupid was he? He hated them, he hated them so much. He could blame himself for many things, but this... This was something he struggled with constantly. He wasn't the only one they manipulated, he wasn't the only one they controlled. He hated it, but he couldn't have known, could he? No, he couldn't have. Even he wasn't that good, that smart, that observant, that pessimistic. He'd never imagined what the Dark Lord and Albus could have done to him, what they could have done to his life, and to those that he cared about. Those very few people he cared about. Well, he'd certainly learned his lesson from that.

And now, in the next room, his latest victim. Maybe he hadn't learned his lesson after all.

The mirror in front of his face shattered.

Severus felt the anger overwhelm him, pure, red, burning anger, and the last thing he did before he lost all coherent thought was cast a silencing charm.

It wouldn't do for Hermione to hear him destroy his entire bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling much better, thank you to everyone who expressed concern! So... Sorry about this chapter... I know a lot of you absolutely did not want Severus to try to push Hermione away. All I can say is that sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better, and to please trust me because I promise things will change and get better soon! Also, I know this was mostly a chapter of internal thought/reflection (as quite a few of my chapters have been) but the plot will get moving and quite quickly starting a bit in the next chapter and then definitely in the chapter after next. I'm trying not to get too reflective or too deep into the thoughts of Severus/Hermione because then the story doesn't move along, so if you feel like I'm not balancing it enough definitely let me know. Both Hermione and Severus are quite reflective though, in my personal opinion, so I don't want to leave that part out entirely either.
> 
> Oh, and thanks for everyone who commented about the whole cauterizing thing! I'm glad that the consensus seems to be that it was a realistic method to close off the wounds! :)
> 
> Lastly, I'm not quite sure what constitutes a 'popular' fanfiction, since it depends on the fandom and the ship, etc. and I don't know how many views is considered 'good' or whatever, (nor do I care) but collectively on all the websites I've posted this (here, Wattpad, and fanfiction.net) I've got over 56,000 views or so which is CRAZY to me! The fact that there are that many people from all over the world that have actually read this and commented and possibly enjoyed it just blows my mind, wow, it's incredible. Thank you all SOOO MUCH! I'm 17 and my parents don't really think writing is a useful way to spend my time because it 'doesn't pay the bills', so it means so so so much to me that so many people have read this and written supportive comments and wow, I love you all! You're the best!
> 
> So yeah, I just wanted to say thank you, and that I appreciate all of you who are reading this so much, and I hope you have a great week! :)


	19. A Keen Ear

Hermione heard three loud shatters and then nothing.

He'd cast a silencing charm.

What was he doing? Was he alright? She wanted to go to the bathroom door, to check on him, but she wouldn't. She couldn't. He needed his privacy. She had to leave him be and hope for the best. She couldn't push him any further.

So she stayed curled up in the chair, her tail tightly wound around her legs, and tried to calm the nerves that were fluttering through her body, making her her hackles stand on end.

-

Severus looked down at his bleeding knuckles and sighed. Clenching his teeth, he waved his wand and the bones snapped back into place. Another wave of his wand and the blood was cleared, and the skin began healing over itself.

He lifted his head and looked around. He was standing amidst nothing but broken glass and ceramic. Sighing again, he got to work on repairing everything in the bathroom. It was a slow process, half due to the overwhelming exhaustion he now felt, and partly due to the fact that the objects he was repairing had practically been obliterated. He was lucky he could repair them at all.

He had no idea how long he'd been in there, yelling and throwing punches at the wall, and turning his wand on everything his eyes fell on, and he'd no clue how long it had taken him to clean up the mess, and shower, but he knew it had been quite a while, so he was surprised to see Hermione awake when he left the bathroom.

She looked up at him instantly, her eyes wide, and Severus felt pain and surprise well up inside him again. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the idea that someone was worried about him.

And he didn't deserve it.

No, stop. He shook his head. He couldn't think like that right now, or he'd be right back in the bathroom before too long, destroying everything all over again. He needed to be in control of himself.

He'd already changed into his night wear, a pair of cotton pants and a white t-shirt. He expected Hermione to rake her eyes over his body in surprise, but as he watched her, she gave him a warm lioness grin and lowered her head, closing her eyes.

He ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed silently to himself, sparing a moment longer to look at the lioness, before turning and pulling back the covers of his bed, lying with his back towards her and planting his face into the mostly flat pillow, fully aware that he would not get a moment's sleep.

As it turned out, he only had about 3 hours in bed until he had to get up and prepare for the day anyway. He was glad to see that Hermione didn't wake as he got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. She seemed quite comfortable in his chair, which was a piece of furniture that he hated and had no idea why he'd kept, but then again, lions were a bit different than humans, and he'd seen cats lie in weirder places.

He brushed his teeth, then dressed quickly, fingers moving without thought over the buttons of his crisp white shirt and vest. He tied his cravat and put on his frock coat, flicking his wand, the buttons doing themselves up in a matter of seconds.

He pulled on his dragon hide boots and tied them up tightly. He slipped his wand in the small holder hidden up his sleeve, and went back out to his room.

He had to tend to Hermione's neck again before he left to his office to catch up on some grading. He approached her silently, then cleared his throat and said quite hoarsely,

"Hermione, wake up."

She did, although slowly and groggily, no doubt due to her body fighting to heal itself.

"I need to tend to your neck before I leave." He told her, and she nodded absently, hopping down off the couch and lowering herself into a stretch. She stuck her forelegs out and her rump rose into the air, tail swinging leisurely as her back arched and chest grazed the floor. Then she rose her chest up and stretched the other direction, lowering her stomach to the floor while stretching her back legs out straight behind her. Then she stood, shook slightly, yawned, and turned to him expectantly.

He cleaned the salve that he'd applied previously and titled her head back so the light could illuminate her neck, allowing him to examine her wounds more closely.

They looked the same as they had before, ultimately, but that was to be expected. It would take them a while to heal. He was just glad it seemed the cauterizer had worked, as the wounds had not reopened or bled since he'd used it.

He figured he should probably tell her this information. He took a deep breath and calmed his mind, refusing to let it wander to the fact that he had been the one to -

No. That's exactly where he didn't want his thoughts to go.

"They'll take a while to heal, but they seem to be doing nicely so far. No infection has set in, and they haven't reopened. I'll have to keep applying this healing and protective salve every few hours, and I'll leave your neck unwrapped from now on, since they've completely stopped bleeding. OK?"

She nodded slightly under his hands, and he released her chin so she could lower her head back down slightly. He accio'd the tin of salve and applied some more to her neck.

"There. I'll come back after breakfast to check on you, and then after every class I have. Is this agreeable?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

He raised an eyebrow in return, waiting for an answer. She shook her head no.

"And why not?"

Like she could answer, dumbass.

"Should I check on you more?" He asked. She shook her head in the negative.

"Less?" She shook her head again, firmly. He ran a hand through his hair, getting frustrated. There were no other options.

Unless...

"No, you're not accompanying me. You need to stay here and rest, to allow your body to focus on healing itself. Also, walking around will not help to keep the wounds from reopening. No."

Hermione stood and walked towards the door, swishing her tail as if instructing him to open in.

"Hermione, I mean it. No."

She ignored him, continuing to swish her tail pointedly at the door.

He wished he could apparate inside the school, then he wouldn't have to fight with the mass of stubborn lioness at his door. Bloody hell.

"You can't be seen. Potter and Weasley will no doubt insist upon knowing what's happened to you."

This gave her pause, and she looked back at him, tilting her head slightly in thought.

-

That was a good point, and Hermione looked back over her shoulder at Severus. Sneaky little bastard. Well, he'd have to deal with it, wouldn't he?

No, that was just cruel. Harry and Ron would immediately jump to the conclusion that it was Severus's fault, and given how Severus liked to make things difficult for himself, and how badly he'd probably like to have Hermione out of his life, he would use the opportunity to have Ron and Harry complaining to the Headmaster about how Hermione's life was in danger and how Hermione should no longer be under Severus's care. Dammit.

But she wanted to be around Severus. She wanted to be around him until he let her back in. She had to get him to let her back in.

Then again, if she didn't show up at breakfast and during class, Harry and Ron would know that something was wrong anyway.

So she'd go with him, right? How obvious were her wounds? What if she just kind of tucked her chin in while she walked? And really, she could stay quite out of sight throughout the day. She'd keep Severus between her and the students in the hall, and could lie under the table with her back to the class so the students couldn't see her neck.

Yes, that's what she'd do.

He wasn't going to have an easy time getting rid of her, not at all.

She was one determined, intelligent, stubborn, Gryffindor lioness, and she was going to prove it.

-

Severus was not happy. He felt incredibly guilty about feeling unhappy, but he was unhappy all the same.

Hermione was lying at his side at the High Table.

She was too smart for her own good. Of course she'd thought of a way to stay glued to his side all day despite the fact he'd almost killed her just a few hours ago.

He still couldn't figure out why she wasn't terrified of him.

He was having a very difficult time keeping himself from trailing his fingers over her soft ears.

That part of their relationship was over. It had to be.

If it didn't end, she would get hurt again.

She could try to weasel her way back into his life the way she had before, but he wasn't going to let it happen.

He couldn't, wouldn't, watch her get hurt because of him again.

Severus was getting ready to leave the Great Hall early to prepare his classroom when he heard a throat clear behind him quite pointedly. Groaning inwardly, he turned around, glaring down the table towards where Albus was seated.

"Severus, my boy," he said cheerfully, waving his good hand in the air. "Meet me in my office."

Severus raised a lip in irritation, but inclined his head before turning swiftly on his heel and striding swiftly out of the Hall, barely resisting the urge to flip Albus the bird as he went.

Severus began preparing himself mentally as he made his way towards the Headmaster's office. No doubt he would be on the receiving end of a heated lecture in regards to what he'd done to Hermione, and he didn't need to hear it. He could give himself grief just fine without Albus.

But no. He'd have to listen to Albus go on about how irresponsible and selfish he was, how he had endangered the success of the Light, how his actions were despicable, that of a child, how Albus was disappointed in him and had expected more, how Severus was putting Albus in a difficult position because Severus was making it look like he wasn't truly fighting for the Light.

He'd heard it all before, but it never got any easier. He had looked up to Albus once, saw him as a beacon of hope and redemption, had felt his guiding hand on his back and been comforted by it. Not anymore. He'd seen the real side of the old bearded man, and it was cruel, manipulative, sometimes Severus would ever go as far to say it was heartless.

But, still... as much as Severus hated it, Albus's words meant something to him. As much as he despised himself for it, he wanted to hear Albus praise him, acknowledge him, validate him.

He knew better than to get his hopes up, now. He'd learned that he would never hear a kind word directed towards him in the privacy of Albus's own office, where he could speak openly and honestly, spitting knives into Severus as easily as he patted Harry on the head when he succeeded at some petty little task.

Severus grit his teeth and grumbled the password, closing his eyes for a moment as the Griffin in front of him spun around, revealing the staircase to Albus's office .

He wouldn't let Albus get a rise out of him. He wouldn't let his words hurt him, affect him, no, not this time.

Severus's eyes opened and they were hard and cold, deceivingly shallow, fascinatingly empty.

He made his way up the stairs, his mind calm and clear, the anger and trepidation he felt rising up in him as soon as his dragon hide boots hit the marble of the stairs forced down deep under his shields, hidden from everyone, including himself. He refused to feel anything.

He'd momentarily forgotten about the lioness at his side, God, Hermione, and he looked down at her with his empty eyes and felt nothing, forced himself to remain a hollow, empty shell, and he distantly heard his mouth form the words, his throat rumble the syllables,

"Stay here. "

He had not expected the concern in her eyes, the whine that escaped her parted mouth between her pearly fangs, he would never expect it, could never prepare himself for it, and he felt a pang of warmness in his heart threatening to melt the ice that encased it, and he turned away. He had to. He had to in order to stay sane.

He entered the room without knocking, letting the heavy wood door swing shut behind him, slamming in Hermione's face.

Don't think about her. She's fine .

Albus was already seated in his chair, and looked up as Severus walked in.

"Severus. Have a seat." he said, not rising from his chair.

"I'll stand." Severus said stiffly, only moving a few feet into the room. He slipped his wand into his pocket and crossed his arms behind his ram rod straight back, his hands clenched into fists.

"Lemon drop?" Albus asked, his blue eyes twinkling, not with kindness, but mischievousness. He would drag it out, keep up the façade until Severus was finally forced to break it. Severus always had to be the bad guy.

"What is the meaning of this meeting, Albus?"

The twinkle faded instantly. God, those blue eyes could turn fierce in an instant. The speed at which Albus could change his aura was unnerving, but Severus ignored it. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before.

"You know why, Severus." Albus said, his aged voice firm, and Severus fought, trying to keep himself cold, emotionless, but he felt the words slice through his flesh as easily as if he were made of butter, felt them drive through the defenses he had so painstakingly devised, felt himself bleed as Albus said sternly, "You almost killed her."

-

Hermione pressed her ear against the wooden door and listened. She remembered that day she had first turned into a lioness, remembered how she'd been cowering behind the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk, and how she could hear him and Severus speaking outside the door as easily as if they were standing right beside her.

They had no idea. She could hear every word.

And dear Merlin, it was horrible.

"You almost killed her, Severus. Do you know what that would have done? Do you have any idea how that would have affected the War? She is crucial to our success, Severus. She is the smartest of the trio, she is the responsible one, the wise one. Harry and Ron would not last without her. And you almost killed her!" There was a slamming sound, and Hermione flinched.

"Whose side are you on, Severus? Are you truly on our side? You certainly don't act like it!"

Footsteps. Dumbledore's voice grew louder, clearer.

"Are you truly on our side, Severus?" He asked again. He didn't wait for an answer.

"How am I supposed to trust you if you behave like this, if you put everything at risk?" Dumbledore's voice dropped to a dangerous whisper, and Hermione imagined he was intruding Severus's space in this moment, probably lowering his face close to Severus's, staring dangerously into his eyes. Her hackles rose and she felt herself tremble.

"I am on your side, Albus. Of course you can trust me." Severus's voice was firm, strong, unwavering.

"It's easy for you to lie, isn't it? You deceive Tom Riddle, and he has no idea..."

"You ask me to lie to him, and I do it, because I am on your side."

"You're not like the others, Severus. You are a risk. You don't get to make mistakes. You don't get second chances. This is your second chance."

"I know." Severus's voice was suddenly low, soft... broken.

"You killed them, and you almost killed her." Hermione shivered.

"I know..." How could his voice sound so weak, so vulnerable, so pitiful? Why wasn't he sticking up for himself? He didn't let anyone speak like that to him, ever. He'd killed who?

"You're going to take over the research on transforming Hermione back. You will transform her back. And then you will never speak to her again."

"Of course."

"You don't deserve her, Severus."

Silence.

"You know that, don't you?"

No, no, no, no, no. He couldn't be doing this. He couldn't be this cruel.

"I know."

"You will do what I asked, and quickly. I don't trust you with her anymore. I'll be watching."

Dumbledore must have waved his hand in dismissal, because she could hear Severus's feet heading towards the door. She made to move away, but Dumbledore spoke again, and she hovered, her ear near the door, and gasped as she heard him say,

"And Severus? Don't forget about your other tasks. You will aid Draco, and you will kill me... and Miss Granger better be human before that happens."

Severus remained silent, but he must have cast Dumbledore a venomous look, because he spoke again.

"Don't give me that look, Severus. This is your fault. I'm disappointed in you, and how you've handled this. You have a responsibility to the Light, Severus, and sometimes it's difficult, but you have to remember who you're doing it for, and why you're doing it, and you have to grit your teeth and get through it like a man, not by going down to your quarters and getting wasted like a teenager."

"Don't talk about things you don't understand, Albus. You have no idea what you're asking of me."

"I do, Severus. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know." His voice was condescending, but then it softened, and he added,

"I've been through two wars, Severus. I know what it's like. I know the weight of what I'm asking you."

"I disagree." Severus replied, and Hermione could hear the anger rising in his voice.

"You always disagree."

"For a reason, Albus. You know full well that this school will turn into a torture chamber once you're gone and I'm in charge. I won't be able to protect anyone, no matter how hard I try. I'll be the enemy. No one will trust me. I can send information to the Order all day, but they won't believe a word of it. You haven't thought this through, Albus. Your plan doesn't make sense."

"That is your opinion, Severus, and it isn't going to change my mind. I've made it up. I'm the one in charge. I give the orders, and you take them." He stressed, and Hermione could feel the tension rising from where she was standing on the other side of the door, could taste in on her tongue, it was so palpable.

"Now, leave. You have classes to teach."


	20. Two Types of Stubborn

Severus was broken. But more than that, he was livid. He had never been more furious with someone other than himself in a very long time. Not since Voldemort had killed Lily and James, and even then, he'd blamed himself more than anyone else. 

But now? Oh, he was absolutely enraged with Albus Dumbledore. 

The nerve of that man. He knew exactly what to say, exactly what buttons to press, exactly how to kill Severus's spirits, his confidence, his self-worth, despite the fact that Severus hardly had any to begin with. 

This time he'd gone too far. 

Now that Severus wasn't in the same room as the man, he no longer felt small, no longer felt controlled, no longer felt the weight of those icy blue eyes, and he could think clearly. 

He was thinking that there was no way in hell he was going to let Albus take the one good thing in his life away from him. 

Fuck pushing Hermione away. He would keep her close, and he'd do everything to protect her, and he would keep her safe. He would not fucking fail.

Fuck the manipulative old bastard. He thought he knew everything, did he? He thought he could take away the one good thing in Severus's life under the guise that Severus was 'untrustworthy'? 

He was wrong. 

Severus wouldn't do what Albus wanted him to. Not this time. 

He could see through Albus's words clear as day. Albus didn't give a rat's ass about Hermione's safety, not at all. He wanted her alive merely for his plan, and on top of that, he didn't want to take Hermione away from Severus solely for her safety either. No, Albus wanted to take Hermione away from him because he wanted to keep Severus broken, so that his only hope was winning the war, so that Albus could control his every move, so that he remained alone, focused only on his tasks. 

Well, too fucking bad for him. Albus's little speech had done exactly the opposite of what he had intended it to. 

Severus had been ready to push Hermione away for good. 

Not anymore. 

\---

Hermione couldn't believe what she'd just heard. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. It was too much, so much, she was completely overwhelmed.

She could only think one coherent thought: Dumbledore was an asshole.

Of course he was in a difficult position, being the leader of one side of a horrible war, having to make extremely delicate, important decisions on a daily basis, but still... A leader wasn't emotionally manipulative like that, like how Dumbledore was. A leader motivated their soldiers, appreciated those who gave their lives for the cause, who suffered daily for the greater good. They didn't beat them down every change they got, and it was looking like that was exactly what Dumbledore was doing to Severus. 

He was ordering Severus to kill him, and take over the school? To make it official that he was truly Voldemort's? Making him become Headmaster, having him stand by and watch as the students he'd sworn to protect were tortured relentlessly? Severus would have no one, absolutely no one on his side. He'd be completely isolated. No one would know his true allegiance, no one would know that he was truly fighting for the Light. 

And even if that was absolutely necessary, the way Dumbledore had gone about getting Severus to do it was so horrible, absolutely despicable, it was verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and it made Hermione sick to her stomach. 

He treated Severus like an imbecile, like a child, like he didn't have a clue what he was doing. Dumbledore had thrown words at Severus like weapons. How he didn't trust Severus, how Severus was irresponsible, how disappointed he was in him... how he didn't deserve a friend, a confidant, how he did everything wrong, reiterating over and over again how he'd almost killed her. 

Hermione had no idea how Severus had made it this far. He must have absolutely no self-worth. He was hard enough on himself already, it was obvious to see that, and then he had to go listen to Dumbledore beat him down even further?

Hermione would have broken ages ago. She never would have lasted this long. 

She couldn't believe Dumbledore had said all those things. It was so horrible. 

She would do everything she could to ensure that Severus would not go through this alone. She would never leave his side. She would do everything in her power to show Severus how much he meant to her, how much she trusted him, how much she believed in him. She would support him no matter what. 

Hermione knew she could never undo what Dumbledore had done, she could never heal the wounds he'd caused, she could never change Severus's mindset, but she could show him how much she cared about him, and maybe that would be enough. 

\---

Severus didn't get a chance to talk to Hermione about what Albus had instructed him to do until later that evening. He cleaned and redressed her neck, then sat down in his recliner, sighing deeply and massaging his temples for a moment before opening his eyes and turning towards the lioness who was lying in front of the cackling fire. 

"Hermione." he said, and she looked up at him immediately.

"We need to talk." She tilted her head sideways, and Severus understood the unasked question. Were they going to talk like this, or was he going to transform into his Animagus?

"Hermione... After what happened before..." He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, and when he opened them, Hermione was resting her head on his knee and looking up at him reassuringly. Severus trailed a finger down her nose and furrowed his brow. 

"I don't know why you trust me so much, witch." He told her, lifting her head of his knee with one hand and rising from his chair. Hermione moved away from him to give him space, and Severus concentrated on transforming, and after a moment, his four clawed feet hit the floor, and he blinked at the lioness a few feet away.

He sat on his haunches, curling his long tail around his silvery white paws, and said through his mind,

"Professor Dumbledore has instructed me to take over the task of turning you back to your human form." 

It was a moment before she responded, but she did eventually, her voice low and soft.

"Do you... Do you think you'll be able to do it?"

"I am confident in my abilities."

"Have you gotten the information gathered by the other Professors?"

"No. They have nothing of value. I'll be starting from scratch." He paused, then asked. "Is this agreeable?"

"Yes, of course."

"Very well. We can start this evening. I'll begin with looking for any magical traces. It is possible that someone cast a very intricate, advanced curse on you in order to keep you in your Animagus form."

"Does one exist?"

"I've heard of one, vaguely, but I've never seen or heard of it actually being used."

"What did Professor Dumbledore say? You told him, right?"

"Of course I told him. What he said is... Irrelevant."

The old prick hadn't cared. He'd told Severus to butt out and to stop complaining and making up stuff to get Hermione out of his care. 

"How long will it take?"

"I'm not sure."

"Will you... Will you tell me what you're doing? I'd like to learn from this, if I can."

"Very well." He agreed. 

"Thank you." She said, giving him small smile. 

Severus inclined his head and transformed back into his human form, motioning for Hermione to settle herself onto the couch. 

"You will feel my magic wash over you, and it might be uncomfortable, but it won't hurt. I'm looking for any trace of foreign magic that might be present. I'll be casting a spell that you've already heard of, but I have a way of making it stronger and more effective. I'm sure that Professor McGonnagal and Professor Flitwick used this spell?"

Hermione nodded.

"They wouldn't be aware of the method I'll be using."

He didn't need to explain that what he would be doing was teetering on the edge of being considered Dark Magic. Hermione could put two and two together. 

"Basically, the spell I'll be using will give me a visualization of your magic. It appears in strands, each one representing different aspects of your magic. Your magic has a certain feel, a certain aura to it, and certain colors that represent each aspect. Once I get an understanding of your magic, I'll be able to look, and feel for something that doesn't belong. If I find it, I'll be able to isolate that strand from yours, and hopefully, I'll be able to identify it. Once I know what it is, I'll know how to address it. Any questions?"

She shook her head in the negative. 

"Once I start, I won't be able to explain what I'm doing. If you have any questions while I'm working, ask me after, and I'll answer them." She nodded. 

He pulled out his wand and waved it over her, murmuring the complex incantation under his breath. He spent a moment just getting a feel and understanding for her magic, and then he began looking.

There was no obvious trace of foreign magic, but Severus could feel something there, something that was familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on, not yet. 

He continued searching, going layer by layer through her magic, sorting through the swirling strands that appeared in the air above her still form. There was something there that didn't belong, he just needed to find it. 

There!

A dark green strand, almost black, incredibly thin, and wound tightly with her own magic. 

Severus was beginning to sweat from the intense concentration that the task required, but he continued on, oblivious. 

He twirled his wand expertly in his hand, his voice growing deeper as his focus honed in on the strand, and when he finally managed to pull it far enough away from Hermione's magic, the recognition of the origin of the strand caught him by surprise, and suddenly the strands were gone, and his hand was gripping the couch, and his vision was swirling. He was vaguely aware that he had a splitting headache, and that his hair was plastered to his wet face, but it didn't matter. 

What mattered was that the origin of the curse that had indeed been cast on Hermione was undoubtably from a Death Eater.


	21. Revelation

Severus didn't know what to think. How had this happened? What did they know? Who had done it?

He had transformed into a tiger before he'd realized, and he found himself standing with his hackles raised and his lips drawn up over his teeth, and his claws digging into the hardwood floor. Hermione had jumped up from where she'd been lying on the couch, and was looking down at him, her ears pinned back nervously.

Severus blinked and focused his attention on her, relaxing his body so as not to frighten her. He knew he wouldn't lose control of himself, but she didn't.

"Hermione... I found the curse." He told her. Her mouth parted slightly in surprise, and she said,

"What? You did?"

"Yes." He said. 

"Can you fix it? Who did it? Can you tell?"

"Yes, Hermione. I can tell. It was..."

"Who? Who did it?"

Severus took a deep breath and said slowly,

"It was a Death Eater."

They were both silent for a moment, and Severus could practically feel the wheels turning in Hermione's head. After a moment, he spoke up, asking softly, but firmly,

"Do you have any idea when this could have happened?" She nodded her head slowly, and he took a step towards her. 

"Tell me, Hermione." He pressed. 

"It must have been at the Ministry." She said, her voice a whisper in his mind. 

"The Ministry?" He asked, and then in a sudden rush it came back to him. Of course! Lucius's failure at the Ministry. When he'd tricked Potter and his gang to go after the prophecy, and Sirius Black had died. 

"How in the world did they know?" He said, more to himself than to Hermione. He hadn't expected her to respond, although she did. 

"Know what?" She asked, and he heard himself growl in frustration, but Hermione didn't seem to notice. She jumped down from the couch and approached him, staring intensely into his eyes. "Talk to me, Severus."

He paused a moment, then said,

"How did they know that you were taking Animagus lessons?"

There was another stretch of silence, both of them thinking rapidly, when Severus heard Hermione gasp. His eyes focused on her instantly, and he took a step closer, their noses almost touching. 

"What, Hermione?" He said, his voice deep and strong, reverberating through her mind. 

"Harry." She whispered, and then she was talking rapidly, and he took a step back, becoming overwhelmed. "It must have been Harry! Oh, God, I'll kill him. He lied to me! He told me the reason why he knew Sirius was at the Ministry was because he'd gone to look in the mirror Sirius had given him and Kreacher had told him that he'd been taken. But that wasn't what happened, was it? What if we're right? What if there's a connection, and Voldemort used it to trick Harry into thinking Sirius was at the Ministry? Can that happen? Could he do that? And if he could get in Harry's mind, he could have seen that we were going to be taking Animagus lessons, and -"

"He could have had the Death Eaters at the Ministry curse you into becoming trapped in your Animagus forms."

Hermione was breathing heavily, her eyes wide, and she nodded. She didn't have the energy to respond to him. 

Severus moved away from her and began pacing, his tail swinging absently from side to side, his claws still extracted and scratching the floors as he walked. His head was low and his eyes were moving from side to side as he lost himself in thought, trying to piece together past events, running through conversations he'd had with both Albus and the Dark Lord, searching for clues, trying to come to a conclusion on how this had happened. Hermione stood still, watching him, until she could stand it no longer.

"Severus?" She asked, and he stopped mid stride, turning his head slightly to look at her. 

"What?" He asked, his eyes unfocused.

"Are we going to talk about this?"

"Wha- Oh, yes, of course. My apologies." He said. He was still not used to having another person to discuss ideas with, or to confide in. 

"If there is a connection, and the Dark Lord has already realized it and has been using it to his advantage, then Albus must be made aware immediately. This has gone beyond us, now. The danger is too high to keep this to ourselves."

Hermione nodded, trying to slow her rapid breathing and gain control over the butterflies that were ravaging her stomach. This was a horrible situation. Much worst than she could have ever imagined. 

And she really, really didn't want to take this to Dumbledore. She wasn't sure she could keep herself from attacking the old jerk for what he'd just done, only that morning, to Severus, and what he'd been doing to him, it seemed, ever since Severus had pledged his allegiance to the Light. 

She felt a snarl rising up in her throat at the thought, but she swallowed it down. She didn't want Severus to know that she'd heard their conversation. She was sure he would only push her away. 

Severus looked at her, his eyes suddenly intense, and Hermione flicked her ears back in uncertainty. He took a step towards her.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" He asked, his deep voice rumbling through her mind. Hermione reveled in the strength of the vibrations of his words, and she felt a calmness settle down over her. She met his eyes and nodded. 

"Yes. Thank you." 

Severus nodded slightly, but turned away, and in a matter of seconds he was human again and striding towards the door. 

"This will not be pleasant." She heard him murmur under his breath, and she wholeheartedly agreed.

-

If Albus was surprised to see Severus again, he did not show it. He gracefully accepted Severus into the room, ushering him in with a low sweep of his good arm. Hermione padded in after him, and Severus did not miss the intense glare that Hermione shot in the old wizard's direction. He didn't have any time to process it, however, because Albus was sitting himself down behind his desk and raising an eyebrow in Severus's direction. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Severus?" Severus bit down a snarl, and tried to push down any thoughts of the last conversation they'd had, saying seriously,

"I have discovered the source."

"The source...?"

"The source of the curse cast on Miss Granger."

"The curse?"

Severus snarled. He couldn't hold it in any longer, not with Albus playing dumb. Bastard.

"Yes, the curse."

"You're certain?"

Severus felt himself shaking with anger, but he was able to refrain himself from an angry outburst by the steady heat of the lioness pressed against his leg, the steady, comforting presence that gave him the edge he needed to stay in control. Taking a deep breath, he settled on narrowing his eyes, and said slowly,

"I'm certain."

"Well, who was it?" Albus asked, shifting forward in his seat. 

"It was a Death Eater." 

Albus rose, planting his hands onto the desk, leaning over it towards Severus. 

"How did this happen? Did you know about this?!"

Hermione growled at his side, and Severus was reminded how much he appreciated her, and how nice it was to have an ally. 

"Of course I didn't, Albus. I just discovered it, and I came directly to inform you."

"I had to ask, Severus." 

He just wanted to curse the prick into oblivion. He looked down at Hermione, his eyes focusing on her claws, which were digging into Albus's polished floors. It seemed she did too. Feeling validated, Severus returned his attention to the man before him, and gave him a half smile full of malice. 

"Of course you did, Albus." Inclining his head in a mock nod of respect, Severus continued. 

"There seems to be one logical explanation to this. Considering Potter's recent -"

"Don't bring Harry into this." Albus said sharply, cutting off Severus mid sentence. 

"Pardon?"

"You heard me. Harry has nothing to do with this."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything, Severus. I'm merely telling you that Harry was not involved."

"You're wrong. Potter has a connection with the Dark Lord, and you know it. You can't cover it up, you can't hide it, Albus. We already know. Why in the world didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you know already? Hmm? Why didn't you know about how Voldemort was using his connection to manipulate Harry?" Albus was rounding the desk, moving closer and closer to Severus, his blue eyes cold and flashing dangerously. 

"I didn't know, Albus. I've told you this a thousand times. I don't know everything that goes on with the Death Eaters. He's more careful now. He's paranoid. He has different groups that are assigned different tasks, and they don't speak of it to anyone else. I am not made privy to all of these tasks. I don't like it any more than you do, but there's nothing I can do about it. This... This is something you can address. You should be teaching him Occlumency! This all could have been prevented!"

"I have been teaching him Occlumency, Severus. As soon as I realized what had happened at the Ministry. Did you not hear about Lucius's assignment? About his failure?"

"No, I didn't." Severus growled, standing absolutely still, back ramrod straight, hands curled into fists at his sides. "Are you not listening to me? I knew Lucius had a mission, but I didn't know what. By the time I found out, it was too late. And I didn't know how he'd done it, Albus. I would have told you as soon as I knew. And you didn't instruct me to find out, so you know what, Albus? I figured that you already knew and that you were keeping that knowledge from me, because that's what you always do. And I was right. That's exactly what you did, with no thought of the consequences."

"There were no consequences, Severus."

"No consequences? What do you call this?!" He erupted, motioning to the lioness at his side. "She's been stuck in this form, and who knows how much information about the Order the Dark Lord has gleaned by sifting through Potter's mind! How long has this been going on?"

"I told you, he's been receiving Occlumency lessons."

"How long Albus?" 

"Who was the Death Eater?"

"I don't know! I haven't gotten that far yet! Answer the damn question."

"I don't answer to you, Severus. But I assure you, Voldemort has not accessed any important information regarding the Order."

"He knew that the Trio were taking Animagus lessons, and he made a targeted attack in that regard. You knew this whole time that a Death Eater had done this, but you told no one. Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"I was delaying the inevitable, yes."

"Why? Do you realize that everyone knows I have a familiar now? Malfoy has bragged about it, for fuck's sake. You don't think the Dark Lord hasn't put two and two together? You ignorant -"

"That's why you must perform the actions I've requested of you, Severus. You will be put in the best possible position in his ranks. He will trust you completely."

"Wha- Are you serious? First, you never requested, second -"

"Severus." Albus said, paused in his advance on Severus only by the lioness standing at his side, pinning her ears and exposing her teeth. 

"He knows that I'm in contact, close contact, that I'm living with one of the Trio for Merlin's sake, and I haven't said a word to him about it! He will not trust me, Albus. You've royally fucked this up."

"Keep your opinions to yourself, Severus. I know what I'm doing."

"You pompous -"

"That's enough!" Albus roared, and Severus clenched his jaw, and Hermione shrunk back into him, stunned.

"You're dismissed."

Severus remained silent, fuming. 

"Oh, and Severus, Horace has arrived. You may take over the position as Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. You'll keep your same quarters, however. Horace made it clear in his terms that he would not live in the dungeons."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay on posting this chapter! I haven't been able to work on this at my house due to computer/internet troubles, and then I was on vacation so I wasn't able to use the computers at school like I normally do. Speaking of which, Happy late Thanksgiving to all who celebrated!


	22. A Fire Ignites

Hermione was shaking with rage. It was one thing to hear Dumbledore abuse Severus with a thick wall between them, but to actually see it happen, to see how Dumbledore approached him, how his face shifted from warm and welcoming to firm and threatening had tipped Hermione over the edge. She would not stand for this.

She snarled fiercely, her lips curling up over her sharp canines, and her claws dug into the hardwood floor, and she launched forward.

She was pulled back roughly, and she grunted as her chest was constricted and air was forced out of her lungs. She slammed back into Severus's legs, crumpling into a heap, only to be pulled up forcefully.

"We'll be leaving." Severus said shortly, and Hermione caught a glimpse of Dumbledore's surprised face as Severus dragged her out of the room and down the flight of stairs before releasing her harness and kneeling in front of her.

"What are you thinking? You almost just attacked the most powerful wizard in the world, and your Headmaster! Control yourself!" before rising and striding off swiftly, his long legs eating up the ground silently and without effort, his cloak floating out behind him over the cobbled stone floor.

Hermione pinned her ears flat to her head and sprinted off after him, still shaking with anger. She could not believe the nerve of that man! And Severus telling her to get control of herself? Not going to happen. She'd rip the old jerk to shreds. She'd do enough damage that the old coot wouldn't think of expelling her, for fear of what she'd do next.

They made their way quickly to the dungeon, Severus rage walking at a brisk pace and Hermione following suit.

He burst into his quarters, the door slamming into the wall behind it, then closing just as firmly and loudly behind Hermione as she entered behind him, missing her tail by a minuscule and precise margin.

Hermione paced in front of the fire, growling to herself, while Severus went into the kitchen. He returned in a matter of moments, and lay a platter on the floor for her.

"Drink."

She glared at him, irritated beyond reason with Dumbledore, and Severus, too, for scolding her about it. She lowered her head to the dish and sniffed the liquid, recognizing it immediately as calming draught. She backed away from it, shaking her head in refusal. She did not need to calm down.

She focused her attention on Severus, who had made himself tea, which he was slipping slowly. He lowered himself onto the couch and set his head in his left hand, bending over himself, his brow furrowing deeply between the strands of dark hair that fell over his face. He held the cup of tea in his right hand, breathing in the steam that wafted from the top, lifting his head slightly to take a small sip every so often.

Hermione turned away from him and paced, and Severus sat silently. A while later, the sound of the cup being set down on the glass table made Hermione turn towards him. His eyes were on her, staring intensely, and Hermione narrowed her eyes at him in return, but sat facing him, waiting to see if he'd address her.

"Hermione..." He started, running a hand wearily through his hair. He sighed. "I know that conversation upset you, it upset me too, but..." He paused, and he seemed so exhausted suddenly, and the anger that had fueled him before, that Hermione had felt coming off him in waves, was gone. He had spent half an hour gaining control of himself, calming himself down, and Hermione realized it had been for her benefit. It must have been extremely difficult for him, but Severus was wary of scaring her. That made her angry, too.

"Albus has a very important job, and it's stressful. I don't agree with the decisions he's making, but he is in charge."

Hermione snarled.

"It's not an excuse for his behavior, or his actions, but we have no control over that. We can only refuse to be manipulated by him."

Hermione's lip remained curled over her teeth, her hackles still raised.

"It's... It's not ideal, but it's our only option. Albus has done a lot of good, and he knows how to win a war. We just have to take the bad with the good. And, I suppose, we have to trust him... Marginally. Whatever he's doing, he thinks it's best, and he's doing it for the Light. But, we cannot believe everything he tells us..."

Severus needed to change forms. He needed to do it now. Hermione would glare at him until he did.

"He's protecting Harry for some reason, that much is obvious. What, does he think I'll hurt him? I'm not that childish, Merlin. No, it must be something else, something more..."

Yes. Hermione knew where this was leading. He would shift forms to talk to her now.

"We need to talk about this." He said, and suddenly his thoughtful voice was stern, his drifting eyes returning to her stiff form. "You will not bombard me with a rant about how angry you are, do you understand me?"

Hermione nodded. She wouldn't bombard him, but she did have a few things to say.

"Very well."

Severus walked past Hermione, his tail trailing lazily behind him. Hermione wouldn't have recognized the scent, but he had given himself quite a strong sedative that he saved for special occasions. This was one of them. He was absolutely furious with Albus, but he didn't want to frighten Hermione. He'd done plenty of that the night he'd almost killed her.

"Severus, I'm not just upset about Dumbledore hiding information from us."

Hermione's voice was strong in his mind, but it was shaky. Alarmed, Severus turned towards her, searching her face, thinking that she might start crying.

But no, she was trembling with anger, he realized, and that puzzled him. She must have been quite shocked, though. She'd just realized that the man she'd idolized wasn't quite as innocent as she'd thought. Then he processed what she'd said, and was even more confused.

"What are you upset about, then?" He asked.

She rose suddenly, her tail swinging wildly behind her.

"I'm furious about how he talks to you, of course!" She exclaimed.

"What?"

"The way he treats you, Severus! It's, it's ghastly! Don't tell me you thought I wouldn't notice."

"I don't understand, Hermione. Why should that concern you?"

"Why -" She paused, her eyes wide. "Of course it concerns me!"

"Hermione," Severus said, thankful that he was sedated, "I've dealt with much worst than the arrogance of Albus Dumbledore."

"Well, you shouldn't have to, Severus. It's wrong. You don't deserve it."

"I deserve much worse."

Hermione growled.

"Don't say that to me ever again." She told him, taking another step closer.

"Hermione, you're being affected by your Animagus form. You are much more sensitive in this form, and your reactions are stronger than they would be if you were human. I assure you that everything is fine."

"No, it's not! He treats you horribly, and you risk your life every day for him! He keeps crucial information from you, he makes your job harder for you, he -" She stopped, at a loss for words, her mouth gaping open.

"Hermione..." Severus said, sighing. But she continued on, oblivious, finally getting control of herself enough to make sense of her thoughts.

"And it's not my Animagus form affecting me, Severus. I really do care about you, and the way... the way he treats you is just despicable, and there's no excuse for him to act like that towards you!"

"There are more important things to worry about right now than how Albus treats me."

Hermione was so close to him now that Severus could feel their whiskers brushing, and the air from her nostrils sweeping over his nose.

"Not to me."

They stayed that way for a moment, completely still, Hermione's eyes narrowed and full of concern, Severus's eyes wide and surprised. He didn't need to probe her mind to know that she was telling the truth, and he didn't know what to make of that. He didn't know what to think. Someone... Hermione... actually cared? About him?

"You can't let him keep treating you like that, Severus." She whispered after a moment, and Severus blinked and pulled himself out of the revere he'd sunk into, drew himself out of her deep brown eyes, and he replied,

"He's my boss, Hermione. He's the master and I'm merely a pawn, I'm at his disposal." Seeing Hermione begin to frown again, he continued, "You must understand, Hermione. I've pledged myself to him... I made a horrible mistake in my past, and people suffered, innocent people died, yet Albus took me in. He allowed me to change sides, to serve the Light. He has given me the ability to try to atone for my errors. The man will treat me how he likes."

"Oh, Severus." She sighed, and suddenly she moved forward. Their cheeks brushed and then she burrowed her face into his shoulder, and Severus felt himself stiffen, his hackles raise slightly in alarm and discomfort, and then he relaxed, and he found himself with his head over her neck, embracing her.

And then it was over, and he was moving away, raising his head up and hardening his mental defenses, trying to gain control over his racing heart, and he turned to her and said sternly,

"Enough about him. The bastard doesn't deserve a place in our thoughts."

"Yes, you're right." Hermione said, accepting the shift in conversation. "We really do need to discuss what information Vol- the Dark Lord might have gotten from Harry -"

"And we need to get you back into your human form." Severus added. "We'll do that first, if you aren't opposed."

"Oh, right." Hermione said, and Severus realized that she was crestfallen, hesitant, maybe even resistant.

"I assure you that I won't let any harm come to you when I'm working the curse out." he told her, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"What, no! Of course I trust you, Severus! It's just..."

"What?" he pressed, becoming slightly frustrated despite himself. He did not like to be insulted, nor confused, and he was feeling both in this very moment.

"It's ridiculous, really, you don't want to -"

"Tell me."

"Look, I just... I don't want our relationship to change, ok? Because the only reason I'm still here with you is because I have to be, because you have no choice, but once I'm human, you won't want me- "

Hermione's mouth parted in shock at the words that had slipped from her mouth. She took a few steps backwards, her eyes dropping to the floor, her body shrinking in on itself, and she fought the rising urge to vomit, and tried to still her shaky, weak legs that threatened to buckle now that there was a lead weight in her stomach. She couldn't believe she'd opened her bloody big mouth -

And then she woke, and she was human.

The man in front of her remained completely still, as if time were frozen, and then his eyes, and only his eyes, seemed to move, to change, and Hermione rose her own to meet them, and she was stunned at what she saw.

They were heated, fiery, determined, and they were soft, and reassuring, and warm, and there was a fire in them; a hot, dancing flame, and they were swirling, and light seemed to be flashing from them, yet they were dark, as dark as she had ever seen them, and she couldn't imagine how two tiny spheres could be so expressive, how he was allowing them to be so expressive, and then he spoke, and his voice was somehow the same as his eyes, full of the same beautifully complex, paradoxical energy, 

"Yes, I will."

And if she had ever doubted, she wasn't sure why, because this was a man who was giving her a glimpse of his soul, and this was a man who hid his soul from everyone, including himself, and this was a man who had obsidian in his eyes, and burning coals in his throat, and this was a man who could breathe fire if he wanted, if he had a reason, but... he'd never had a reason... not until now.


	23. Puzzle Pieces: Part I

Hermione moved to stand, but a wave of nausea overwhelmed her, and her legs were wobbly and weak beneath her. She crumpled, but Severus moved forward quickly, sliding his arms under hers, catching her and scooping her up and setting her back gently on the couch. Hermione gripped his wrists tightly, her eyes wide as she took in her small hands, and her slim fingers wrapping around Severus's pale skin.

Severus's brow knit, but he knelt down in front of her and remained silent as Hermione's eyes raked over herself in awe.

She opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, and said, her voice raspy,

"I'm human?"

Severus let out a soft chuckle.

"Yes, Hermione. You are human."

Her eyebrows rose until they disappeared behind the bushy hair that was spilling over her face, and Severus found himself brushing some of it away and tucking it behind her ear before he caught himself.

Hermione gave him a soft smile, and whispered.

"Thank you so much, Severus."

Severus swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, and he gave her a small nod.

"You're very welcome."

He met her eyes for a moment, and her smile widened, and as soon as her hands loosened from his wrists, Severus stood and moved away.

"You'll need to readjust to being human again. You'll have to take it slowly for a few days, and remain under supervision to ensure that nothing went wrong in the removal of the curse."

Hermione was sure nothing had, but she was happy that she would get to spend a few more days with Severus. Well, hopefully with Severus. She'd heard what Dumbledore had said. Severus was supposed to get her back to normal, then never talk to her again. She wasn't sure if he'd get away with having her in his quarters.

It seemed that was exactly what Severus intended to do, however, and Hermione was filled with warmth at the thought that what he'd said hadn't just been in the heat of the moment... He had meant it. He wasn't going to let things change, to let Dumbledore manipulate him. He would still want her.

Hermione adjusted herself on the couch, pulling her blanket up over her shoulders, turning sideways and burrowing into the soft cushion beneath her.

She was extremely tired, she realized, and her eyelids felt heavy, and were drooping, and then they were closed, and she was asleep.

Severus returned from the kitchen to find Hermione asleep on the couch. He set down the cup of tea he'd made, casting a quick stasis charm, and sat himself down in his recliner, summoning a text from his quarters that was intent on finishing. He had no where to be right now, nothing to do, a rare occurrence, and he was looking forward to having a quiet moment to himself.

He alternated between reading and looking up over the top of the book at the sleeping witch in front of him. She breathed softly, her chest rising and falling slowly under the blanket that she'd wrapped around herself. Her hair was wild and spilled over the armrest of the couch, and covered most of her face, but Severus found it did not irritate him like it used to. She did not irritate him like she used to. Things had changed so much, but he found that he didn't mind in the least. She was, without a doubt, the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he'd meant what he'd said. He still wanted her friendship, and looking at her now, he couldn't imagine wanting anything else in the world ever again.

The sound of the Floo activating spoiled his rare good mood instantly, and he barely refrained from slamming his book in irritation, if only not to wake Hermione, when Dumbledore strode through his fireplace, brushing a small bit of soot from his shoulder with an air of importance. He turned to Severus, his eyes sparkling, always fucking sparkling, and he gave Severus an encouraging smile.

"How did it go?"

"It went fine." Severus said shortly, returning his attention to the book in front of him. The book soared from his hand and into Albus's, who read the cover, then set it on top of the fireplace.

"Now, Severus. Let's observe niceties, if you will?"

"What do you want, Albus?"

"Well, since you've been so successful with our dear Miss Granger, I think it wise to have you check and for a similar curse. They haven't had an Animagus lesson since Miss Granger here," he gestured towards her sleeping form, "had her incident. I would like to be sure that they were not cursed as well."

Of course the old bat would come and demand that of him during the one time when he had an actual moment to take a break and engage in something similar to what one might call relaxing.

"Of course." Severus replied, barely holding back a snarl, and he rose sharply, gesturing towards the fireplace.

"I'll follow shortly behind you." His eyes were narrowed and hard, and he felt anger rising up in him. If Albus didn't leave right this moment, he swore to Merlin he'd -

"Yes, very well, Severus. Thank you."

Severus let out a growl just as Albus took a handful of Floo Powder and tossed it at his feet, disappearing in an instant.

Severus dressed himself in his typical imposing outfit, slid his wand up his sleeve, took one last look at Hermione, who was still fast asleep, and strode furiously out of his quarters and towards the Headmaster's office.

Potter and Weasley were both seated in front of Albus's desks, the latter wringing his hands nervously, but the former sitting still, completely at ease. He was obviously used to visiting the Headmaster, and was not concerned in the least.

That changed instantly, as they turned to see Severus stride through the thick oak door. He glared at Potter, but continued past him, standing slightly to the side of Albus.

"Now, boys. Professor Snape has reverted the curse that was cast on Miss Granger, causing her to stay in her Animagus form. Therefore, it is in everyone's best interest to have Professor Snape check the two of you for a curse as well."

Potter was looking skeptically at him, and Weasley's face had lit up, and he leaned forward in his seat.

"'Mione's human again? When can we see her? Is she alright?"

Severus remained silent, tilting his head towards Albus, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

"She's absolutely fine. She's resting now, although she should be up for visitors soon." He said, avoiding Severus's eyes. Weasley sunk back into his chair and let out a sigh, running his hand through his long red hair.

"Thank goodness. Eh, Harry?" he said, nudging his best friend and flashing him a shaky smile. Harry merely nodded, giving Ron a brief glance and a small smile before focusing his attention back on Severus. Severus met his eye, his gaze heavy and threatening. He still hadn't forgiven the boy for how he'd hurt Hermione, and being reminded of it caused him to think of how he'd harmed her as well, and that enraged him. Potter looked away after a moment, and Severus glanced down at Albus, who was rubbing his blackened hand absently.

"Where would you like to do this, Professor?" Albus asked, rising slowly from his chair.

"The hospital wing will suffice." He said slowly, moving out of the way so Albus could make his way around his desk. Weasley and Potter were moving to stand as well, but Harry's brow furrowed at his words and he began to argue. Severus smirked.

"Wha- Why? Is it dangerous?"

"Harry-"

"It is not dangerous, Potter, I assure you. I was merely thinking in your best interest. Would you prefer to lie on the floor right here? If you'd rather, then of course I'll cater to your preference." He raised an eyebrow expectantly. Potter sputtered, his face flushing.

"No, no, the hospital wing is fine... sir," he forced out, and Weasley placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon mate. Let's go." Severus did not miss how tight Weasley's grip was, and how he was the one who turned Potter away and towards the door.

Albus clapped his hands together jovially, and followed behind them. He paused at the door, looking back to where Severus was still standing absolutely still.

"Come, Severus. The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can return to your patient."

My patient... Severus grumbled to himself, narrowing his eyes at Albus, but he moved forward and passed him roughly, not bothering to keep his cloak from sweeping into him as he strode out of the room. He made himself focus on the satisfying sound of his dragon hide boots slamming into the cobbled floor, ignoring the presence of the old man following behind him.

By the time Severus made it to the Hospital Wing, Albus had gotten left so far behind that he had given up and apparated.

"Lie down on a bed," Severus instructed as he entered the room. It was empty, thankfully, meaning that Madam Pomfrey would not put up much of a fuss. She approached him, however, and was beginning to ask what the meaning of his presence was, when Albus appeared, smiling genially at her.

"It's alright, Poppy. We won't be long."

Severus rolled his eyes and made his way to Weasley, who was looking at him with wide eyes, his face pale.

"Will it hurt?" He asked as Severus pulled his wand out, eyeing it as if it might bite him. Or kill him.

Severus let out a deep sigh of exasperation, and pressed the tip of his wand onto Weasley's head, forcing him to lie back.

"No. Stop being a wuss."

He fell silent, his eyes still wide, and his mouth gaped like a fish for a moment until Severus glared at him, and he closed it with a snap.

"Close your eyes and remain still." He instructed sternly, and the boy was stiff as a board instantly.

"Relax." Severus growled, already becoming frustrated with the boy's incompetence.

Albus made his presence known at this, sidling up to Severus and leaning slightly over Weasley's face to say softly,

"I'm right here, Mr. Weasley. No harm will come of you."

Severus clenched his jaw at this remark, his hand gripping his wand far too tightly, and he had to take a moment to calm himself, closing his eyes to find equilibrium within himself so that he could perform the intricate task of searching through the weaving, intertwined stands of the boy's magic.

He opened his eyes and began murmuring the words of the spell under his breath, his voice growing louder and speeding up as time passed. He was unaware of Albus scrutinizing him closely, concentrating on his words to decipher if he was using any dark magic, and he had no idea that Harry had sat up on his bed, his mouth parted slightly in awe, or of Poppy shuffling closer to stare in shock at the swirling magic hovering above Weasley's still form.

His focus was entirely on that magic, and those strands, and he was surprised to see how strong the magic flowing through the Weasley boy was. The Weasley's were an old, pureblood family, and his magic reflected that.

He wasn't even close to as powerful as Hermione, it wasn't that sort of strength. It was a strength of a magic that had been passed on from generation to generation, with a sense of unity and an entirely unique essence to it. The Weasley's had a particularly earthy feel to their magic; a warm, close-knit, pure sense that left the feeling of soil in Severus's mouth. If the Weasley magic were a tree, then each Weasley child was connected to it by firm roots. Their magic was all connected, and they were stronger for it. Severus wasn't sure he could have explained it to the boy should he have asked, but it was there. It was impressive.

He searched the strands dutifully, pulling them apart expertly with his words and the soft turn of his wrist, his sharp eyes scanning every inch of the floating, representative image in front of him. It was a hologram of Weasley's veins, where his actual magic resided, and once he pin-pointed the curse, he would be able to remove it from Weasley's body.

But there was no curse.

Severus waved his wand, dismissing the web of colorful stands of magic in front of him, and he ran the back of his hand over his forehead, which he realized absently was dripping with sweat. He turned to Albus.

"No curse." He reported gruffly, his throat and mouth dry.

"Poppy, a glass of water, please?" Albus said, and Poppy bustled off towards her office. Albus returned his attention to Severus, his brow furrowing. "You're -"

"Don't." Severus snapped irritably. Of course he was sure. He hadn't spent the last half hour picking through Weasley's every vein, every strand of magic, to be unsure. Albus held his eyes for a moment, no doubt wanting to express to Severus his disapproval of his sharp tone, but Severus was too tired and too irritated to take notice, or to care.

"You can open you eyes, Weasley." He snarled, lifting a lip in disgust as Weasley sat up quickly, gripping the white bed sheet in his hands as he looked up at Severus.

"So, I'm all good?" He asked, smiling hesitantly. Severus ignored him and swirled on his heel, almost running into Poppy, who was behind him holding a glass of water. He inclined his head, took the glass, and continued past her towards Potter's bed. He wanted to get this over with.

He took a sip from the glass of water before setting it down on the stand beside Potter's head, and he looked down at him, leaning over him with an air of dominance.

"Do I need to knock you out?" Severus whispered, narrowing his eyes. "Or will you trust me and lie still?"

Potter's eyes flickered to Albus, who had also abandoned the Weasley boy and was approaching the bed quickly. He looked back at Severus.

"I'll lie still." Severus narrowed his eyes. "Sir." Potter added, and Severus straightened just as Albus reached them.

"Very well."

He took a deep breath, fully aware that he would be sensing aspects of both James and Lily in the boy's magic, grit his teeth, and went at it.

He made it through, albeit barely. The only thing keeping him from collapsing on the floor from an all-encompassing exhaustion was the fact that Potter was right in front of him. He would, could, never show any form of weakness in front of the boy. He couldn't, wouldn't, show weakness in front of anyone, actually.

Instead, he straightened, ignoring the tickle of sweat down his cheek, and glanced up at Albus, who had seated himself in a chair, legs crossed, hands clasped over his knee. Weasley stood beside him, his eyes wide from watching Harry's magic float through the air. It seemed as if he was in a trance.

Severus flicked his wrist and the swirling strands were gone in an instant. Weasley looked up, surprised, and Severus struggled, but managed, to flash him a mocking smile.

Albus stood, the skin around his eyes wrinkled with concern.

"Severus?" He asked, taking a step forward to grip Harry's wrist with his old, bony hand. Severus raised his eyes slowly to Albus's, feeling as if his energy had been leaking out of his body and pooling on the floor for the past hour, leaving him empty.

"Mmm. There is no curse." He said slowly, his breath deep and desperate, although he managed to control it, to appear as if he were unaffected by the physical tole of performing such complicated magic for so long. Severus didn't give time for Albus to respond. "I'm sure." He insisted, his voice deep, although painfully hoarse. He licked his dry lips and gathered himself up, making himself move with purpose around the end of Potter's bed.

"Will that be all?" He asked, keeping his legs moving underneath him. The only thing carrying him forward now was inertia.

"Yes, Severus, that will be all."

He heard no thanks uttered in his direction, but for once, Severus was genuinely grateful of that. He would not have to stop and nod in acknowledgement.

He made his way to his quarters much slower than he'd made his way to the Hospital Wing. He felt like a sluggish turtle, a corpse being dragged by ropes attached to his extremeties, a boneless, muscle-less mass of hollow flesh, a zombie, legs heavy and dragging underneath him as he walked forward.

Of course, he didn't look like any of those things. If one were not privy to a glance at his sweating, exceptionally sallow face, he would have appeared completely normal. Back ramrod straight, walking forward with his chin high, his long legs reaching out easily underneath his lean body, his cloak trailing behind him, swishing from his body's motion.

Hermione saw the difference immediately, although she no longer had her incredibly acute eyes to use to her advantage.

"Severus?" she murmured from her spot on the couch as she heard the door shut behind him. She pushed her blanket back and pulled herself up into a sitting position so she could look over the back of the couch at him.

"Don't get up," he told her, walking closer, and she caught sight of his face.

"Oh! Severus! What happened?" She asked, alarmed, moving to get up anyway. He raised a hand at her and shook his head.

"I'm fine."

"You are absolutely not fine! Come here!" She instructed, slightly panicked by the complexion of his face.

"No, I -"

"Severus," She said again, a tone of seriousness, and possibly a threat, present as she spoke. Severus was too tired to argue. He was so vulnerable right now, damn Albus, but it was Hermione, and he needed to lie down...

He dropped himself gracelessly on the couch, hardly aware of Hermione grasping him gently and pulling him down into her lap. His eyes were fluttering shut, and she was so comfortable, so warm, and despite his vulnerability, he felt safe in her arms, god, he felt drugged, too, but -

"Severus?"

He opened his eyes slightly, trying to focus on her face.

"Could I use your wand? I don't have mine."

He nodded, not comprehending a word she was saying.

"Severus. Your wand." Hermione was not about to take his wand unless she was entirely certain he knew what she was saying.

"My wand..." he repeated to himself. "Oh, yes, of course... Here..."

He slipped it out of his sleeve and handed it to her. She took it gently, her skin brushing his.

Severus closed his eyes and let sleep overwhelm him.

Hermione summoned everything she needed from her spot on the couch, Severus lying between her legs and the back of the couch, sprawled partially on her chest.

She was unnerved at his condition, but she would let him sleep, then talk to him afterwords. She cast a simple diagnostic charm she'd learned, and was pleased to see that he seemed healthy; he was just utterly exhausted.

She washed his face with a warm washcloth, brushing the hair that was stuck to his forehead back. She unclasped his cloak and folded it, setting it down on the table to her left, and used his wand to untie his shoes, pulling them off his feet with a subtle turn of her wrist.

Next came his jacket, which, god, had so many buttons. She didn't want to use a spell, though, for fear she might rip one off, so she started the tedious task of unbuttoning each one by hand.

Eventually, she finished with the buttons on his wrists, and she shifted him gently as she slid the jacket off, folding it and reaching over to set it on top of his cloak.

His white collared shirt was soaked through the chest, causing Hermione to frown, butterflies fluttering through her stomach. He was ok, yes, but what in the world had happened?

She cast a drying spell on him, then slipped his wand in his trouser pocket just in case he panicked when he woke and searched for it. It wouldn't be good if he didn't find it.

Hermione pulled the blanket from where it was partially stuck under Severus's sleeping form, and draped it over the both of them. She rested her head back and closed her eyes, breathing in the comforting, familiar scent of the man lying in her arms, her hand meeting Severus's, intertwining their fingers. She was asleep before she could feel his slack hand grip her's tightly in response.


	24. Puzzle Pieces: Part II

When Severus woke, he found he was alone on the couch, a blanket draped over him. He groaned, bringing a hand up to his head, which was pounding with an intense headache. He sat up, a wave a nausea momentarily twisting his gut and blurring his vision before his stomach quieted and the room before him stilled, allowing him to look around. 

Hermione was sitting in his recliner, feet tucked up underneath her, totally engrossed in a heavy tome. Severus watched her for a moment as he fought to suppress the aching pain of his body nagging him to return to sleep. Her brows were knit over her forehead, and she was biting her lip. One of her fingers tapped on the edge of the book. Her hair was collected in a bushy ponytail, draped over her left shoulder. She seemed to have collected fresh clothes from her room in Gryffindor Tower, because she was wearing a loose grey sweater and dark blue jeans. He could smell the scent of fresh violet and vanilla from where he sat.

"How long have I been out?" He asked, his deep voice hoarse and raspy, causing him to frown in disgust. 

Hermione jumped in alarm, completely startled, the book flying from her hand to land sprawled a few feet away on the floor. She brought one hand to her chest, the other to her forehead, sweeping back loose strands of curly hair from where they dangled in front of her eyes.

"Good Merlin, you scared me!" She exclaimed, eyes wide. Severus massaged his throat, and cleared it, before responding, his voice slightly stronger,

"My apologies." 

"No, it's fine, sorry, I just... You, know. Books. Reading." Her voice was shaking slightly, and she giggled nervously. Severus nodded, then planted his hands down onto the couch to push himself up. He needed to retrieve some potions. 

"No, stay! I'll get you some tea with honey if you'd like?" Hermione said quickly, rising and moving towards the kitchen. "It'll help with your throat," She added as she passed, giving him a small smile. 

"Yes, I know." He drawled, raising an eyebrow at her. "I am a Potions Master."

"Oh, yeah, of course! Sorry," She ducked her head sheepishly and continued past him. He most definitely was not watching her body move as she walked. 

"It's alright, Hermione. Stop apologizing, it's unbecoming." He said, leaning back into the couch with a sigh. He would just summon the potions he needed. The couch was far too comfortable to leave before he needed too, and for the moment, he did not mind Hermione's assistance. He was sure he would regret being doted on once his head cleared, but for now, he'd accept it. 

Hermione returned a few minutes later, eyeing the empty bottles lined up on the table in front of him as she handed him the cup of tea. She had made herself one, too, and settled back down in the recliner, taking a sip of it. Severus followed suit, momentarily closing his eyes in relief as the warm honey coated and soothed his throat. 

"May I ask what put you in such a state?" Hermione asked softly over the rim of her cup. He glanced at her, his heart beating faster despite himself, and he scowled.

"Mm. Albus had me check Potter and Weasley for the curse." His voice was stronger already, and he took another sip of the tea.

"What? Did they have it?"

"No. Neither of them did."

"Why... Why did it have such an affect on you?" She asked, eyebrows arched, her eyes tender with obvious concern, but also alight with curiosity. Severus finished his cup of tea, having no interest in nursing it, and set the cup down on the table in front of him. He stretched subtly, rubbed the back of his neck, and stood. He looked down at himself, surprised at his lack of clothing. He had on merely his white button up and his trousers.

She must have seen the look on his face, because she tucked up her knees tighter to her body and said,

"You were sweating... I removed your heavier clothes and cast a drying charm on you so you wouldn't catch cold..."

Severus turned away from her, should his face betray even the slightest affect her expression of concern had on him. He straightened his spine, and smoothed the wrinkles on the arm of his shirt. 

"Thank you." He said, pleased that his voice sounded as it should, hard and intense. No sign of emotion. He turned back around.

"Now, as far as your question; It requires an immense amount of magic in order to bring up the visualization of another's magical strands, and to search as thoroughly as I did through them. I exhausted myself, magically and mentally, which is not an easy feat, but had I not, I would have been forced to do it twice." Severus paused, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He stood for a moment, getting the frustration and anger rising in him under control, before he continued. He flatted his hands against his thighs. 

"I found nothing, and returned here immediately. Time and rest are the only real cures to magical strain, but the potions, and tea, have helped to take the edge off the adverse affects."

His eyes were cold, his voice steady, but Hermione could hear the irritation hidden in his drawl. She may not have sensitive ears any longer, but she had become accustomed to the extra insight they brought, and found she was still able to pick up on the more subtle cues he tried so hard to hide.

"Has your magic already returned fully?" She questioned. His expression was trained to a blank stare, and he replied,

"It will be in a few hours. While I was initially drained almost completely and left effectively incapacitated, my magic began to strengthen and replenish as soon as I stopped exerting it. Had I continued to push my limits, I would still be unconscious. There are different levels of magic depletion; mine was not so severe as it may have seemed to you when I returned."

Hermione thought back to his stumbling, sweating self, his slurred speech and lack of awareness.

"I'm glad... I was really worried. You were completely exhausted, and I had no idea what'd happened. Do you remember any of it at all?"

His answer was delayed a second too long, when he said shortly,

"No."

Hermione held his eye, and he cleared his throat, then moved to pace in front of the fireplace. 

"What is it?" Hermione asked, eyes locked on his long, angular body. His shirt was fit closely to his narrow frame, and she could see the outline of his hipbones, and the slight ridges of his rib cage through the thin white fabric. His long legs swung without effort, his sock clad feet hit the floor with soft precision. Her eyes trailed up his body, moving over the large, bony hands clasped behind his back, the long, delicate fingers that curled over one another, and to the collarbones that stuck out of his chest, causing his shirt to drape slightly over his hollow chest. His protruding adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, straining through the pale white skin of his throat. His jaw was not broad, but his jawline was clearly defined, and it was clenched, pale blue veins popping like snaking rivers from under his skin. His cheekbones were sharp and his cheeks were hollow and sallow beneath them. She took in his arched, hooked nose; noble and Roman in appearance, though he typically used it as a tool of intimidation when he angled it down towards his quaking students, his sharp eyes narrowed harshly on either side. He took the phrase "look down one's nose" to a whole new level. His lips were pale, and thin, pressed together, and she wondered what they'd be like to -

She forced herself to stop that train of thought immediately before she got any crazy ideas, and to halt in her staring, surprised when she realized he hadn't even noticed.

"Severus?" She asked, raising her voice slightly. She stood and took a few steps towards him. He stopped and glanced at her, his eyes unfocused, then looked at her again and she saw the recognition in his eyes.

"Yes?" He asked.

"What is it?"

"What's what?" He replied, eyes narrowing. Hermione sighed and raised an eyebrow. She didn't notice that she'd begun doing that, but after spending so much time around Severus, she wasn't surprised.

"Why are you pacing?" She clarified. "You always pace when you're thinking about something important."

His brows raised, then lowered in a scowl. Of course he would rather not have her notice such things. Hermione smiled. He gave in, his face relaxing, and he ran a hair through his lank hair.

"Yes, alright. I'm trying to understand why you would have been cursed, but not Potter and Weasley. I'd understand if Potter was the only one excluded, that would make sense. To have both of Potter's closest friends out of the picture would make it much easier for the Dark Lord to draw him out. Why just you?"

"You're right... That doesn't make much sense at all. Vold- the Dark Lord wouldn't be one to waste such an opportunity, would he?"

"No. Absolutely not." 

"Then why did he? Did he not know about Ron and Harry having lessons too? No, that can't be it. If he saw Harry's memories, he would have known. It's not like Harry altered his memories or knew Volde- he was looking..." She trailed off, lips pursed in confusion, her eyebrows arched in concentration.

"No..." Severus said, his inflection one of dawning, of a realization, and one that did not seem good at all. His head snapped up, and she could see his nostrils flare as he inhaled deeply. His entire body tensed. A vein popped in his temple. Hermione waited for him to explain, but quickly realized he had once again become absorbed in himself and his thoughts. She let him work through it, afraid of interrupting and losing his train of thought, and then when he moved past her towards the door, she called out to him.

"Severus? What is it?"

He halted as if he'd slammed into a wall, and he spun on his heel, striding back towards her, a look of absolute horror and barely controlled anger twisting his face into an expression that made Hermione wince.

"What?" She whispered, taking a half a step back despite herself, her heart pounding in her chest. He stopped right when she thought he'd pass right over her, and he said slowly, enunciating every syllable with forced clarity, in an effort to control himself,

"The Dark Lord did not know that Weasley and Potter were having lessons. He invaded Potter's mind, and all he saw was what that ba-" He paused, took a deep breath, and continued, his voice an octave deeper, "He saw exactly what he wanted him to see. It was a test. Bait dangled right in front of his face. He had his suspicions, oh he did, I doubt Potter even knew he'd done it!" His voice rose, and his speech quickened, "The perfect way to prove what the Dark Lord was capable of, to prove that he was indeed aware of the connection. We need to go." He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her forward, turning and striding swiftly towards the door. 

"Who's he? Go where?" Hermione asked, gasping as she was dragged forward, her feet stumbling to catch up beneath her. "Don't you want your cloak?" 

He did not seem to acknowledge her words, but his grip loosened slightly, and as they made their way up the dungeon stairs, his hand slipped gently down past her elbow and circled her wrist loosely, then, Hermione realized, stunned, it shifted, and their palms were suddenly pressed together, fingers intertwined.

He did not look at her, or seem to notice what he'd done, but when Hermione gripped his hand tightly as she tripped up one of the steps, he glanced at her, strengthened his grip to help her recover, and despite no doubt being aware of their intimate contact, did not release her until they were at the top of the stairs and making their way down the corridors. 

She was not sure what the hell to think about that. 

It felt right.

Was it right?

Good Lord, he was her teacher!

But they gotten past that bit quite a while ago, had become friends despite it, and she was of age, anyway. 

She did not get to continue her line of thought, nor was she able to berate herself for even thinking about the implications of being of age, because she had realized they were stopped in front of the Griffin, and Severus was saying the password to open it. She looked from Severus, to the turning Griffin statue, back to Severus, and the words he'd said echoed through her mind.

"Oh my god," She whispered, and then they were moving up the staircase and towards the thick oak door of Dumbledore's office. She now knew what the look of horror on Severus's face had meant, and why they had walked as though the very fire of hell was on their heels. This was not good. Not good at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so incredibly sorry that it's been so long since I've updated. I had a two week vacation that I planned on devoting entirely to writing this fanfic, but unfortunately I ended up getting grounded from all electronics and had no way to do so. I promise I will try my hardest not to get behind in school again, and as a result leave you without updates! I feel horrible about it and I am really sorry. 
> 
> I hope you all had a great holiday break and New Years! 
> 
> Hah, I apologize about not updating, and then I go and leave you with a cliffhanger. I'm so evil.


	25. Confrontation

Severus did not knock on the door, but burst through it, Hermione directly behind him. Albus was sitting at his desk, casually observing his withered hand and stroking Fawkes, who was perched on his knee. At Severus's abrupt entrance, Fawkes startled and flew off, and Albus rose, his eyes narrowing.

"Has something happened?" He asked, moving around his desk towards Severus.

"Yes." Severus said.

"What?" Albus's eyes flickered from Hermione back to Severus.

Severus did not reply until he was inches from Albus, his hands in fists at his sides, steam practically shooting from his ears.

"You right bastard!" Severus snarled, "It was you who did this!" One of his hands motioned towards Hermione.

Albus did not move from his spot, nor did he seem intimidated by Severus's closeness, or obvious fury.

"Do what, Severus? I've no idea what you're referring to." Albus's face was one of complete innocence and confusion. Hermione felt a sting of doubt and guilt for a few seconds, wondering if they were wrong after all.

"Oh really, Albus? You didn't manipulate Harry's memories when you were teaching him Occlumency to see if the Dark Lord was aware of the connection?"

Albus raised an eyebrow.

"Why in the world would I do that, Severus? The purpose of teaching Harry Occlumency was to prevent Voldemort from accessing his mind!"

"But you wanted to know, you wanted to be right, as you always do. So you came up with the brilliant idea to change his memories of his Animagus lessons, putting Hermione in danger..."

"I would never endanger a student if it were not necessary." Albus replied, his pure white brows furrowed, his forehead wrinkling. His blue eyes were icy and sharp, and his lips were pressed tightly together. Severus lunged forward suddenly, grabbing Albus's cloak within his hands, pushing Albus backwards into the desk behind him roughly. He lowered his face above Albus's wide eyes,

"You! How could you?!"

"Severus!" He heard Hermione yell in alarm, and he felt her tugging on his arm, trying to pull him off of the Headmaster.

"Enough!" Albus roared, casting a burst of wandless magic, sending Severus flying backwards into the far wall of the room. He hit the wall with a groan, and fell to the floor in a graceless heap, but he was on his feet in an instant, his wand raised. His face was positively thunderous, and he felt the blind rage overwhelm him, breaking down his mental defences as if they were made of paper.

He cast magic blindly towards the older wizard, who defected them all easily. He had forgotten Hermione was in the room. He had tunnel vision, sights only for the man in front of him who had ruined his life again and again.

"You!" He bellowed again, casting spell after spell silently, unaware of his body screaming in protest as he abused his already depleted magical ability.

"You promised to keep her safe, you promise! And she died!"

"Is that what this is all about?" Albus asked, sweat beginning to drip down his face. "He's talking about Harry's mother, Hermione. He's in love with her, in case you didn't know."

"It's not! It was then, but not now. Oh, no. Not now." Severus had stopped yelling, his voice now so low and deep that it shook the glass of the windows in the room.

"So what, then?" Albus asked.

"You know what." Severus tried to cast another spell, but found he was unable. He felt a wave of exhaustion crash down over him, and his knees wobbled beneath him. He felt someone grab him, trying to hold him steady. He didn't have the strength to shake them off.

"Say it. Who do you care about now, Severus? Admit it... You do care about someone."

"Why did you do it?"

It seemed that Albus had reached his limit, because he sighed, and turned his gaze away from Severus. "Hermione, take Severus back to his quarters. I've had enough. He's obviously not in a state of control or sanity."

"How -" Hermione started to ask, before Severus abruptly called out,

"No!" Severus's mind was suddenly clear, one single thought gave him the ability to stand, and block the spell that Albus had directed his way.

"No. You will not knock me unconscious, and you will not obliviate Hermione."

"What?" Hermione gasped in realization, shakily raising her wand towards Albus to defend herself, though she knew her efforts would be futile against the powerful wizard.

"We're going to talk about this." Severus snarled.

"You don't seem to be doing much talking, Severus. It seems you're only capable of acting like you belong in St. Mungo's."

"Accio wands!"

Both men turned to Hermione in shock as their wands flew from their hands and landed in Hermione's outstretched fingers. She closed them tightly around the wands and she kept her's raised, alternating between pointing it at Albus, and pointing it at Severus. Neither of the men had thought for even a second that Hermione might actually be brave enough to do anything with it. Now they were not so sure.

"Hermione, lower your wand." Albus instructed.

"I'd rather not, Headmaster." She replied, taking a step backwards.

Severus's hand felt cold and useless without his wand in it, but he did not dwell on the feeling for long. He turned his flaming eyes from Hermione back towards Albus, who was moving to approach the young witch.

"Let's talk then, Albus." He growled. "Explain to me why you did this."

"It was necessary, Severus. You wouldn't understand."

"Bull shit."

Albus sighed again, and ran his hand down his long white beard, then waved it absently.

"It had to be Hermione, Severus. She and Harry may be good friends, but Ronald and Harry are practically brothers. Harry can function without Hermione, but it would not be wise to separate him and Ron. In addition, Hermione is the only one who had a hope of keeping control of her Animagus form for an extended period of time. It had to be her, and it had to be done, for the greater good. We had to know if Voldemort was actually aware of the mental connection he shares with Harry."

"The greater good?!" Severus exclaimed, "What about the Ministry incident? You almost lost your precious Potter, and one of your dear Gryffindor's was killed!"

"I did not know that would happen." Albus said firmly.

"You knew there would be consequences. You knew Hermione would be in danger, and that she might not be able to keep control in her Animagus form. What about Potter? What's he going to think when he finds out? Did you honestly believe that no one would put two and two together? You are not so clever as you used to be, Albus. You are not as sane, either."

"No one will "find out", Severus, because this information does not leave this room."

"You'll try to obliviate us, will you? Have you forgotten that I am one of the strongest -"

Albus looked towards Hermione, and Severus paused, then moved swiftly to stand in front of her, blocking her from Albus's view.

"I can summon my wand any time I wish, Severus. And I have no qualms about obliviating her in order to protect all that I've worked for, all that the Order has worked for."

"The Order? They don't know half the shit you've done! I bet if they did, they'd be wondering if there's even a difference between you and the Dark Lord, and I guarantee the Order would cease to exist."

"I do what is necessary. It is a job that not many can do, or understand. I must carry out plans that others cannot."

"Is that what you tell yourself? That everything you do is 'necessary'? For the 'greater good'? What the hell is the 'greater good' to you? How can it justify this? You did not need to know the Dark Lord was aware of the connection. It would have sufficed to merely teach Potter Occlumency."

"Harry was not passionate about learning Occlumency, nor did he realize the importance of it, no matter what I said. He needed to see how important the safety of his mind is to our cause."

"So now you teach the boy that he's not actually invincible? A bit late, yes?"

"Severus, enough. I do not owe explanations to you."

"Actually, you do. Have you forgotten all you've put me through? All that I've done for you? I've tortured, Albus! I've seen... I'm a servant to that monster! I risk my life and my sanity... I had nothing to live for, nothing except the promise I made. I take this very seriously, Albus, but you do not. You do whatever you want, no matter the consequences inflicted on others. On me."

"You had nothing to live for? What about now?"

"Fucking Merlin! You're a fucking teenager! There are more important things than my personal relationships, Albus!"

"Fine... I did what was necessary. I cannot prevent casualties in this war, I cannot always spare those who deserve sparing. I'm sorry, Severus, if you can't accept this. You shouldn't be prying into how I operate if you can't come to terms with what you discover."

"It's not about me! It's about -"

"You could have told me, Professor." Hermione said, peeking out from behind Severus. "I would have helped you. I would have helped Harry. I could have prevented him from going after Sirius. Ron and I could have convinced him to take Occlumency seriously." Severus looked down at her. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, and he fought the urge to wipe them off with his thumb.

"What's done is done, Hermione."

"No shit!" Severus snarled. "Come, Hermione. We're leaving. It's obvious he has no regrets of his actions, nor a real reason for doing them."

"Not a word of this, Severus. And you better practice controlling yourself. I have never seen such despicable, childish behavior. If you raise your wand towards me again I will not hesitate to -"

"Of course, Headmaster." Severus sneered, cutting Albus off mid sentence. He motioned for Hermione to precede him out the door, focusing on Albus, should he show any movement to try and obliviate her. As Hermione passed through the door, Severus said quietly, "And don't worry about your fate, Albus. I'll make sure if Malfoy doesn't succeed, that I do."

Severus turned on his heel and strode from the room, slamming the door behind him. He did not see the small triumphant smile that grew on Albus's face as soon as he was gone.

Hermione walked silently beside Severus as they made their way back down to the dungeons. She did not dare take hold of his hand, nor even look at him. She could not imagine how he was feeling. That had not gone well at all.

What was Dumbledore talking about when he said Severus was in love with Harry's mother? She had known that Harry's father and Severus were at Hogwarts together, but it had never occurred to her that his mother and Severus knew one another, or that they were friends. Did they have a relationship? What was Severus's promise?

She was incredibly curious, and unsure how to feel about it.

But, she reminded herself, Harry's mother was dead. And it was Severus's personal business. It was not Dumbledore's place to tell her, it was Severus's. She would respect his privacy, and she would force herself to refrain from prying.

They had still not spoken a word when they reached his quarters. Severus disappeared into the kitchen, and Hermione sat on the couch, wringing her hands in her lap and biting her lip nervously.

Severus returned a few minutes later, sitting on the far cushion of the couch, turning his body to face her. He handed Hermione a cup of tea, and took a sip from his own cup, closing his eyes as he did. Hermione averted her eyes, giving him time to gather himself. After a moment, she saw him move out of the corner of her eye, and she looked back up at him, turning her body as well, crossing her legs under her.

"I'm sorry, Severus." She said softly, her eyes resting gently on his face. He frowned.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked her, genuinely puzzled.

"For... The things he said, the things he did..." She wasn't sure what to say. She just felt sorry. Not pity. But sorrow for all the things Severus had gone through, and continued to suffer through.

"I'm not concerned with me. I'm concerned about you. I'm sorry, Hermione. If I had known, I would -"

"But you didn't know, Severus, and when you found out, you risked yourself in order to defend me. You didn't have to do that." She gave him a soft smile, and glanced down shyly at her cup of tea, running her thumb across the brim.

"I..." Severus paused. "It didn't occur to me to react in any other way."

"Well, I appreciate it." She said. "Thank you. I hope you won't be in too much trouble?"

Severus chuckled in twisted amusement.

"Oh, I surely will be."

At the horrified look on Hermione's face, he quickly elaborated,

"He can't do anything too severe. My role in the war is too important."

"What about Vold- the Dark Lord? He knows you had a familiar, and now...?"

Severus remained silent, his face stony, for a moment, before speaking softly,

"I'm not sure what will happen, or what he will piece together. I honestly have no idea what Albus was thinking. Something is going on with him. He is not making sound decisions."

"No, he isn't." Hermione agreed instantly, shaking her head. "Is it safe for Harry to be spending so much time with him?"

"He won't be much - I'm sure he's fine. He'll be better once you're back with him, though."

"Should I tell him? Would Dumbledore really obliviate me? Or try to obliviate you?"

Severus thought back to Albus threatening him after Sirius had tricked him into entering the Whomping Willow, and how he had threatened Severus with obliviation should he tell anyone Lupin's secret. He'd had no doubt in his mind that Albus would do it, just as he didn't doubt it now.

"Yes." He said firmly. "He would."

"My God," Hermione said quietly, horrified.

"He is convinced that being a leader of a war means he is entitled to such drastic measures. It is obvious he does not know what being a true leader means."

"No... Oh, Severus! This is... None of this is any good!"

"Unfortunately not."

They both fell silent, slowly sipping their cups of tea, processing all that had happened, and all the information they had obtained.

"Hermione?" Severus asked out of nowhere. His voice was surprisingly soft, gentle, almost unsure.

"Yes?" She asked, giving him a reassuring smile.

"About... Lily..." He ran a hand through his hair, his brow furrowed deeply.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Severus." Hermione told him. He looked at her, his eyes widening in surprise, his mouth parting slightly before he closed it.

"I want to." He said finally. "I used to feel strongly for her, it's true. But I did not love her. I thought I did, but I see now... How I felt towards her, it was obsession." He paused, and swallowed, and continued, "She was..." He sighed, "She was my only friend, really. She was a bright light in my dark world, to be cliche. I tried to protect her, but... I was a Death Eater when she died, and I realized then that I did not want to be. I never wanted to be, really. I don't share any of the Dark Lord's beliefs, but it was a place to belong..." He shook his head, dropping his eyes to his lap. "I changed allegiances after that, promised Albus that I would do everything I could for the Light to avenge her death. I caused it, I overheard part of the prophecy and relayed it to the Dark Lord before I realized what it meant. I would do anything to undo what I'd done, but I can't, so I decided to spend the rest of my life doing everything I could to end the Dark Lord."

"But I just... I wanted you to know."

He rose from the couch, obviously uncomfortable with all of the information he'd just shared with her, and Hermione found herself standing as well.

"Severus?"

He did not look at her, but stopped in his movement, and waited for her to continue.

"Thank you." She said softly, moving slowly towards him. She watched his body stiffen as she neared, and her heart broke in her chest at the thought of all he'd been through, and how closed off he was. But he'd opened up to her. What was he thinking now? That she'd take advantage of his trust? That'd she'd push him away? She didn't want him to regret confiding in her, for trusting her. She would never manipulate him like Dumbledore, or betray him, or leave him because of what'd he'd done so long ago.

It was now or never, she thought. She'd try to comfort him in a moment when they were both aware of what was going on. When they weren't half asleep, and when she wasn't a big pet lioness. However he took her gesture, she would deal with. If he rejected her, she would have to accept it. All she knew was that she wanted to -

"What are you doing?" He asked, eyes narrowed.

Hermione did not reply, but took his hand in hers. It was cold and stiff and his fingers were calloused from cutting ingredients and tending to potions. She stood in front of him, looking up at him. He did not move. He hardly seemed to be breathing.

"Hug me." She said softly.

"Wha-?" He started, then he closed his mouth slowly. He stood looking at her for a long moment, and Hermione was just about to move away when the hand she was holding slipped from her grasp and trailed up her arm, hardly touching her, until it met her shoulder, where he spread his hand flat and put the slightest bit of pressure on her, giving her permission to take a step forward into his arms.

His hand slid across her back, his other arm rising up and cradling her hair and her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her nose into the thin white shirt covering his chest. He was tense beneath her, but she sighed contently. He'd done it.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the comforting scent of potions and the slightest bit of masculine musk. She did not know how long they held one another, but she smiled to herself when she finally felt the stiff muscles against her cheek and underneath her hands relax, and she felt Severus lower and press his chin to the top of her head, inhaling deeply and sighing.

They pulled away from each other at the same time, and Hermione looked up into his eyes, giving him a warm smile. Severus's right hand moved from behind her head, and he rested his fingers delicately against her neck, rubbing his thumb up and down her cheek. He did not smile. His brows were furrowed, but his eyes were soft.

He dropped his hand and cleared his throat.

"I have papers to grade." He told her, moving past her and out to his office.

Hermione smiled to herself, summoned a book, and settled down onto the couch. Her stomach was fluttering with butterflies, her cheeks warm at the thought of the fact that she'd just hugged Severus Snape, the surly Potions Master, of all people...

She was so happy. She scanned the words on the page, but she did not read them. She was too busy replaying the moment over and over again in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, you guys are amazing. This fic has over 100,000 views?! I'm so lucky, you are all incredible and I am so grateful for your continued support. On another positive note, I got my first college acceptance letter for a major in Psychology! Eek :D
> 
> Thanks again for being the best readers ever :) I seriously love you all.


	26. The Scared Son and the Broken Father

Severus graded papers late into the night, forcing himself to focus on the sloppy handwriting and hardly coherent sentences until he was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. He slashed through the last paragraph of one of his third years, then wrote the grade in harsh red ink in the lower right hand corner, tossing it onto one of the stacks on his desk. He rose slowly, his body stiff. He stretched, arching his spine and stretching out his hands, feeling his muscles pull taught, then waved his hand absently, the flames of the candles on the wall blowing out silently. He let himself in to his quarters silently, aware that Hermione was probably fast asleep. He rounded the couch, surprised to see her still there, curled up beneath a blanket, her wild curls strewn over the leather and dangling towards the floor. He figured she'd have gone to her room, though now that he thought about it, he hadn't actually changed any of it to accompany her now human form. She'd only been human for two, now three days, and he was honestly surprised Albus hadn't forced her out of his care by now. He would soon enough, that was for certain. 

Severus chuckled at the thought of the old man, and how Hermione had surprised the both of them by summoning their wands. She'd almost walked out of the room with them, too, but Albus had re-summoned his, and Severus had gotten his on the way back to their quarters. He had not commented on the bit of pride he'd felt when she'd tapped into her Gryffindor courage to gain a semblance of control in what had been a dangerous situation. 

He stood looking at her for a moment, the dim light in the room casting shadows on her face, making it difficult for him to make out any clear details of her. He wondered when he had started seeing her differently, like a possibility for something. Something he'd never thought he'd have, or could have. Something that he shouldn't have, really, not now, not with him as a spy in a bloody war, but God, he wanted it, didn't he? He wanted her. 

He turned away, fighting the idea of it, though he knew it was futile. He couldn't keep arguing with himself over this. It was up to her, anyways. He'd leave it up to her, and then he'd know for sure that it was what she wanted, whatever it was. He knew without a doubt that he wanted it, and that he'd keep fighting himself over it, but that, at the end of the day, he'd give into her without a whisper of an argument. 

Severus woke the next morning after a typical fitful night of sleep and padded barefoot into the living room, rubbing his eyes and running one hand through his tousled hair. Hermione was still asleep on the couch. He had no doubt that she needed all the rest she could get, as she still needed to readjust to being human again, and she'd had quite the adrenaline rush the night before that her body needed to make up for. 

She sighed heavily, shifting in position on the couch, wrapping the blanket up in her hand and pulling it up over her shoulder, burying her face into the soft material. He smiled and walked past her to the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea and some toast. 

Hermione was still asleep after he'd gotten dressed, so he scrawled a note with slanted script and left it on the table beside her for when she woke, along with a cup of tea with a stasis charm cast on it. He would spend his Sunday with her, but he had some very important matters to attend to. 

Namely Draco Malfoy. 

He'd been trying not to think about him while he was addressing the curse in Hermione and the possibility of it in the other two thirds of the trio, but it had been almost a week since he'd discovered the Dark Lord's plans to have the boy murder Albus, and his Lord wasn't one to wait. It had been plaguing him and he wanted to know what the boy's plans were, if he had any. They only had a month to leave the Dark Lord a cold corpse of the strongest wizard in the world, and Severus still wasn't confident on how long his work on Albus's hand would last, nor how he was going to convince the Dark Lord that Draco had indeed put forth his best effort at murdering Albus, all while doing the deed himself to gain the Dark Lord's unwavering trust. 

Severus strode into the Slytherin Common Room, silence in the room falling as soon as his dragon hide boots breached the threshold, as if he had a wand pointed at every single student who lounged on the furniture gracing the pristine room. He glared at one of the more troublesome occupants, who paled and gulped under his harsh obsidian eyes, and stopped in the center of the room, his baritone voice rumbling easily through the dead silent space. 

"Where is Mr. Malfoy?"

No one said a word, but it seemed as though they all turned to look at the empty stairwell leading to the boy's dormitory at exactly the same time. 

"Looking for me, sir?" Came the snide remark of the lean blond who descended the marble steps. 

"Come with me." Severus snapped, instantly irritated with the boy's entitled tone. He had no patience, not for this. He was being pulled far too thin to spare the boy of his raw personality, especially considering the way the Slytherin spoke as if the entire world revolved around his perfectly groomed blond hair and jangling coins in his pocket. 

He turned and listened to Malfoy's polished dress shoes click on the floor. He was no doubt striding along behind with his chin held high as he looked down on what he surely considered to be "plebs" gaping up at him. Severus held the door open for the young man to pass through, then shut it with an effortless slam. 

"What is this about, sir?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know full well." Severus snarled, grabbing the edge of Draco's crisp suit to drag him down the corridor and into one of the lesser known nooks in the stone wall. Severus hauled him around and pressed him firmly against the wall, erasing any pretense of a casual conversation.

"Have you devised a plan to fulfill our Lord's mission?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes." Draco spat, scowling despite the fear Severus knew he felt at the way he was being handled. Severus did not allow himself to feel any pity. He had to be tough. Draco and his family had really dug themselves a hole this time, though it hadn't been entirely their fault, and they wouldn't get out of it easily. Especially not if their son thought he could ride along on his wealth and status without lifting a single manicured finger, as he usually did. 

The boy was smart and capable, and Severus knew he was not as confident and blood-conscious as he seemed, but it didn't matter now. Severus needed to do everything he could to make sure the boy succeeded, at least in the eye's of their Lord, even if Severus was the one to "pull the trigger", as the Muggle saying went. 

"Pray tell, what is it? Poison his breakfast? Send him a pretty little cursed gift?"

"How -"

"Oh, Merlin. Seriously? Those were your ideas?" Severus's brow furrowed and he loosened his grip slightly in surprise. He'd thought Draco would have come up with something with some semblance of Slytherin subtlety. 

"No!" Malfoy snapped too quickly. Severus stilled, then lowered his face until it was inches from the young man's pale profile. 

"Tell. Me." He growled. 

"No!" Draco wrenched himself free from Severus's grasp, brushing the wrinkles from his suit with an air of importance. "I will not tell you, Professor. This is my task! The Dark Lord gave it to me! I don't need your sorry excuse for guidance, or your judgment!" His voice lowered and he said with fear driven sternness, "I will plan this, and I will see it through. I will make my Lord proud and my family will become his most treasured and trusted supporters."

Severus's brow furrowed deeper, but he stepped back, letting the boy pass him and storm down the corridor and out of sight. The conversation had gone about as well as he'd expected, although he had hoped desperately that the young Malfoy would have seen how important this was, and accept Severus's assistance. Damn it. He wanted too badly to impress his Lord in a last attempt to save his family's name, prestige, and most importantly, their lives. Severus couldn't blame Draco, but going it alone was not wise.

Severus returned to his quarters to check in on Hermione, whom he was pleased to find still fast asleep. He let himself out of the doorway still located in her bedroom, and walked briskly down to Hogwart's tall gates. Albus had refused to alter the wards to allow the Potions Professor and double agent to apparate in and out of Hogwarts. It had nearly killed him a few times, when he'd been dumped outside the large imposing gates with near fatal wounds, only to wait for assistance that seemed to take hours. He couldn't count how many times he'd been left to stumble up to the castle without any help at all, on broken limbs, or with profusely bleeding gashes all over his body, or still quivering and quaking under the affects of the Cruciatus Curse, nauseous at the scent of his own soiled clothing. 

He glared at the gates through narrowed eyes, reliving some particularly nasty instances that it had born witness to, as he passed through them and disapparated with a loud crack, only to appear before another set of iron wrought bars, this time glossy and painted white. The gate of Malfoy Manor opened without the slightest creak to admit the tall, black clad man into what had once been a beautiful sanctuary. 

Pure white peacocks tittered and strode around the immaculately groomed yard, though the grass was not as bright as it had once been, along with a vast array of similarly rare creatures. Severus had never been quite sure what had possessed Lucius to begin such a collection. Surely the large, impeccably designed Manor was all that was needed to display the extent of the Malfoy's wealth and status, but apparently Lucius did not agree. 

The door was opened just as Severus reached it by a small, trembling house elf that bowed and ushered Severus in, leaving behind the lanky cheetah that had been trotting beside Severus as he'd walked up the path. 

"Master will see you in the parlor, sir." The small being squeaked, closing the door gently behind him before shuffling quickly to lead Severus into the large, open room down the hallway and to the left.

Lucius was seated in a high backed white leather chair, stroking an elegant maned wolf that was seated primly at his side. 

"Ahh, Severus. How nice to see you." Lucius said, not bother to rise to welcome his guest. "Have a seat, please." His voice was flat and without inflection, his entire body slumped and slim under clothes that were now too large on his bony frame. 

Severus settled into the chair across from Lucius, wincing internally at the stiffness of the chair against his vertebrae. 

"Hello, Lucius." He said crisply.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Lucius asked, twirling a strand of the wolf's curled black hair around one long finger.

"I'm here about Draco's task." Severus said, his voice rumbling with low tone and seriousness. Lucius sat up instantly, the wolf at his side pinning it's ears at it's master's sudden change in posture and energy. 

Lucius cleared his throat, his complexion ashen. "I see." 

"Lucius..." Severus started, but his old friend cut him off.

"Severus, please..." He whispered, leaning forward in his seat, alert with desperation. "I'm begging you..." His hands were clasped and trembling, and he was sliding forward, his knees almost hitting the floor in a prayer pose. 

Severus shook his head, his eyes flashing with warning. It was not wise to speak of conspiracy in the Manor. Lucius knew it, but was far too out of his mind with worry to care. Severus was not going to let his oldest friend walk down the road paved with good intentions straight into Hell. 

"I need to know if you are aware of Draco's plan, Lucius. He is reluctant to share it with me." He said quickly, enunciating his words with exaggerated facial expressions to portray his silent message. Keep up the pretense, Lucius. Stay on script. 

Lucius looked down at the floor and slid himself back into his chair, wringing his hands in his lap. 

"I wish I did, Severus, but I have not spoken to him about the details. I'll make contact with him immediately. I cannot have him hesitant to accept your assistance. I do not want him to let down our Lord." When he finally spoke, Severus felt himself sigh in relief, and he gave Lucius a slight nod of encouragement. "I do know that he has a plan, though, do not doubt him. He is very serious about this." 

"He wants to be successful, Lucius. He wants to please our Lord. I do not doubt this. I merely think it is wise that he does not attempt to do it alone."   
"Of course. I understand your intentions, Severus. Your involvement is something that our Lord has instructed. I will see to it that his wishes are carried out."

Merlin, what had happened to him? Severus felt anger rising in him all over again for the horrible master he had once sworn his allegiance to. He'd never thought he'd see Lucius in such shape, never imagined... He could barely hear the man, and he was hardly a few feet away. 

"Very well. I will speak to Draco tomorrow to see if he has decided to be more receptible of my involvement. I'm sure with your advisement, he will not have an issue."

"Yes, he's always been good that way. A good son." Lucius's voice broke, and Severus caught the glint of a tear dropping swiftly down the harsh angles of Lucius's cheek. Severus looked away, should Lucius take the eye contact as an invitation to try and appeal to Severus's conscience. In his peripheral vision he saw the maned wolf nudging Lucius with it's long black muzzle, a low whine escaping between glistening white teeth. Severus thought of Hermione.

"Thank -" Lucius took a deep breath, fighting to control himself and continue. He lifted his sharp blue eyes to find Severus's shielded, stony face. "Thank you for stopping by, Severus. I'm sure the Dark Lord is eager to hear that you and Draco are working towards eradicating that despicable old wizard."

"Indeed." Severus rose, staring down at the shell of his friend. "I'll be in touch." 

Lucius nodded and Severus left before the broken wizard could say something they'd both come to regret, and before Lucius could break any further in Severus's sight. Severus would keep the secret of the plans for him to murder Albus in place of Draco, but it didn't mean he wanted to. He'd rather not have his resolve tested by watching his friend crumble in despair for the safety of his only son. 

The cheetah accompanied Severus back to the edge of the property, and Severus returned home to Hogwarts, his jaw clenched in frustration and a headache creeping into his temples. With a sigh, he pressed his hand to the cold metal and began his walk back to the castle.


	27. Finally

Hermione woke and rubbed lazily at her eyes, then suddenly shot up from where she was lying on the couch, her heart pounding. How long had she been asleep? Merlin! 

"Are you alright?" A deep voice drew her attention to the kitchen behind her, where Severus was leaning against the counter and sipping a cup of tea. 

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Hermione replied absently, running one hand through her tangled mess of brown hair. "How long have I been asleep?" She rubbed her eyes with the heel of hand, stretching her other arm out and arching her back. 

"Not that long, I assure you. You fell asleep last night and it's now about noon." 

"It feels like I've been asleep for days." 

"You must have slept deeply. That's good."

"Hmm..." She yawned. 

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving." Now that Severus mentioned it, Hermione became aware of just how empty her stomach felt. She pressed her hand to her abdomen and felt it rumble beneath her palm. She heard Severus summon Dobby in the kitchen, and then he reappeared a couple seconds later beside the couch with a platter of food.

"Hello, Dobby." Hermione said softly, giving him a warm smile. 

"Dobby has Hermy's lunch!"

"Thank you!"

Dobby handed her the platter and bowed, disappearing with a pop. Severus strode into the room with his cup of tea and seated himself in his recliner. Hermione glared at him.

"I didn't mean for you to summon Dobby." She said, spinning her cup of tea with her pinkie finger. Severus raised an eyebrow and reclined, his feet shooting up off the ground. 

"Why ever not?"

"He's not our slave!"

"No, but he's a servant."

"Severus!"

"You did not see an issue when you were a lioness and he was bringing you your meat."

"Well, that was different. You couldn't exactly do that on your own." 

"And...?" Severus looked at her expectantly.

"And what?" Hermione asked. 

"He doesn't mind, does he? In fact, he enjoys serving you. It gives him a purpose, makes him feel useful. It's what he was made to do."

Hermione remained silent for a moment, debating whether or not to argue when she knew he had a point. 

"Still. The way other wizards and witches treat their house elves is deplorable."

"I very much agree. But there is nothing wrong with asking Dobby to fetch you lunch."

"Hmph." 

Severus gave her an amused smirk over the rim of his tea cup, and Hermione reluctantly raised a piece of buttered toast to her lips. 

After she finished her lunch, Severus offered up his shower to Hermione, who accepted eagerly. She felt incredibly groggy after sleeping so much, and was convinced that she would never need to sleep again. She wasn't sure why Severus hadn't woke her earlier, but knowing him and how protective he'd become of her, he would have wanted to make sure she got as much rest and healing time as possible. 

Hermione undressed, then moved to stand in front of the small mirror over the sink, taking in her human body for the first time in a long while. 

The loud gasp escaped her before she could stop it, and then she couldn't breathe, her throat was closing up, her stomach sinking, her mouth going dry with shock.

"Oh." She mouthed, raising her fingers gingerly towards her throat. On the left side of her throat were two large spots of scar tissue, and on the right side, closer together, were two smaller scars. She brought a shaky hand to her throat, extending one finger and touching her skin gingerly, tracing around the edge of one of the raised scars. 

"Oh..." She repeated, swallowing thickly. 

Her eyes drifted from her neck, and she realized there were other marks on her body, scars from the curse Harry had cast upon her. She turned slowly in the mirror, her hand falling limp to her side as she took in her marked body. 

Hermione didn't know what to do, or think. She wasn't one to think less of someone due to their physical appearance, but it was different when she was thinking about herself. Who would want her like this? And God, Severus... Severus would see what he'd done and he'd never forgive himself. And Harry... Well, at least the damage Harry had done wasn't visible, not like the scars on her neck which Severus would no doubt see, if he hadn't already. But Hermione was certain that he hadn't, for he would have felt too guilty to carry on without apologizing. She couldn't remember in this moment what she'd been wearing since she'd become human, but whatever it was must have been high enough to cover a portion of her neck, including her scars.

Hermione took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Everything would be OK. Her friends weren't so shallow that the would stop being friends with her merely because of her appearance. She should know that, she'd been living with crazy, unmanageable hair for her entire life and Harry and Ron hadn't cared. Surely they wouldn't mind her neck. 

But no, they'd ask about it, wouldn't they? Where she'd gotten from, and how. And of course they would immediately jump to the conclusion that it was Severus's doing, his fault... How in the world was she supposed to handle this? 

Taking another deep breath, she turned away from her reflection and turned on the shower, picking her wand up off the sink to adjust the temperature before returning it and stepping under the stream of hot water. 

What better place to think than in the shower? 

The water pressure was strong, and she hung her head to let it pelt onto the back of her neck and down her spine while tears streamed silently over her cheeks. 

She lifted her head and took a shaky breath, running her hands over her hair. She needed to get herself together and be smart about this. She could deal with the scars, she would adjust to the sight of them, and eventually maybe she'd be able to look at them without thinking of what had happened to cause them... Being attacked by two of her most favorite people in the world, that is. 

But it hadn't really been either of their faults, and she didn't blame them, so that was comforting. 

Her school uniform was collared, which would take care of her neck scars. And her smaller, thinner scars from Harry's curse would be hidden by clothing. She knew she wouldn't be able to get rid of them, or even get them to fade, because they were curse scars. Curse scars didn't go away. Severus was proof of that. 

Severus. 

Severus, Severus, Severus. 

She was more concerned about him than she was about Harry, or even herself. He'd see them eventually, and she needed to figure out how she'd handle it. 

Should she show him after she showered, and get it over with? Tell him that she was OK with it, that it didn't matter, that her appearance had never been a priority anyways? No, because that made it sound like scars were a bad thing, and really, they weren't... She liked Severus despite all of his scars, and he had an abundance. She didn't think they made him look unappealing or broken. It just saddened her to see them, and to think about all of the torture he'd had to suffer through. 

He wouldn't think the same, though. He'd think about how he'd attacked her and nearly killed her, and how he couldn't be trusted around her, how he hurt everyone he came near, how she should leave before he hurt her again. And now that she was human, it'd be easy. Even though Severus had told her as soon as she'd turned back that he wouldn't get rid of her. But, well. This might just make him change his mind. 

Severus frowned to himself from where he was still sitting in his recliner. Hermione had been in the shower for a while. Was she alright? 

He rose, and strode into his bedroom to the closed door of his bathroom. He leaned close and pressed his ear to the wood, listening for if the water was running. It was, and he could hear something else... Almost like muffled crying. 

"Hermione?" He opened the door just a crack, enough so that his voice could carry through the steaming room. "Are you alright?" 

'What? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm -" And then there was the sound of skin slipping over water and the smack of a body hitting the floor of the shower. 

"Oh!" He heard Hermione gasp, and he swore under his breath,

"Shit!" He burst into the bathroom, grabbing the towel that was folded and sitting on the corner of the sink, and rushed to the side of the shower. "Hermione? Are you OK?"

"Oh my God," She said on the other side of the curtain, and he brought a hand to cover his eyes and pulled the curtain back, tossing her the towel while waving his wand in the direction of the shower head to stop the stream of water. "Are you decent?" He asked.

"Yeah," She responded, and Severus dropped his hand and opened his eyes to take in the injuries.

Only she was laughing. Laughing hysterically. She was lying on the floor of his shower with a towel draped over her and she was laughing, tears streaming from red eyes. She hiccuped, then kept laughing, and Severus rocked back on his heels, his eyes widening in surprise. 

"I don't... I don't understand. Are you hurt?" 

She waved a hand at him, continuing to laugh, and Severus's gut twisted with fear and discomfort. He had no idea how to handle this situation. 

"No," She said, and she extended a hand towards him, waggling her fingers. "Help me - hiccup - up?" 

Severus rose and gripped her hand, pulling her up from the shower floor. She tightened the towel around herself and gave him a shaky smile between laughs, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me."

"It's quite alright, as long as you're not hurt."

She took a deep breath, finally calming. "No, I promise, Severus. I'm fine." She brought a hand to her head and ran a few fingers through her dark, flat hair. "I still have conditioner in my hair." And then she was laughing all over again, leaving Severus dumbfounded. 

"Umm.." Severus brought his wand out and with a murmured spell, Hermione's hair was clean and dry, as well as the rest of her. 

Hermione brought a hand to her face, pressing a thumb into her cheek and draping her fingers over her mouth as she laughed. 

"Hermione? Hermione, what's funny?" 

He reached for her cautiously, full of uncertainty and shock, and gripped each of her arms. He shook her gently. 

"Hello?" 

She looked up at him and they locked eyes, and her hand slid down from her mouth to her neck. Her face fell flat and as he looked straight at her, he saw her expression change, and suddenly she was crying. 

She trembled and she bent over herself, sobbing intensely, and Severus strengthened his grip on her arms to hold her up, pulling her to his chest so he could adjust his hold on her, sliding one arm under hers and wrapping one around her back. She steadied, then leaned all her weight into him, burying her nose into his chest and between muffed cries whispered, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Severus tucked his head into her neck, bringing his lips to her ear. 

"What's wrong, Hermione? You've nothing to be sorry for." He squeezed her tighter and stroked the back of her head reassuringly. He hoped he was doing this right.

"I don't want to - hiccup - leave." 

"Breathe, Hermione. Just breathe. You aren't going anywhere."

"I - sob -" She brought her arms up and wrapped one around his shoulder, the other she splayed across his chest, using to grab a fistful of his shirt. "I - I don't mind -"

"Don't mind what? I don't understand, Hermione. You're not making any sense."

She was scaring him, and he had no idea what to do. What was he supposed to do?! 

"It wasn't - I don't blame - you - I never should -hiccup - have - sob - taken your - wand"

His wand? She didn't blame him? He felt his heart stop in his chest. Oh, no.

He slid his arms out from around her, and pressed them to her shoulders, pushing her back away from him, just enough for him to see...

"Oh, Hermione." 

He'd done it. He'd scarred her. Just as he'd known he had, just as he feared he had... How hadn't he noticed sooner? Checked sooner? He'd scarred her, damn it! 

He pulled her back to his chest just as she pulled him towards her, and they slammed together, her face pressed into his shoulder again, and his tucked down in the crook of her neck.

"I'm so sorry. I won't push you away, I promise, Hermione, but I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'll do everything I can to remove them, I'll work on a new salve immediately."

"No - I - I don't mind - I just - sniff..."

"What, Hermione? What is it?"

"Idon'twantittohurtyoutolookatme."

She spoke in such a rush that it took him a moment to understand what she'd said, and she must have misunderstood because she suddenly stiffened in his arms.

"See? You - sniff - you know it will. I - I need to - sob - leave."

"What? No! No, you don't!" He said quickly, pulling his face back so he could look down at her. She looked up at him, and he could see she was trying to pull herself together. She sniffed violently, fighting to stop her crying, and he knew then exactly what he was going to do.

He ran his thumb under her cheek, wiping away a few tears, then slowly brought his hand under her chin to tip it back. He looked down at her neck, where he'd once sunk in his fangs, intent on ripping out her throat, and at the scars that had been left from it, and he lowered his lips towards her exposed skin and pressed them gently on the space between the four circles of raised tissue.

Hermione gasped in surprise, but she didn't move away, and his heart beat just a bit faster in his chest.

He brushed his nose along her throat as he raised his head up, their faces mere centimeters from one another, their eye lashes almost touching. He tilted his head, and her lips parted. He brought both hands to her cheeks, one thumb circling her soft skin gently, and then they both moved so slowly towards one another, so painfully, excruciatingly slow, until finally their lips touched just slightly.

Severus had never felt anything like it.

God, it was amazing. Her lips - he felt like they'd shocked him, and enveloped him, and healed him, and energized him, and made him complete, and the thought flitted across his mind that he definitely didn't deserve this, shouldn't be doing this, didn't deserve her, and then it was gone as she moved her lips against his just slightly, and brought her fingers up to wrap around his wrists, and he lost himself in the moment and the feeling, and then just as soon as it had started, it was over, and he pulled away. He took a moment to catch his breath, since it seemed his body had forgotten it's need for oxygen, and he locked his eyes with hers. 

"I need you to stay. I want you to stay." His voice rumbled deeper than he'd ever felt it, and his fingers burned where they still lay against her cheeks. God, she was perfect. He couldn't ever be without her. 

He waited, his entire body tense with the fear of rejection, each second ticking by like an hour until finally, finally, she smiled up at him and stretched on her tiptoes, pressing a brief kiss to his lips before pulling back just slightly enough to whisper against his skin,

"Then of course I'll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! Sorry it's been so long! I've had a bunch of projects for school (gross) and some other stuff going on where I haven't really been able to write, but I promise you - even if it's been a little while since I've updated, I have NOT abandoned the fic! Writing this is my favorite thing, and I wouldn't do that to you all, especially since you've been so good to me! So I just wanted to say sorry for taking so long, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


	28. The Key: Part I

Hermione's cheeks burned red, and ached with how wide she was smiling. She ducked her head in embarrassment, the intense moment having passed, and she hesitated, unsure of what to do.

"You should go get changed," Severus said, sparing her from having to make a decision. Hermione glanced up, relieved to see a small smile, and nodded.

"Yeah." She held his gaze for a moment, then turned, padding out of the bathroom.

"Hermione." She paused in the doorway, looking back over her bare shoulder towards Severus. He stood staring at her, shirt rumpled, cheekbones tinged with a slight flush of gentle pink.

They took each other in from a distance; processing what had just happened without the scent of the other tingling their nostrils, the shock of skin under trailing fingers, the shadow of noses inclined as lips touched. Hermione didn't breathe as she waited, desperately hoping that she wouldn't see his eyes harden.

She sighed in relief as he stepped towards her and flicked off the light in the bathroom with an absent twitch of his wrist.

Severus watched her tread a few feet down the hallway, then turned and disappeared past the corner of the living room. Hermione made her way into the room where she'd spent a lot of her time as a lioness, touching the wall with her palm. A gasp slipped past her lips as the light illuminated the space.

Someone, she assumed Severus, had completely redesigned the room, erasing the rocks and tree and door in the far corner with a large, made bed, a dresser, and a bookshelf along one whole wall. She grinned, walking forward and running her fingers along the binding of the books. She pulled open a dresser drawer, revealing clothes folded neatly inside. Her hairbrush sat on the top, alongside a small mirror and her stick of deodorant.

She was sure Dumbledore wouldn't be happy when he found out about this.

She didn't really care.

Severus smiled to himself as he left his private quarters and settled down at the desk of his office. He summoned his red correcting ink from the other end of the desk and his quill from where it was hidden under a stack of essays, and grabbed the closest one to begin grading. He had to do something productive and settle himself down. His heart was still racing.

He slashed through a third year's miserable attempt at an introductory paragraph, and thought about Hermione. He wondered what she thought of her room... Severus still wasn't sure why Albus had allowed him to change it around. Probably just to let Severus waste time and energy only for him to force Hermione to return to Gryffindor Tower.

Not that he disagreed. It was important that Hermione be close to Potter and Weasley, especially considering that Potter was being influenced by the Dark Lord.

But it didn't change the fact that Severus was afraid of her leaving.

She needed to get back to her classes, that was for certain. He would never keep Hermione from her studies, they were far too important. The other teachers were under the impression that she was at home caring for ill parents, so they weren't too surprised to be asked for their recent assignments and course work so Severus could send them to her. They were a bit curious as to why it was Severus inquiring on her behalf rather than Minerva, but their meddling quieted when Severus merely responded by glaring and grumbling under his breath about suffering the idiocy of imbeciles.

And it would be weird, wouldn't it? Having an 18 year old student in his quarters, though she wouldn't be a student of his potions class any longer, since Slughorn would be arriving. And considering he'd be killing Albus soon, essentially becoming the Headmaster of a castle sized torture chamber, it wasn't like it would be of any importance that he spent the short time prior to those events with Hermione.

Severus finished the essay and sighed, slipping it to the side of his desk and grabbing another. It wasn't up to him, anyways. It was up to her.

He would be genuinely stunned if she chose to disregard Albus's instructions and stay with her surly, greasy-haired Professor now that she was human. Although she'd told him again and again she didn't want to leave.

It wasn't the first time he'd heard that. It wouldn't be the first time someone left.

But he'd kissed her. And she'd kissed him back.

The vision of her crying and him kissing her scars flashed through his mind. How could she think that looking at her would hurt him and that he'd force her away? He couldn't think of a single thing that would hurt him more than her absence. And if Severus wasn't so close to self-destruction to begin with, that would be the exact reason he'd push her away. He wouldn't, though, not now. Albus had pushed him to the edge, then kicked him over it, and as a result Severus didn't give a single fuck any longer. If Albus could take Severus's soul, then Severus could make the most of it while he had it. And that meant fighting relentlessly to spend time with Hermione, if that was truly what she wanted.

Hermione finished dressing and found Severus sitting in his office, grading papers, eyes distant. She watched him for a moment, admiring his long fingers and the easy movement of his hand, the methodical turning of parchment, the fine line of his jaw and the furrow of his brows. He looked up after a long moment, surprising Hermione.

"Oh! I didn't think you'd heard me come in."

"You underestimate me." He teased.

Hermione smiled. "Most definitely."

Severus glanced at the space across from him. "Have a seat?"

"Yeah, sure." Severus watched her walk across the small space and seat herself, placing her hands gingerly in her lap and sitting with her back straight and stiff.

"Relax," his voice rumbled, and her body softened instantly around his words.

"Sorry... Just not used to being human again..."

"Mmm." Severus continued grading, and Hermione shifted nervously.

"Um, Severus?"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"Thank you for fixing my room."

"You're welcome."

"Will I be able to stay there?"

Severus put down his quill, steepling his hands under his chin and looking Hermione directly in the eye.

"Yes. You are welcome to stay in your room any time you wish. However, you must reassert your presence in Gryffindor Tower, and address the matter of your friendship with Potter and Weasley."

"What about Volde- the Dark Lord's - influence on Harry?"

"I will be investigating to make sure you will not be put in harms way again as a result of that connection, though I cannot promise my success. The Dark Lord no longer operates in a way that grants me access to all of his plans, apparently. But I will ensure that the connection is broken, Hermione. I will not permit the Headmaster to continue down this dangerous path."

"I'm not sure which will be harder: stopping Professor Dumbledore, or getting information from the Death Eaters." Hermione sighed. "Either way, it will be incredibly difficult. Are you sure?"

"I have never been this certain of what I must do."

"I just... I don't like it. It shouldn't be up to you to protect Harry and I. You're already doing so much, Severus."

"I'll do whatever it takes, just as I always have. But now..." Severus paused, running one hand over the back of his neck, looking down at where Hermione's hands were clasped over the table. "I finally have a legitimate reason to do it." His eyes rose, pausing on her lips, and Hermione flushed again.

"Just be careful, please. Don't get yourself hurt, especially not on my account."

Severus didn't respond.

"Severus?"

He rose, shoving his chair backwards roughly, causing Hermione to wince as the wood legs ground against the floor.

"Speak of the fucking devil."

Severus walked swiftly through the shadows of the castle towards the gates, walking silently through the night, the burning sensation on his arm getting stronger and more painful with every step he took. The Dark Lord was impatient.

Severus focused on controlling and settling his mind and then apparated, allowing the burning mark on his arm to direct him towards his Lord.

"Severus..." The Dark Lord greeted him instantly as he walked into the room, the same one he'd been summoned to before.

"My lord," Severus replied, approaching his master and kneeling to kiss the hem of his robes.

"Rise." He said, waving his hand impatiently. "We have much to discuss."

"As you wish, my lord." Severus responded automatically, pushing himself up into a standing position. He followed Voldemort's gesture to sit at the table.

They were not alone in the room. The Malfoy's were present, looking even more sallow and stressed than the last time Severus had seen them. Bellatrix was, thankfully, not in the room. Severus glanced at Lucius, who ducked his head and stared into his lap. Lucius had not delivered any information in regards to Draco's plans, and that did not bear well for anyone.

"Update me on our dear Draco's progress," Voldemort demanded, leaning forward in his throne, a cruel smile quirking one side of his face. It twisted and broke his smooth skin, as if he were a porcelain statue trying to express emotion. Severus forced himself to meet his master's eye, and he inclined his head.

"Yes, my lord. Draco has resisted my assistance, though he is insistent that he has a suitable plan." Severus said shortly, feeling his gut twist in disgust. The Malfoy's were the closest thing he had to family, but he could not protect them. He could hear one of them shift nervously in their seats, but he did not turn his head to see who it was.

"Draco? Have you anything to say?" Voldemort redirected his attention to the young blond, who was slunk back and slouching in his chair, his gaze directed down at his feet. "Look at me, boy!"

Draco's eyes immediately rose, and they fought to focus on the snake like face of his hissing master.

"I have a plan." He said softly. Severus did not miss the fierce nudge that Lucius aimed at Draco's side. Draco sat up straighter and continued, voice slightly louder. He was trying to appear confident, though it was in vain.

"I have a plan, and it will work." He repeated, his pale, precisely shaped eyebrows arching intensely. The Dark Lord leaned back in his chair and laughed, a painful combination of a hiss and a cough.

"He has a plan! And it will work!" He mocked, waving his hand in the air.

And then as suddenly as his outburst began, it stopped. Voldemort's face returned to it's usual intense look, his sharp red eyes narrowing into slits. He stood, moving past Severus to stand behind Draco's chair. Resting one hand on Draco's cheek, he dug his long nails into the boy's fair skin and forced the young Slytherin's face to twist around. Voldemort lowered his own, hovering inches from Draco's trembling lips. One thumb trailed leisurely along Draco's cheekbone.

"You will not fail, Draco." He cooed, the threat evident in his tone. "If you do..." He forced Draco's head away, turning it towards his parents.

"You will not be the only one who suffers my wrath."

Lucius and Narcissa's eyes were wide, their hands twitching. They could not present themselves to their Lord any better than Draco could.

"Yes, my lord." Draco whispered, his voice trembling.

"Good boy," Voldemort responded, releasing Draco's jawbone and cheek. His other hand rose, and he pressed his wand under Draco's chin. "Chin up, now." He he turned away and returned to his seat, crossing one leg over the other. One hand dangled, and Severus heard Nagini slither on the floor to meet it.

"I suggest you take Severus's offered guidance seriously, Draco." He said, looking down at his pet. "You do not have much time left. I will not punish you for seeking assistance. If you are successful, no matter whose help you have received, you and your family will be rewarded greatly."

Draco nodded. "Yes, my Lord."

Severus knew he would remain ignorant to Draco's plan, no matter what the Dark Lord told him. Draco was far too scared to trust anyone, and was desperate to do everything he could to impress his Lord in order to save the Malfoy family. By keeping it to himself, though, he was damning everyone; himself, his family, and Severus.

"Do you know how much time you have left?" Voldemort hissed.

"I... Yes... Three..Three weeks." Draco stuttered.

Three fucking weeks.

"I expect it to be done. You are dismissed." He snarled in disgust, no longer presenting the facade of the loving, supporting, albeit creepy, father type figure. He had gotten his point across. Now he wanted to see no more of his flailing followers.

Severus remained seated as the Malfoy's rose silently, bowing at the feet of their Lord, and left.

"Now, Severus..." Voldemort turned towards him, a smile growing on his face. "Care to explain what you're doing with one of Potter's closest friends in you quarters?"

Severus almost blanched, but his mind worked quickly enough that he responded almost immediately,

"Of course, my lord. I am converting her to our ways directly under Dumbledore's nose."

It was the first thing he could think to say. Albus had left him with nothing, no advice, no directions on how to handle this. He was royally fucked.

The words had no affect. The Dark Lord rose, his voice booming thunderously throughout the room.

"You never told me, Severus!" His wand was out in an instant, and Severus felt the first curse hit him. He fell from his chair and onto the floor with a thud, his wrist snapping as it was crushed beneath him, body convulsing as the spell ravaged through him.

"Why did you not inform me?!" He roared, the spell surging stronger and stronger through Severus. "I have been waiting patiently for you to come to me, my most faithful servant, but you have disappointed. Oh, yes. Very much so."

Severus could not speak. His jaw was clenched tightly, part of his tongue stuck between his grinding teeth. Blood was filling his mouth, and he struggled to breathe. His back arched, arms splayed out at his sides, legs thrashing violently. His head rose from the floor and slammed back down into it. He fought a losing battle for control, to block himself from feeling the pain. It was impossible.

Then it was gone, and Severus immediately struggled to right himself, raising his bloodshot eyes to meet his master's.

"It was... a complicated... situation, my lord." He said with as much dignity as he could muster. He rasped for breath, blood dripping from his mouth and down his chin.

"Complicated?" He heard Nagini slither closer. "Sectumsempra!"

Severus bit down the scream that rose in his throat as deep gashes split into his skin. It felt like a thousand of the sharpest knives were being driven into his flesh, stabbing and slicing and hacking through a body filled with sensitive nerves that had just been exploited and abused to the highest degree. He did not know how long Voldemort kept his wand directed at him, all concept of time beyond his grasp.

"Did Albus tell you to keep it hush hush?" Voldemort spat, his voice rising in pitch as he mocked the elder man. "Who's servant are you?! Crucio!"

"She... She wasn't ready..." Severus spluttered, struggling to stay conscious.

"Ready for what?" He dropped the curse, allowing Severus to continue.

"She... trusts me..." He started, "She... is seeing... our ways... And accepting... them..." He licked blood from the corner of his mouth, doing everything in his power to keep his head raised and directed at his master. His eyes were barely open, vision swirling. The pain was searing and overwhelming. Don't think about it. Keep talking. God, fuck, fuck!

"But she's not... ready... to meet... you... To... have you... know... I had... to... promise... Unbreakable Vow...I couldn't... tell you until... she... allowed me... By doing... that... I secured her... She had... no doubt... of my... sincerity... She is... ours... She is... yours... Your key... to Potter..."

Merlin, what was he saying?

Voldemort did not move. He stood, staring down at his most prideful, sophisticated servant, bleeding and twitching on the floor, piss staining his pants, blood spurting and flowing from his ravaged body.

Severus prayed for Voldemort to talk, to give him time to fabricate some memories before he tore through his mind searching for evidence.

"Hermione Granger..." His Lord said. "The brains of the Trio..." He paused, thinking, rolling the idea of her over in his mind. "She is truly considering turning her back on Potter?"

"Yes... My Lord... I did not... believe it... at first... either. But... it... is not... what it... seems. They are... not... so close... as they appear." He breathed, frantically putting memories together, altering words, faces.

"She is a mudblood?" Severus forced down the bile rising in his throat at the words.

"Yes... my lord... But once... she has served her... purpose... she could... be... a slave..."

"Yes, indeed." Voldemort smiled wickedly, his red eyes shining. "Hermione Granger. I must admit, I'm impressed, Severus."

"I... am... sorry, my... Lord... I did not... wish... to keep it... secret... I wanted... to tell... you... But... I had to secure... her trust." He was losing too much blood.

"How much longer would it have taken for her to allow you to inform me?" He asked.

"She... was close... She is human... again..."

"Yes, I know." Voldemort interrupted impatiently.

"Of course... She was... ready... So close... It would... have... been... soon."

"Very well. Don't inform her that I know of her change in allegiance. I wish to see if she permits you to inform me, and when. Your promise has not been broken. If it had, you would be dead. I already knew she was with you. She will not know that, though. Yes... this is perfect." His disgusting smile widened, breaking the angular planes of his face.

"My... lord..." Severus croaked. The pain was so intense that he could no longer feel it. He couldn't feel anything.

It seemed that Voldemort was seeing him for the first time.

"Ah, yes. Pity, that." He commented absently, finally consciously acknowledging the damage he had done to Severus. "I suppose I got a bit carried away, too bad. Still... One should not keep secrets from their master. If she does not come to me, and you do not succeed in aiding Draco..." He trailed off. Severus hardly heard him.

"Wormtail! Return Severus to the gates of Hogwarts. Quickly! Don't dawdle, rat."

The voice was at the edge of his consciousness. Severus did not register what the words meant.

"You better hope your sweet little lioness is waiting for you." A voice whispered in his ear, a mix between a hiss and a sick attempt at a coo, as if Severus were a child to be lulled to sleep.

The last bit of his consciousness slipped away, and Severus lost himself to the enveloping darkness.

Hermione did not know what to do with herself. She tried to read, but ended up unable to absorb the words on the pages in front of her. She resorted to pacing up and down the hallway of the quarters, then decided to screw it all and sneak out of the castle down to the gates to greet Severus when he returned. She was incredibly worried about him, and was seriously concerned that he would not return at all.

It had been about a week since she had overheard Severus and Dumbledore's conversation. She had no idea what was going on behind the scenes; this was something that Severus had not confided with her about. She was on her own, and unfortunately, when she was in her lioness form, she had not been able to find anything out by herself.

She slinked through the shadows of Hogwarts, making her way slowly towards the gates, thoughts of what the meeting Severus had been summoned to could possibly be about.

Was Voldemort finally confronting Severus about the lioness he had as a "familiar?" Would Voldemort be aware that Severus had reverted the curse on her, and that she was human again? Could that have triggered Voldemort to address the issue? Or was it just about killing Dumbledore? Hermione bit her lip nervously as she finally exited the castle and began the walk down to the gates, which were large and dark, looming in the distance. Goosebumps rose on her skin, and she crossed her arms, hugging herself tightly as she walked.

It was too dark to see, so she whispered "Lumos", her wand illuminating a small circle around her. She was lucky Dumbledore hadn't confiscated it after she'd taken his wand from him. She had been lucky, as he had merely re-summoned it from her as she'd left his office.

She still couldn't wrap her mind around the depth of the facade the Headmaster had created for himself. The man he was... the things he was doing to Severus... What in the world would cause Professor Dumbledore to behave in such a way? Was it to drive Severus -

CRACK!

Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin as a figure appeared on the other side of the gates a few feet away. It was small and hunched over something limp. It lowered the large shape roughly to the ground, discarding it in a heap, and then stepped away. Another crack echoed through the quiet night.

Hermione could not breathe. She remained frozen in place for a moment before finally summoning all of the Gryffindor courage she could to move from her spot, approaching the gate with her wand held out.

The figure was not moving. Was it Severus?

She touched the gates, gripping the cold bars between her shaking hands. The light from her wand did not reach the still form. She couldn't see what, or who, it was.

"Severus?" She called out softly, her voice trembling.

The gates began creaking open at her touch, and she stepped back surprised. They parted just enough for her to slip through, and she did, approaching hesitantly.

She took another step and the light of her wand illuminated the edge of a hand, a bent wrist, and a black clad arm. The fabric was drenched in blood, not even the slightest bit of pale skin visible beyond the buttoned cuff.

It was him.

She sprinted forward, collapsing at his side, tears beginning to well in her eyes, blocking her vision. She wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"Severus!" His clothes were shredded, his body split and gaping with deep wound. She grabbed his cheeks, the shockingly low temperature of his skin causing her to gasp, and she shook his head in her hands.

"Severus! Wake up!" She pressed her fingers into his neck, trying to find a pulse. She managed to find it, but it was so weak... She did not know how he was still alive. His chest did not rise in fall. He was barely breathing. He was losing so much blood. How much had he lost already?

She fumbled for her wand, her hands covered in blood, struggling to grasp the smooth wood. She focused intensely on the happiest memory she could think of; Severus healthy, embracing her, kissing her, and she managed to produce a flimsy Patronus, wispy and hardly present.

"Quick! Help! It's Severus, at the gates!" She sent the Patronus off in search of Dumbledore, praying it would make it the distance to alert her Headmaster.

She was too far away from the castle to summon anything, and she did not know what to do. She pressed her hands desperately onto the first wounds she could find, blood spurting and bubbling between her fingers. It couldn't end this way...

"Severus!" She choked out. "Severus, please! Please! You can't do this!" She sobbed. "No, Severus. No! I need you! I need you, Severus, you can't die!"

The crack of Dumbledore appearing at her side did not shake her from her position over Severus, and she flailed as he grabbed her arm to pull her off of him.

"Hermione, let me tend to him." He told her, his voice urgent.

"Please help him!" She cried, her hands slipping from his body as she finally gave in and moved out of the way just enough for Dumbledore to brandish his wand and begin working feverishly on the many wounds that covered Severus's still body.

"He can't die because of me." Hermione whispered. She reached out just enough to press her fingers into his wrist, closed her eyes, and focused on the beat of the life in his veins.


	29. The Key: Part II

Severus forced his eyes open, ignoring the flashes of pain and overwhelming dizziness that came as a result. He blinked rapidly, clearing his vision, then took a deep breath as the room around him finally stilled. 

Planting his elbows into the mattress beneath him, he slowly pushed himself up, adjusting so that he could rest his shoulders against the headboard. A weight on the blankets brought his attention to his side and the sleeping form of Hermione. She was tucked into him, her head burrowed into the hollow of his hip, and Severus noticed with a slight smile that her hand gripping his tightly even in her slumber. 

He grimaced and brought his free hand over his abdomen to rest it on her head, twirling a strand of hair around one long finger. He trailed his hand down the side of her cheek and he cleared his throat.

"Hermione." 

She stirred. Severus felt her cheeks move as she yawned. She turned herself slightly and glanced up at him.

Hermione's eyes suddenly widened and she jumped up, the chair she'd been half sitting in skidding backwards and into the privacy curtain that was pulled around the bed.

"Severus?!" 

"Shh, Hermione. I'm alright."

"Oh my god," Her face tightened, brows drawing together as she fought her emotional response, and Severus sighed. 

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, squeezing her hand. "I'm so, genuinely sorry."

Tears started welling in Hermione's eyes despite her struggle to keep herself stoic, and Severus pulled her into him. She resisted.

"You're... You're hurt." She looked down at him, clothed in a white hospital gown, pale and beaten.

"Just... come to me, Hermione."

He enveloped her, bringing her to lie on top of his chest. He held her just far enough away that he could look into her eyes, taking in every inch of her face, and he met her lips every so slightly, just a brush of a kiss. 

"I thought you were dead." He felt her words more than he heard them, the movement of her lips against his, and he grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her roughly into him. He buried his nose into her neck, and she wrapped her arms around his, gripping him so tightly he struggled momentarily to find his breath. 

"I'm right here, Hermione." 

"What happened?" She cried, the tears flowing freely as she sobbed into his shoulder, her body shaking beneath his broad hands. 

He didn't respond, couldn't find the words to explain it to her. Oh, god. He had sentenced her to the worst sort of suffering and pain. He'd made her a servant of the Dark Lord, a double agent, just as he was. Merlin fuck. 

He pushed her away abruptly, gripping her shoulders and holding her back. Her mouth dropped slightly in a mix of confusion and horror. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Madam -!"

"No..." Severus cut her off, turning his head away. He couldn't look at her. "Hermione. You need to leave. I must speak to Albus."

"What?" She froze, searching his face in a desperate attempt to understand. "Look at me Severus." Her voice broke, and Severus closed his eyes.

"I've done something, Hermione." 

"Just, just tell me!" She spoke in a desperate rush, breathing rapidly. "Don't keep me in the dark... We've been through this!"

"Hermione."

"No. I won't leave. I won't do it Severus!" Hermione practically screamed. Severus fumbled for his wand which was lying on the stand beside his bed, casting a quick "Muffliato!"

"Hush! You'll wake the whole ward! This isn't up for debate. It's imperative that I speak to Albus."

"You almost died! You were tortured for who knows how long, hours, at least! You didn't come back! So I waited for you by the gates, and then, and then someone just came and I thought you were dead, Severus! Do you understand what that was like? You were bloodied and cursed to oblivion and twitching and hardly breathing and I... I don't know what I'd do without you, Severus..." She went from angry, practically spitting her words, to sagging into him, crying and broken.

"I know." Images of Hermione flashed through his mind; her bleeding on the floor after Harry's curse, Minerva and Filius standing back in defeat, watching her die after he'd attacked her... He had been so afraid for her then, so painfully aware of how much he'd come to need her. And now, Severus had put her in the same position. Would he ever stop hurting her?

There was a moment of silence as Hermione gathered herself, wiped the tears from her face furiously, and said, "So you better start talking, because I deserve to know exactly what happened."

"Of course." Sighing, Severus began speaking, voice quiet and resigned. "I fucked up, Hermione. The Dark Lord knows you've been with me. He knows that I reversed the curse." Severus strained to say the words, could hardly even think them in his mind. 

Hermione could hear the self-blame in Severus's voice, and her heart tightened painfully in her chest. "Oh, Severus. That's not your fault."

"I'm not finished. The Dark Lord required an explanation."

Hermione watched as Severus paused, eyes locked with hers, and from where her fingers were pressed into his wrist she could feel his pulse quicken.   
"Severus?"

With a flat drone drained of all emotion, Severus spoke. "I assured the Dark Lord that you were changing allegiance." He didn't seem to be breathing. 

"You mean?" Her mind stilled, arriving at the single conclusion of Severus's words. 

"Yes." 

"Oh God." 

"Hermione -" She could see it in his face. His determination to set it right, to free her from this obligation, to take all the blame while pushing her away to keep her safe. Seeing his face, she didn't have a second thought.

"I'll do it." She spoke without doubt or hesitation, and she lowered herself back down on top of Severus, feeling his heat and the rise and fall of his chest beneath her, the steady, rhythmic warmth of his breath on her neck. "Just don't think about it now, please. You need to rest."

He stiffened. "We'll find another way. I cannot permit you to pursue this. It's suicide. It's... I could never submit you to the life I have, Hermione. It's Hell of the worst sort. You're already doing enough, being there for Potter."

"I need to do this."

"No. You do not."

"We're in a war! I'll do whatever is required, Severus."

"Hermione." He growled, sliding out from beneath Hermione to rise from the bed. He turned towards her, planting his hands onto the mattress so that he could lean down, mouth inches from hers. "Do you know what this means?" Was that pain in his voice? "You'll have to lie to your friends, you'll have to protect secrets with your life. You'll torture and kill in cold blood, and have to pretend, convincingly, that you enjoy it. You'll be cursed and abused, and of course, manipulated by both sides. You'll have to sacrifice everything! Your family will be put in danger. It will be impossible to protect them. People will have their suspicions, both the Death Eaters and your closest friends, about your loyalties." He had shifted into his harshest voice, deep and intimidating. Goosebumps rose on Hermione's arms. She could still hear the fear, could even see it despite his Occluded eyes. 

"I can do it." 

"No, Hermione! You can't!" Severus straightened, a furious mix between agitated and exasperated, and turned away from her, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. 

"Yes, she can. And she will."

Albus parted the privacy curtain with a flick of his wrist. Hermione jumped up with a start, and Severus whipped around, snarling. 

"How long have you been listening?"

"Long enough. You didn't notice I'd canceled your Muffliato? I'm disappointed, Severus."

"All due respect, but he was a bit pre-occupied, Professor." Hermione huffed, immediately irritated. 

"Hum, yes." Dumbledore waved his hand absently. "We've had quite the night, Severus?"

"You bastard."

"Now, now. Watch your language."

"This is your fault just as well as mine, if not more so. She's been condemned, Albus!"

"Hardly. This is an opportunity."

"Of course -" Severus grimaced, balling one hand into a fist while rolling his wand dangerously in the other, "- you would see it that way."

"Well, it is. So let's figure it out, shall we?"

"There's nothing to figure out. She won't do it. I won't let her."

"Well lucky for us, it's not up to you, Severus. You don't have to let her."

"You -"

"Stop! Alright? I'm right here! I'm going to do it, and not because you want me to, Professor. Because it's necessary. And I'm sorry Severus, I... I really am...But I'm at no more risk than I was before. I'm a target already, I'm Harry's best friend! At least now, I'm a tool for Vol- the Dark Lord... Maybe that will be better."

"She can't be the key, Albus. There's got to be another way."

"I'm sorry Severus, but she is. She is the key." Dumbledore's voice softened just enough that Severus paused, taken aback by the show of emotion. It did not change the heat in his face, however, nor the venom in his tone as he spat his response, 

"So what is your plan, then, Albus? What is your glorious, erudite, impeccable plan? Do enlighten me."

"That is always my goal, Severus." Before Severus could come back with a debilitating remark, Dumbledore continued, turning his attention to Hermione. "Thank you for offering your cooperation, Miss Granger. It is greatly appreciated."

"There wasn't much of a choice, Professor." Hermione replied coldly, meeting her Headmaster's gaze squarely. He raised an eyebrow in amusement as he briefly glanced at Severus, who looked ready to murder, then clasped his hands in front of him and looked back at Hermione.

"Regardless." He smiled slightly. "Now, Severus has told you all the possible dangers, of course, and the cost of carrying this out."

"Hardly. There is no way to orally capture the extent of the detriment and anguish this will -"

"What you've told her will suffice, Severus." Albus said loudly. "Now, Hermione. How are your Occlumency skills?"


	30. Fear and Fury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - If you're one of my teachers, please spare me the awkwardness and just skip this chapter. If you insist on reading it, please dear God forget I'm the author. Also, keep in mind that you're doing this to yourself. I told you not to read it.

"So, Severus has been teaching you Occlumency?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm sure you're quite skilled, then."

"She proven herself to be a capable student." Severus said, his voice kept neatly in control. Hermione was hesitant to look at him for fear of what she might see in his face. Or worse, even, that she wouldn't see anything at all.

"May I?"

"Oh." Hermione wasn't quite sure what to do with herself, but nodded and met Professor Dumbledore's eyes. "Sure."

Severus sighed as Albus's eyes dimmed, his consciousness becoming effectively occupied with Hermione's mindscape. He knew she was strong, but wasn't sure if she'd be able to resist Albus. He could get very pushy when he thought someone was hiding something. Severus knew that first hand. But there was no better Occlumens than Severus... Of that, he was confident. It took more than an average wizard to lie regularly to one of the greatest of all time. Severus would have to be content knowing that Hermione had been learning from someone as skilled as he was. And grateful that she was such an intelligent and diligent student. Severus cringed to even imagine having to teach Occlumency to Weasley... orPotter.

But there were more pressing matters at hand than how secure Hermione's mind was. If Severus could think of something to amend his blunder, a way to change the Dark Lord's mind, a way to keep Hermione safe, her Occlumency skills would cease to matter at all.

But how? How in the bloody fucking wizarding world was he going to fix this? His mind wasn't right... It wasn't clear... Bloody emotions were clogging him all up, making him behave irrationally, recklessly...

Severus tossed back the bedsheet draped over his body with a wince and rose from the hospital cot, fighting to ignore the pain ravaging through his every fiber. Glancing at Hermione's face one last time, pausing momentarily in uncertainty as to whether the sight of her made the pain better or worse, Severus forced his eyes away with a snarl and swiftly left the hospital wing.

Hermione felt cold.

She hadn't at first, and she wasn't sure why she did now. But her concentration had broken, and she felt like a blanket that had been wrapped around her had been lifted and tossed away, leaving her chilled and exposed. The library inside her mind blurred, and the aisle grew wider, some disappearing altogether. Dumbledore raised his head from a book he'd been flipping through; one of her experience aiding Harry in collecting the Sorcerer's Stone.

Hermione felt her heart begin to race.

Dumbledore placed the book gently back on the shelf and began walking towards the hidden room where -

No, she would not allow him to see -

A few more turns, and he'd be there. She'd deterred him, fought his penetrating, clever attacks, thwarted his every move to advance, and now -

Facing the door, mere steps away -

She would not let Severus down. Not after seeing his face tonight, not after holding his cold body and listening to Madam Pomfrey tell Dumbledore about the damage. How he couldn't keep doing this, how one of these days he was going to come in and -

NO!

Hermione's eyes flashed open. Professor Dumbledore stood before her, observing her curiously.

"I, I'm sorry about that. We can try again, sir. I don't know what happened."

Dumbleore gave her a soft smile that for once seemed to reach his eyes.

"It's all right, my dear. I'm happy to say that your defences are adequate, if not impressive. You managed to keep me at bay for quite some you hadn't gotten..." He waved his hand, "distracted, I'm not sure I could have accessed what you were keeping from me without completely obliterating your mind."

As soon as he'd said those words, Hermione instantly realized what felt off.

"Where's Sev - Professor Snape?"

Dumbledore turned his attention to the bed, "Yes, he left."

"Where?"

"Not a clue."

"He... He can't be up! Sir, he was nearly killed!"

"This wouldn't be the first time Severus has decided to forgo rest and recovery to save his pride, Miss Granger."

"Uh, I don't-"

"Now, where were we?"

"Professor Snape -"

"Let's re-convene in my office. We'll finish our discussion about your new role there."

Severus paced down the corridor of the dungeon, head bowed and lank hair falling over his face in a curtain of protection.

He wanted to light it on fire. Just let it burn. Let it spread down his entire body and engulf him and fucking turn him to ash.

He brushed it back behind his ear. If he couldn't protect Hermione, he sure as hell didn't deserve any form of comfort and reassurance for himself. Not even the smallest little bloody hair.

"Fuck." He breathed. His hands balled into fists and he turned on the stone wall, kicking it will all his strength. He fell into it, all bony elbows and slamming fists, the top of his head pressed into the moist surface for balance as he beat himself bloody in frustration.

"Merlin fuck." His hands fell quiet and flat against the stone and he sunk to his knees, bowed against the wall. His cloak pooled around him, catching the drops of blood from his knuckles.

He stayed that way, letting goosebumps rise on his skin as the cold of the dungeon seeped past his clothes and deep into his bones, and as a drop of dew dripped down from the stone onto his nose, smearing drops of sweat as it fell, following the curve until it reached the roman arc, just waiting for gravity to pull it into descent.

His eyes closed. He tried to relax, to still his mind... calm, lapping waves of clear lake water... And when it came, when it finally came, all he could see was himself swimming, treading, keeping his head just above water, just enough to breathe... But not her. No, never her. He could never, ever save her.

But this time, sweet Merlin, he would have her. He would have her and hold her and keep her head above the water with him for as long as he could. He would fight every second in every way to stay beside her, and God, when she finally went down, he would go down with her. This time was different. She was different.

He knew, in this state of mind, what the answer was. What the solution was. He saw clearly that there wasn't one at all. And he believed it, because the irrational thought was gone, the emotion was gone, and what was left was the truth.

It didn't change anything. It didn't change anything a single fucking bit.

Well, it did change one thing...

Hermione said her polite good-bye to Professor Dumbledore and used all of her self-restraint to keep herself from slamming the oak door of his office as she left. It helped immensely that the thing was far too heavy for her to slam anyway. She didn't manage to keep herself from stomping down the winding marble steps, however, and she reveled in the feeling until she came into sight of the main corridor of Hogwarts, which was buzzing with students getting on with their day.

Hermione was honestly getting sick of Dumbledore. She was getting sick with seeing him, with hearing his voice, with those annoying twinkling eyes. And she was really getting sick of that nasty twinge of guilt that rocked her brain every time she thought something negative about the man. After all she'd seen and heard from him... No, he was still the leader of the Light... He'd defeated Grindelwald and was on his way to defeating Voldemort as well... He'd saved millions of lives!

And he'd condemned the only one that seemed to really matter.

Hermione had listened and nodded, and all the while, she'd brainstormed.

She hadn't needed to really pay attention. Professor Dumbledore had made it quite clear that she was to report to him constantly with information and for guidance. She knew how he controlled Severus, and she knew he'd control her the same way.

So she'd let her creative juices flow. Her desperate creative juices, which were even more effective, honestly. And she'd come up with something brilliant. Horrible, but brilliant.

She could do it.

She'd let her lioness take over, instincts fueled by the desire to protect and destroy. The lioness was hungry for revenge. Itching for justice. That wild side of Hermione would do anything, once unleashed, for the one she cared about most.

She would spare Severus from carrying out the most difficult, painful, soul-destroying act one could ask of a witch of wizard. She'd prove her unquestionable allegiance to Voldemort and work with Severus from the inside to destroy him.

But before she did any of that, she was going to feed her own desires.

Severus rose from where he was leaning against the wall, driven by a newfound energy that came with the determination for what he was about to do. His dragon hide boots slammed against the floor, echoing through the damp dungeon as he strode forward. He had never been so confident in what he wanted as he was right now.

Hermione practically ran through Hogwarts on her way down to the dungeon, taking the stairs two steps at a time. She hardly even recognized that she had missed a step until she was tumbling head first down the stairwell.

"Ooph!" Came a deep voice as strong arms wrapped around her, scooping her up into the air. "Hermione?" Severus sounded near breathless yet incredibly fierce.

"Yeah."

"Are you alright?" Her momentum had sent him slamming back into the curve of the wall, but he was able to balance them both. Hermione waited for him to set her down, but he kept hold of her, one arm under her knees, the other around her shoulders as if she were his bride.

"Yeah." There was hardly enough light to make out his features, but there was a candle a few feet up that cast a flickering light across one side of his face. Hermione had a fleeting thought of the Phantom of the Opera; her own black clad, half-faced mystery man with lips hovering inches from hers.

"Yeah?" Severus repeated, licking his lips. His eyes remained fixed on hers.

Hermione brought her hand up to grasp the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair. She pressed gently, bringing him close enough for their lips to brush.

"Mm... Yeah." Severus kissed her back as she spoke, and Hermione got so distracted that she forgot if she was going to add anything else.

Severus let her slip out of his arms, running one hand up her back, pulling her close as he cupped her cheek in his palm and brought her in for another kiss. Hermione grabbed his shirt, bunching it in her left hand as she pressed even harder with her right against his head. Her body arched against him involuntarily, and his body bowed beneath her. He hoisted her up again, this time reaching an arm around her bottom, and pushed off from the wall.

Hermione wrapped her legs around Severus's back, then followed suit with her arms, enclosing his neck. He kept on hand planted firmly on one cheek of her rear, bunching it tight as he hoisted her higher, securing her position around him.

"Oh God," Hermione murmured, grinding her pelvic bone against his belt, rocking back and forth against him uncontrollably. Severus nibbled her lip playfully, then brought his own to her right ear. He pushed her back roughly against the wall, evoking a squeak, and said gruffly,

"Do you want this, Hermione?"

"Oh, God..."

"Tell me if you want it..."

"Yes..."

His hands were all over her, his knee propped between her legs. She squirmed, desperate for him to touch her, to really touch her, but he brushed his delicate, long fingers over her arms, her legs, her hair, her cheeks, a thumb pushed against her lips, slipping in just enough for her to feel it against her teeth and then it was gone.

"Say it."

"Severus..."

She searched for anywhere to plant her lips, burying them into his neck, kissing repeatedly and sucking against the crook of his jawbone, nuzzling his ear.

"I want you." She whispered finally, getting enough of a bearing over herself to say the words.

It seemed that was all Severus needed to hear as he yanked her from the wall, holding her tight against his chest, breathing heavily into her ear as he carried her to his quarters.

Severus left his hold on her loose enough so that she jostled with every long stride he took, smirking as she whimpered sounds of pleasure against his neck. He knew that she was sitting against his hips in just the right position to be against his belt buckle, and god, he was going to take advantage of it.

Those words... "I want you." He couldn't fathom, couldn't even process what they meant, hadn't thought he'd believe them if he ever heard them, but the way she said it... Merlin fuck... His hips bucked against her as she rubbed against his hips, and he fought every urge not to stop in the corridor to take her then and there. And he could feel it, more than anything; he could feel the want in her lips and her touch and even her god-damned scent.

And he wanted her just as much.

"Merlin, Hermione." He growled out against her as they finally reached the door. He flicked his wrist and sent it flying open, barreling into the room.

"I want..."

Incoherent moan.

"You..."

His knees buckled and they fell onto the couch. Severus cradled her head at the last second so it didn't slam into the arm rest.

"Too."

Lips on lips, shared breath, his tongue slipped through her teeth.

He said it again. "I want you, Hermione."

"Sev-ruuus..."

"God, sweet Merlin, I want you."

He rocked against her, mouth over her's again, digging deeper and deeper, tongues swirling and dancing.

His hands traveled down her sides, mapping the curves of her skin, reaching the hem of her shirt and slipping beneath.

"Oooh." She breathed. Her skin was warm and his fingers were ice cold. He rubbed his thumbs over the goosebumps on her hips.

She rocked them upward against him and he pushed back, jabbing her roughly with his belt in rapid succession, unable to control himself.

"God," She jolted, and the word slipped out loud and raw. They catch eachother's eyes and he smirked, doing it again. Her eyes rolled back. His hands flatten and push into her abdomen, moving up over her ribs. He could hear the faint thumping sound as his palms bump over the ridges, is so aware of her chest expanding and falling as she breathed lust against his lips, and then he's cupping her breasts over her bra.

She arched her chest against his hands, her hips lying still. Her hands braced against his wrists, vices holding him molded around her, and he trailed his bottom lip along the tendon that popped from her neck as she pushed her head back. He nipped against her jawline, then buried his nose into her ear, overwhelming her with the sound of his feverish breathing.

He's gone from her suddenly and her eyes opened in surprise, in longing and in need, and he felt himself pulsing in his pants, straining against the confines of his trousers. He shifted, one leg out against the floor to balance, the other bent and wedged against the cushions of the couch for balance as he unbuckled and slid the belt from his pants. He watched Hermione watching him as he let the belt snap hungrily out of the last loop before discarding it to the floor. Pants unbuttoned, he pushed them down around his knees before impatiently grabbing his wand from his pocket and magicking the buttons off his cloak and shirts, waving them in a pile over the coffee table. His wand follows suit and skids across the glass.

Top bare, bulge exposed in his underwear, he started on her, lifting her from the couch enough to reach behind her back to unclasp her bra.

"Fuck." As her shirt settled over her naked breasts he saw the teasing points of her nipples. Before he could stop himself, one was in his mouth, and he suckled on her while pulling her shirt up beneath his lips. Her eyes stayed on him, every moment, never wavering, and he knew she was loving this as much as he was.

"You've been so good."

Bare nipple in his mouth, kneaded a breast in his fist, "We've waited," kissed her and flicked his thumb over her wet nipple, "for such a..." He removed his hands, planting them on either side of her head. He holds himself completely still, lifting his groin from her. She squirmed, but he snarled and she stayed still, whimpering. "Torturously..." Lets his head drop just a bit. "Excruciatingly..."

"Severus..."

"Long time." Just close enough to touch her, but he doesn't.

"Severus!"

"Are you ready now?"

"Severus! Please!"

"Please, what?"

"I want this, I want it now!"

"You've never done this."

"Take me Severus, you..."

"Mhhm?"

"Bloody tease!"

She attacked him them, wild and crazed with need, and he is finally satisfied. He'd given her a taste, and she'd liked it, and now he'd give her the rest.

Severus rocked backwards, letting her fall on top of him and take control. It'd be her only chance for the rest of the night.

"God-damn you and your self control." She seethed, and Severus swallowed his response as she kissed him.

He was pleasantly surprised as her hands repeated everything he'd done so far for her. Finger over the lines of muscles on his arms, thumbs circling over ribs, far gentler there; his bones are far too prominent to be rough. One hand planted on his sternum as the other reached down and cupped his hard-on through his underwear, and he grunted and rocked against the contact. He startled her slightly, and he planted an elbow underneath himself to rise up and meet her.

"You're magical." The words tasted so sweet to say and he didn't even question why.

She smiled down at him, brown eyes twinkling. He fell back against the couch and clenched his jaw as she moved experimentally against him. Ordinarily he'd have no patience for virgins, but this is no ordinary virgin.

She did something different suddenly that sent a shiver down his spine, and it takes every ounce of self control he has to keep himself together.

"Her-" Pant "mione."

"Oh, like that?" She smirked and leaned down to kiss him, just a peck. "I see."

"You always were a quick study." He recovered from the breathlessness swiftly, if only because he still had a lot left he wanted to do before he came in his pants like a school boy.

He flipped her over, robbing her of the chance to do anything else that would set him over the edge, and settled on top of her on all fours.

"I'm hungry."

Her mouth dropped slack at his words and she flushed slightly, but her legs stayed open and he slipped off her pants and the panties beneath.

His hands started at her ankles and slid up to her knees. He leaned forward and nuzzled her cheek, distracting her as he made gradual progress upwards. It wouldn't do to have her feeling self-conscious as she watched him.

He scooped under her bare ass, then brought his hands back up over to her stomach. One moved up to her forehead, fingers in her hairline and thumb over her eyebrow, the other disappeared between her legs.

She rocked against him, back arched, and he gripped her head tight and collected her moans into his mouth. His thumb rubbed a single circle over her nub, then a long finger dipped down and slid back up, just once. Then he rubbed again, then two fingers dipped down and up, then three go down and stay there. Rubbing circles, playing with her labia, tracing along the edge of thighs, teasing, allowing her to adjust. She was so wet, the wettest he'd ever felt, and he had the idea of her taste on his tongue but he knew he couldn't fathom how good she'd be.

Two fingers disappeared as he cupped her juices and slid them in to the first knuckle, bending and straightening them along the edge of her virgin skin.

He couldn't get enough of the sounds she made against his lips. He stopped kissing her and let his lips brush against hers. The tickling sensation was enough to drive them both mad, and it was only a few seconds before he gave in and was practically swallowing her tongue.

"Say it."

"More, Severus."

"Yes."

He was in to the second knuckle, feeling and exploring and fighting the urge to fuck her right then and there. But he wanted all of her, he wanted to do everything to her, he wanted to please her.

"Do you like it?"

"Unnhhh!"

"Say it."

"Yes!"

His thumb was cramping. He released her head and slid his fingers out of her, not bothering to wipe her juices before grabbing her hips with them. He broke away from her and pressed kisses down her chest, stopped to suck each breast before kissing the rest of the way down. His tongue swirled around her belly button, and then he was there.

His tongue lapped at her clitoris and then he sucked it into his mouth, gently at first, then with all his strength, hollowing his cheeks. He released it and flicked it with his lip, back and forth, faster as she groaned and bucked against his face. He held her down by moving an arm across her abdomen, the other arm reaching up with an open hand to grasp her breast and he flicked her pointed nipple.

Hungry for more, he delved down further, sticking his tongue as far into her as it would go. The arm across her abdomen moved down, and he angled himself to allow one finger to stimulate her clit.

"God, you taste delicious." He said it more to himself than to her, and she was being far too loud vocalizing her pleasure when he got things just right to hear him anyway.

"You're... definitely... a master..." She managed to say in broken fragments between gasps and breathless moments.

He wouldn't hear the word the same ever again.

He was overwhelmed, it was too much, eating her like this, but at the same time it wasn't enough. He released her breast and maneuvered himself out of his underwear, pushing them down to where his jeans still rested around his lower thigh.

He scooted forward, their flesh touching for the first time, and Severus groaned.

"God, Hermione."

"Mm..." Their eyes met, and every time it's static in the air and Severus felt his hair rise on end.

"Please." She begged, just a whisper, and he grabbed himself and pressed his head against her, rubbing it up and down, dipping it in her juices. Pre-cum dripped and he smeared it, mixing their sweet fluids together.

He slipped into her slowly, allowing her to adjust. He watched her carefully, gauging for any signs of pain. She was so wet that he entered her easily, although she was tight around his girth. He held himself steady, easing forward.

Time was irrelevant as his lungs strained from the sensation, and finally, lightheaded, he was in her and she nodded vigorously.

"Yeah… Yeah, that's alright, Severus." Her hands gripped his upper arms, fingernails breaking the skin.

He began moving, holding himself back until he couldn't any longer. He knew she was ready because she was rocking against him, slapping her hands onto his back and digging her nails back and forth as he thrusted.

He built momentum, friction developing as their pubic hair slid together, and soon he's bent over her, sweat dripping off his face onto hers, and his hands are everywhere, in her hair, under her shoulder blades, running up and down her thighs.

"I can't save you!" He thrusted hard, pubic bones slamming together as he cried "I can't save you!" He was pissed, completely furious, and scared as shit.

"I can..." grunt, "save myself."

"I can't save you, Hermione! Look at me! Listen to me! I can't save you!" They' were having sex and he had tears in his eyes and his balls were straining and she was so beautiful, and he couldn't save her.

"Severus!" He stopped, weary, desperate for release. "It's ok. You don't need to. I can save myself." He didn't want to hope. He didn't want to believe her. "I can save myself."

He thrusted forward as hard as he could, and they're a human thunderstorm as every inch of their bodies crash together. She pulsed against him, screaming out her orgasm, and he spilled his cum into her as she milked him, shooting in warm spurts. When he's finally done, he sagged, boneless against her chest. He can feel her heartbeat against his, her pulse beneath his fingers. They stick together, sweaty chests and legs coated with sex, his pants still around his thighs. He kicked off his pants, finally, and lifted her slowly. She stared at him with hooded, drowsy eyes, and he stared back as he carried her to bed, committing every inch of her face to memory. The fell asleep in each other's arms in a matter of minutes, both completely exhausted from the fear and fury that had threatened to overwhelm them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I'm in the same boat as Hermione, a big fat 0 in sexual experience. I have never even kissed a guy, so if there's anything that sticks out to you as totally ridiculous or just plain wrong, please leave me some feedback so I'll know for the future. Thanks! :)
> 
> P.S. If you're wondering about the author's note at the top, I made the mistake of presenting my fan-fiction as my senior project and a bunch of teachers decided they were going to find my fanfics and read them so...yeah.


	31. Instinct

Hermione woke to find Severus was gone, leaving nothing but a pile of rumpled sheets half strewn from where he'd tossed them back to get up. Her mouth went dry. She rose, hair sticking in all directions, and glanced around the room for something easy to grab to cover herself. She caught sight of one of Severus's shirts draped over the back of the chair she'd once curled up in as a lioness, and slipped it on. It hung down to her mid-thigh, leaving her feeling comfortable enough to leave the room and begin searching for Severus.

She entered the living room and felt her stomach drop. He wasn't there. She'd been hoping that she might be over-thinking; that he was an early riser and was probably lounging around reading or working on lesson plans. Wait, what time was it?

Oh. It hadn't even been three hours. It was the middle of the night and Severus was gone and she was here and they'd had sex and where in the hell was he?

"No, no, no..." Hermione mumbled under her breath. She strode into the kitchen, hair whipping about her face and the t-shirt billowing like a skirt around her legs as she spun back around to pace down the hallway, bursting into the extra bedroom.

"Severus?!" An idea struck her and she ran towards the door to Severus's laboratory, bare feet slapping as she stumbled down the stairs. Her hands bumped over the ridges of the cold stone wall, drops of dew coating her fingertips, and he wasn't there.

Racing back upstairs, Hermione yanked open the door to the study and burst through, feeling all hope vanish as her eyes swept across the vacant space.

Had she done something wrong? Scared him off? It had been rushed and urgent but it seemed like he'd wanted it just as badly as her, and she felt very strongly that it had to have happened in order for-

The door to the study opened and Hermione's thoughts slammed to a halt.

"Severu-"

"Hermione!"

"Ron?"

"Blimey!" Ron paused and stared. "Uhh..." His face reddened, and he brought a hand to the back of his neck to scratch awkwardly.

"Hello, Ronald." Hermione said with as much dignity as she could muster while her best friend's thoughts ran wildly about her and Severus.

However, something more important seemed to be occupying Ron's mind because he almost immediately recovered and moved his eyes from the t-shirt draped over her frame and said, "Harry's gone."

"What? Where? What do you mean he's gone?"

"Bloody hell, Mione, I don't know, that's why I'm here! He isn't... He isn't here, is he?"

"No, why would he be? Is he supposed to be?"

"Well, no... But he hasn't stopped going on about you and Snape -"

Hermione's mouth parted and Ron stopped.

"He's gone, too." Hermione said softly.

"Snape's gone?" Hermione nodded, and Ron visibly shrunk. "I was worried about this, but I never thought he'd do it."

"What?!"

"Ah, 'Mione. This isn't good."

Hermione brushed a wild tendril of hair out of her face and began pacing the study swiftly. "Harry, no... You don't really think he would...?" She paused and looked at Ron desperately. Ron faltered, unable to reassure her.

"Oh, no. Oh, god. He's... Severus will... He'll annihilate him!"

"Something's different about Harry, 'Mione. I'm telling you, he's gone bonkers. Ever since you..." Finding a lack of words sufficient to describe the situation, Ron waved his hand in the air, "Y'know, he's been... He's had this, this edge to him. This raw, like, Malfoy evil to him, you know?"

"Ron," Hermione sighed automatically, the familiarity of that particular argument offering her some comfort, "I don't think Malfoy is evil."

"And he keeps going off and he won't say a word to me about it! He's secretive and he's closed off... We're hardly friends any more, to him anyway. It's awful, 'Mione. He's not... Harry."

They looked at each other for a moment, the air heavy under the burden of the situation, and Hermione felt the anger rise inside her again, boiling and turning her blood black with unfathomable hatred.

"Let's find him right now."

"Who, Harry or Snape?" Ron's head shifted back in surprise at the sudden sternness in her voice and the certainty of her words.

"Both of them."

"Yeah, alright. Where in the bloody hell are we supposed to look, though?"

"Let's split up and search the castle. If you find them, don't do anything rash, alright? You won't be able to intervene on your own. Send your Patronus out to me, or I will to you."

"Alright."

"I'll start over by the Astronomy tower and work my way up towards the Owlery. You go over towards Ravenclaw tower and work down from there."

"What about here?"

"He isn't here."

"You looked?"

"I know he isn't, Ron. He can't be down here and not be here." She glanced towards the door to the quarters and clenched her jaw with determination. "You go on, I've got to get my wand."

Hermione crept along the stair well to the astronomy tower, ears straining. She wished she could have the physical abilities of the lioness without having to be the lioness.

"You don't understand!" Malfoy screamed, his voice echoing throughout the spherical structure.

"I can help you, Draco." Hermione could hardly hear the soft voice of Dumbledore. She crawled up another few steps. Was this... Was this it?

"Do it, Draco!" Hermione winced as the blood-curdling screech of Bellatrix Lestrange shattered her ears.

"Draco, I can help you."

"No, you can't!"

"If you don't do it, I wiiiiiiillllll," Bellatrix sang.

"No! I'll do it."

Hermione held her breath, trying to remain completely silent as she crawled up another step.

"Mmph!"

A hand covered her mouth and Hermione thrashed, only to be brought to a solid chest by two firm arms.

"Hush. Stay here. Do. Not. Move."

He was gone as fast as he came. She caught a glimpse of the tail end of his cloak and he was gone, up and over the last two spirals of the staircase and on to the landing of the Astronomy Tower. Oh, Merlin, no. No... This was it.

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move her chest or expand her lungs, her brain couldn't process anything above the single thought over and over and over again in her mind of him as she crawled up the stairs, past Harry who was curled beneath the banister just as she had been. She didn't hear him as she passed, her eyes peeking over just enough as she watched the lips move and the bodies stiffen and the look in his eyes as he raised his wand and it made sense to her then, the cruelty and the unnecessary manipulation as their gazes met and those blasted blue eyes didn't sparkle, and Severus steadied his hand and she watched, gut twisting, and she knew it was now if it was to happen at all.

"Please, Severus."

"Avada Ke-"

Nyota pounced forward and used all the power in her hindquarters to sprint towards her enemy. He turned his head, eyes wide, and she snarled, saliva dripping from her jowls as she snapped at the air, hackles raised. She passed her mate, who stood frozen, the remaining syllables of a spell dead on his tongue. He stood helpless, caught entirely by surprise and far too slow to stop her.

Nyota launched herself into the air a few strides away from the enemy, a mere fraction of a second after emerging over the top of the stairs. As she landed, she wrapped her giant paws around his head, claws digging into weak and wrinkly flesh. It ripped off like tissue paper, so she dug in tighter, deeper, through layer after layer until she carved against the bone of his skull. He crumpled beneath her weight and she drove her incisors into his neck, obliterating the crucial artery that bulged out. She could taste the adrenaline in the blood on her tongue. She hungered for the last of it to drip out of his still corpse. Ripping out a mouthful of his flesh, blood gurgling and covering her chest, she stood and roared triumphantly into the silent night.

"Severus. Come to my office immediately. It is of the utmost importance."

Severus started, gripping and pointing his wand at the apparition hovering beside the bed. He mentally forced himself to relax against the pillow just as the hex he'd fired off burst into the wall. He glanced at Hermione, who stirred, and he pulled her closer to him, hoping to comfort her into remaining asleep. Her eyes fluttered.

"Stay here, Hermione. Sleep." He leaned over her, whispering against her ear, "I'll always come back to you." And then he rose, dressing in the same orderly fashion as he always did, lost in routine as his mind wandered to what Albus might want this time.

It better be fucking important, considering the bastard was dragging him out of a bed with the woman he'd just made love to.

"Fucking prick." He growled under his breath.

He left the bedroom and let out a much louder and more colorful insult before silently stalking out of the dungeons and towards Albus's office.

"Pardon?"

"He's a Horcrux, Severus. You heard me. Don't make me say it again."

"I'll make you say it as many damn times as I please, considering you kept this "crucial information" from me this entire fucking war."

"Severus..."

"This whole time... You've been raising him like a pig for fucking slaughter."

"I haven't either -"

"You've been primping and priming him, like a prize little runt, only you're still going to ship him off."

"That's enough of this metaphor, it's crude."

"It's the fucking truth, Albus. It's exactly what you've been doing."

"You seem awfully upset. Don't tell me now, after all this time, that you've finally come to care for the boy?"

"The boy? The boy?! He's Harry Potter, the Chosen One, as you've been so keen on reminding me... Of course I don't care for him, I need him! I've fought this entire war, sacrificed myself again and again in ways you can't even imagine in that "brilliant" mind of yours, and now you're telling me it was all for naught? That he's supposed to die... That he has to die?"

"Part of Voldemort's soul attached itself to him that night..."

"So you've said. I hope you're pleased with yourself, Albus. Do you think you're the one who has lost the most in this war? That you truly bear the weight of every life we've lost? Of every sacrifice? You don't. Oh, you don't. How I've wished to die, so many times, but I never have because of that "boy", because of "the Light". The light and the dark are becoming the same shade, don't you think, Albus? And you're just going to go off and die. You don't have to feel a fucking thing. You never had to, because you knew, this entire time, what it would come to. You're going to die before him, so it won't hurt you to see the face of every single person you've swindled and tricked and, for Merlin's sake, blackmailed into fighting for you in this war. You don't have to see his ragged, lifeless body. And you even made sure to touch that bloody cursed piece of shit, didn't you? Well, you don't get to die that way, Albus, because I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking kill you."

Severus turned and stormed out of the room. Albus watched him go... One eye twinkling just a little.

"Hermione, no." Nyota turned at the sound of her mate's broken voice, her ears twitching with uncertainty. A pale young male stood beside him, jaw slack, a wand gripped tightly in each hand. Behind him danced a tall female with a large mane of hair. She cackled with the crazed look of a hyena and pranced forward a few steps.

"My my my! That took a turn!" She shrilled. Nyota snapped her jaws, blood splattering as her lips smacked together. "Oooooh! Feisty!" The female stayed in place, turning towards her mate. "Sev-eruuus."

He held her eyes for a moment, and Nyota shrunk down just enough to show her acknowledgement of his anger, tail swishing in irritation and uncertainty. What she had done was right, she knew, but it did not make him happy.

She didn't move from her position with her legs braced over either side of the bleeding body. She would not move until every last ounce had drained away, taking all of her enemy's life with it.

"So this is Hermione, huh? Potter's little pocket dictionary, hmmm?" She glanced back at Nyota, twirling her wand, "I wonder what our Lord will think of this. This was supposed to be Draco's task… Draco's..."

Her mate dropped his eyes and glanced at the female absently.

"Bellatrix." His voice could crack stone, and Nyota felt the energy in the air change as he asserted his dominance over the female. She shook with constrained defiance and Nyota snarled again, raising a lip to taste the static of energy in the air.

"Ooooooohhh, well, we best be off, lest we want troubleeee." The female lurched forward to grab the young male, pulling him towards the stairs. "Dumbleeeedore is deaaaaad! Hehehehehe..." She rounded down out of sight, the male pausing just long enough to look back at her, the fallen body beneath her, and her mate, who stood completely still across from her. "C'mon Snivellus!" A spark of colored light shot into the air for a brief moment, and Nyota growled at it.

"Hermione."

As soon as they were gone, her mate fell to his knees, then his hands, and crawled towards her.

"Hermione..." His voice was hoarse and cracked, a sad growl, and she trembled.

He smeared through the rising puddle of blood, bringing wet red hands up to grip the loose skin of her cheeks. "Hermione. Hermione..." He didn't seem capable of saying anything other than that word, over and over again. It meant nothing to her, a mere sound, but it was a sound he spoke, and he said it like it was as important to him as the blood was to the enemy at her feet.

Severus stared into wild, empty eyes.

"Shit... Let's go, Hermione. Come on." He rose, his blood logged cloak sticking to his legs as he leaned forward with crimson fingers to grab at the scruff of loose skin between her shoulder blades. "Come on."

The lioness rose, snarling as she glanced away from the body of the dead Headmaster, and Severus released her as she followed obediently behind him. They sprinted down the stairs, Severus taking them two at at time, wand raised and ready.

He couldn't hear or see the lioness, but he could feel her beside him, even with his every stride.

They burst out of Hogwarts, making their way at a full sprint towards the forest. As they neared Hagrid's hut, the lioness snapped at the air before surging ahead of Severus, stopping abruptly at the edge of the hill.

Severus reached her and came to a halt as well, sweat dripping down his hollow temples. Hagrid's hut was completely aflame. Bellatrix danced around it, shooting spell after spell at Hagrid's home.

"Fuck."

Severus tore his eyes away as the lioness stiffened at his side and turned towards a figure approaching behind Severus. One glance was all he needed to regain his composure and stride menacingly towards Bellatrix.

"Stop playing, Bellatrix. We must leave."

"Ooh, Severus! You always ruin the fun!" She flicked her wand and cackled; a geyser of fire bursting from the roof of the hut.

The lioness at his side growled.

"Ahh, your little cub! What a spunky bitch she is!"

"Snape! They trusted you!"

"Leave, Bellatrix. Report back to the Dark Lord. I will be along shortly." Rubbing her hands together, Bellatrix skipped a few steps, and disappeared with a snap.

Severus turned towards the approaching Potter boy, who was stumbling over rocks and tripping over his own feet as gravity carried him down the hill. He shot sloppy curses towards Severus, causing the lioness at his side to roar, tensing to attack. Severus lowered his hand to her head and gripped her tightly under his fingers. She remained in place.

"Sectumsempra!"

"Expelliamus!"

The boy fell to his knees as his wand flew from his hand; furiously wiping away the tears that were falling from his eyes as he began crawling towards Severus.

"You dare use my own spell against me, Potter?" Severus fumed, his face a pale moon in the dark night. The fire from Hagrid's hut flickered over Harry's fallen form, and all the boy could see as he looked up were two black, seemingly lifeless eyes staring down at him with nothing but a single spark of flaming fury in each pupil.

"You're - wha-?" He sat back on his knees, taken by surprise.

"Yes, I am the Half-Blood Prince. That's where you got the spell...My own bloody potions book." The boy's mouth parted slightly, and his eyes widened as Severus bore down on him. "And then you... used it... on Hermione."

"Don't you da-" Severus kicked him in the chest, knocking the wind out of the boy as he slammed into the ground.

Severus looked down at him for a moment, meeting his eyes. "She trusted you."

"Ahh, Severus... Severus..." Upon his arrival, the Dark Lord rose from where he was seated at the head of the large table, moving to the side so he could watch Severus approach.

"My Lord."

"I hear you've done right by me... By us all..." The Death Eater's craned to see him as he strode into the room, lioness tucked out of sight beneath his cloak. He stopped before his Master, cloth settling over the lioness.

"I only did as you requested, my Lord." Despite what he had just witnessed, Severus' heart was still, his mind clear. He had done this for years. Deceived the thing that was now the most powerful wizard in the world.

"Oh, but you did so much more. Look at that little pet you've brought along. Is it true? Has she... been... converted?"

Voldemort beckoned for Severus to approach, and he did. He motioned for the lioness to stay where she was. A few Death Eater's stirred at the sight of her. Severus did not look back, kneeling in front of his lord to kiss the hem of his robes.

"Rise." Severus stood, and moved out of his line of sight. He stared forward, intent. "Yes. Let me see her."

The Dark Lord lazily opened his palm towards her, serpent like fingers reaching outstretched. Severus nodded to the lioness, who slunk forward.

"Come, come." The Dark Lord cooed, inviting the lioness inches from his knees. He leaned forward to cup her chin, smiling as drops of blood trickled onto his skin. "So, it's true..." He stroked her cheek with his thumb, then brought his fingers to his lips, sucking the blood off them, letting them slide from his mouth with a gruesome 'pop!'.' He tilted his head back, eyes rolling as he ran his hands over his bare skull, nostrils flaring.

He grinned, red smeared across his serpent teeth, and refocused his eyes on the gathering before him. "Hermione Granger, Harry Potter's dearest friend, has... killed... Albus Dumbledore!" He rose and laughed maniacally as the Death Eaters hooted and cheered in response to the confirmation of the news. Nagini slithered into sight and began winding herself around her master's leg.

Turning towards Severus, the Dark Lord licked his lips. "And I have you to thank, Severus." He returned his attention towards the lioness. "Though... I am ever so curious as to how..." His eyes glazed over and Severus stilled. He forced himself to focus on the small beads of cold sweat running down his skin.

It felt like hours until the Dark Lord finally ripped himself out of her mind. The lioness crumpled into a heap on the floor, and Severus's leg jolted as he stifled the urge to run to her. It was becoming harder for him to uphold his role.

"Well... That was most fascinating."

Severus tore his focus away from Hermione and turned to his master with the most convincing look of respectful curiosity he could muster.

"You've achieved such great things, Severus. Look at your masterpiece." He swept his arm towards Hermione. "Look at the monster you've created." He glanced down at the still form of the lioness, eyes glistening. "She's beautiful."

"A monster, my lord?" Severus strategized instantly for the best response. He went for an uncertain humbleness. He continued with the slight vulnerability of acceptable ignorance. "Forgive me, but I do not understand. She is merely an Animagus..."

"Oh, Severus? Haven't you realized? There is no one in there! Though I would have loved access to her mind, hmm, yes... So many insights to Potter... So many memories... This... This will serve us, yes, very well. I am satisfied with your work, Severus."

Satisfied, yes, good. He was satisfied. Dumbledore was dead and… Severus' mind caught up suddenly, as if his brain had been purposefully trying to withhold the information but was unable to succeed… No one in there? No one in…

"She's quite fond of you, Severus." Severus felt himself slipping, but his Lord's attention was on Hermione, buying him a few moments.

"She killed him for you… She knew you wanted him dead. Feline intuition, I suppose." He observed her curiously, then tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing. His hand met Nagini's head as she poked out of his cloak, thin tongue quivering in the air. The Dark Lord's long nails raked down over her scales and the snake rose beneath his touch. "Hmm… Not just feline…" He offered his arm to her, hooking his elbow beneath her as she slid up his body to wrap around his neck and shoulders. She opened her mouth with a hiss as her master discarded his brief musings to raise his arms and declare, "Let us celebrate! Dumbledore is dead!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, hello strangers! God, it's been 6 months and I don't want to waste your time explaining b/c it's a long story but I promise you that my absence was anything but intentional. It was such a shit thing to be like "I'm gonna be updating every week!" and to then disappear off the face of the earth and then to come back with this chapter... But I'm finally able to come back so let's focus on that ;) Also, if it makes you feel any better, my friend was torturing me by sending me bits of the last chapter I wrote (yes the sexy one I'm paranoid about my teachers reading)(also I fixed all the errors in it, so sorry about that!) and my dad for some reason got the text messages on his phone since my iPod uses imessage through itunes and his phone is linked and HE READ thE FUCKING SMUT AND THEN SHOWED MY MOM AND OLDER SISTER. So, if you want cruel things to happen to me in return for being a stupid cruel author then don't worry, I got my due. ;)


	32. Chapter 32 - Vanished Light

Severus drank, because he had to, and made his way around the edges of the party flanked by Nyota. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and his temples throbbed from the heavy drinks he'd been sipping throughout the evening. Despite nearing the blurred lines of inebriety, he still managed to balance precariously on the masterful edge of engaged and disinterested; a precise mix of mingling along the outskirts and occasionally nodding in acknowledgement when someone managed to catch his eye.

The only person of remote interest in the entire populous of the party was Lucius. Lucius' main task at events such as these was to ensure that the present Death Eater's were completely invested in the Dark Lord's plans. The Dark Lord was a master manipulator, but he did not care for anything other than the initial corruption. He loved grand speeches and carefully crafted conversation, the resulting uproar of passion and fiery dishevel a drug as potent as an elixir of unicorn blood, but he preferred navigating the spider web of control even more. All the pieces, all the strings… The perfect order, the perfect design… It was a game far more worthy of a great wizard's time. The tediously boring upkeep could be left to someone else, and it was as if the role was made for Lucius, the cunning politician that he was. Severus relied on him heavily throughout the evening as a distraction from the disgusting events taking place, and from the lioness who's shoulder never ceased brushing against his leg.

It was many ravaged women and a pile of dead and discarded bodies later that his Lord finally approached, whispering in his ear with bloody breath. "Return and claim Hogwarts, Severus. You will be Headmaster. You will be the bearer of the Dark now that the Light has vanished."

-

Severus' feet brought him to the top of the staircase leading to the dungeon before his mind caught up and forced them to stop. The few torches along the winding walls provided only enough light for Severus to see wispy breath spew from his parted lips. As one puff dissipated, another took its place, and Severus watched himself breathe for a long moment. It stuck like a dagger in his mind, wrenching apart his painstakingly formulated mentality and he crumbled into the trenches of himself, down to where he could feel his humanity like a bleeding heart in his chest.

Fuck.

Just what he needed, now, when he was expected to destroy the very walls around him, now would be the time when he could think only of his fragile lungs, and the taut scars that pulled at the planes of his skin. As if he needed to be reminded that he could hardly keep his eyes open, that his bones could hardly keep him standing, like he needed to be fucking aware that he was very human and all the students were just as much. He'd be ravaging every glimmer of hope and every last ounce of belief in Hogwarts and Harry and freedom, burning the edges of their very souls with every tilt of his wand.

Severus lunged forward and slammed his fist into the stone wall as the rage rose inside him. The lioness growled in response and he ignored her. He spun on his heels and walked briskly towards the Headmasters office. He would seat himself in the golden throne and watch the world burn.

-

He didn't even need to guess at whatever Albus's last password had been. Something along the lines of "Chocolate Pudding" or "Welcome, Severus the Satist. Enjoy your stay.", surely. No, to his immense irritation, the griffin gargoyle turned obediently to admit him. Thanks for nothing, fucking prick.

-

Fawkes was there, perched on the back of Albus' chair. For a moment Severus had a flash of panic, the idea flitting briefly through his mind that Albus had somehow been the bloody bird all along. As he dismissed the thought as utterly ridiculous, the bird rustled and hopped once to the edge of the chair before spreading his wings and relocating himself with a few lazy flaps. Mmm. Albus would have never done such a thing. He would have preferred to perch right on Severus' shoulder. It would have given him the best view, and caused Severus the most annoyance (the latter would have been the primary reason for him to do it).

Severus met the bird's eye and approached the desk, moving to sit in the chair. The bird began preening itself, apparently completely relaxed at this new development. Severus sat.

Yet another frustrating reassurance of Albus' grand scheme. It was sure to be the last.

Though, it was curious the bird was even here. Severus remembered vaguely the bird's wailing song as a chillingly melodic background after Albus' death, but he would have expected the bird to permanently depart afterwards to seek out a new master. Not that he knew much about the elusive Phoenix, aside from their uses in a few powerful potions.

He realized then that he had a fist full of the lioness' scruff beneath his bruising fingers. Severus glanced from the bird to the rippling muscle of the predator beside him, unable to refrain from the slightest bit of hope.

"Hermione?" He was on his knees, staring into nothing but spherical amber and a dash of black. "Hermione." It was a pitiful sound of desperation, and at any other time would have been utterly humiliating to hear of himself, but his only response was to scoot closer and cradle both sides of her head, pressing his fingertips in so firmly that they disappeared beneath her fur. "Legilimens."

Severus found himself staring at his own face. It was immediately clear that there was nothing to sift through, to access; the lioness was in the here and now, observing Severus as he kneeled before her. He could feel not even an essence of Hermione through the strong senses of the lioness. She was an expert at the categorization and input of information she constantly gathered, but in the few seconds that had passed Severus was becoming overwhelmed with the strange mind and the flood of sounds and smells of such an intricate and distinct nature, the experience and understanding of which was unique specifically to Nyota.

He knew what it was to be an animal, in his own sense. Experiencing it through another animal's mind while being in a human form was explicitly unnatural, and Severus withdrew himself as quickly as he could, sitting back against the desk behind him to breathe deeply. The nausea subsided, and Severus strode to the private quarters of the office to transform.

-

Severus paced into the room in an easy, casual gait. Fawkes was gone, he could tell that immediately. The window was open and a slight breeze blew the scent of his departure across his twitching nose.

The lioness rose as he passed the threshold, and he stopped, lowering his head and setting his ears to the side in submission. He would make it as clear as possible that he was no threat. The memory of their last encounter would have the lioness immediately on the defense. Severus' muscles tensed at the thought of the pain he'd caused her… No, no. He had to focus. He had to relax. He would not hurt her again.

He swung his tail low, a pendulum of pure intentions. The lioness had not moved, but her hackles were raised, and Severus waited, allowing her to decide on a reaction.

Her chest rose and she took a step forward. Severus immediately mirrored her movement, taking a step back, bending his forelegs to lower himself to the ground, so that his scapulas rose like arches over his spine. The long scruffs of hair along his chin grazed the cracks between the wood on the floor. Severus held her eye. He was not a lesser, but he was not a threat.

She growled, almost an unconscious verbal expression of worry, but Severus could tell she would repeat it, so he made himself sigh, loud and low, focusing on his mind-scape of lapping waves and cool water over his skin, letting himself relax entirely. Her hackles dropped slightly, and she brought her leg back to stand squarely.

It wasn't enough. It would never work if she felt even the slightest resistance.

Severus waited, all the while staring at her eyes. He watched for a glimpse of recognition, a fucking flicker of something Hermione. She remained the same, leaving Severus no choice but to work with what she was giving him.

He took a step towards her, slowly, then another, not giving her time to get defensive. He wanted her to see him move, to see that he was remaining passive in his approach. She tensed, but allowed his progress, and he made it close enough to her that he could lift his muzzle to her jowls, nuzzling her, drawing his tongue across the low corner of her mouth. Severus was uncertain whether this was a proper approach; it seemed something more wolf then lion, but it was a submissive act regardless; a sacrifice of power and control, a gesture of vulnerability, and it seemed appropriate.

He continued to lick her, pulling at her cheek with his tongue as her hair caught in it's rough fibers, and he made his way to her ear, still slightly crouched as he edged closer and closer to her. The sharp angles of their shoulders pressed together as he ducked his head down along her rib cage, rubbing his ear along her side. He felt her nip experimentally at the loose skin at the base of his neck, and he responded by gently licking her elbow. It was a sensual moment, this entire interaction, and Severus wished it were Hermione and not a rogue lioness that he was experiencing it with. He moved backwards, keeping in contact with the lioness all the while, nose brushing fur and tongue tugging over the curves of muscle, until he was able to bring himself far enough back that he could raise his head slightly, just enough to meet her eyes and "Legilimens," a whisper in his mind and then he was in hers.

It was the same as before, only he was now capable of processing what he felt. A vague sense of worry, a stronger presence of confidence and power and an undertone of comfort. Severus wouldn't find Hermione here. He would have to draw her out.

Severus prepared an image in his mind, a memory of the two of them. Hermione was sleeping, and Severus had her cradled in his arms. He rolled the scent of her hair towards the lioness, the softness of her skin and the upward curve of her eyelashes. The warmth of her body against the coolness of the dungeon bedroom, the fullness of her lips and the flush of blood high in her cheeks leftover from sex.

He thought of how it felt to entwine his hands with hers, the perfect tightness as she squeezed him and the pinch of her nails arching into his skin, the way his fingers nearly reached her wrists and her rapid pulse was thunder against his palm.

He thought of her softness, how easily the acute accuracy of her pronunciation rolled off her tongue, so that she was so charmingly uncertain and gentle while being so damn, unapologetically intelligent.

He thought of her, human in his quarters, and how she'd lain in an exhausted coma on his couch, how he'd tucked her beneath a blanket, brushing against her slumped shoulders, how her hair had lolled, curly and untamed against the plush leather and spilled over the edges onto the floor, tickling his toes as he bent over her.

He thought of the way she pursed her lips and crossed her legs over one another as she burrowed into the couch cushion, completely immersed in a text book, fingers gripping the leather binding and one thumb playing with the corner of the next page before turning it.

He thought of her laugh and the smell of her shampoo and the way she quirked her lip just a bit at the corner and pulled one of her long curls taut when she was feeling awkward.

He called to her, again and again, Hermione, Hermione, Hermione…

Severus had withdrawn from her mind gently, easing back into his own body so as not to startle the lioness with an abrupt absence. She blinked rapidly, then stared at him, then blinked once more, slowly. Then she raised a paw, set it down, and turned and padded beneath the desk to lie in the dark corner. Severus sighed, every atom of his miserable existence heavy and burning. He turned and walked with a dreaded slowness to his new quarters, shutting the door behind him with an angry jolt of his head against the wood.

-

Severus called the student body to the Great Hall at an ungodly hour of the morning. Every table was shoved back against the wall, chairs stacked upside down over the tops, and the students arrived in an orderly mass, sectioned off by House. The teachers swept in behind them, an expansive line along the furthest end of the Hall, all eyes on Severus, who stood where Albus never would again, his podium discarded without second thought.

"Students. Faculty. Due to the recent… demise… of your previous Headmaster, I have been appointed to uphold the position permanently from this point forward. You will find any resistance to this change in administration to be futile, and any attempts at a more… dramatic… retaliation will be met with expulsion." Severus had no trouble filling the massive space with his rumbling baritone, the deep bass reverberating off the rafters and deep into the fragile little heads of the students before him. "There will be… disciplinary differences… under this administration. Disobedience will not be tolerated. A lack of devotion to one's studies will result in detention. Conspiracy and… aid… in any form offered to Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley will be interpreted as a willful act of terrorism against this institution and that of the entire wizarding world. You will all be monitored for suspicious acts and behaviors; the notion of privacy is henceforth eradicated for the safety of all present here at Hogwarts. I intend to preserve the reputation of this school, and that of it's students and staff, and I will stop at… nothing… to ensure that every witch and wizard present here is upheld to the highest standards. Classes will resume as normal following breakfast. You are dismissed to return… silently… to your dormitories."

Severus turned on his heels, cloak billowing around his ankles as he strode across the platform at the head of the Great Hall, disappearing through the side door. The lioness had sat beside him throughout the speech, following behind him after directing a snarl in the direction of the students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Well. This took much, much longer than I anticipated. You all deserve to know, I've been really struggling with my mental health but I've been doing much better recently, so I'm hoping that I won't be going on any more Steven Moffat length hiatuses. Not going to promise though, I've definitely gotten all your hopes up enough and you all deserve much better then that. I hope you enjoy this chapter, admittedly I'm a bit rusty but I put in my best effort and I will keep working to get better and give you all the best finish to this fic! Just a warning, it is going to get (purposefully) dark from here on out (not as a result of my mental health, just to clarify). I've felt very strongly ever since I got the idea for this fic that I wanted to address the realities of war, something that I feel JKR skimmed over a bit considering that her book was intended for a younger audience. You've gotten a taste of it in the last chapter & this one, so that's the direction it's heading. I realize it's been a bit of angst but also quite a bit of fluff so far, so if that's all your interested in I wanted to give you warning before the shift really starts (but of course there will still be fluff and angst and all that good stuff amongst the pain ;)
> 
> Anyways, I know I say this every time but seriously all of you that read this, and leave comments, you make my life amazing and are the motivation for me to get my mental health back on track. You help me find the strength within myself to persevere.
> 
> Plus you're all so freaking patient and amazing, you leave the best reviews and you point out my mistakes so constructively and I don't know what I did to deserve you. I appreciate every single one of you.
> 
> P.S. If any of you are interested in becoming a beta for me, please send me a message. I've been making some really stupid mistakes in my writing and I haven't been catching them. It would be great to have someone to help me out so that I can give you all the best chapters possible without you having to beta me in the comments. Thanks in advance!


	33. Sentenced to Separate Cells

Severus was summoned to the front gates not much later by an eager Argus Filch, who shuffled along in front of him at an irritatingly slow speed, all the while professing his excitement over the change in administration.  
"S'bout time we got some proper discipline. All of the dungeon is oiled and ready for use, sir."  
"That won't be necessary, Argus."  
"No? Well, I -"  
"We have much crueler tactics at our disposal." Severus allowed a sinister smile to pull at his features for a brief moment.  
Filch's lips pulled back to reveal a set of grimy, crooked teeth, and Severus clenched his jaw as a bit of spit flew in his direction, "Bout time these filthy students got some good punishment."  
"Lumos."  
Two broad figures stood on the other side, a familiar set of gruesomely carved masks set over their faces.  
"Let them in, Argus."  
"Yessir."  
The gates swung open and death poured in.  
~  
Nyota stretched, digging her claws into the frame of the door. She pulled herself down, hollowing her back, and Severus watched as her nails carved slits into the wood.  
She released herself and plodded over to an ornate rug decorating the floor beneath an arrangement of book shelves.  
Severus couldn't help but perk up a bit at her choice of scenery.  
~  
The arrival of the Carrow twins was not surprising, but it was cementing.  
The Carrows were two of the cruelest, bloodiest, and most unmanageable members of the Dark, and that was not an easy assessment to achieve. They acted purely on their own desires; derived chiefly of needless suffering and resultantly obtuse amount of torture required to achieve it.  
The Dark Lord allowed them in his ranks purely for their insatiable lust, which in his eyes, overshadowed their resistance to truly succumb to his leadership.  
They were like wild, hungry dogs. You could set them loose in the direction of prey and they would never fail to kill. One just wouldn’t typically expect any meat for themselves.  
The very thought of them inside Hogwarts set Severus' skin on edge. It would be impossible for him to exercise complete control over their actions, which was without a doubt why his Lord had sent them. It did not worry him entirely at his Lord's lack of trust; it was innate to his being. There would be no contingency, only certainty, and the Carrows would bridge the gap.  
And, of course, they seated themselves on either side of him at breakfast, chittering and chattering with one another like a pair of hyenas while he suffered in between. Though the lioness acted as a relieving buffer, the two were incessant. If Severus hadn't been Headmaster...  
But he was, so he sipped his burning coffee and let it scald his throat and then he rose to address the students.  
"Before I dismiss you for classes, there is a staffing change to announce. Professor Carrow will be teaching Muggle Studies, and Professor Carrow will be replacing me as Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts."  
The students began turning to one another in confusion, but before any could speak, he continued, all eyes reluctantly returning to him.  
"You are dismissed. No talking." He turned to the table of Professors seated behind him, and snapped, "Be sure to enforce that." The weight of the unspoken threat hung heavy in the air, and Minerva met his eyes. She looked sickened, and there was the hard edge in her gaze of someone determined to make his life hell. He hoped she would. The students deserved her protection, and he deserved her wrath.  
He couldn't help but notice her glance down at the lioness. When the animal ignored her, she looked at him again, this time worry etched in every feature and a moisture developing around her eyes. It was obvious, the internal scream, "What did you do?"  
"S’my pleasure, Headmaster." Cooed Alecto, rising from her seat and nudging her brother, who was waiting to leave. He smirked and nodded to Severus, and the two left, both flaring their nostrils as they passed Minerva.  
The thought of wild dogs came to mind again, like they were picking up the scent of prey.  
Severus gave a curt nod to Minerva and breezed past her, trying to focus on anything but the loaded stare directed at his back.  
-  
Though the position of Headmaster meant bringing war home, if there was one small positive thing he could glean from it, it was that he didn't have to teach.  
On the other hand, it meant he had to torture.  
Which was incomparable, so Severus grabbed the signature bowl of candy on the desk and threw it across the room.  
The lioness started as shards of broken glass and bits of peppermint spewed in all directions, and Severus sighed, waving it all away with a mumbled spell.  
"Sorry."  
"Fuck! Sorry, ok? I never... fuck, I never meant... Merlin and Circe, why won't you come back?"  
The office didn't look like Albus's anymore, it looked like a fatal duel had broken out in the midst of a meeting with good intentions, and the lioness was cowered beneath the desk, trembling.  
He took a step towards her, but she growled, eyes wide, so he stopped.  
Severus knelt, picked up a chunk of stone, and vanished it. He moved mechanically around the space, rolling each tangible object between his fingers, the only thing in his life he had control over, all these broken pieces in a prison cell, and he watched as each and every piece disappeared until there was nothing left but the bare sight of self-destruction.  
-  
The sharp crack of a single choke of laughter sliced through the silence of the room as a small shape bloomed and approached, growing larger with each step.  
"That didn't take very long."  
"I pride myself on punctuality." Albus smiled, seating himself in a plush leather chair.  
"Of course you do." In one motion, Severus summoned a curtain from across the room and plastered it over the painting. "Now shut the fuck up."  
-  
The bit of glee Severus garnered from pissing off Albus lasted an infuriatingly short time. The walls in the room seemed to constrict, tensing and shrinking about him, almost forcing Severus out the door.  
He went, a nagging feeling telling him it wasn't the castle being temperamental.  
Students were pressed together outside the stairwell to the office, and they started pushing into one another in an attempt to flee as soon as he came into sight.  
He reached out and grabbed the closest student by their robes. Severus hauled him back and lifted him onto his tip toes, faces inches from each other as he snarled, "What is the meaning of this?"  
The pale faced student swallowed, glanced away, then began stuttering.  
"Tell. Me." Lifted him up a bit further so he was hardly touching the floor.  
"Prof- Pro- Profess- Uh- " The student began crying and Severus threw him back into the throng of his classmates, not bothering to see if they caught his stumbling form.  
The crowd parted, and Severus stared straight ahead, though he catalogued the reactions as he passed, a sense of dread developing as it seemed most students were either trembling in horror or crying uncontrollably.  
He finally broke through, saw what was happening, turned around, and growled, "Return to your dormitories. Classes will commence after lunch."  
Only a few students hesitated, he recognized Longbottom and a few other Gryffindors who had been trying to make their way to the front, wands at the ready. They were swept back by their classmates, and Severus turned to face Amycus.  
"Off to an ambitious start, I see, Amycus." Severus stated, ignoring the student dangling from a burly clenched fist.  
"Setting the tone." He huffed, casting a sloppy spell towards the student's stomach. A small whimper in response, and Severus stormed forward, knocking the student out of the way to grab Amycus by the throat, slamming the much larger man into the wall. His wand sizzled, and he pressed the tip against his jugular, the stench of burning flesh becoming overwhelming in a mere second.  
"You. Do not. Torture. The students."  
Amycus struggled, a gross smirk growing, "Wait 'till our Lord hears-"  
"Our Lord put me in charge, or were you unable to process that in your feeble little mind?" The tip of his wand had disappeared in his fatty neck, and Severus seethed, every ounce of him boiling with the desire to ravage the ignorant fucking mongrel.  
"I fought... I served... I did my time... You... will not... reap the benefits of my loyalty."  
Severus threw the man aside, reaching down to grab the limp body off the floor. He held it up like a trophy.  
"Crucio!" The student screamed, the shrill sound echoing down the stone, seeping into the heart of the castle.  
"You will bring the students to me... And when I am satisfied, you will get your turn."  
Amycus didn’t respond; shuffling away without meeting Severus’ eye.  
As soon as he turned the corner, Severus brought the bleeding and ravaged body of Luna Lovegood to his chest.  
-  
"Miss Lovegood."  
He couldn't do this.  
"Miss Lovegood? Can you hear me?"  
"Pro-"  
He pressed a warm washcloth to her throat, murmuring a gentle spell.  
"Professor Snape?"  
"I won't hurt you."  
"I know."  
Her face was swollen shut, both eyes nothing but angry, bulging bruises.  
"I need you to tell me everything he did to you. My diagnostics can only tell me so much. I do not want to miss anything critical."  
Severus had plenty of experience treating himself, but having someone else to care for was entirely new territory. He couldn't help but glance at the lioness who was lying on the floor a few feet away, watching him.  
"You... You got it all."  
"Miss -"  
"I'm ok. Thank you for the help." She moved to rise, and Severus grabbed her a bit too tightly on her shoulders, forcing her to stay in place. He let go immediately, standing straight and taking a step back.  
"You need to rest a little while longer… And I will need to Obliviate this from your mind."  
He waited for the outburst, but the girl just sighed. "Yes. I agree that would be wise."  
"Very well. I will wait until your departure to take care of that. I am very precise; you will not lose anything that does not pertain to your time here."  
It was a moment before she replied. "The torture?"  
"That will have to stay." He turned away, an unnecessary gesture considering that she couldn't see.  
Her voice was smaller this time. "Ok."  
He wouldn't be able to keep her longer than a few hours, if he were to realistically uphold the idea of torture, but even that was a stretch. There was nothing else he could do for her, his Crucio was untreatable, the stomach twist that Amycus had given her had already passed, and everything else he had already addressed; cracked skull, broken wrist, dislocated shoulder, multiple broken ribs, various superficial slices and cuts. True to nature, Amycus had beaten her by hand before turning to his wand.  
Severus would wait for the swelling in her face to recede enough for her to see, and then she would have to leave.  
Obliviating her would cover his ass as far as his helping her went, but it would do nothing for the absence of the signs of extensive torture. He would have to fabricate memories, probably utilize some muggle techniques that were more psychological than physical, base it on the idea that he got more satisfaction that way, that it broke them more.  
He leaned up against the wall beneath the array of paintings, the only place in the office where they couldn't see him, and he set his head back against the cold stone as he set to work.  
-  
She had been still and silent the entire time, and Severus had the brief morbid thought that she had died.  
He pushed the door open, a brief feeling of relief at the sight of her chest rising and falling, and then the sudden scene of the lioness curled against her side caused him to choke on his own saliva.  
"Professor?"  
"Is... Hermione?"  
The lioness raised her head at the sound of his voice, but there was no profound recognition as it glanced at him.  
"No, it's Nyota, I think."  
"You think?"  
"I can't..." The girl shifted and sat up just enough to squint down at the lioness, then nodded, wincing as she moved her head. "It's Nyota. Sorry, Professor."  
The girl patted the lioness on the head once, then left her hand on top of one furry ear as she gingerly lay back down.  
"How did you tell?"  
"Her aura."  
Of course. Her aura.  
"I see."  
"I'll explain to help you understand."  
"That won’t be necessary."  
"Those who possess the skills to become Animagi essentially possess the skill to manipulate matter at will. Similar to manipulating an object, whether by making it travel through space, or by making it shift its form. That is a matter of magic." She swallowed, throat undoubtedly raw.  
"Thank you for explaining the elusive idea of magic to me, Miss Lovegood." He was pissed, as if he could have honestly expected an explanation from a fucking teenager who spent more time looking for missing clothes and nargles than -  
"The Animagi are different, because they are not only manipulating matter, they're manipulating life."  
That was actually...  
"So, when someone is in their Animagus form, I can tell. They have an aura. The air around them is unsettled, it's disturbed by the unnatural manipulation of a living thing. And she's still like that, Professor. Hermione isn't dead."  
"If she... You could tell if she... were?" He didn't want to think it. Couldn't even entertain the idea that he'd have to be without her, even more so then he was now. Permanently. Absolutely.  
"Yup! I've known she was with you all along, because of her aura. And she still has it. If she didn't, that would mean there wasn't any life being manipulated anymore. It would just be the animal, the lioness. No... You still have Hermione." Through the puffy cheeks, she was smiling.  
"Miss Lovegood..."  
"Yes, Professor? Is it time to go?"  
"I don't have Hermione."  
"No?"  
-  
So, she was in there. She was.  
And he would not stop until she was here.  
-  
He had many more questions he would have liked to ask Miss Lovegood, but she had been with him long enough, too long, so he instructed her to cover every inch of her body as best she could to hide the lack of evidence suggesting his violent torture, and Obliviated her carefully. She was calm and quiet, accepting his instruction and letting him into her mind without the slightest resistance, all despite his rather aggressively insulting behavior towards her in his classes for the past few years.  
Severus watched her limp away, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and hollow cheeks, and he reached out to twirl a bit of the dark golden curls behind Nyota’s ears.  
Miss Lovegood was only the beginning.  
And, there was that part of him, afraid there would be no end.


	34. Fault

"What in Merlin's name is the meaning of this?" A privacy curtain had been drawn around the hospital bed, but Severus had no trouble guessing who was behind it. In a low voice, he responded,

"Miss Lovegood is lucky this was her first misdemeanor. Further deviations from school rules will result in a more aggressive punishment."

"Lucky?" Minerva recoiled as if she had been shocked. "You call that lucky?"

"Might I remind you that it is I, not you, who is in charge of this institution. I intend to uphold its students to the highest standard achievable. I have made this clear from the beginning."

"That was a three this bloody morning! I will not stand for this, Severus. Neither will the others."

"I'm sure you won't. You can have your meetings, and make your insignificant plans, but you will not alter the course of history, Minerva. I, however, fully intend to by making the students within these walls learn and perform at a level that has never been achieved under my predecessors. If you as an educator disagree with these goals, I will find someone suitable to take your place."

Poppy approached then, gripping Minerva's shoulder. Severus turned his attention to her, "I expect Miss Lovegood to be back in class within the hour."  
He left before either of them could respond.

He did not need to watch to see if the girl was returned to class. As he patrolled the halls, he could hear her, one cautious step after the other as she hugged the stone wall and let an outstretched hand keep her from walking into any Knights.

"Hermione." He called again, pushing the memory at her as firmly as he dared. There was no response, and he pulled himself from her mind before he lost control of his emotions and fucked her up for good.

The rest of the day was uneventful, though Severus suspected it was more due to the students planning some form of dramatic revolt then it was of any actual obedience.

He had seen more students gathered around Lovegood than he had seen ever speak to the girl since she arrived at the school all those years ago.

He didn't imagine it would last, not once the next, more popular student was brought to him. When he would have to toss any remaining shred of conscience out the bloody window and put all the good torture methods he'd observed over the course of his time as a Death Eater to good use.

Yes, they would leave her be, then, and rally around that victim. And then the next and the next until there were more bodies crawling around the floor of the corridors then there were scrambling to pick them up.

Severus didn't sleep.

She did, next to him. And he watched her. She preferred when he was on his side, knees pressed to each other and bent slightly so that his legs created a ragged arch for her to curl up against. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared down at her.

She was warm; the most genuine, penetrating warmth he thought he'd ever felt. A thick and encompassing warmth that dug deep into his muscles, everywhere she touched.

He didn't know how it was physically possible to curl herself together so tightly. Granted, she still took up half the bed, but she didn't touch nearly enough of him.

He reached down and swept a finger over the bridge of her nose and wondered when she'd actually feel him.

He got up in the dead of night and went for a jog around the winding pathway he used to frequent. It felt like decades ago, but he could still see his own footprints from a few days before.

The lioness kept pace with him, an irritating reflection of how dreadfully slow he was travelling.

He led her down through the tunnel and around to the mouth of the lake. The moon lit the grounds just enough for him to see the path. Staring at the water, he watched as the moonlight danced through the mist gathered over the surface. It would be frigid, near incapacitating, and that was all he desired.

He stripped, tossing his clothes in a haphazard mound, biting his wand between his teeth.

He ignored Nyota and sprinted with long strides over the rough rock, toes curling over the edge as he pushed himself into the air.

He gave himself a harsh angle that took him through the layers of cold until he could no longer think, and he held himself there for a moment, that blissful numbness, before he churned and broke up through the surface. He swam a few lengths, holding his breath because he liked the burning in his lungs, and then he allowed himself to take the wand from his mouth, treading water and turning to face the lioness.

She was pacing the edge of the cliff, tail slashing through the air. The moonlight cast a silver ripple of gleaming light over her shimmering pelt, the trembling muscles making her look like more an illusion than a physical reality.

Her head lifted as he faced her, and she whipped around, sending a sliver of rock into the water as she pushed off from it.

"Come, then." He called gruffly through his labored breathing, and she did.

She swam to him, top line like an eel melding with the surface. The dark hair lining her dorsal rocked, snaking, and her tail drew out an extension of the movement.

When they met, Severus whispered in her mind, and she was nowhere.

The rising sun brought grief of an unconscionable amount. The Gryffindors hadn't even made it to breakfast before cornering the Carrows and instigating a brawl.

At least, that's what it had reduced to by the time Severus arrived.

"Enough!" He retracted his wand, cloak billowing from the movement, and with a broad stroke sent a gust of air cascading through the little army of students.  
The Carrows managed to remain balanced and they bellowed as the students fumbled over each other, limbs knotted and poking in all directions.

"Professors," Severus inclined his head, "I see we have an attempt at an uprising."

Alecto snorted. "A bloody bad one." She stalked forward and shot a spell at the closest student, whose head was buried beneath the pile. "Sir." She added as an afterthought, grinning as she elicited a squeal of pain.

"Professor Carrow, please do not stoop to the incomprehensibly low level of these petty children."

Severus sneered at her until she took a step away, encouraged by the snarl from the lioness at his side.

"Now. Seeing as our policies have attracted quite the crowd, I will be dividing the responsibilities amongst the three of us." Severus lifted one of the students from the mess with a flick of his wrist. "Amycus."

Once they were divided, Severus with the majority, he dismissed the Carrows. They were practically frothing at the mouth. Of course it wouldn't be two days before the fucking Gryffindors lost the battle of wills with their "bravery" and picked a gratuitous fight with the two most dangerous people at Hogwarts.

Severus hardly knew most of the students, but of course there were a few familiar faces. Longbottom, namely, and the Weasley girl. Severus let the girl go so he could take Neville. The first spell the Carrows would have used on him would have been the very one to incapacitate his parents.

"Let's go. Don't. Dawdle."

Now that the energy of the confrontation had dissipated, the reality of the situation had begun settling over the students, and they walked listlessly before him, eyes to the floor.

He took them to an empty classroom in an obscure corner of the castle few frequented. He had instructed both of the Carrows to inhabit rooms nearer to high traffic areas. The more fear they could induce, the less he would have to torture. That was the theory... The other outcome was much less appealing.

He made them all stand facing him as he called up Longbottom. If he was going to make an impression, he would make a lasting one.

"Mr. Longbottom. Feeling quite... brave... today?"

"It...it..." Severus knew the affect he had on the boy, and he drew on it, stretching to full height and casting his baritone throughout the room so that it echoed up the vaulted ceiling.

"It, what, you blubbering cretin?

The boy glanced at the other students, drawing what he needed from their horrified faces, and he turned square towards Severus. "It was my fault."

"You're right." Severus replied softly, growing sick at the confusion that pulled at the boy's features. He knelt forward. "Choosing to start a fight you couldn't hope to win was your fault. And informing your friends of it was your fault. And then involving them in animating it. Was. Your. Fault… And what else, Longbottom? “

The boy was hardly standing. Tears soaked his face, and his eyes locked on Severus’ as his lips trembled, head shaking in useless refusal. 

“Getting them tortured was your fault."

Severus sent a stinging hex at a random student. They screamed, falling to their knees and rolling to their side with a sick thud. 

Severus didn't look to see who it was. He stared straight at Longbottom, who had turned and gasped in horror. "No," he choked.

He heard scuffling and shot a hex at the moving target, eyes still on the boy.

Another screaming voice added like a layer of a harmony.

"Do you feel it, Longbottom?" The boy couldn't pull his eyes away from the suffering.

"Stop. Please, stop."

"It's."

Hex.

“Please!”

"Your."

“No!”

Curse.

"Fault. Imperio!"

Severus brought his wand to the boy's chin, then pulled back, sending Longbottom forward towards one of the students frozen in place. Severus let his wand dance, an invisible string stretching from the pointed tip towards the boy, and with a tug, Severus brought his arms up, fingers outstretched. The boy wrapped his fingers around the girl's throat and squeezed, feeble muscles tightening under the crest of Gryffindor on his chest.

The girl's eyes bulged, and Severus counted, waiting for the moment, feeling the crushing of her windpipe beneath his fingers. When her eyelids fluttered, Severus pulled him back, the girl dropping out of his hands to the floor. 

There were two more who had yet to receive punishment. Longbottom threw one into the wall, knocking them unconscious, blood seeping out into a puddle on the stone. It ran through the cracks, a little stream, towards the boy's feet. Severus made the boy kneel and dip his finger in it, wiping it over his bottom lip and down his chin.

He could feel the boy screaming, thrashing and beating against the inside of his own skull, but it was nothing to Severus.

A spark of fire burst to life as the boy approached the last student, and Severus lurched Longbottom forward. He grabbed the younger student by the hair and pressed the flame into his shoulder, then dragged it along the outside of his sleeve, letting the cloth catch fire and ignite over his entire arm.

Longbottom swiped the boy's knee out with a kick, the joint snapping backwards. With hand still fisted in hair, he spun the boy around on the floor. Ever so gently releasing him to brush the hair off his neck, Longbottom brought the tip of the wand to the exposed skin, singing “N.L.” as the boy lay still, just conscious enough to feel it. 

Severus released him, and Longbottom flopped onto the boy's flaming arm. 

The lioness sat beside him the entire time, demeanor unchanged.

It wasn't until lunch that Severus was able to see the damage the Carrows had done. He scanned the tables, looking for obvious afflictions. It was not difficult to picture one of them ripping a limb off and biting into it like a strip of breaded chicken.

There were no bandaged stumps, but it was apparent that an immense amount of damage had been done. Severus had been unable to iterate any restrictions, and the Carrows had taken full advantage.

Severus made himself catalogue the visible injuries on every single one of them. After lunch, he went through the enrollment files and slit every name onto his thigh with a delicate blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I add breaks between paragraphs? I meant to ask ages ago but I accidentally forgot. I've just noticed again and it must be driving you all mad trying to read these freaking chapters when they're all one big blob without breaks between scene shifts.


	35. Resurrection

Severus ran as fast as he could, chasing something he could hardly see. Every so often he'd catch a glimpse of it and run faster, hoping to catch up before it took another tight turn and disappeared. All the while, he heard screaming, and with each step he took, each step he fell further behind the tip of her tail, it grew louder. He pushed, incapable of breathing past the blood in his throat, willing himself to make it there, to reach her before it was too late.

He stumbled, then, knees crushing against the remains of children, and he felt the blood, their blood, seeping across his fingers. He scrambled to his feet, but couldn't see her and couldn't keep running, there were too many of them now, piling thicker on top of each other as he stared straight ahead. They grew, a mountain beneath him, and he was the peak, the summit of death.

Severus choked for breath, iron tinting his mouth as he shot up from the desk, hands planted over damp papers as he held himself up. His arms trembled. He closed his eyes, but the image of the children's faces was singed to his eyelids and the sight of it sent him fumbling backwards. Trying to gather himself, Severus brought a hand through his hair, but the thought of blood stained fingers streaking crimson across his scalp made him drop it to stare in horror. His fingers curled, nothing but pale skin and thin blue veins, and Severus turned away, a shiver contracting the back of his neck.

"Hermione." His voice was foreign; his soul was seeping out through her name in his mouth. He couldn't find her, couldn't see her, and he scrambled like a drunk to his quarters. She was there, curled up at the foot of the bed, and Severus fell against the mattress, grabbing her with aggressive desperation.

Her mind was quiet and calm, full of the peacefulness that comes with sleep. He hadn't felt it in a long time, and it seemed to him like a deep gulp of fresh oxygen when all he'd ever had was a thin wheeze off a stale muggle tank.

She was in here, he believed Lovegood, and he believed in her.

"Hermione." He had to do something different. He'd tried his own memories of her, tried presenting familiarity - oh.

He had only been showing her his perspective... His perception of her, his memories of her, everything had been his and none of it had been hers. 

What memories did he have? Oh, yes, he had been in her mind for Occlumency, had raided her library and seen innocent childhood memories. He would start with those.

He brought them forth, from his mind flowing into hers. The discrepancy between species was irrelevant, he was so disturbed and so focused that he was incapable of succumbing to distractions.

He became Hermione, feeling the weight of her father's hand against his back, the tickle of laughter in his throat as he swung higher and higher. The gentle, loving voice of her father behind him as he screeched when he could see the neighboring house over the tops of the trees, legs pumping beneath him.

He was Hermione as she got her Hogwarts letter, eyes scanning the official script and the emblem and the signature at the bottom, the words "Hermione" and "magic" and "witchcraft" stirring up a whirlpool of emotions; excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, surprise. 

It jumped suddenly to him being brought into the arms of her mother and father as they wrapped themselves tight around him, his forehead burrowing against their chests. He was Hermione as she sobbed with joy, the feeling of complete acceptance filling his chest. Her father smelled of mint and latex gloves, and he found nothing but comfort in it. Her mother smelled of paper and pen ink and latex, too, and he knew they'd just gotten home from their practice. Soon they'd smell like whatever they'd cooked for dinner, and her father would drink a bit of red wine with a book and her mother would knit because she could never sit idle.

He felt the sharp edges of the lioness' vision blur.

"Hermione."

He was Hermione when she was young, and her parents had taken her to get a kitten. The memory was weak, almost like a dream, but there was a moment when she held the little grey tabby in her arms and it mewled, a squeaky little sound, and Hermione had gasped and snuggled the little fur ball closer to her chest, vision becoming slightly obstructed by the hairs sticking up in her front of her eyes as she buried her nose against it's ears.

The memory of Crookshanks had been right beside the one of the kitten in her library, and he brought that forth, feeling nothing but compassion for the surly feline as it stalked across the counter and glared in his direction. He listened as he spoke many octaves higher, the sweet twinkling voice of a young first year, asking how much the cat cost. He watched the surprise on the owner's face as he reached out and picked the cat up, the light rumble of a purr echoing against his chest. "You can have 'im. I'd warn yah he's a right bastard, but he seems to like you alright. Bit of a miracle I reckon."

Something else changed, but Severus couldn't place it. It felt like a bit of animal had quieted and something much more human had stirred in it's place.

"Hermione."

Severus continued, bringing up the small tidbits of memories Hermione had stored in her library, and as he exhausted the source, Hermione had still yet to be drawn entirely out from within the lioness. Every time he felt a shift and she was still not there Severus felt himself becoming more and more unstable. She was so fucking close!

No, he had to keep control. He would hurt her if he didn't. He would ruin any chance of ever seeing her again, ever talking to her again, ever holding her again... He stilled, bringing the cool waves to the forefront of his mind, weightlessness drifting through him.

Maybe... maybe that...

Severus waited, completely silent, letting his imagery lap gently against the edges of her mind, a gentle tease of an idea. 

Something stirred, almost too quiet to sense, and he waited. 

The sound of bubbling in the distance, impossible to distinguish had he not been so familiar with it. He kept still. 

A bit of mist rose in his mind's eye, swirling ever so slightly as it rose from an effervescent cauldron.

It wasn't quite there. 

Ah, yes. The smell. 

As it grew in potency, Severus waited for it to give away the potion, but it wasn't the smell of the potion that he sensed. It was something familiar, but unplaceable, though as curious as he was he couldn't dwell on it. He embraced the scent, the swirling visual, and the faint sound of bubbling, and brought it forth as his own imagery faded beneath it. As it rose to the forefront of their minds, it grew stronger, more pronounced, and Severus let himself get lost in it.

The scene shifted out from the potion, revealing a hand, fluid with the movement of experience and passion. Then the body was revealed, clad in black, and the face, tilted forward just enough that the dark hair fell forward to mask it's features. Severus nearly withdrew himself at the sheer shock of seeing himself in Hermione's most serene, reassuring visualization, but the drive within him to see this through held him tight, captured in the moment. 

He saw himself as she saw him. It took everything not to let his own disbelief cloud the purity. He wanted to reject it, like it was some form of mockery, but the fact that it wasn't ravaged him more than any curse ever had. 

He held on. His own perceptions of himself did not matter. It was not his place... It was not his place.

It went on, and he let it, keeping it alive as he waited, making himself tend to the potion, watching himself as he did. He could not know how long it took, but finally he felt what he was waiting for. 

Hermione. 

Severus gently backed away and let her find herself.


	36. Invariably

The first thing Hermione saw was the glint of a tear on Severus’ cheekbone.

“Wh-“ She cleared her throat, eyes jumping to meet his. Dark and glistening, brows raised in an expression she couldn’t interpret. “What’s wrong?”

His face collapsed in a sigh and a small quirk of a smile at the same time, and his hands gripped her shoulders tightly, too tightly, as he pulled her to his chest.

“Sever-“

“Shh…”

She remained silent for a moment, inhaling the thick stench of sweat and booze and iron that seemed to be knit along with the fabric of his shirt. He gripped her tighter, fingers splayed along her skin, and digging, as if he could somehow meld them together if he squeezed hard enough. Her breath wheezed out and she tried to slip a hand up to his chest to give herself room to breathe, but he burrowed his nose against her neck and slipped his hands into her hair, arms completely enclosing her.

“Severus.” She finally managed, a weak plea, and he seemed to snap out of whatever had sent him into the possessive frenzy. He released her, though hesitantly, leaving his fingertips to hover over her skin.

“Sorry. I… Are you hurt?” He started looking over her frantically, so that she had to grab his wrists and shake them to gain his attention.

“No, of course not, Severus. What’s going on?”

“Oh, Hermione. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what? What’s happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Hermione panicked. “Was I Obliviated? Oh my god!”

“No! You were..." He paused, searching her face for a moment before saying, "You were stuck as a lioness.”

She stilled, except for her eyes which grew wide. “I don’t remember. How long? How did I lose myself?” Her voice drifted to a whisper and then she was off again, thoughts coming rapid fire through her mind and spitting out at Severus. “Did I hurt anyone? Oh Merlin, was I violent? Because remember I almost ate Madam Hooch - You have to tell me everything, if I hurt anyone I swear-“

“You didn’t hurt anyone, Hermione, you weren’t you.”

“Oh, thank god." She quieted again, but the way Severus had spoken made it sound like, "I hurt someone.” The horror flashed over her face in an instant and Severus mirrored the response for a split second before gaining control over himself, softening his features into an attempt at reassurance.

“You didn’t hurt anyone. Listen to me. You did not hurt anyone.”

“But you said “I wasn’t me.” So… Nyota? Me, as a lioness… We hurt someone?”

Severus did not immediately reply and that told her all she needed to know.

“Oh, no.”

“It wasn’t you, Hermione.”

Severus was drifting closer, but she bolted away from him, nearly falling off the edge of the bed. She managed to catch herself, pulling the sheets off the corner of the mattress as she stumbled. The momentum of the frantic movement rammed her into the wall. 

Severus jolted to attention and Hermione flinched involuntarily, not at him, but the idea of him, as if he were the deed she had done, the very evidence of the suffering she’d caused.

She could see the pain through the shift in his posture and she collapsed against the wall behind her, one choking breath away from sobbing.

“Severus.”

He came to her then, only when she asked, and she found herself clinging to him as he had done just moments before.

“Hermione.”

“It’s not you, Severus… I just… I need to know… And you… You know…”

“Oh, Hermione.”

“It’s… It’s… It’s bad.”

“Yes.” She could feel the restraint in his touch, the desperate need to keep her there with him, but the self-disgust she’d brought back not allowing him to do it. She gripped him tighter, trying to tell him how much she needed him, wanted him, no matter what he told her.

“Tell me.”

He froze, and she waited, unsure what was causing the withdrawal. She pulled back to look at his face, and he still didn’t move for a long moment. He looked at her then, as if he was seeing her for the first time.

“You… You did it for me.”

“What did I do?” Barely a whisper for fear she would disrupt the glassy look in his eyes that seemed to mean he had disappeared into the depths of whatever he was about to tell her. 

“The Dark Lord intended for Draco to kill Albus. Albus manipulated, as he always did, driving me to do it instead. How did you know? You must have known. To mark me as your mate so that she… She wouldn’t stand by and let it happen, I don’t understand why not, I don’t, Hermione, but… She took over, and she protected you when she did it, this alter-ego of you, the raw Gryffindor lioness just overwhelmed you and she locked you away to spare you from ever knowing.” It seemed as if this was just as much a revelation to him as it was to her, his expression shifting with every observation. “I thought that you’d truly lost control. But she forced you away. She kept you from seeing, from knowing. In case it broke you.” He blinked and stared straight at her.

“I can’t be the one to break you, Hermione.”

“Severus.”

“It wasn’t you.”

“I know. I know. Just tell me. Tell me what I- What she did.”

“She killed him.”

“He wanted it, Hermione. He was dying. He wanted to have the easy way out, the painless way, whatever the cost. It was so fucking convenient for him; that the Dark Lord wanted him dead anyway. Draco could have killed him, I would have killed him. You, never. But she’s an animal. She sensed something, everything, and she acted on it. To protect you, and… me…. And his plan was fulfilled. That’s all he ever cared about. And he was always in the center of it, even in the end.”

“He drove you to kill him. Everything he’s ever done to you, these pasts months… God, brutal manipulation.”

“Hermione.” The idea that she cared more about him then herself in a situation such as this was not lost on him, but he refused to acknowledge it other then to redirect her attention. 

“I… So I killed Professor Dumbledore?”

“She killed a perverse and maniacal firebrand.”

“Right.”

She continued looking at his face but wasn’t seeing him; she had tethered her eyes to him so that she could think, holding onto the curve of his nose with the absent thought that it might keep her from disappearing too far within herself again.

So Professor Dumbledore was dead. She had known what he’d asked of Severus, or rather manipulated out of him, and she remembered how desperate she'd been to preserve him, to keep his soul pure. Summoning the will to kill Dumbledore in cold blood was not something he could just do without permanent, crippling damage, and he had had enough of that already. And she’d had the idea, hadn’t she? The thought that maybe, just maybe, some part of her could prevent it. And that part of her had been Nyota. 

“What’s happened now?”

“His plan was fulfilled. He got his controlled end, his free pass and his last masterful move, and now I’m Headmaster of Hogwarts.”

-

Severus finally saw the expression he had been expecting to see upon the realization that her animagus had been responsible for her Headmaster’s death; pure abhorrence.

He had not anticipated it to be in regards to his new position.

“Oh.”

She pulled away from him, running a hand through her tangled hair before halting and grabbing him again.

“Severus!” Hands ran over his shirt, frantically looking, searching, and Severus gripped her wrists far too roughly, wrenching them off his person. A fistful of fabric remained between clenched fingers, pulling his shirt taut.

“What are -“

“I've just remembered I thought you smelled like blood."

His grip went slack and Hermione continued slowly, fingertips grazing over his every plane, until her hand slipped down to his thigh. She stopped, pulling back just enough to see the cold red blood that had wiped off on her skin.

He didn’t move. He stood, stock still, the sound of water lapping in the background of the events unfolding. His breathing was rapid, the same rushing desperation for as many little breaths as he could fit in the space of a second as when he was wringing under the Cruciatus. Complete lack of control; nothing but each hitch of breath connecting him to the living.

He was silent, though. She could not even sense his distress except for the rise and fall of his chest and the locking of his joints.

He stopped breathing entirely when she unbuttoned his pants and slid them down.

His boxers were white silk stained with the blood of tortured children. He wanted to throw her on the bed and run, he was a fucking monster and she was on her knees in front of him, desperate to help him, moving as if he were a startled fawn; ever so slowly, gently.

She peeled the fabric from his thigh, and he waited.

“Oh, Severus.”

He wasn’t sure if she could really read them. Maybe all she needed to read was that one name and it would be enough.

He waited.

“We’ve got to get you cleaned up.”

Severus still didn’t move.

“Severus, please. I’ve got to wash this off and put something on it so it doesn’t scar.”

He looked at her then, breath coming back to him in an angry burst. “No.”

Before she could respond, he gripped her by the shoulder and hauled her to her feet. “No. No! I carved those names into my skin because I tortured them, Hermione. I tortured them! I want them to scar, I want their names to scar all over my fucking body because I don’t deserve for them not to. I will never… never… suffer the way they’ve suffered, Hermione. But I’m damn well going to try.”

“Severus! Stop! Just. Stop. This is not your fault. Don’t you know that by now? You’re doing everything, you’re doing more then anyone else to stop this freaking war, and just look at you! It’s obvious to me that you’re suffering more then enough. You don’t have to bear the weight of this, Severus. Please, please don’t. We’ll help them. We’ll find a way to deceive him and keep everyone here safe. I won’t let them suffer, and I won’t let you suffer. We’ll all just share the hurt enough to survive and then this will be over and we’ll live. And we’ll have enough scars just from that, Severus. You don’t need to be giving yourself any more.”

“I can’t help them. I have to do this," he gestured to his thigh, "because if I don’t, someone much worse will. The Carrows are already here. I’m doing everything I can to control them, but they’re carnivorous. They will stop at nothing to devour every child here.”

“We’ll find a way, Severus.” He didn't believe her, but he believed her resolve and her passion and the way he could see her mind whirring behind her eyes. 

“I missed you.” Severus traced the edge of her jaw with his fingertip, remembering how he’d memorized that face once before and set it like a marble goddess in his mind. It was nothing, nothing compared to her. 

He leaned forward, catching her breath between parted lips, inhaling the scent of her as he burrowed his nose into hers. Their lips barely touched - that infuriating tickle of unfulfilled proximity. He surged into her, engulfing her mouth with a desperate gasp, grabbing fistfuls of her hair in both hands to pull her closer. Their foreheads met and he kissed her again, hooded eyes and heaving chests, but he kissed her like a gentle reminder and she kissed him like sealing a promise.

They pulled back, Hermione reaching up and rubbing the back of Severus’ hand, threading her fingers through his and bringing it down from her hair to kiss it.

“Can we get cleaned up?”

He stepped back and pulled her off the wall, reaching one arm around to rub her shoulder. He inclined his head towards the bathroom, not taking his eyes off her. 

As she walked ahead of him, Severus doffed his shirt, tossing it as he followed, hopping to take off each sock without losing momentum. He enveloped her from behind, nuzzling the hollow of her neck. He crossed his arms around her body to grab the hem of her shirt at each side, lifting it in a fluid motion over her head. He flicked it to the floor and Hermione turned towards him, balancing herself on his bicep as she removed her pants. They hit the floor with the beautiful jangle and rumple of belt buckles and abandoned fabric and Severus grabbed her by the thigh, picking her up so she could rest on his hips. Her heels dug into him and he held her with one arm while the other unfastened the clasp on her bra. “Lean back.” His voice was a husky whisper, that of a man who had either just woken up or just fucked, and for Severus it felt like both.

He cradled her and discarded the bra, then pulled Hermione back to his chest. She clung to him as he stepped into the shower, squealing against his skin as the water started spraying.

They were both still in their underwear so Severus let her down, taking off his as she took off hers, tossing them ceremoniously over the curtain to the bathroom floor with a splat. Hermione giggled and Severus smiled at the brightness of her face and the pure giddiness in the sounds she made, and he wanted to absorb all of it, absorb every part of her into him forever.

Naked and lovely; so fucking pure. Severus thought he touched her and she stayed that way, and she touched him and he lost a little bit more of his sin every time.

The water had plastered hair to her face, so Severus tilted her chin back to brush it away from her eyes. His thumbs ran over her brows and down to her ears. He pressed a kiss to her cheekbone. His hands continued, five fingers on each side of her body, everything that he wanted to feel and remember and love.

His own skin was plastered with goosebumps from the contrast between the warmth of the water that cascaded in beads upon beads along her skin and the sharp cold chill of the air surrounding him. Hermione wrapped her hands around his hips and pulled him into the warmth with her.

She kissed his shoulder, hands running up and down his back. Over the scars and over the ribs and the bumps of his spine. He felt the curve of her hips and the soft skin under her arms and he traced a finger along her stomach up to the center of her chest and back down again.

Hermione’s hand was on the back of his thigh, running up the side of his body until she had hooked her arm beneath his and grabbed a fistful of skin on his shoulder, pulling him down to her.

Severus responded, buckling down and enshrouding her with the entire length of every limb. Water cascaded down his jaw and fed to the precious hollow of her spine. 

"Won't you stay and never leave me again?" Severus asked, imprinting the notion against her skin. 

"Invariably." She responded, and he whispered it to her again and again like it was the greatest word he'd ever heard. 

"Will you?" She gripped his chin and brought him to look at her, kissing the bumpy hook of his nose and the space between his brows, then sliding her hand to the back of his head to lower him down so that she could kiss the peak of his hairline. Severus had closed his eyes at her ministrations, feeling his sense of touch heighten as he closed off his sight. He let himself feel her lips, losing himself in the way her hands threaded through his hair. He opened his eyes like yanking the cord on a shutter and captured her attention with the immediate intensity. 

"Invariably." He could feel his larynx strain with the weight of the word, spoken so low and powerfully that for a second it almost seemed like the water falling around them slowed in it's descent. 

"Will you let me tend to you now?" She smirked at him, ready for a lighter mood. 

He wrinkled his forehead and pouted. "There's no good synonym for 'never.'" 

Her smirk broadened into a smile and he kissed it, tongue trailing over the shape of her happiness. 

"I kid. Yes, you may 'tend to me' now." He backed to the edge of the tub, sliding down until he was seated with one leg bent and the other outstretched. He motioned for the water to turn off, and with a flick of his wrist opened the shower curtain. "For I am utterly helpless and require constant care."

"You're an insufferable bastard." She kicked his foot but couldn't control her smile, so she ducked out of the shower to rumble around in the medicine cabinet for supplies. 

"Invariably." He propped his elbow up on the side of the tub so he could hid his own grin behind his hand.


End file.
